Chapter Five: Once More, With Feeling
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved, she will be loved.
"She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5
"You can't drive home Swan," Paul argued as I swung my keys on one finger and looked for my car with pursed lips. My heels had been long abandoned and I saw with some confusion that Paul was holding them.
"It's blue," I muttered searching the lot for the blue Dodge Caliber Charlie had surprised me with as a reward for completing my degree early. He claimed I had saved him at least what the car was worth in tuition. "Hey!" I complained as my keys were snatched from my finger. Paul held them up triumphantly.
"You've had way too much to drink to be driving," he said. "I'll take you home."
"Give me my keys Paul. I'll call a damn cab," I snapped.
"What crawled up your ass and died?" He asked. "You were fine a half an hour ago."
"He smiled at her," I said vaguely. "It was my smile." Paul frowned.
"I thought you worked all that shit out," he said. He found my car and shoved my shoes in the backseat.
"Me too," I said. "You know what Kim's cousin said? She said I should go to a bar and pick someone up. According to her sex would get it all out of my system." He shushed me.
"God you're loud when you're drunk," he said smiling and waving at an elderly couple who had stopped to stare at the scene.
"Not drunk," I argued. "Bartender Joe said it would take an hour for the shots to hit."
"Bartender Joe is 300 pounds doll. You're a buck five soaking wet," he said ruefully. "I can't take you home to Charlie like this. You're a fucking mess."
"But I look hot," I retorted popping my hip out and clasping it with my hand. He muttered something in another language, which must have been Quileute, but I was too preoccupied to care.
"Come on devil woman," he said helping me into the passenger's seat of my car. "You can sleep it off on my couch."
That's where I woke up, disoriented, six hours later. I was still in my red dress but someone had taken the pins out of my hair because my curls were currently trying to suffocate me. My mouth tasted like lime and tequila. I stood and carefully made my way to what looked like a bathroom. Success! I used a washcloth to scrub most of the makeup from my face and then rinsed out my mouth.
"There's a towel under the sink if you want to shower," Paul's voice came through the closed door and I jumped. I turned the knob and he stood leaning in the doorway. He had on black sweatpants that hung dangerously low on his narrow, muscled hips. Sonuvabitch was I drooling?
"I have no clothes to change into," I said. "But I think I'm sober enough to head home now."
"It's 4 AM Swan," Paul said. "You can borrow a pair of my boxers and a shirt. I'll leave them outside the door. Go shower. You'll feel better." He was definitely right. My head felt clearer after washing my hair and standing under the steamy spray. True to his word Paul had left boxers and a huge black shirt outside the door for me. I braided my hair quickly once I was dressed and padded barefoot back to the couch where Paul was waiting. Still shirtless. Still mouth wateringly, sinfully delicious looking.
"You look more alive," he said handing me a cup of steaming tea. I sniffed it and sighed when I smelled peppermint.
"Feeling pretty stupid," I said. He shrugged.
"No one really saw you," he offered. "Except that old couple and I have no idea who they were." I cupped the tea between my palms.
"Thanks for not letting me drive," I said. He nodded.
"Public service really," he said. I smiled.
"Look I didn't mean to unload on you like that," I said. "It won't happen again."
"It's fine," he said. "It was refreshing to see you tell the truth for once. You hide what you are feeling pretty well." I looked away.
"I wouldn't have gone to a bar and picked someone up," I said. He grinned.
"I don't think at the time you even knew where a bar was. You couldn't even find your car which by the way was only one of three left in the lot," he said. I groaned.
"Random stranger sex isn't the solution to my problems," I said.
"Knowing your luck Swan you'd end up picking up another leech," he said. I took a sip of the tea. It settled my stomach slightly.
"I have the worst instincts when it comes to the opposite sex," I said thoughtfully. "First Edward and then Jake, who I should have known better with."
"Because of imprinting?" He asked. I sighed.
"Because when we kissed there weren't fireworks," I said. "It sounds lame, I know. Kissing him was nice. Comfortable. Maybe it shouldn't have been."
"He didn't feel the same," Paul said suddenly. I set my mug carefully on the coffee table. "It was in his thoughts you know. He adored you. Your kisses meant everything to him at the time." I shrugged.
"It doesn't matter now," I said. "Charlie and I are the same. Maybe I should just be alone."
"I don't believe for a minute you were meant to be alone," Paul said. "I think you just look for the wrong things in a relationship." I met his eyes for a brief second and then looked down.
"Like what?" I asked.
"You look for comfort and companionship and these idyllic days that don't exist. You should be looking for fire and passion; someone who heats your blood and sets your nerves on fire," he said.
"Maybe you're looking for the wrong things," I teased. He smiled wryly.
"You should know by now Swan that I don't do relationships," he said. "So I'm not looking for any of that."
"You're just looking for someone who is going to drop her panties when you smile," I said. He grinned broadly.
"Life is simpler that way," he said. "For me at least." I picked up my tea and drained the mug.
"Someday Paul a girl is going to say no to you," I predicted.
"You said no," he said.
"You never asked," I pointed out.
"You were pretty wrapped up in Jake at the time," he countered. "Pretty much a guaranteed no. Like asking Emily to sleep with me."
"No, I just have class," I argued. "Panty dropping smiles don't work on me."
"I've never used one on you," he said. "One day I will and you'll see."
"And I'll be the first to say no," I predicted. "And you won't know what to do."