Ichigo didn't usually have a problem with weddings. He'd been to a number in his life, his own included, and he had no issues with attending a wedding and celebrating with the couple getting married. It was a reason to celebrate. What he loathed about this wedding in particular is that he didn't know the wedded pair very well and the people at his table were driving him crazy. It took every ounce of self-restraint that he had not to take his wife's arm and stalk out.
He'd never seen the bride before, but he gathered that she was a lawyer. The groom was one of Ichigo's co-workers at the hospital, but they hadn't really crossed paths before now, so Ichigo had wondered why the guy would have invited him to the wedding at all. After talking with a number of people at the reception, Ichigo got the feeling that either this couple didn't have many family or close friends, they had invited a lot of their influential co-workers and superiors because they were both quite ambitious, or more than likely a combination of both.
As for the people at his table, to be perfectly honest, most of them were fine or at least tolerable as far as Ichigo could tell. The reason he wasn't really sure is because one couple in particular completely dominated the whole conversation. A more egocentric, vapid, vain and nauseating couple had never existed, or so Ichigo thought.
"My Honey-Bear is so meticulous about her nails, it's really a wonder she hasn't put us in debt with all her trips to the salon."
"Aww, that's not very nice to say, Batty Boo. You know I try to look my best for you every day."
"Oh, I know that, Baby Cakes. And you know I go to the gym every day to keep myself in tip-top shape just for you, right?"
"Yes, Muscleman. You look so chiseled and refined in your suit. Just like a celebrity."
Similar conversation had been going on for over an hour by Ichigo's estimation. If anyone else at the table had tried to give a little input on the topic or even turn to talk with the person next to them, immediately the couple in question would pounce and turn the conversation back around to themselves.
When everyone had first sat down, the couple had introduced themselves as Daichi and Haruna Maki. They had also claimed to be the bride and groom's closest friends. "That explains a few things," thought Ichigo wryly as his brain was torn between a desire to sleep out of boredom or boil in irritation over the antics of the couple in question. Along with using those absurd nicknames, the pair kept petting and kissing each other.
Sneaking a glance over at Orihime, Ichigo was none too surprised to see that she was smiling good-naturedly at the couple as they went on and on and on. However, just as he was about to release a silent sigh of irritation, Ichigo turned his head a little more to get a better look at Orihime's face and it gave him no small amount of satisfaction to see that even Orihime's smile was looking a little bit forced. Crossing his arms and doing his level best not to grin in contented smugness, Ichigo leaned against the back of his chair and tried to occupy his brain on other matters while still looking as if he were paying attention. Should he fail in the latter, Ichigo had no doubt that Daichi and Hana would sink their hooks in him and drag him into their conversation.
About ten minutes later, one of the other couples at the table rose and managed to say, "Sorry, but we have to go relieve the baby-sitter," before slipping away as quickly as possible.
Once they had left, Daichi turned around and said, "Hope they make it to their car all right. I heard on the news that there has been an upswing in muggings and car-jackings lately."
"Oh, Teddy Bear, you should go after them and warn them," said Haruna in a tone that just about had Ichigo convinced that she truly cared about another person's well-being until she went on with, "Muggers are like rodents. If they manage to pounce on one good target, they'll probably hang around and then get the rest of us once we leave."
Stroking his wife's face with a finger, Daichi replied, "Don't you worry, Sugar Lips. I'm sure I can handle any mugger who dares to try and threaten you."
"Oh, Studley, I don't doubt it for a second."
A couple of hours later, Daichi would unexpectedly be tested on his resolve and Haruna on her confidence in her 'Batty Boo-Muscleman-Studley'.
It was about 11 o'clock when Orihime laid a hand on Ichigo's arm and said quietly, "I'm ready if you are," to which Ichigo responded by taking her hand in his and rising to his feet.
"Where are you two off to?" asked Haruna immediately.
Trying to keep his voice even (and that was difficult as he was torn between ecstasy over finally leaving these two morons behind and irritation over having to explain where he was going to a total stranger), Ichigo replied, "My wife and I are heading home."
"Actually," said Daichi in a tone that made Ichigo's heart sink, "I've been thinking that maybe it's time for me and my Love Dove to head home as well. So we'll join you two."
Squeezing Ichigo's hand in a way that told him that she understood his anguish but to stay quiet, Orihime replied, "Very well then. We can all walk out together."
Groaning internally, Ichigo nevertheless fell into step beside the aggravating couple. Orihime had wisely chosen to act as a human buffer between him and them, so Ichigo made a mental note to thank her for that gesture later. What would he do without her?
As they made their way out into the huge parking lot, Ichigo automatically yet not very seriously scanned the area around him. Not noticing anything out of the ordinary right away, Ichigo's mind was once again distracted by Daichi and Haruna's never-ending drivel. Too late did Ichigo notice the four menacing presences waiting for them in the shadows.
Emerging without a sound, Ichigo's practiced eyes saw that all the assailants were carrying firearms. There were four of them, all were well built and looked like they would likely give him quite a bit of trouble if things got ugly. He also noticed that these guys had silencers on their weapons so if any of them did get shot, no one inside would be any the wiser.
Things would have gone a lot smoother if it had just been he and Orihime, or at least that's what Ichigo thought later.
Instead of just freezing in fright at the sight of the four men, Haruna decided to squeal in shock, "Oh, Batty Boo!" and grip her husband's arm as if it might prove to be a sufficient shield.
"Quiet!" Daichi whispered harshly to his wife as his face took on a terrified and horrified expression.
Chuckling darkly, one of the assailants stepped forward and said calmly, "Wallets. Slowly now. Any funny moves and this whole affair will take a whole lot longer for all of us."
Reaching into his back pocket like requested, Ichigo pulled out his mugger's wallet and held it out saying calmly, "Here. My wife is only carrying cosmetics in her clutch."
Holding out his hand, the leader accepted the wallet as he asked condescendingly, "You don't mind if we have a looksie ourselves just to be sure, do you?"
"Not at all," said Orihime in a quiet, steady tone as she offered the small purse to one of the other muggers who snatched it out of her hand and started rummaging through it.
Clicking his tongue in disgust, the second man said, "The guy's right. Just some lipstick and blush in here, plus a couple tissues."
"All the same," replied the leader, "the bag might be worth something," before he turned his attention back to the Maki's and said, "We'll hurry this along if you two will."
Daichi began reaching into the inner pocket of his dress suit when Haruna grabbed his hand and exclaimed in a furious whisper, "You're not actually going to give away your wallet to these thugs, are you?"
Looking back at her with a glare of his own, Daichi retorted, "What do you want me to do, huh? They've got guns, Haruna!"
"And if you give them your wallet-" Haruna didn't get to finish that thought as one of the other assailants came up behind her and pulled her away from her husband. Before she could scream, he put his gun against her temple and held it completely steady.
"Now," said the leader, "we tried to do things the easy way and now you've gone and ruined that."
Feeling Orihime squeeze his arm, Ichigo knew what she wanted of him and as must as he might dislike these two buffoons as table-mates, he wouldn't allow them to be hurt on his watch and so he said in a calm, authoritative voice, "My wife and I have complied with your demands and this man was just about to. Let him give you his wallet and then let us go."
Tapping Ichigo's wallet against his chin, the leader said, "True as that statement may be, my boys and I do have something of a reputation to uphold. The moment anyone decides to fight our demands, we are going to make them regret their decision to the nth degree."
Hearing those words, Daichi immediately yanked out his wallet and cried out, "Here! Take it! And you can have Haruna's coat! It's worth easily-"
"What about if we just take your wife with us?" asked the mugger holding Haruna.
Daichi's jaw dropped and Ichigo felt his anger rise when he heard the man stammer, "All right...I guess if that's what you want..."
The leader laughed and pointed the gun at Ichigo as he asked, "And what about you? Would you give us-"
"Finish that sentence," interrupted Ichigo in a low, dangerous tone, "and I promise that I will not stop until I have knocked all of your teeth from your gums."
Pulling back the hammer, the leader wrapped his finger around the trigger as he said, "Brave words. But what are you going to back them up with?"
Rather than respond, Ichigo swept his arm behind him to make sure Orihime was completely behind him as his muscles began coiling and straining to get ready to take action as soon as the gun went off. A split second before the leader's finger squeezed the trigger, Ichigo ducked and pushed Orihime to the ground before leaping forward and knocking the man to the ground.
One good punch to the jaw and the first man was out of the fight, but Ichigo had less than a second to react to shots being fired from the guns of the other two muggers who didn't have a hostage. Instinctively, Ichigo knew he couldn't dodge both and so moved far enough to the right to avoid the one that would have possibly hit his jugular and instead caught one near his hip bone. Ignoring the pain erupting in his side, Ichigo grabbed the arm of one mugger and tossed him bodily into the other sending them both crashing to the ground.
"Why you-" replied the final man who still had a hold on Haruna, but was cut off when a kind of streak of light hit him on the back of the head and knocked him unconscious.
After giving the other two muggers hefty blows that took them both out of commission, Ichigo turned to his wife with a grin and said, "Nice one, Orihime."
Pushing herself up from the ground, Orihime gave Ichigo a distracted smile as she came over to inspect her husband's most recent injury and said, "Thank you."
Out of habit, Ichigo asked, "Are you all right? I didn't push you down too hard, did I?"
Shaking her head, Orihime lifted his shirt to have a better look as she said in a slightly distracted tone, "No, I'm fine, Ichigo."
In a shaky tone, Haruna asked in disbelief, "How can you be so calm? They could have killed us all!"
Looking over at the terrified woman, Orihime said simply, "I knew that I could trust Ichigo to protect me and he did."
Turning back to Ichigo, Orihime leaned forward to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek as she said, "Just like you've done so many times."