Chapter Eighteen: Over and Over
I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that you would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now and this choice I made keeps playing in my head
Over and over again.
"Over and Over" by Nelly featuring Tim McGraw
Paul wasn't at my apartment when I got home after dinner that night. I knew the pack meeting was over and there was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I went about my nightly routine, wiping makeup methodically from my face, braiding my hair carefully and slipping into my pajamas. I curled up on the couch and watched DVR episodes of Game of Thrones until I slipped off to sleep. I was woken at around four a.m. when Paul stumbled through the front door.
"Shhhhhh," he whispered loudly to himself as he slammed into a wall. Or at least I thought he was alone until a feminine whimper hit me like a gunshot.
"God yes," a sickeningly high pitched feminine voice said and I heard Paul groan. Acid bubbled up in my throat and I dashed for the bathroom. As I emerged and made my way cautiously to my bedroom Paul's eyes met mine over blonde hair. I averted my eyes and went to my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I shoved in some earbuds and tried to ignore the pain spreading across my chest. Eventually I gave into the tears and cried until my eyes hurt and my throat was raw. I slept fitfully until 6:30 when it was time to get up for work.
"She's gone," Paul said as I tiptoed cautiously into the living room. He was sitting, head in hands, on the couch almost like he was waiting.
"You're paying to have my couch steam cleaned. Or replaced," I said. I went to the bathroom and closed the door, locking it behind me. Shakily I got ready for work, carefully concealing my red rimmed eyes with more eyeliner than I would normally wear and concealer for the bags under my eyes.
"I am so stupid," Paul said when I unlocked the bathroom door to head back to my room for clothes.
"I can't talk to you about this right now," I murmured. "I'm going to be late for work." He followed me into my bedroom.
"I was angry," he said. "And I couldn't admit it to you." I threw caution to the wind and dressed for work in front of him. I didn't think he would dare touch me.
"You should have said something," I said. "Instead of picking up a slut and fucking her on my couch."
"I didn't fuck her," he said. "I sent her packing when you went to your room."
"You brought her home to MY house to hurt me," I said. "When I have been nothing but honest with you." He scoffed.
"You're far from honest," he said. "Because you won't say how you feel about me because you're scared."
"I'm scared of exactly what happened last night!" I bellowed finally giving into the gnawing pit of anger in my stomach. "I can never tell you how I feel because you will always destroy me like they did." I grabbed my laptop bag and headed for the front door. Paul beat me there.
"It's an excuse," he said. "Another excuse for us not to work this out."
"You made your choice last night," I said quietly. "If you don't move out of my way I will scream this building down. Do not be here when I get home. I'll call Sam to tell him to send someone else." The morning at work went by in a daze. Thanks to Ray I had a new computer and I was able to work on editing without wanting to scream at my computer.
"You look terrible," Ray commented when I showed up in his office for another assistant interview.
"Thanks," I said. "The man whore who has been crashing on my couch brought a slut home last night. I didn't get a lot of sleep." Ray frowned.
"This is that Paul guy you have been seeing?" He asked. I nodded. "I could break his kneecaps," he offered.
"Don't bother," I said. "I was the stupid one. Now who is this interview with?" The interview was with a girl named Felicia Jenkins, otherwise known as the slut from the bar. I struggled to keep a straight face as she sat down in an exaggerated fashion, displaying her fake cleavage for Ray who simply looked bewildered. The interview was a disaster from the minute she said her favorite author was "that guy who wrote the movie that Leo was in, you know the guy that threw the parties and died in a pool" to the minute she "dropped" her resume and bent to display her non-pantied ass to Ray.
"We'll call you when we decide," I said struggling not to laugh as she batted her eyes once more at Ray before leaving with an exaggerated hip sway. I was pretty sure she was the one Paul brought home last night and the thought sobered me up slightly.
"You look like hell babe," Ray said. "Take a half day or work from home or something. I can cover your meeting this afternoon."
"I don't know if I can go home yet," I said.
"Then have Gabe take you to lunch or something," Ray said. "On the company. I need you at full steam babe and you look like someone ran over your puppy."
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Don't be sorry," he said gently. "Take care of yourself and come back tomorrow with a few more hours of sleep under your belt."
"…you can't go in there," I heard Claire's panicked voice saying. I turned in time to see Seth skid to a halt in the doorway.
"Watermelon Bells," Seth says just as our paunchy security guard attempts to flying tackle him. Seth barely flinches.
"Hey he's with me," I said. Watermelon was a code the wolves used for me when I was in public but needed immediately with no fuss. I followed him to my car, hands shaking slightly and he took my keys from me to drive.
"Victoria was spotted about a block away," Seth said gunning the engine and tearing through the parking lot. "Paul was leaving your house and she jumped him in an alley. Embry and Quil are chasing her while Jake and Sam get Paul back to the reservation. But we need to get you out of here now."
"I need clothes and stuff," I protested as he tore down the highway toward Forks. I was vaguely impressed with my little car and its abilities.
"Leah will get them. Put your goddamn seatbelt on," he ordered as I lurched sideways on a curve. Too quickly for my liking we were skidding to a stop in front of Sam's house. His truck was there and a loud scream from Paul indicated they had made it back. Despite my feelings toward him that morning my heart almost ripped apart with the sound.
"Look I know shit went down last night," Sam began when he saw me but I brushed him aside.
"Where is he?" I asked.
"Spare room," he said. "She bit him pretty good and he isn't healing." I nearly gagged at the half rotted looking wound in his neck.
"We need to call the Cullens," I said firmly. "Carlisle can help."
"He will kill me Bella," Sam said. Sweat poured from Paul's body and shudders wracked his frame.
"You see how the tissue looks like it is dying?" I asked. Sam nodded. "If we do not get a vampire hear to suck the venom out Paul will bleed out and die. So do you have a better idea than Carlisle?"