Chapter Eleven-Run

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you.

"Won't Go Home Without You" by Maroon 5

I dealt with my emotional turmoil in the best way I knew how. When I got home from dress and high heel shopping I had picked a fight with Paul. His wishful words before my shopping trip coupled with Kim's comments about landing the La Push sex god had my nerves frayed and on edge. So when Paul had moved forward to kiss me as I came through the door I had lashed out. I shoved him away, hard, and his surprise had him stumbling into the wall. He looked confused and more than a little bit hurt.

"What the hell happened?" He asked warily as I shoved my dress into the hall closet where it would fit.

"You're always fucking here," I snapped. "Are you seriously that hard up for pussy that you'll play at being in some sort of relationship to get what you want?" He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

"I don't even know how to answer that," he said after a minute. "Or if I even should."

"Seriously go get what you want somewhere else," I snapped. "The buffet is closed. Send someone else to patrol the area. You make me sick!" His eyes held an equal measure of sadness and anger but as he gathered his wallet and keys from the nightstand his words were quiet.

"I don't even know what I did," he said softly. "I'll send Seth up for the night." And then he was gone. I tore viciously at the sheets and comforter on my bed and threw them into the washing machine. I found fresh sheets in the closet and made my bed angrily. By the time Seth arrived, setting a duffel bag down careful and avoiding eye contact, I had managed to compose myself somewhat. But I cried myself to sleep that night, secretly aching for Paul's strong arms wrapped around me and the feeling of his warm breath on my skin.

The next night I dutifully gathered my dress and shoes together before ushering a still sleepy Seth to the car. He had spent the majority of the night awake and then crashed on the couch once I woke up from my fitful sleep. Kim had texted a clear warning that despite my sudden mental illness (how else could you explain sending a hottie like Paul away?) I still need to show up at her house to get ready for Sam's party.

"You look like death warmed over," Raven greeted me as I tossed the dress and shoes onto Kim's bed.

"I didn't sleep well," I said. "Where's Kim?"

"Dragging Leah and Emily over to help get ready," she answered. "What happened Bella? Paul stormed back onto the reservation last night, practically ordered Seth to go to your house and then went on a bender."

"He was getting on my nerves," I lied. "I told him to go home." She took my shoulders in her hands and stared down into my face.

"You're in love with him," she said softly. I shook my head once but she laughed softly. "You do Bella. It's written all over your face. So what happened last night?" Suddenly I was cradled in her arms, sobbing out my story while she made gentle shushing noises.

"I'm sorry," I choked out. "I just don't have anyone anymore. I feel so separated from everyone. Then I am stupid enough to fall in love with the one guy who might be incapable of the emotion." She handed me a few tissues.

"Paul is far from incapable," she said. "I grew up here, remember? He's just been through a lot. He never knew his dad. His mom was practically the reservation bike and ignored his existence before running off with some trucker. He's been alone since he was fourteen. That's a long time for anyone to be taking care of themselves. He's like you Bella. He's been hurt, maybe not in the same way, but he's still hurting."

"What's happening here?" Kim demanded from the doorway.

"Bonding," Raven lied easily. "We'll be fine. I'll start Bella's hair if you do her makeup." An hour later we piled into my car (it was the nicest, Kim argued) and made our way to Red, where they guys were supposedly already waiting. My stomach fluttered in an absent sort of way when I saw Paul, disheveled but still handsome, cradling a glass of what looked like whiskey in one hand. He didn't even look up when we all approached.

"Happy birthday Sam," I said giving him a hug dutifully after Kim did.

"Thanks," he said. He looked uncomfortable with all of the attention. I was way too sober to deal with all of this right now. I snagged a margarita from a side table and downed it before grabbing another. This one I tried to drink more slowly as I listened to everyone chat. My eyes fell on Paul dancing with a very tall, curvy blonde and I slammed the drink instead. Could I be mad when I had practically ordered him to do this very thing? His eyes met mine for a split second before I looked away. Yeah I was way too sober to deal with all of this for sure.

Four margaritas later I was feeling considerably better. I was dancing, albeit badly, with Seth who was probably the only single guy there. Poor kid's eye balls were popping out as girl after girl drooled over him. No wonder Sue tried to keep him on the reservation all the time. I had pried his juvenile jailbait ass away from a very slutty blonde and pulled him onto the dance floor.

"Oh my god thank you," He said. "She seriously stuck her hand down my pants. Who does that?" I glanced over at the blonde who was still dancing with Paul. They were so tight together you could barely differentiate between their clothes.

"Sluts do that," I answered. "Never date a girl who sticks her hands down your pants before she learns your name. Free advice." Seth glanced over where I was looking.

"Or a girl with a face painted like a clown," he said in distaste.

"Attaboy," I congratulated him. With any luck he wouldn't turn into an asshole like other men. I leaned into Seth a little. "I am so tired," I complained.

"I can drive you back home," Seth offered. Before I could answer heated hands touched my hips. I knew by the grip that it was Paul.

"Get lost pup," Paul practically growled. Seth practically ran away, not that I blamed him and I turned to face Paul.

"He's just a kid you prick," I said. He pulled me firmly against his body.

"Shut up and dance," he said. "I heard what you and Seth were saying. All of the sudden you have a problem with me picking someone up in a bar?" His closeness was disarming. I shook my head.

"We were talking about the short one who stuck her hand down his pants," I said. "But someone must have a guilty conscience. She stuck her hand down your pants then? Tacky." His grip on my hips became slightly punishing.

"What do you want from me?" He asked. "I am so fucking confused I can't even think straight."

"I want you to stop being an asshole," I said sullenly. I knew I had no legs to stand on, so to speak, but I couldn't stop the words from leaving my mouth.

"I'm the asshole?" He asked bitterly. "Seriously everything was fine until you came back from shopping. The shit hit the fan and I just tried to avoid the aftermath." I pushed myself out of his arms.

"Leave it," I warned when he tried to follow me. I stepped out onto the patio behind the club to catch my breath. The air was cold but it soothed my over heated skin.

"Oh I didn't realize anyone was out here," an attractive guy who seemed to be in his early thirties was backing into the club again.

"It's fine," I said wearily. "There's plenty of space out here." He leaned into the wall next to the club.

"It just got too loud in there," he said conversationally. "I'm getting too old for the club scene."

"Then why are you here?" I asked bluntly.

"It's my cousin's bachelor party," he said. "I'm Gabriel by the way."

"Bella," I said meeting his blue gaze.

"Well Bella can I ask why you are out here all alone?" He asked. I shrugged.

"Because I always pick the wrong guys," I said.

"Ah, me too, but with women," Gabriel said. How he got those crystal blue eyes with that deep brown hair…it was a striking combination. "Let me guess, he's hitting on the tall, leggy blonde who looks like a sports illustrated model?" I nodded.

"Apparently she stuck her hand down his pants," I said plainly. "Apparently sluts say hello like that." He laughed and I found myself giggling along with him.

"Well not to sound like I am coming onto you but he's a moron," Gabriel said. "I've pretty much been watching you all night." I blushed.

"Thanks I think," I said. He chuckled.

"What do you say I take you back inside and we dance a little?" He suggested. He held his hand out, palm up and I took it without hesitation.