"Daryl Dixon is the most infuriating, annoying, exasperating man in the entire world!" The thought screamed in my head. Today he went from being downright rude, to mean, to unbelievably kind. Then as they were sitting around the fire tonight he was staring at me with this kind of pained expression on his face. And then when I tried to talk to him he just ignored me!
Vigorously I brushed my teeth. When my teeth were as smooth as I was going to get them, I bent over and rinsed out my mouth. Straightening back up I looked in the mirror. I stared and the woman stared back at me. This was something I did when I had a problem that I couldn't solve. I found it relaxing, and for some reason my mind was able to wander as I looked at myself. Jack used to tease me about it. He would say that no matter how much I wished it, the mirror was never going to tell me that I was the fairest in the land.
Tonight though it didn't work. I couldn't figure him out. I didn't know why he changed moods so rapidly with me. Will everyone else he typically was pretty even keel. Even if the typical was borderline rude. So why not with me? As I looked into the mirror I tried to let my mind go, but it wasn't cooperating. My eyes kept skimming over my face. I looked better than I had five days ago. The bruising on the right side of my face was mostly gone, and while the skin on the left side was still a sickly yellow, at least the swelling had gone down. Even the gash on my cheekbone was closing nicely. I looked a whole lot better than when Daryl had picked me up off the pavement.
Sighing I gave up for the night. Maybe there was no solution. Maybe this was something that was just going to have to work itself out. Grabbing my things I turned and headed for the door. And almost ran right over Carol. I let out a startled yelp. I hadn't even heard her come in.
"God, sorry Carol. I didn't see you there." I said somewhat breathlessly. My heart was still going a mile a minute.
"Yeah, I noticed" Carol replied.
I looked after Carol as she headed towards the stalls. I shook my head. Maybe it was something in the air tonight. Everyone seemed a little on edge. I turned and headed to bed.
The next morning I woke up late. I hadn't slept well the night before and I really wanted to roll back over and go back to sleep. I could hear voices coming from outside my room. I looked down at Gertie who was curled up at my feet. She looked up at me with an expression that said, "Are we getting up anytime soon. I kind of have to pee."
With a groan I rolled my self to a sitting position. Looking over at Gertie I said, "We got to get a bigger bed if you're going to stretch out so much. I swear you take up half the bed." Gertie looked at me totally unabashed and yawned. "Yeah I feel that way too. Come on let's go."
When we emerged in the yard the day was already underway. Everyone was busy doing their thing. Rick, Glenn and Daryl were down by the outer fence, doing whatever it was they did. Everyone else except Lori was still eating breakfast. Lori was standing by the water containers and I walked over towards her. "Hey, how you doing this morning? I heard you up a lot last night. Are you feeling alright?"
"Yeah I'm just real tired, I felt so good yesterday that I think I'm just feeling it more today." Lori stretched her back as she spoke. "I forgot what it felt like to be this pregnant. The first seven months aren't bad, but the last two... well let's just say that I can't wait for this baby to be here." She smiled wryly.
"Well how about I take a look at you later? I know Hershel's been keeping an eye on you, but I'd like to get your blood pressure and see how the baby's laying." I was sure it wouldn't be long before Lori went into labor. I didn't want to be surprised with a breech baby. "I know OB isn't my area, but from time to time pregnant ladies did come into the ER. Won't be my first delivery." It could be my first c-section, NPs don't do a whole lot of surgical procedures. But Lori didn't need to know that.
Lori was quiet for a moment. "Will you be able to hear the baby's heartbeat?" She asked quietly. "I'd really like to hear the heartbeat. I'd like to know that it still has a heartbeat."
I was somewhat shocked, "Have you not felt the baby move?" That would change things. If the baby had died Lori could get really sick. We'd have to do a c-section immediately. Lori could become septic and if that happened, well it could possible take all the medication that we had to save her, and even then... who knew if she'd pull through.
"No, it moves. It's the baby that kept me up most of last night. Wasn't still for more than ten minutes at a time," Lori said dryly.
"I don't understand. Why would you think the baby wasn't alive if it is moving all the time?" It didn't make sense. Why would Lori be thinking this way?
There was a surprised expression on Lori's face. "Have you seen anyone die? I mean someone who wasn't bit?"
"Since this whole thing started?" At Lori's nod I answered. "No, everyone who died, did so because of a bite. Lori, I don't understand what you're getting at." This turn in the conversation frightened me. I think I knew what she was going to say, but my mind and my heart wouldn't let me think it. She would have to say it.
"We're all infected. All of us. Last year we went to the CDC. There was a doctor there that told Rick. He didn't believe it until someone in our group, Shane, died without being bitten. Shane came back. You see, if I have it, that means the baby has it. And if it dies, then what will it do to me? How will it be born? I can't, I can't kill my own baby. I've tried not to love it, you know? What if it's one of them? But I can't help it. This baby is a part of me. It's my baby." Tears welled in Lori's eyes.
What she was saying was so horrible... and yet it felt right. My undergraduate work had been in epidemiology. Viruses spread, and often people that didn't have any symptoms still carried it. It wasn't until there was some sort of trigger that the virus was able to take over. It was information that I'd have to think about later.
"And what does Rick say?" I knew things between them weren't good. Lori slept with Carol while Rick and Carl shared a room. But marriages, well marriages were like a twelve round fight. As long as you stayed on your feet, there was a chance you might win.
"We don't talk about the baby. It may not even be Rick's. Shane and Rick worked together as sheriff deputies. Rick was shot by a thief. He had been in a coma for over a month when it all started. Shane went to the hospital to get him. When he came back he lied to me, he said Rick was dead. We packed up and headed to Atlanta. I relied on him and I was lonely and scared. We started sleeping together. When Rick came back Shane just couldn't take it. He broke. Started thinking Rick stole us from him... Rick ended up killed him, Shane didn't give him a choice. When Rick told me what happened I'm afraid I didn't react too well to the news. He, well, he won't talk with me anymore. I've turned into a responsibility, something he has to deal with." Lori looked so sad standing there with her big pregnant belly.
I had never thought of Lori as particularly strong. She had always seemed content to let the others make the decisions for her. Now I saw differently. To know what might happen, to have a growing reminder of it any day... to go through it alone, that was strength. I pushed aside the thought that the virus was spreading through my system, it would do no good to dwell on it now. There was a problem here, one that I could possibly help with. "I'm sorry about all that. I'm sure Rick loves you still. It's probably just hard for him. I'll bet you everything changes after the baby gets here. Babies have a way of doing that. In the mean time we'll try and find that heartbeat. Lets meet in your room in fifteen minutes. I'll grab what I need and see you inside. If you get there before I do, you know the drill, everything off below the waist."
"What waist?" Lori quipped. We looked at each other for a moment before we both burst out laughing. Lord, it felt good to laugh. "Go get something to eat. I'll see you in there," she said when we both regained our senses.
"See you in a few." I said to Lori. I had always like her but now I had such a new respect for her. I hurried over to grab some breakfast.
"Morning," I said to everyone. "Sorry I slept in," I said to Carol in particular.
"I heated up last night's stew. Didn't keep it warm for you." Carol said. I could tell her mood hadn't changed from last night.
"That's alright, I'm sure it's warm enough." I looked in the pot. There wasn't enough for everyone's lunch. We'd have to cook. I dished up a bowl for myself and one for Gertie. Gertie dived in with gusto causing a chuckle from T-Dog.
"Hershel, I'm going to take a look at Lori this morning. Do you want to come?" I asked.
"That's alright, wouldn't know what you were looking at anyway. My typical prenatal visits pretty much consisted of 'yup she's pregnant' with maybe an x-ray thrown in to see how many to expect. What were you two laughing about anyway?"
"Silly things. Nothing important." I gulped down the last of my stew. "Looks like it's going to be beautiful today. See you guys in a bit." Grabbing Gertie's bowl I gathered up the rest of the breakfast dishes to bring in with me. "I'll do these when I'm all done with Lori," I said to Beth.
Walking inside I placed all the dishes on one of the tables. I walked back over to the outside door and pulled it all the way open. The air inside was stale. I'd be great to get some fresh air in here. I shoved a large rock that was just outside against the door with my foot. "There, that should do it." I said to myself. Being able to leave the door open meant that summer was truly on it's way. I was glad summer was coming and winter was over. There had been nothing good about last winter. Pushing those thoughts out of my head I walked in to get things out to look at Lori.
She walked though the door as I was just pulling out my stethoscope and blood pressure cuff. I smiled over at her. "Here come sit down for a minute here and I'll get your blood pressure first."
"Do you think you'll be able to hear the baby's heartbeat with that?"
"Well I have never tried to use a stethoscope before, but we'll see. I'll try after I see how the baby's laying. That way I'll know where to look. Now, take a deep breath and try to relax. I don't want you're blood pressure to be high because your stressed."
Lori took a shaky breath and sat down. We talked about inconsequential things as I took her blood pressure and we moved into her cell. "Go ahead and keep your pants on for now. I still have to dig out the gloves so when I do that, you can get undressed." I palpated her belly and the baby was head down and laying along her right side. I grabbed the stethoscope and looked at Lori. "If I don't hear a heartbeat, it doesn't mean anything okay? It just means that the baby isn't in a good position. We'll try to find it later if that happens." Lori nodded and then closed her eyes.
I placed the stethoscope on Lori's abdomen over the baby's back. Closing my eyes I strained my ears to hear something. I wanted to find the heartbeat so badly. After a moment I began moving the diaphragm around on her abdomen. Nothing there, nothing there, and then.. something. I smiled down at Lori. She still had her eyes tightly shut. "Lori, would you like to hear your baby's heartbeat?"
Her eyes flew open. "Really? You can hear it?" she asked unbelievingly. I nodded and gave her the ear pieces. As soon as they were situated tears began to pour out of the corners of her eyes. The relief was written all across her face. After a few minutes the baby shifted and Lori said, "It's gone. Do you think we can find it again?"
"Later, you get undressed. I'll go get the gloves." As I turned to leave, I stopped. "Do you hear something?" I asked Lori.
She paused and cocked her head to the side. "I don't think so."
I waited another moment but didn't hear it again. "Must be from trying so hard to listen. It's probably nothing." I walked out of the cell and headed towards the common room. As I approached, a man walked through the door. Problem was, he was dead.