A/N: Very filler-y, I know. And so much angst. Worry not, though! Next chapter will be lighter and more fluffy! As always, I love your reviews. Some questions will be answered soon, I promise. Keep them coming! I love reading the comments and reviews. Enjoy!
"I love you." With a smile, she rested her head on his chest as his arms wrapped around her to hold her close. It was his first visit from London after surprising her on the rooftop. It was a perfect moment, the stars above them. His jacket had been discarded once they'd laid down, the buttons of his shirt digging into her cheek, but she didn't care. He was there with her.
"I miss you, Logan," she told him softly. He kissed the top of her head as she ran patterns over his hand. She hated that he was so far away, so this moment felt special. It felt like everything they were going through was going to end up okay. Finally, she looked up at him and he captured her lips with his, the two moving together. She felt his hands slip up the back of her shirt as she straddled him, their lips continuing to move together.
Her shirt was discarded, tossed next to his jacket as her fingers fumbled with the buttons on his shirt until his chest was exposed. She kissed down along his neck to his chest and stomach. Her lips lingered on the scars from the Costa Rica trip. They weren't red ribbons anymore, faded into the normal bronze of his skin with a slight shimmer. He sat up, shrugging the shirt off as his mouth found the junction of her shoulder and neck.
"Logan," she managed to sigh, his hands playing with the waistband of her pants. Logan. Logan. She didn't know why she had tears in her eyes. Logan.
She woke up, sitting up fast enough to make her head spin. Logan. Her alarm clock hadn't gone off yet, and when she looked over, she groaned. It was three in the morning and she couldn't sleep. Finn was right next to her, slumbering away, but there she was.
She'd had dreams about him ranging from normal dreams to memories like the one she'd just relived. It was those moments that she loved, but that she hated at the same time. Her dreams allowed her to relive the touches, to remember them in vivid detail, or the way the sun shone in his eyes, or the way he laughed. The small details she was forgetting, she was being reminded of. Slowly, she got out of the bed, not wanting to wake Finn up. As much as she'd love for him to hold her, she wanted somebody else more.
She wondered if there would ever be a moment she'd want Finn more than Logan. It felt like she was putting him second in her heart, and she hated that. A part of her knew that that's why Colin had a problem with them, knowing Finn would always be second. Making her way into the library - the same room that used to be their downstairs bedroom - she grabbed the boxes out of the closet and sat on the floor in the middle of the room.
The Logan boxes held more than just the letters he wrote. They held everything she couldn't look at in her day to day life. The rocket was at the top, and she smiled as she took it out and sat it next to her. She then pulled out a picture of them, one he'd taken when they were laying in bed one night back when they were at Yale. There were pictures from his first birthday they'd celebrated together. A lot of the Logan box were pictures that she couldn't stand to pass by every day - or that were too inappropriate for her to display.
When she was done with the pictures, she looked at the letters, but not opening them. She skimmed through, looking at the titles. For When I Break Your Heart. For When You Fall In Love. For When You Say Yes. For When You Forget. For When You're Angry At Me. Then, she came across one that she felt she could read this time. For When You Need Me. She had a feeling this would be a letter she'd read many times, one that she would memorize fast. With shaking hands, she opened the envelope.
I hate that you have to hear me from the confines of written words rather than me telling you everything you need to hear in person. I don't know what's made you need to read this, but whatever it is, it'll be okay. You'll figure it out. I know you feel like you're going to need me everyday, but that's not what this letter is for. This is for the moments where you feel like you're breaking, where you feel like me not being there is finally too much for you to deal with. Read this then… She put the letter back into the envelope, knowing it wasn't time.
"Rory," she heard Finn say softly from the doorway. With tears in her eyes, she stood up and walked over to him. He enveloped her in his arms as she melted into him with sobs shaking her body. When would he realize this is what life with her would be like? When would he realize that life with her would be coming second? He knew he'd come in second when it came to Eli - everybody coming in second when it came to Eli, even Rory herself. But would he walk when he realized Logan would come first?
"Finn," she finally said after the sobs had turned into silent tears. "I… I don't…"
"I know." Two words and she knew that it would be okay. She knew that he knew by the tone of his voice, the softness, the sadness. "We'll talk when we wake up, okay?" She nodded as he led her back upstairs to the bedroom. The two laid next to each other and she curled into him, her head on his chest.
The next morning, he was playing with her hair when she woke up again. The two sat up, facing each other. "Honor stopped by to take Eli to school. I figured that would be alright," Finn told her right away. She nodded. "What happened last night?"
"I had a dream, or memory, a mix, I guess. It made me realize something I think I should have thought about long before now, back when we agreed to try and make this work. How is this going to work, Finn? I still love him, and I will always love him. And I know you know this, but do you really understand?" He closed his eyes with a sigh before looking at her. She wondered if it was how others felt when they looked at her. His eyes rivaled hers in the contrast of blue, of the vibrancy.
"Rory, Love. I am well aware that your heart will always belong to Logan more than it will anybody else - Eli the exception of course. We're talking about romantic love, and I know that I will never fully compare. Am I okay with this? Honestly, no. But I'll deal with it because I care about you." She nodded. "We will find a way to make this work. Do you still want this to work?"
"Of course I do, Finn!" she exclaimed. She could still see the worry in his eyes, but he smiled. She was falling for him more every day.