My world was bouncing and spinning. That was my only thought before it went dark again.
The next time I opened my eyes I knew I was back at the prison. Carol's face loomed above mine. "Hershel, her eyes are open." As Carol moved back, light from the window shone in my face. My head exploded. I turned my head and felt vomit pour from my mouth.
"Get her on her side," I heard Hershel say. Then the blessed abyss opened up and swallowed me again.
I had never known such pain. My head felt as though there was a reggae band playing off-key in there. The slightest movement sent waves of agony through me. My chest felt as though someone had placed a fifty gallon drum on it and there was a burning sensation in my stomach. I wished I would pass back out.
I could hear people talking quietly outside of the room, but I couldn't really tell what they were saying. At least until they raised their voices. "With who should I go back with Carol? Oscar's dead, Glenn can barely walk, and Stella is laying in there unconscious! You tell me!"
"Well what about Maggie? Michonne said she'd go back, and I'll go. Maybe we could ask the other group to help out. We can't just leave him there, we have to try!" Carol shouted back.
Ugh. I wished they would go away. My head was pounding and the noise was making it worse. At least they had closed the curtains. "Daryl?" I croaked. My hand searching for his.
"Stella? Honey? It's Lori. You're back at the prison." She smoothed my hair back out of my face.
"Lori?" I was confused. The yelling in the hall picked up. I couldn't think around the pain. "It's too loud." I closed my eyes again. I heard the door open and close and then voices cut off abruptly. When she was back I asked her. "Daryl? Where is he?"
She didn't answer the question. Instead she said. "Hershel left me something to give to you. It's for pain. Do you want it?"
I managed to croak out a yes. Maybe if it didn't hurt so much I could think. Did I ask her about Daryl yet? As the drugs swept through my body, my eyes shut again.
The next time I woke up it was dark. And I had to pee. Carol was sleeping in the chair next to the table. I rolled over and sat up. My world did a funny dip. I had to cup my head in my hands, as I swallowed hard to keep from throwing up everywhere.
Besides the nonstop pounding in my head, my chest and abdomen were killing me. As I went to push off of the table I could tell that at those ribs that had been healing so nicely had taken a bad turn. What's worse, there was a tube sticking out of the side of my chest through the bandages. Ugh. I gathered up all the lines that were attached to me and made my way very slowly down the hall to the bathroom. Thank goodness someone had left the keys hanging on a hook next to the door at the end of the corridor.
As I left the bathroom I heard voices coming from the cell block. Maybe Daryl was there. I was almost there when I caught my toe. I fell against the wall, my head spinning again. I sank down to the floor and laid on my back. It was cold next to my skin. I really did not feel good. "Maybe I should call my doctor," I thought to myself. Later, right now I needed to concentrate on something other than the feeling of nausea in my belly and the pounding in my head. So I listened to the voices.
"No I'm telling you these are good people. That kid, he didn't have to help us. Look around. When was the last time you got a full night's sleep?" The voice was deep, too deep for Daryl or Rick's voice. Must be Oscar.
"Look, I'm telling you we could take this prison. Just ask for a helping hand and take their guns. It's one man, a couple of women, an old guy with one leg and a kid. It wouldn't be hard."
"Why would we do something like that? That's not who we are. That's not who I am." It was the deep voice again. I liked that voice, it was soothing. Didn't make my head hurt. I closed my eyes and drifted off again.
"Ohh" I moaned. It seemed like every time I woke up just as bad as the last. Nothing seemed better. If anything, more parts of my body hurt.
"Well hey there," I heard a voice. It was Hershel. "Glad to see you're awake. No more midnight romps for you though. Just about scared us half to death when we realized you were gone. Carol started screaming bloody murder. Found you out in the corridor. You probably wandered because of your head injury."
I looked at him for a moment and tried to get my bearings. "What happened?"
"Shotgun. You took one right in the chest at close range. Thank God you had put on a second vest under your shirt. Couple of pellets went through though. I had to dig them out. Think you chipped one of your ribs because your lung collapsed."
I was trying to follow him the best I could. "Shotgun? You said head injury."
"Yeah, Maggie said you fell back pretty hard, I think you have a skull fracture. 'Course without an x-ray I can't be sure. Do you think you can sit up? I want to take a look at you."
Just as I was sitting up Rick came in. "Oh, sorry," he said turning to the wall. I looked down. I was naked except for the bandages and tape on my chest.
"Oh." I tried to pull the sheet up but the moment my hands left the table I started to lose my balance.
"Grab her!" yelled Hershel. He was trying to help but was already unsteady because of his leg.
Rick ran over and wrapped his arms around me, my face stuffed into his chest. I had to breathe deeply or I was going to vomit all over him.
I heard Hershel say, "Just hold her there. I'll go get a shirt she can slip on."
When I was relatively sure that whatever was in my stomach was going to stay there I said to Rick, "Thanks. Thought for a second both Hershel and I were going down." My voice was muffled.
"Yeah me too. Already had to pick you up once today. Didn't want to do it again." I vaguely remembered laying on the concrete in the hallway. I wondered if I had been naked then too. I had a sneaking suspicion that I was.
"Rick? Where's Daryl? Why hasn't he come to see me?" I asked. I didn't want to know the answer but I had to know.
Rick's answer was so quiet I had to ask him to repeat it. "He didn't get out of Woodbury."
I felt myself freeze inside. "Is he dead?" My voice was eerily calm.
"I don't know. He never followed us over the walls. There were gunshots and then a lot of shouting. I'm sorry Stella, I wish I could tell you more. With Glenn and you, I couldn't go back, not even to look."
"I understand. Thank you for being honest." I was ice. I had turned into a block of ice. Still, I couldn't help but go through the motions. "What about everyone else? Maggie, Glenn?"
"Michonne, Maggie and Glenn are fine. Oscar didn't make it."
Rick's words didn't make any sense. I had heard Oscar's voice last night. It had to have been him. But Rick said he was dead. If it wasn't Oscar than who the hell was it?
"Last night. I heard voices," I began.
Rick knew where I was going with it right away. "Yeah, apparently while we were gone, a group of survivors made their way into the prison through a break in the fence. Carl lead them into the cell block and common room and locked them in. I haven't been in to see them yet. Been too busy with you and Glenn."
"Oh," Rick's words bothered me, but I didn't know why. I tried to think about what I heard, but all I remember was how soothing that voice had been. It had reminded me of listening to the ocean waves crashing against the rocks at night.
"I've got one that will work." Hershel called out as he came into the room. He helped me slip one arm then the other into the shirt. Hershel helped support me while Rick did up the buttons.
"Well if I didn't know better I'd be oftly jealous," said Lori lightly as she walked into the room. I turned my head to look at her and instantly wished I hadn't.
"I gotta lie back down," I said.
"No, no. Just stay put for another minute. I have to test your reflexes and can't with you laying down." I groaned but stayed put. It was an awkward neuro exam with Rick propping me up and Hershel moving around on his crutches. Still, he got the job done. He listened to my heart and lungs while I was up as well. "Okay," he said to Rick. "You can lay her back down, but don't go anywhere. Stella, I want to remove the chest tube. It shouldn't hurt too much but I'll give you some pain killers. You're due for another dose anyway." I nodded, pain killers sounded like a wonderful idea.
As soon as Hershel gave me the morphine he turned to Rick. "I'm going to cut the sutures holding the tube in place and then pull it out. Just make sure she doesn't move." I listened to all of this with a fog surrounding me. Hershel gave good pain-killer. I felt him pull the left side of my shirt up to expose the tube and he lifted my arm above my head. There was some sort of snipping noise and a couple of brief tugs. "Okay, just hold her arm here and brace her here. Don't let her pull away." I felt Rick do as he was told. Lori grabbed my other hand and gave it a squeeze. There was a gross feeling of something moving in my chest and then it was over. "Just a couple of quick sutures to close up the hole. There. All done."
The hands holding me down let go. I held on to Lori's though. "Why don't you boys give us a few minutes?" I hear her say. She pulled the chair up next to the table and sat down.
"Lori, Rick said Daryl didn't make it back." I paused, hoping she would tell me it was a sick joke or a mistake. But she only nodded. "Are they going to go back there for him?" The morphine was making me tired. But I fought it off. I needed to know this now.
She shook her head slowly. "No Stella. They're not. Rick thinks it'd be a suicide run. There's not enough of us left to go." Her voice caught.
I just looked at her. "I think I'm going to rest now, I'm really tired," I said.
She gave me a quick kiss on my forehead. "I'm really glad you're back Stella."
I heard the door shut behind her. Tears began to flow from the corners of my eyes. Was he alive? Was he dead? How could this happen again? How could I lose a second man and not know what happened to him? It was a while before I was able to go to sleep.
The next day, Hershel said I could go back to my room. I had forgotten about the mess. I hadn't cleaned it up that morning before we left for Woodbury. As Maggie helped me in, I saw her eyes go wide. "What the hell happened here?" she exclaimed. Chunks of shelving were all over the room.
I couldn't answer. It hurt just to think about it. "Doesn't matter. Can you just help me lay down?" My balance was still really off. She helped lower me onto the bed.
"Do you need anything? I could get you some food." She said hopefully. I had been having a hard time eating. Anything that went down tended to come right back up. I wasn't sure if it was totally because of my head or if my emotional state was a factor. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Even seeing Gertie this morning didn't lift my spirits. Still, I knew the others were worried. I tried to be good for them.
"Some ginger ale would be nice, with tons of ice and a curly straw," I joked. "However, if you're out, I guess some lukewarm water would do it." I laid back on the bed.
"Sure. I'll be right back."
When Maggie came back with the water I pretended to be asleep. I knew she was going to thank me for going to Woodbury, to tell me how sorry she was again. I just couldn't take it. It seemed strange that people who had known Daryl for almost a year were apologizing to me. I had only known him for... two weeks? Had that been all? It had seemed like so much longer. Lori was right. Time meant something different now.
The morning passed slowly. I didn't even have a hefty dose of pain killers to look forward to. With my balance still a problem either I had to have a baby sitter all the time, or no drugs. I chose to be by myself.
After a while I needed to get up. I just couldn't lay there anymore. I felt like if I did I was going to slowly begin to melt into my bed, to fade away. I slowly stood up. With the mattress so low it was difficult. I must have looked like a drunk mime trying to stagger to his feet. Finally I was standing upright. Kind of. I had to keep on hand on the wall at all times and couldn't pick up my feet because they tended to go in the wrong direction.
I shuffled my way up the hall to the bathroom. If I was going to pass it, I might as well use it. After I was all done I headed outside. I passed by the cell block common room. There were four people inside. Two men, a young woman and a teenage boy. As I passed I heard the boy ask, "Is she drunk?" I ignored him. I could barely deal with the people I liked, let alone people I didn't know.
One of the older men said, "I don't know, but it looks like she needs some help. Someone should be with her, give her a hand." Something about his voice, something he said tickled at my memory. But honestly, thinking hurt. This headache was killer.
When I got to the door leading outside I almost fell through it. It didn't help that the sun was so bright. It hurt my eyes. "Here, let me help." I looked towards the voice. It was Carol. She took my arm and helped me walk down to the cooking area where some chairs were. I stood in front of the chair for a moment, unable to sit. The sun was so bright. "Are you alright?" Carol asked.
"Yeah, I think so. My head just hurts so much and the sun isn't helping." I said.
"Here put your hand on the table. It'll help." She helped guide me into the chair. Her hat plopped down on my head, the wide brim shading my eyes a little. "There, that's better. How about I go talk to Hershel and as long as you promise to stay put for a while, I'll see about getting you some drugs."
"Carol, right about now I'd promise you anything for some painkillers." My headache had taken on epic proportions. She quickly disappeared. A few minutes later she returned.
"Okay," she said, my eyes popping open at the sound of her voice. "I have some drugs for you, but we're going to move you first." Rick was standing next to her holding an upholstered chair. "We don't want you falling out of those little plastic things." She snickered. I had to admit, it was a definite possibility. She and Lori helped me stand up while Rick swapped out the chairs. When I was sitting back down Carol pushed the morphine through the IV I still had in my arm.
The pain began to fade and with the sun warming my body I dozed.
It was Rick's voice that woke me. "No way, no fucking way! You're not comin' in here." I opened my eyes slowly. I must not have been out that long, I could still feel the effects of the Morphine.
"He's my brother!" I ain't leaving 'im!"
"I will shoot you right now!"
"You can't. You can't even kick me out. Daryl would never forgive you and you know it."
At the sound of Daryl's name I began to get up. I had to find out what was going on. I managed to get to my feet and turn around. Rick was holding a gun on a man. He looked enough like Daryl that I knew instantly who it was, Merle. But there, laying on the ground behind them, was another body. Carol and Hershel were bent over it. I started to rush forward, but tripped over my own feet. I went down hard landing on my hands. Pain screamed out from my ribs and my brain took another ride on the tilt-a-whirl. I tried to get up, but as I did the world took a hard spin and blackness closed in again.