Chapter 14: Almost My Normal Self

I stayed in bed for three days after the incident with Lestat. It wasn't because I felt guilt about what had happened; it was the opposite. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders, leaving me free of the pressure it had put upon me.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the shadowy presence that I had felt for the majority of my life slipped away…fading into nothing but a dim memory.

Lestat was gone; anything I needed to fear was gone.

But no matter how many times I told myself that, I never succeeded in fully convincing myself. Even in my darkened dreams, I found myself wandering down the same flight of stairs towards Lestat's chamber, but every time I reached the landing, I would catch a glimpse of blood lining the floor and I'd wake up screaming.

Beinion came to see me every day, and he usually brought me some odd little object he had found while walking, or some type of wild flower. In many ways, he was the only thing that inspired me to get out of bed.

"Maddy?" He asked in his small little voice, not waiting for an answer, but coming in and jumping onto the foot of my bed.

"Good morning." I said with a big sigh. He giggled.

"It's afternoon." He said.

"Oh," I said, sitting up and stretching, "Well then, we should be getting out to the great hall to get something to eat." He nodded happily and hurried out of the room to let me get dressed in peace. I put on a dark blue gown, feeling a little happier with it's brighter color than usual. Eowyn would probably burst with joy when she saw me wearing it.

I slipped the dress over my head and straightened my messy hair. Beinion was still waiting for me outside, so I hurriedly exited my room.

"C'mon, Maddy!" He said happily, grabbing my hand, and leading me towards the great hall. But before we got there, he stopped and looked back at me, trying to decide something.

"You don't look any different." He said.

"What?" I asked, taken aback.

"Gandalf said you were different, and I should be careful when I was with you." He answered.

"Well, don't worry." I assured him, "I'm not any different."

"I know." He answered, "You're still my new mommy." I couldn't help but smile at his words. He had adopted me into his life as his motherly figure, and I was thankful that there was one person in this place that truly appreciated my presence.

When we entered the Great Hall, only the elf sat at one of the tables, sipping every now and then out of a large mug. He looked up when we entered.

"Faelwen." He said, nodding at me.

"Her name's Maddy!" Beinion said defensively. Legolas looked from Beinion, then back at me.

"Faelwen was her old name." Legolas said.

"Beinion," I said, "Why don't you go and fetch me some water. Think you could manage?"

"Okay," He said slowly, glancing one last time at the elf, and then hurrying off.

"How dare you!" I said angrily. "How dare you and the others show up here and ruin everything!"

"We had not planned to ruin anything." The elf answered.

"Beinion is only a child," I retorted, "and yet here you are, filling hid head with nonsense! For example, how dare you tell him to be careful around me, like I'd try and kill him or something! That's bullshit, and you know it! Second of all, why would you do that?"

"You killed hundreds of my people!" Said Legolas.

"What? So that gives you the right to poison little Beinion's mind with filthy stories about me? He's the only thing I have left!" I said. Legolas looked slightly shocked.

"We only told him as to protect him." He said quietly.

"Well, do me a favor," I said, holding back the anger from my voice, "And never, never again talk to that little boy unless you have something to say that isn't about me and how horrible I am."

"I'm sorry to have upset you," Legolas answered, "But I was just trying to protect him—"

"Last time I checked, you weren't the one who rescued him and his brother from the forest and traveled with them back to Rohan, nor were you the person that Beinion came to when he had a nightmare."

"I'm sorry, Faelwen." He said.

"Maddy?" I turned to see Beinion walking towards us with a mug in his hands.

"Let's go outside." I said, taking his hand and leading him out into the open air. The elf just watched us go. I took the cup from Beinion, thankful now to have something to drink, and we sat down side by side on the steps outside of the Great Hall.

"Thanks, Beinion." I said, placing the cup on the cold stone step.

"You're welcome." He said happily. I smiled at him and then turned my gaze towards the far off mountains. I couldn't' tell which ones they were, but from my viewpoint they looked majestic.

Someone cleared their throat behind us. I turned and saw Aragorn and Gimili standing in the doorway to the Great Hall.

"Eowyn requests your presence." Aragorn said.

"What for?" I asked, but Aragorn only shrugged. I stood up and walked past Aragorn. "Make sure Beinion gets his supper." I added, waving good-bye to Beinion.

As I made my way to Eowyn's room, I couldn't help but feel a slight tug of curiosity to why Eowyn would need me. But when I opened the door and found her standing in the center of the room with swords laying about her feet and armor strewn on the floor, I suddenly knew why.

"There you are!" She exclaimed when I walked in, "Now, hurry, close the door. I don't want my uncle to see all these." I obediently shut the door and walked over to the pile of armor.

"What are all these for?" I asked, picking up a shield that bore the faded picture of a rearing horse. I slid my hand along the aged surface and closed my eyes, trying to imagine what the wielder must have felt when they rode into battle carrying this same shield. A grief feeling of dread washed over me, and for the few seconds that I let it pass through my body I felt almost as if I was the person who first wielded this shield. I quickly opened my eyes and inhaled deeply as the sensation vanished, leaving me with a slight headache. I put the shield on the floor and instead picked up a helmet.

Didn't have time to escape…

I dropped the helmet when the voice intruded on my thoughts. I saw a brief image of a young man, bleeding and dying, laying on blood-stained sand, rain falling over him. For a brief moment, I felt as if I was him. I looked over at Eowyn, who, not noticing my spell, was trying on a helmet.

"You'll need a small shirt…" she was saying.

"No." I said quickly. She looked over at me startled.

"But you can't possibly go out into a war wearing a dress!" She said. Then it donned on me. She wanted me to go with her into battle to defend Rohan. "We'll go to Helm's Deep and there we will defend…" she continued as if I had never spoken at all.

"You don't understand," I said, "these things were worn by people that are dead! I just can't wear them!" She stopped what she was doing and looked at me. But this time she wasn't looking at me just because I had spoken. She was looking at me like she was looking at me for the first time, as if I was a new being entirely.

She looked down at the floor, and then finally back up at me. There were small tears in her eyes. "I know." She said softly.

There was moment of silence in which we both stood awkwardly, wishing the other would speak first.

"Eowyn," I said, "you don't need to fight…there's another purpose for you." I remembered the movie of The Lord of the Rings. I had watched it more times than I could count; and I remembered the scene where Eowyn defeated the wraith.

"Still," she said stubbornly, "we don't have enough men. You should have heard my uncle and Gandalf…there's no way…"

"And you think that by your death they'll be any better off?" I retorted. She looked up at me, tossing a small dagger to the side.

"No…" she admitted, sitting down on the floor.

"Eowyn," I said, "be ready to fright…but don't jump at any opportunity."

She nodded slowly, and then busied herself once again with the armor. I left her room without another word.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walked into the great hall where many of the men were sitting around the tables, drinking. My presence went completely unnoticed, even when I found a spot against the back and sat, drawing my knees up to my chest. It felt cold in the great hall; colder than it had ever felt before.

"Feeling okay, lass?" The voice slightly startled me. Gimili was seated on my far right.

"I-" I hesitated; I really didn't like lying, "I'm fine."
Gimili nodded. "You look a little pale." He pointed out. How the Hell can you tell if I'm pale or not in this lighting? I thought.

"Probably just the lighting." I lied. I knew that I probably did look pale…I felt pale…

"So…what did Eowyn wish to speak with you about?" Gimili asked casually. Pssssh, when you've been a con-artist as long as I have, you can tell the difference between "casual", and casual. And Gimili was definitely looking for information.

"Why don't you just come out and say it?" I asked, "I've gotten out of enough grounding to know better than to be fooled by your casual request for info."

"The elf wanted to know." Gimili said, shrugging.

"And what business is it to him?" I demanded, jerking my head to look at Gimili's rugged features.

"He wants to make sure you're safe…" Gimili answered.

"Well you can tell him…" I paused, "you can tell him that his pompous ass is getting on my nerves."

Gimili laughed, "His pompous ass has always gotten on my nerves."

It was my turn to laugh.

"But there's something you ought to know." Gimili continued, on a more serious note, "I've seen you with that boy, Beinion, and you're like his own mother. I know you would never hurt him. And…Legolas was the one that suggested telling Beinion to be careful of you."

"I kind of thought that." I replied quietly.

"He thinks he's being smart." Gimili said.

"Well he does have reason to hate me." I said.

"No matter," Gimili said, "just ignore him. You're a right fine girl. I'm with Gandalf…I think you've changed back to the better you…"

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey, guys! I've decided nto to delete this, but I might not update as much as I did. Please, please, please review!

Reviews always inspire me to write another chapter more quickly!