Atlantis Season 4 Episode 4 – Doppelganger
Episode summary: Sheppard touches a crystal containing an alien entity offworld. The entity transfers into him. He then transfers it by touch to Teyla, who has nightmares featuring Sheppard as the negative force in the dream. Then the entity jumps to Keller who has a similar nightmare, and then to Ronan. They take action when it causes Lorne to sleepwalk, pulling a gun on Sheppard because in his nightmare Sheppard is a replicator. They discover the entity, but by then it is gone from Lorne. The entity kills the base counsellor, Dr Kate Heightmeyer. They try to track the entity, and discover it within McKay. Sheppard goes into McKay's nightmare to help him try to get it to leave, but the entity jumps to Sheppard. McKay goes into Sheppard's nightmare to help him in return, and they succeed. The entity is returned to its crystal, and sent back to the planet. The last scene is SGA-1 plus Keller and Carter converging on a table in the mess. None of them can sleep.
Author's note: Ok, so, technically it's never confirmed in the episode that Sam gets one of the 'alien entity Sheppard nightmares'. But, there are some missing connections between Ronan and Lorne's nightmares, and Lorne and Heightmeyer's, and Heightmeyer and McKay's. When you factor in that in the very last scene Sam is one of the people who can't sleep … I don't think it's too much of a leap. (Besides, as you may have noticed, I'm a sucker for Sam-angst - I'm so mean to her!). I'll start this tag with showing Sam's nightmare, and then the rest follows the episode.
[SAM'S NIGHTMARE]
"Unscheduled off-world activation." Walter Harriman's voice drifted through to Sam's Atlantis office, and she stood up from her desk to see the stargate bloom to life through her office window.
Why isn't the shield active?
She hurried through to the control room. "Walter, raise the shield!"
"Wait!" Sheppard was suddenly at her side. "We're getting an identification code. It's the SGC."
Sam frowned at him. "How do you know?"
There was the wet sound of someone emerging from the gate, and she looked down and gasped.
It was Fifth. And he was holding Beth.
"No!" She yelled, and dashed for the steps, leaping down them several at a time. "Let her go!"
Replicators, mechanical clicking and whirring insects, poured through the gate behind Fifth like a wave, covering the floor, the walls, the ceiling …
She couldn't get to Beth – someone had grabbed her arm and was holding her back. She looked back. It was Sheppard.
"This is your fault." He said acidly. "You weren't there to protect your daughter. You let the city be overrun with Replicators. Everyone is going to die."
He let go of her arm, but although she struggled she still couldn't move.
"Please." She sobbed. "Give her to me."
Sheppard walked around her and lifted Beth from Fifth's arms. "You will never see her again." He told her, and then stepped into the active wormhole.
"No!" She screamed.
Fifth walked towards her, a sick, almost juvenile smile of joy on his face. "Now we can be together forever." He said, and thrust his hand into her forehead.
Pain … fear … anguish …
She woke up screaming.
[AFTER THE EPISODE]
They stayed up for a few hours, SGA-1, Dr Keller and Sam herself, gathered around the mess hall table, talking.
No one wanted to sleep. No one talked about why.
At around 0200, Dr Keller put her foot down, insisting that they should all at least try to get some sleep. She offered sleeping pills to everyone. Sam declined – sleeping pills hadn't worked properly for her since Jolinar. They didn't knock her out, but left her feeling groggy and slow for the whole of the following day.
She went to her office, and spent the rest of the night writing letters to her ex-team mates back home.
The following evening, Sam went to bed early, exhausted enough that she figured sleep wouldn't be a problem. It was a decent theory, and she did fall asleep fairly quickly. However, she woke again a little before midnight, sweating and shaking and gasping for breath, following a nightmare of Fifth and Anateo, and her daughter screaming somewhere out of sight.
Too affected by the nightmare to attempt sleep again, she got up, and her feet took her back to the same table in the mess. She groaned inwardly when she saw the same five people sitting at it. She considered ordering them all to bed, but it would be hypocritical to do that and then not go herself. Maybe she'd give it an hour.
"We've got to stop meeting like this." She quipped drily as she sank tiredly down into her seat of the night before.
"Can't sleep again?" McKay asked.
Sam grimaced. "I got to sleep alright, but … I had a nightmare and woke up."
They all looked at her in alarm.
"Not an 'alien entity' nightmare." She assured them quickly. "Sheppard wasn't in it at all. Just a normal one."
If her nightmares could really be classified as 'normal'. She'd met a few shrinks who disagreed.
Keller sighed. "This is the worst time to be without a counsellor for the city. It's awful what happened to Kate, and I don't want to trivialise it, but we really need a replacement immediately."
Sam nodded. "I put in that request this morning. It might be a week or more before they can send us anyone though."
"Well, in the meantime I can try and cover." Keller offered. "I'm not a psychologist but I did my psych rotation, and Lord knows this job requires me to be a multi-disciplinarian often enough."
"I'm sure anything you can do will be appreciated." Teyla said, reaching across the table to squeeze the young doctor's hand.
"Given a little time this is a problem that will probably resolve itself." Sheppard commented. "Once we get used to sleeping without evil alien nightmares again."
"I found the sleeping pills quite effective." Teyla said. "Perhaps we should all try that again."
"I'm good." Ronan said. "I'm gonna turn in. Night."
They all chorused good night as he left.
"I'll take one of those pills, if you're offering." McKay said to Keller.
"Sure. Come on."
McKay and Teyla followed Keller out, headed to the infirmary, the three of them saying weary goodnights to Sam and Sheppard.
"Maybe you should take one of those yourself." Sheppard said to Sam.
"Wouldn't work. My body chemistry's a little unusual after everything I've put it through in the last ten years. You should though."
"I don't like them." Sheppard grimaced. "I always wake up fuzzy in the morning."
Sam smiled wryly in sympathy. "Still, you should try and get some sleep."
He sighed. "Yeah, in a little while. I'm not much of a sleeper, I'm usually up till the small hours anyway."
Sam nodded, and clasped her hands together on the table, leaning on her forearms.
"You're shaking." Sheppard said suddenly.
Sam sat up straighter and looked at her hands. He was right. Damn.
"I'm fine." She said, tucking her hands back into her lap under the table.
"How bad was that nightmare?" He asked.
Sam winced. "Let's just say I'm not all that eager to try sleeping again tonight."
"You wanna come watch a movie or something?"
Sam considered. "Actually yeah, that would be great."
"Great." Sheppard said. "I'll grab some popcorn."
Ronan re-appeared and joined them before the movie had really begun, and the three of them lounged in the rec room, the guys snacking on popcorn on the couch while Sam curled up in the armchair, watching an old cop movie.
At some point she must have dozed off, because her comfortable position watching the movie morphed into insects burrowing into her skin, and the searing pain of Fifth's hand in her head, and a thousand of Fifth's torturous horrors flashing behind her eyes.
She wasn't sure if her scream had been real or just in the dream, but she became abruptly aware that Ronan and Sheppard were crouched on the floor in front of her, grasping her arms and telling her to breathe.
"I'm ok, I'm ok." She assured them breathlessly when she'd regained her senses.
She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, forcing herself to take deep, even breaths.
"That was some nightmare." Sheppard said, sounding worried.
"I've had worse." She said, trying to reassure them. If anything though, it made them look more concerned. "Seriously, guys, I'm fine. I'm sorry for scaring you."
"That's ok." Ronan said, in his deep, soothing voice. "You want anything? Glass of water or something?"
"I'm good." She said, sitting up and smoothing her hands down her thighs tensely. "I'm gonna call it a night though. See you in the morning."
Sheppard and Ronan stood up as she did, and she could feel their eyes on her back as she left the room.
Damn it. She hated that they'd witnessed that.
She got a cup of coffee from the mess, and then went back to her quarters, and spent the rest of the night watching home videos of Beth.
Apparently either Sheppard or Ronan had tattled on her. Keller summoned Sam to the infirmary the following morning.
"A little bird tells me you had a second nightmare last night after dozing off in the rec room." Keller said without preamble. "And that it was a bad one."
Sam rolled her eyes. "That little bird should learn to mind his own business. I'm fine, doctor. I've got a lot of experience dealing with nightmares."
"All that tells me is that you've got a history of nightmares being a problem." Keller pointed out. "Which given recent events is something of a concern."
"No offense doctor, but there's really nothing you can do about it. The problem will resolve itself with a little time, and in the meantime I'll just power through it."
"You need sleep, Colonel."
"I get enough." Sam argued. "Seriously, doctor, I know what I'm doing. This is far from my first run of nightmares, I can deal with it."
Keller huffed in exasperation. "I read your psych file. It shows that you do have an impressive track record of dealing with trauma outside of traditional therapy, but that in those cases you have always admitted to confiding in a team mate. I'm a little concerned that here in Atlantis, you don't have anyone filling that role."
"I'm the boss." Sam shrugged. "It's not the same."
"My point exactly." Keller sighed. "If she were still with us, I'd have insisted you have a session with Kate Heightmeyer, but instead you'll have to settle for me."
"Doctor …" Sam protested, almost whining.
"It's not optional." Keller said firmly. "I'm making you an appointment for six o'clock tonight."
Sam gave a grumpy huff. "Fine."
Keller smiled. "If it helps, just think of it as a chance for us to get to know each other better."
Sure, except you'll be shrinking me.
"I'll bear that in mind." She said out loud, and left the infirmary under a black cloud.
She would find out which member of SGA-1 had told on her, and they would pay. Big time.
It was Sheppard. He looked way too sheepish in the briefing later that morning, and was avoiding her eye.
After the briefing, she cornered him. "You tattled on me to Keller." She accused.
"I was worried." He said, spreading his hands in a 'what can you do' gesture.
"It wasn't your place to interfere, Lieutenant Colonel." She said icily. Maybe it was petty, pointing out the difference in their respective ranks, but she was pissed.
Sheppard sighed. "Maybe not, but Atlantis is a family. You may be my boss, but this isn't a traditional military command structure. We take care of each other here, regardless of where we stand in the hierarchy."
Sam glared, but she could tell the glare was losing its edge. "I don't need 'taking care of'." She snapped. "This isn't my first rodeo, John, I can deal with it on my own."
"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should." He pointed out, entirely too reasonably.
She didn't have a good response to that, so she just glared some more.
"Elizabeth would have talked to me." John pointed out.
Sam winced. "I'm not Elizabeth." She said, and stalked out of the room.
"Tell me about the dream you had when the alien entity was with you." Keller said.
Sam let out a deep breath and stared at a point somewhere over Keller's shoulder.
"Replicators came through the stargate and overran Atlantis. The human-form replicator who called himself 'Fifth' had come through holding my daughter, and Sheppard was there stopping me from getting to her, and telling me it was my fault. Sheppard took her through the stargate, and Fifth …" She paused, and squinted at Keller. "Do you know about the 'hand in the head' thing the replicators do?"
Keller nodded. "We've had some experience with that here, and I've actually read about it in your medical file as well. I gather Fifth used that method to torture you a few years back?"
"Yeah, well, the dream ended with him doing that again."
Keller nodded. "I wasn't aware you had a daughter. There's nothing in your medical file about a pregnancy …"
"She's adopted."
"Oh. How old is she?"
"Seven months."
"She's a baby." Keller said, surprised.
Sam said nothing, and Keller sighed. "I'm getting the impression you don't get on well with therapists."
Sam chuckled. "Whatever gave you that idea?"
"You realise this session isn't about me evaluating you or reporting back on you to anyone. I'm just trying to help you deal with the nightmares."
Sam felt a stab of guilt. "I know that, and I appreciate the gesture, it's just …" She broke off and sighed, opting for a little honesty. "Being a woman in the military, you get used to having to prove yourself. You have to be twice as tough as the guys to be taken half as seriously. If you show any sign of weakness, that's it, you lose whatever credibility you had as an officer, and suddenly you're 'the girl'."
"I would think at this point you've more than proven yourself." Keller said.
Sam shook her head. "Maybe, but, after twenty years, it's a mindset which is hard to shake. Plus, I'm new here. I have to show I can be the strong leader that this expedition needs, and I can't do that if people are muttering behind my back about my nightmares or my therapy sessions." She gave Keller a pointed look.
Keller frowned at her. "The people who know, don't think any less of you for it." She said carefully. "Honestly, with everything you've been through in the last ten years, it would be strange if you weren't prone to nightmares."
Sam made a non-committal sound of acknowledgement.
"Do you keep in contact with the team mates who have helped you deal with this sort of thing before?" Keller asked.
"As much as I can." Sam said. "We write to each other pretty regularly."
"How often do we exchange data bursts with Earth at the moment?"
"A couple times a week. Probably more this week, as we're consulting about the appointment of a new counsellor."
"I have a proposition. Write someone a letter, and be honest about how you're feeling. If, by this time next week, you're still getting nightmares every night, you and I schedule another session."
Sam nodded, looking at her hands for a moment before meeting Keller's eye. "I guess that's fair."
Keller smiled. "Good. Now, how about we go get a hot chocolate and have a girly gossip instead of therapy?"
Sam laughed. "Sure, why not."
"And I want to see baby pictures."
A sealed plastic cup of blue jello appeared in front of Sam at dinner the next day.
"Peace offering." Sheppard said as he sat down. "I'm sorry for comparing you to Elizabeth. I know you're not her, and it's not fair to expect you to be."
"It's ok. I may have over-reacted." Sam said, and then picked up the blue jello with a raised eyebrow. "More intel from Mitchell?"
"Actually that intel was from General O'Neill."
Sam rolled her eyes. "Have all my friends decided to appoint you as my 'keeper' or something?"
"I think they probably thought I was the person you were most likely to make friends with." Sheppard said. "I hope they weren't wrong."
Sam smiled. "I'm sorry for being a bitch."
"And I'm sorry for over-stepping. Truce?"
"Truce."
She opened the cup and smiled happily as she took a spoonful of her beloved confection.
"I don't know why you like that stuff so much." Sheppard said, watching her bemusedly. "It doesn't taste of anything."
"Our truce may not survive you start criticising my blue jello." Sam warned him.
He just smirked.
Halfway to Dr Keller's deadline of a week, the SGC called in, and after Landry took care of business, he handed her off to Jack, in the relative privacy of the connection between her office, and his.
"How bad, on a scale of one to crappy?" Jack asked. She'd sent Keller's suggested letter to him a couple of days previously.
Sam sighed. "Not as bad as after Fifth, but … this is the first time I've had nightmares that involved Beth being in danger. It adds a new dynamic that's difficult to deal with when I can't just pick her up and hold her to reassure myself she's ok."
Jack winced in sympathy. "Would it help if I told you she's fine, and sent you some more videos?"
"It certainly wouldn't hurt."
"She's started trying to crawl." Jack said fondly. "At the moment she's just slithering along the floor, pulling herself along with her arms, but sometimes she gets her knees under her, and it won't be long before she figures out the rest."
Tears sprang to Sam's eyes, and she looked away, trying to banish them with an angry frustration.
"Don't cry." Jack's voice pleaded softly.
"I'm not." She said firmly, pulling herself back under control. "Send me a video. Lots of videos."
"I will, I promise." He paused, looking at her sadly. "You got someone there you can talk to?"
Sam thought of Keller, and Sheppard. "Kinda, I guess. It's awkward though, I'm the boss, and the new girl."
"Maybe you could try Kelnorim-ing." Jack suggested.
Sam stared at him. "That's actually a really good idea. I did that with Teal'c a few times when I had trouble sleeping, and it seemed to help."
"Well, my work here is done." Jack said with a satisfied smirk.
"Shame you can't send me Teal'c, too." Sam joked.
"Frankly I think he would love to come visit. He asks after you a lot."
"Well, I guess I'll see everyone when I come home for my three month review."
"I can't wait." Jack said sincerely.
"Me neither."
They smiled at each other for a moment, and then Jack had to sign off.
Kelnorim – there had to be some candles lying around this city somewhere, right?
Sam had just started to truly feel peaceful, sitting cross legged on the floor of her quarters, surrounded by candles, in her yoga pants and cropped gym top, when her door chimed.
She opened her eyes with a sigh.
"Come in." She called.
The door opened, revealing Teyla, who looked a little stunned at the sight that greeted her. "I'm sorry, Colonel, I didn't mean to interrupt."
"That's ok." Sam said with a smile. "Can I help you with anything?"
"Actually I was just going to ask if you would like to join me for a sparring session, but I can see you are otherwise occupied."
"It's a jaffa meditation technique called 'Kelnorim'." Sam explained. "It helps me sleep."
"May I join you?" Teyla asked, and Sam blinked in surprise.
"Yeah, of course, please do."
Teyla folded herself down in a similar cross legged position opposite Sam.
"I often use meditation as a relaxation technique myself." Teyla told her. "Sheppard has berated me often for the use of so many candles in my quarters, however. He is convinced I will start a fire and burn to death." She said with a smile, gesturing at the dozen or so candles surrounding Sam.
"One of my oldest and best friends is a jaffa." Sam explained. "He used to have to do this everyday instead of sleep, so we all just got used to the candles. You should see his quarters, he must have close to a hundred open flames in there when he's really going for it."
Teyla smiled, and straightened her back, opening her palms on her knees and closing her eyes with a deep breath. Sam followed suit.
She didn't have any nightmares that night.