Chapter Seventeen

Elsa moaned and leaned into the kiss. Astrid's hand burned the nape of Elsa's neck but didn't feel wrong, didn't hurt, didn't hold too tight or press too hard. If anything Astrid should press harder. A burst of happiness exploded in Elsa's stomach. This was what she wanted. This was where she belonged. In Astrid's strong embrace. Elsa slipped her arms around Astrid's shoulders and crushed them together, deepening the kiss. Astrid's lips pressed against hers and trembled. Trembled. As if this was wrong. Or too fast. Or too complicated.

Elsa broke the kiss and leaned away, eyeing Astrid. Eyes wide, lips trembling, cheeks flushed, Astrid was beautiful and her warm embrace, comfortable. But was it comfortable for Astrid, too? "Are you okay?"

Astrid let out a breath, air rushing from her lungs and the scent of apples washed over Elsa. "I'm…" Astrid's voice sounded strangled. She ducked her head and coughed, then grinned at Elsa. The light didn't reach her eyes, though. "I'm great."

"But you're…" Elsa ran a thumb over Astrid's still quivering lips.

Astrid blushed, the red creeping up her neck and to the tips of her ears. "Yeah. I hadn't planned on kissing you. I wanted to, for a long while now, but when it finally happened, I suddenly realized I was making out with a queen and got a bit…overwhelmed."

A queen. Elsa laughed and shook her head, tightening her hold on Astrid's shoulders. Right now Elsa wasn't a queen. She was simply a woman in love. "That doesn't matter. What matters is I've waited so long to kiss you and for some reason we've stopped."

Astrid chucked and ducked her head again. Her shoulders tightened.

Elsa arched an eyebrow, recognizing the woman's tense air. She didn't want to push Astrid into doing something she honestly didn't want to. Or had doubts about. Elsa cupped Astrid's face with one hand and met her gaze. "If you want, I can wait a while longer. Until you get used to the idea of making out with a queen." She meant it as a joke, but Astrid didn't laugh.

Elsa stepped back, giving her some space. She slid her hands down Astrid's arms and intertwined their fingers together instead. She wanted to at least keep some semblance of contact. "I'm serious. I don't have a problem waiting. If you're embarrassed or worried what Hiccup would say, I—"

"It's not about Hiccup," Astrid interrupted. "I'm just…overwhelmed." She tightened their handhold then broke it, running her hands through her hair instead. Elsa hated how cold her hands felt after Astrid let them go. "I…I honestly don't know why."

"That's okay. Why don't we go outside for a bit?" Elsa suggested, motioning to the balcony. Maybe the air would do them some good. She wanted to make Astrid as comfortable as possible then perhaps they could work through this sudden issue. Of all the things Astrid could take issue with, Elsa being queen certainly hadn't crossed her mind before, not since Anna had given her blessing of their relationship. If this bloomed into something more, the rest of Arendelle would just have to get used to it.

Astrid nodded, eyes still flitting down instead of holding Elsa's gaze. "Yeah. Yeah. Lets do that."

Elsa grinned and led the way outside the double doors, listening for the quiet padding of Astrid's boots following in her wake.

Astrid eyed Elsa's retreating back. Why had she felt so strange kissing Elsa? Why hadn't it felt wonderful, sparks flying through the air, gods thundering above? The question wasn't hard to answer. The fact Elsa was queen lingered in Astrid's mind, created a barrier between them. Or at least, between Astrid and her feelings for Elsa. Questions crashed through. Why hadn't she considered Elsa's position before? If she got into some sort of romance with Elsa, where would it go? Elsa certainly couldn't leave Arendelle. She was queen for gods' sake! Astrid frowned. Would she have to leave Berk? Leave her friends and family? Leave the dragons, her responsibilities, her livelihood? All for one woman?

Could she be that reckless?

Or that brave?

Astrid didn't know and that uncertainty terrified her. Paralyzed her. She had faced the Monstrous Nightmare, the Bewilderbeast, the Whispering Death and countless others, and trained them all.

Yet the possibility of living a happy life with the woman she loved frightened her to no end.

She loved Elsa. She knew that for sure, more than anything else. But still, she had to deal with this unease before moving forward in their relationship. She couldn't bring this worry with her in a new bond, surely it would break them apart.

Elsa threw open the doors to the balcony, distracting Astrid from her thoughts. Stormfly lifted her head, huffed a greeting, and uncurled from her position by the railing. The sun sparkled against Stormfly's scales, throwing blues, greens, and whites this way and that. The dragon leapt toward Elsa, butting her with her nose. Elsa squeaked and rubbed Stormfly's neck. The woman was a natural dragon tamer, more natural than anyone Astrid had ever seen.

Stormfly bounded over to her, dashing around her, claws scrabbling for purchase on the ice, tail thrashing this way and that. She halted directly in front of Astrid and lowered her head, squawking. Despite her worries, Astrid smiled. Her dragon wanted to play.

She turned to Elsa, who grinned in return. "Do you have anything to throw? Stormfly likes to play fetch, and I bet she'd love diving around here."

Elsa waved her hands, ice crystallized between them, and soon a large ice stick at materialized. Elsa waved it at Stormfly. The dragon huffed again, eyeing the toy. Before Astrid could tell Elsa anything, the woman ran to the railing and hurled the stick over it. The ice stick glinted as it fell end over end and disappeared over the edge of the balcony.

Stormfly grunted and glanced at her. Astrid titled her head. Stormfly pounced, digging her claws into the ice, coiling her muscles, and, in one fluid moment, leapt over to balcony. She disappeared from sight, returning a heartbeat later with the ice stick clutched in her jaw. She snorted and tossed the stick onto the floor. Easy. The fetch was too easy for Stormfly.

Elsa picked it up and threw it once more, hurling it over the opposite side. Stormfly huffed and dived once more, vanishing. She soared up again, spitting the stick to Elsa and rolling her eyes.

Astrid covered her mouth, lips curling into a smile. Yes. Definitely too easy for her dragon. Elsa couldn't throw it far enough to really make a challenge. Visions of their last fetching came to Astrid's mind. How Astrid had tried, just like Elsa, to throw the stick for Stormfly. How the dragon huffed just like that, casting a disbelieving glance her way. How Astrid had to modify one of their long range bow weapons, just to give her dragon a good run. How happy she was in that moment, bonding with her dragon.

A soft laughter pulled Astrid back into the present. Elsa. Elsa was chuckling, hands running over the smooth ice stick and staring at Stormfly. Elsa turned back to Astrid, eyes seeming to glint in the sun, smile dimpling her cheeks, and all at once Astrid felt that familiar kick to her stomach. She wanted to say something, something to explain her actions, anything really, but then Elsa turned away.

Elsa yelled to Stormfly, "You want a bigger challenge, huh, girl? Okay. How's this?"

With that, she hurled the stick again, this time over Stormfly's head. Somehow the stick flew higher, farther, faster than ever before. Someway, it darted away, becoming a sparkling glint in the distance.

Astrid's lips fell open in shock. Like magic.

Stormfly watched the stick twirl away. She gave one questioning look at Astrid before dashing away after it. But she knew even Stormfly would have a hard time fetching that.

Astrid laughed and ran to the balcony, her arm brushing against Elsa's. "How?"

Elsa nudged her. "I might've…helped it along."

Astrid tore her eyes from her rapidly flying dragon and eyed the woman standing next to her. Sure enough, it was magic. Elsa's snow magic. Swirling in some unknown wind, ice crystals flew in between Elsa's hands. The crystals caught the light, glinting just like the object Stormfly was trying to fetch.

Astrid grinned. "Isn't that considered cheating?"

"No, she is a dragon after all." Elsa said, "Surely you can't throw as far as Stormfly would need."

Astrid pushed back her hair, rubbing her neck. "I recently found out that a longbow works wonders when playing fetch."

Laughing once more, Elsa shook her head. "I knew it."

"I think that might be far enough, though. I mean, even I give Stormfly a chance." Astrid nodded to the stick still being pushed away by Elsa's magic wind.

"Oh!" Elsa lowered her hands. "Of course."

In the distance, the stick seemed to stop its forward momentum and started to fall. Stormfly, now just a simple blue speck, fell after it.

Yet, for the first time, standing so close to Elsa made Astrid's happiness ebb away. She looked at her hands. They shook. Gods above, they trembled! How could she be so stupid? Elsa was queen. A queen! Astrid couldn't tear a queen from her responsibilities and she herself had never imagined leaving Berk. Leaving her home. They just wouldn't work. They couldn't. Fear paralyzed her.

But, as if reading her mind, Elsa's soft hands wrapped around Astrid's and she said, "We can make it work, you know. You and me." Her voice lowered to a whisper. "I mean, if we…if we both wanted to."

Astrid lifted her gaze. Worry made her stomach clench. Tears sprung to the corner of her eyes. "But you're…you're a queen…and I'm…" She wanted to say 'I'm not.' She wanted to say 'I'm too different.' That their worlds were too different. Too far away from each other. That too many responsibilities held her back. That her fears held her back. But she couldn't. Instead, she lied, "I'm sorry. I was wrong…I don't want to make us work."

They stood like that, with Elsa holding Astrid's hands for a long time. They stood in silence. Astrid couldn't bring herself to look Elsa in the eye. Couldn't force herself to face the woman she loved. To tell the truth.

Finally, Elsa sighed and stepped back. "If…if that's how you feel, then okay. But do this one thing for me."

"Anything, Elsa," Astrid said, before she could stop herself. Anything but tell the truth, apparently. Anything but keep her heart safe, apparently. Anything but loving her, apparently. She hated herself in this moment.

"If you really mean what you say, how you were wrong, how you truly don't want to make us…make us work, look at me and say that." Elsa's voice sounded strained, pained. It broke, and she had to cough before speaking. "After all the flirting, all the glances, the advances, you owe me that much. Look at me when you say it."

Astrid glanced up and the sight nearly broke her. It did break her. But not just her heart. Not just her emotions. The sight broke her very soul.

Elsa was crying, her eyes burning with an intense white light, her tears crystalizing on her cheeks. Snow had begun to drift around them, unfelt by Astrid until this moment. Now she felt the cold on her arms and legs. They melted on her skin. The crystals landed on Elsa, too, settling delicately and creating an intricate latticework on her skin, her neck, her cheeks. On her trembling lips. But on her, the crystals didn't melt. It seemed as if Elsa was creating a second skin. An ice skin.

A shield of her own. Between them.

Elsa hardened the ice on her neck more, thickening her skin by snow alone. Anna had warned her. Had cautioned her with her heart. Why? Why now? Why this moment? Had their kiss broken the spell they had been under? This…daydream. It must've. Why else would Astrid talk like this?

Still, Elsa wouldn't believe it until Astrid looked at her. Until their gazes met and she said it again. Elsa, quite simply, couldn't believe it until then.

She watched as Astrid's gaze wandered over the ice shield she had created on her skin, a practice even Elsa didn't know she could do. Watched as tears leaked from the corners of Astrid's eyes. Watched as her lips trembled. Felt the quaking under her hands.

No.

She didn't mean it. Astrid didn't mean it at all.

Astrid met her gaze. Elsa's heart skipped, her breath caught. Her conviction faltered. Astrid didn't. Right?

No words passed Astrid's lips. It seemed she, too, had stopped breathing for a moment. Her eyes widened. Then, as if something struck her even though nothing had, Astrid tore her hands from under Elsa's, grasped the balcony, and leapt over it.

Fear spiked in Elsa's stomach, but when she leaned over the balcony, she saw them. Astrid and Stormfly, flying away in the direction of Arendelle. Flying away from her. Astrid looked back once and only once, and in that moment, everything was clear for Elsa. Everything made sense.

Elsa shook her head and smiled. Her tears ceased. Her worries lifted. Her shield shattered, cracking from her form and falling to the floor. Being queen didn't matter. They would work it out. If Astrid felt the same way she did, they'd have to. And, from the way she acted, it was clear Astrid felt the same.

Elsa just had to be patient and wait for her barbarian to figure it out for herself.

She glanced around. Now, how was she going to home?

SQ: I wanted to make this chapter longer, with Anna's ball and such, since I know a bunch of you guys asked for longer chapters, but I really liked where it broke off. Thanks so much for the suggestions, by the way, I plan on using them in my next chapter. (I swear there will be sexy times soon-ish, too.) I hope you like the way this scene played out. I know some of you will be disappointed, but Astrid had these fears before and I hadn't really dealt with them. This is me dealing with them. And thanks so much for the excitement concerning my novel! I'm super psyched about it. You can find more information about it on my website ( /) or follow me on Tumblr ( ) or Facebook ( KellieDoherty89), depending on whatever social media platform you like using.

Also, thanks so much for the new followers, favorites, and comments. THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS, ALL MY LOVE GOES TO YOU!

As for the next chapter, I do have two tiny things I need help on:

1) I'd like Anna to help with this Astrid situation. There will be another...talk...between the two women. My query: A) Angry Anna or B) Understanding Anna?
2) I had considered having Icicle fly up to Elsa and bring her home, but Elsa would have to make Icicle considerably bigger in order to do so. Would you guys want a bigger Icicle or shall I come up with a different way of getting her back to Arendelle?

Until next time!
Warm regards,
SerenityQuill