Chapter Nineteen: Cry Your Name
Maybe I was naïve
Got lost in your eyes
Never really had a chance
My mistake I didn't know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand.
"White Horse" by Taylor Swift
"He's going to be fine now," Carlisle said. He was slightly disheveled but otherwise looked like everything had gone smoothly. "How did this happen?" He asked. I lost my temper.
"How did this happen?" I asked almost hysterically. I shook Raven's calming hand from my arm. "You guys left me here alone and Victoria has been stalking me for years!" He opened his mouth to speak but I went into the bedroom with Paul and slammed the door. The wound on his neck was healing now, albeit slowly, and some color had returned to his cheeks.
"It's creepy to watch people sleep," he said hazily. I knelt by the bed.
"You probably shouldn't be talking," I said quietly.
"You have this look like you need to say something," he said lifting his finger to brush the furrow between my eyebrows.
"I was worried," I said. "But I just realized that it doesn't change what has already happened." I looked away when tears formed in the corner of my eye.
"So we're not going to try to get past this?" He asked. I shook my head.
"I can't keep doing this to myself Paul," I said. "Feeling this way, hurting all the time because of what you say or do, I can't do it." He closed his eyes and nodded.
"I fucked up," he said quietly. "And now I am paying the price." I turned and fled the room. I fished blindly for my keys only to realize that Seth had them.
"You can't leave," Sam said quietly. "Not alone."
"I can look after her," Carlisle said quietly. He had clearly heard the conversation between Paul and I. I nodded, choosing the lesser of two evils for the moment.
"I'll send Leah tonight and maybe Embry too," Sam said. I nodded.
"There's a house key on the door frame," I said. "Leah should know where it is. They'll drive your car up." I followed Carlisle to his Mercedes and he followed my directions to the apartment.
"I had no idea," he said quietly when we arrived. I didn't look at him.
"Can you just stay out here?" I asked. "I would rather not have you inside." He nodded once and I climbed the steps to my building alone. I was surprised to see Gabriel standing next to my apartment door.
"Ray sent me to check on you," he said.
"Paul was in a car accident," I said. "He's fine but I ended things for good this time. I'm having a really shitty day but tell Ray I'll sleep and be sharp tomorrow." I unlocked my door with the spare key, replaced it and started to shut the door. Gabriel stepped through.
"I'm worried about you too," he said. I sighed and locked the door before kicking off my shoes.
"I'm really trying not to push my rude quota for the day but I can't handle another person in my face asking how I am," I said.
"What about someone who makes you lunch and then watches movies with you until you can sleep?" He asked. My heart contracts painfully at his boyish grin and I feel myself caving in.
"Add a glass of wine and I am sold," I said. I showered while he cooked. Gabriel was different from the men I had been around before. He was more self-assured but without the cockiness of youth. Maybe that was what I truly needed, someone who was older and more settled into life. I slipped on the yoga pants I had grabbed and a tank top before padding barefoot to the kitchen. Gabriel was stirring what looked like fresh made tomato sauce in with some penne.
"Garlic bread just went in," he said. "So about five minutes I think? I made a quick fresh sauce but you didn't have shallot so I just used onion…" I cut off his words with a kiss. His reaction was cautious; hesitant.
"Thank you," was all I said. He nodded and I took out two bowls and forks. I chopped two apples, a pear and sectioned and orange to make a quick fruit salad to go with the meal. We ate at the counter. The sauce was pretty good I had to admit.
"My nanny taught me how to cook," he said as we washed dishes side by side. "She was Italian and had like a hundred grandkids in Italy."
"I learned to cook from a book," I said. "Before then I nearly died as my mother experimented with recipes. My dad only knows how to order pizza or microwave leftovers." We settled onto the couch and selected The King and I from my DVD collection. I let him curl his arm around me and we eventually gravitated closer, my head leaning on his shoulder as he stroked my arm absently. He smelled like some expensive aftershave but not in an overpowering sort of way. Just very manly.
"We forgot the vino," Gabriel said suddenly. I shrugged.
"It's fine," I said. "I think I only had white anyway." There was comfort in this. There was comfort in the lack of pressure he put on me. Paul constantly kept me on my toes and I could never relax around him or fully let my guard down. There was always the pressure to keep up with him or keep him at a distance. Gabriel didn't push. He was just there. I paused the movie and he turned to look at me.
"What's up?" He asked.
"How can you be so calm like you were before when I was flipping out?" I asked. He shrugged.
"I was married when I was your age," he said. "I've been divorced for about five years but I guess I still am used to the possibility of a freak out. I knew your anger wasn't directed at me so I let it go."
"I definitely feel stupid now," I said burying my face in my hands. He touched my shoulder and I looked up.
"Having and showing emotion isn't stupid," he said. "I'm going to hazard a guess and say Paul isn't the first jerk to hurt you. It's not wrong to want to protect yourself from that. It's natural. So as much as yes, I would like to take you to bed and make you forget anyone else ever existed I know that you need time to figure everything out." I blushed at his words but didn't look away from those amazing crystal blue eyes.
"And if I am just too broken to figure it out?" I asked.
"I don't believe for a minute that you won't figure anything out," he said. "But for arguments sake let's just say we worry about that when it comes."
"I worry about getting in too far and one of us getting hurt," I said.
"I can handle myself," he said. "The rest will come naturally or it won't. But I can tell you right now that being here with you, just sitting here, is comfortable. We can start there." I curled back up against him and pressed play on the remote. Just make it through the move, I told myself. Halfway through I fell asleep, the spicy scent of aftershave and Gabriel's steady breathing lulling me to quiet slumber.
"Who the fuck are you?" I heard Leah's loud voice demand. I jarred awake and bolted to my feet. Leah was backing a slightly rumpled Gabriel into a wall while Embry towered behind her.
"Guys this is Gabriel," I said stumbling on the carpet as my feet tried to catch up to my brain. "He's Ray's brother. He's my friend. Back off."
"I should go," Gabriel said warily even when Leah and Embry both relaxed.
"I'll see you in the meeting tomorrow," I said hazily. Before I had a chance to process anything he moved forward, pressed a kiss to my temple and hugged me before leaving.
"Wow he must be hot older guy Kim was talking about," Leah said. I gave her a look.
"The beds in the spare rooms are made up. I only make Paul sleep on the couch because he's an ass. Good night," I mumbled. I stumbled into bed and fell instantly asleep the minute my head touched the pillow.