The two had been trying to make it work, trying to make sure the transition was as easy as possible for both Rory and Eli. However, they didn't foresee the reaction of one of their closest friends.
"You've got to be kidding me!" Colin exclaimed as he paced the length of the living room. Finn and Rory had just told him they'd been seeing each other for the past three months. It had been working out fine, their daily routines not changing much. Eli was glad to have Finn around more than when they weren't together, and Rory was glad that he finally had a more steady father figure. Finn was to Eli what Luke was to Rory. "This is not okay! This isn't supposed to happen!"
"Colin," Rory said softly, calmly. With some hesitation, she continued. "Logan's been dead for five years. It's okay for me to move on, for us all to move on. It's what he would have wanted. Hell, in his letter, he said he hoped it was Finn." She could feel the lump rising in her throat and she tried to swallow it, tried to blink back the tears stinging her eyes. Finn just squeezed her hand.
"You weren't supposed to fall in love with one of Logan's best friends. You were supposed to move on, Rory! You were supposed to find someone completely different than him and realize that it was okay, not this," Colin finally said, head bowed and eyes closed. He'd finally stopped pacing, and she finally understood.
"Colin," she sighed. "If…" She shook her head, standing up and separating her hand from Finn's. "I'll be back. Mom has Eli until tomorrow. You two, figure this out. I need to clear my head."
It was February sixth, snow still blanketing the ground. With this knowledge, she grabbed her coat, hat, and gloves before walking out into the garage. Rather than getting into her Prius, she got into his Porsche. She hadn't sat in the car since she'd lost him, hadn't even thought of driving it. It still smelled like him, his jazz CD still playing over the speakers when she started the engine. The engine purred as she drove the twists and turns into Hartford and then out of Hartford until she passed through the gates she was looking for. Slowing down, she found what she was looking for - who she was looking for. Climbing out of the car, she took the gloves off and played with her rings.
"Hey," she said softly, hand resting on the cold marble. She brushed the snow off, revealing his name. "I miss you, you know that?" Tears stung her eyes again, and she tried to hold them back. "I really miss you. Colin is freaking out about me and Finn, and I wish you were here to calm him down. But if you were here I wouldn't be in this mess." Her tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I know I just talked to you last month for your birthday and for the anniversary, but it's not enough. Why did you have to leave?" She practically yelled her question at the stone. "Why did you have to leave me and Eli? Why didn't you fight for us? Did you not love us enough? Did you love us too much? I need you back, Logan!" She fell to her knees, head bowed as her hand rested on his name. "I need you so much. I miss you. Eli misses you. Nothing's the same. I remember when you were telling me how it felt to know you were dying those last few days, and you told me it was like when we jumped off the scaffold. I'm not feeling that right now. I'm feeling like I just fell off the cliff. My life just feels like it's been in a tailspin since you've been gone, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do, and I know you'd tell me what to do and maybe that's why I came here and ran from the problem at home and maybe that's why I'm so mad at you because I know my life would be fine if you were here." She took a deep breath as she opened her eyes. "I just need you to tell me what to do." She wasn't expecting anybody to answer, so she was startled when a familiar voice spoke behind her.
"He'd want you to be happy," Honor said softly. Rory stood, turning to face her friend. "He'd tell you to be happy. It doesn't matter what Colin or Shira or Lorelai or anybody else thinks or feels. What's going on between you and Finn is between you and Finn." Biting her bottom lip, she nodded, knowing Honor was right. "And to answer one of your questions, he did fight for you guys. By giving up on treatments, he gave you and Eli those last few months with him - for the most part - pain free. Had he fought, you know he'd be lying in a hospital bed until the end, hooked up to tubes and wires, in more pain that we could imagine. He loved you guys too much to put you through that. He didn't want Eli remembering him like that."
"I just miss him," was all Rory could say in response. Her voice was soft, breaking with every few words as she tried to hold the tears back again. The snow fell around them. She'd hated snow ever since she lost him, it never bringing positivity after that. It was always full of pain.
"We all miss him, Rory. You've never been alone in that aspect, never been alone in any aspect." She nodded as she realized she never noticed how similar Honor and Logan looked. She hadn't seen the woman often, birthdays and holidays at most. She never understood Honor's distance since losing her brother, but it was there. It had hurt Rory almost as much as losing Logan. Not only was she losing Logan, but she was losing one of her closest friends along with him.
"Honor, why did you leave?" She had to know. Now that Honor was standing there in front of her, she couldn't overlook the fact that Eli's aunt hadn't been a part of his life. He'd seen her on his birthdays and for Christmas. He didn't call her Aunt Honor, just Honor or ma'am - like the polite boy he was. With her question, she saw the woman tense up before sighing and relaxing.
"I had just lost my brother," she said softly. "I had lost the one person who made life with our parents bearable. I lost the one person I was supposed to protect and keep safe. I couldn't save him from this, Rory. And then, looking at Eli was like a slap in the face. He looks exactly like Logan did, except for his eyes. And looking at him, being around him. It was all too much for me. I'm sorry for not being there, and then we lost Mitchum. He was my daddy, and it just felt like my world was crashing down and I just had to get away for good. I actually came here to share some news with my brother, but now I guess you too since you're here." Rory nodded, stepping aside and taking a few steps back as Honor knelt in front of the grave. With a deep breath she spoke again.
"Hey, Logie." Rory took a minute to look at the scene. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. When Honor had news, she shouldn't have been talking to a headstone. No, she should have been talking to her brother. "You're going to be an uncle. I know, it's crazy right. Josh had been pushing for a while, but with everything with you and then Daddy… We hope it's a little girl, but we'll be happy with a boy. I know I haven't been here often, but it's not the same…" Rory walked away as Honor continued to talk to her brother, allowing the woman space.
She didn't know if Honor's answer to her question gave her closure or not. She had needed her, they all had, and Honor had abandoned them with an apology note. She hoped that the new addition to the family would bring them closer together, but at the same time she knew not to get her hopes up. If there was one thing about the Huntzbergers, it was that they could always disappoint. She thought of Shira, alone. Not only had the woman lost her son, but then also Elias and then Mitchum, followed by Honor cutting ties. The woman was alone, barely seeing her grandson. Rory didn't know what to think of those thoughts, pushing them from her mind as she got back into the Porsche and making her way back to the house.
When she got back, Finn's car was still in the drive, but Colin's was gone. She could only hope that the two had gotten things figured out, or at least come to a quasi-agreement with the situation. The hot air was blowing on her face, and she shivered when she turned the car off.
"Finn," she called out as she walked into the house. It was quiet, ominous. "I'm back. Finn?" She walked further into the house only to see him sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. It was a position she knew all too well, having sat like that many times before. Shrugging off her jacket, she tossed it on the chair before sitting next to him with her hand resting on his knee.
"He's not happy with it, but he's accepting it," Finn told her softly. He still hadn't moved from his position, but he was talking. That had to count for something, right? "He always expected you to move on, but he never thought it would be with me. I think that's what hurt him the most. He sees it as me betraying Logan. He finally looked up at her. "Am I betraying Logan, Love?"
"Oh, Finn," she replied softly, pulling him into a hug. "You're not betraying Logan. He knew you had feelings for me, he told us both that he was okay with this happening when the time came. If anything, you had his blessings." He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. She was starting to doubt it, since he had doubts. What if those thoughts were too much for him? She couldn't loose him, and she didn't want to explain to Eli why he wasn't around anymore.
That night, Finn already asleep in their bed, she stood at the dresser. She avoided looking into the mirror, not wanting to see what she was doing. Looking down at her hands, she spun the rings around her finger before slowly pulling them off. It was time. It was time for her to allow herself to be happy, to move on. Would she stop loving Logan? Never. She'd always love him, but that didn't mean that she wasn't allowed to love somebody else. After putting the rings in the jewelry box atop the dresser, she turned to look at the sleeping Australian in her bed. She was allowed to love somebody else, and she realized she was starting to fall in love with Finn.