A/N: Um...yeah sorry this is late, I wasn't well over the weekend so I was slowed down considerably but I feel a little better now. Plus it took quite a while to do the research for this chapter, edit and re-edit (since it's so many words) thus I'm two days late with this update but I think you guys would be happy (I hope). I have written enough content for two big chapters and combined them into one chapter! Surprise! And before I present it to you, I just want to say thanks so much to all my readers, you beautiful people for the continued support so far XD
Chapter Summary: A two chapter special in one, you get the first section focusing on Hisoka messing with Gon and some fluff in their complicated relationship. And the bonus section is some Killua and Illumi interaction (poor Killua). Illumi tells Killua the reason why in the past he did not want him to be friends with Gon. What do you think it is?
Warning: None… except for Hisoka the Bishounen needing to wear some more clothes and Illumi being Illumi. Oh and some coarse language too. Illumi needs to wash out Killua's mouth with some soap for all that cursing :)
Disclaimer: All rights belong to Yoshihiro Togashi and not me. Togashi-san I am sure, would never torture Killua by doing what I'm about to do… *shamelessly fangirling*
Words:
Aniki: Big Brother
Otouto: Little / Younger Brother
Jii-chan: Grandpa
Otousan: Father
[[text]] : I use this to mean sound. Like in chapter 15 when Gon was getting spanked and later when Hisoka's phone beeped or Chapter 16 when Killua was hitting Gon on his head. In this Chapter it is used for the dialogue on the television.
Chapter Seventeen: Someone I love
NB: Night of day 9…
It was dark by the time Gon and Killua had left the café and headed back to their own residences. And as Gon walked home after spending most of the day with his friend, he couldn't help but sigh. It was great to see Killua again, but he felt emotionally drained – it had been a rather eventful day, culminating in his friend reacting terribly to the news of Hisoka's involvement in his life. Although not surprising, he didn't really expect for things to get this messy.
Considering that his life was an eventful tangle of unexpected happenings, he should not be surprised, but even he had to draw the line somewhere. Recently, with the number of things that have been happening to him, it was beginning to feel like he was inside some kind of weird story or something and separate from his own reality.
And now as he ambled along the paved street, the darkness too added to the weight upon his soul. It felt like a glove, closing in around his small body, cloaking, stifling and haunting him like the thoughts invading his mind.
What should I do? What is the right thing to do?
He kicked a pebble out of the way as he continued walking along the pavement on his way back to the condo, rubbing his head as if to clear those thoughts.
The lonely wind whispered through the buildings and Gon shivered, hugging himself in an effort to protect his body from the cold.
It seems that Killua really doesn't like Hisoka…
He sighed.
"Hopefully I'm doing the right thing," he muttered, looking up to see that he'd finally reached the impressive Condominium Complex that housed their unit.
Gon couldn't help but feel uncertain as he pondered what Killua had made him promise to do.
I really don't want to spy on Hisoka.
He paused in front of the elevator, hesitating momentarily before getting in. "But if I don't do it, I'll never know if there is any truth to what Killua was saying…"
Arrgh!—He raked unsteady fingers through his hair—what am I saying? After all that Hisoka has told me, after all that we have shared together, I should not doubt him. I believe him…I know he likes me…
But...
But still…Killua looked so serious.
He frowned.
Reaching into his pocket to grasp the key card, his hand brushed the sheet of paper that his friend had given him. What was so important at this address that Killua wanted him to see?
I guess I'm going to have to wait to find out…
Swiping the key card in the slot and opening the door, he immediately froze in the doorway.
What the hell?
On coming home, Gon really didn't expect to find Hisoka on the couch watching TV. The magician never did seem interested in the thing before but the problem wasn't in what Hisoka was doing but in what he was wearing.
Does he think that he's an underwear model or something?
He has to be doing this intentionally.
But despite knowing this, Gon couldn't help but stand in the doorway enraptured by the sight before him.
Hisoka was casually lounging on the sofa as if he hadn't a care in the world, wearing nothing but a pair of black silk boxers and no vest. Gon couldn't stop his eyes from taking in all that was apparently laid out for him to see – he couldn't help it – it was right there in front of him.
His throat was parched and he swallowed hard as his eyes followed the contours of the perfectly sculpted abdominal muscles, right down to where the garment was riding a little too low on the man's hips and his hands itched with the desire to run them along that perfect body. And those boxers... they were bordering on obscene with the way they seemed to want to come off his body on their own, revealing t—
Hisoka looked up at him then and Gon froze. Oh my god… His free hand grabbed his cheek, hot with the embarrassment of being caught in the act. Did he notice?
If Hisoka did notice, he didn't say anything, just continued to stare at Gon a moment longer until he asked, "Are you okay Gon? You're a bit red in the face~"
"Um…well…"
Gon's heart skipped a beat when he met those golden eyes and he found it hard to string together a coherent sentence. He averted his eyes.
Hisoka raised an eyebrow.
Gon sighed, feeling uncomfortable as he stood there in Hisoka's presence.Why is it that just one look from him is enough to make me like this?
"Y-yeah I'm okay…" His hand slipped from his face as he finally closed the door and walked toward the sofa where Hisoka was.
Apparently convinced that he really was okay, Hisoka looked back at the TV.
Ah…this man…Gon thought as he looked down at him. How is he ableto get under my skin all the time and make me so flustered?
Hisoka turned his attention from the TV and shifted on the couch to face Gon, who was now standing closer to him. "So how was your day today? ~"
"It was good…" Gon paused, examining the smirk on Hisoka's face suspiciously. The man was smirking as if waiting for him to remember something.
Why is he smirkin—
"Ah!"—Gon suddenly remembered—"what the heck were those text messages about?!"
Hisoka grinned mischievously; looking up at Gon's suddenly pissed off face. He grinned even wider. "Did you like them? ~"
"'Like them'?! You almost made Killua catch me! I was so stressed out!"
"I wish I could have seen that…" Hisoka mumbled, disappointed that he had been unable to witness Gon's reaction. "And what do you mean by 'stressed'?" He reached out to grab the hem of Gon's green graphic T-Shirt, tugging on it to pull him closer. "Like I'll believe you were stressed out by that…don't try to hide it my little apple-chan…I bet you were turned on weren't you? No need to lie to me~"
"Ah! W-what…w-hat a-are you…" Gon sputtered, blushing. "T-that is not the issue here…"
"Hmmm? It isn't?" Hisoka glanced at the television again, switching the station. Damn, there seems to be nothing interesting on TV as usual~ "Issue...I believe that the 'issue' is that you are probably just embarrassed that you liked those rude messages and were so turned on by the fact that your friend could have caught on to your big secret. You were excited by the fear of discovery... thrilled by it~" He licked his lips.
Gon didn't respond and Hisoka wiggled his eyebrows up at him. "Come on, Gon"—the hand released his hem to smooth under the T-Shirt and over his bare torso—"I've taught you so much about your body already, did you think that I would not know how affected you were? Admit it; you're as much of an exhibitionist as I am. Not to mention a Masochist. Just come out of the closet already… ~"
"Wha—? No way! I'm not a pervert!"
"Pervert? Hmmm… call it whatever you want~"
Gon shuddered as the hand under his vest brushed his nipple and he looked down at Hisoka's smirking face. It was no use even trying to talk to him about this. What am I worried about anyway? Killua still found out about him…
"Besides…~" Hisoka continued, his hands moving to lift Gon's T-Shirt and vest slightly. He leaned forward and kissed the exposed bellybutton, pausing to look up mischievously into Gon's clouded eyes. "I was so bored here by myself waiting for the maid to finish cleaning up and decided to show you just how much I was missing you~" He grinned, his eyes bearing a wicked glint as he went back to kissing Gon's tummy.
Gon trembled, but tried not to let it affect him. "By sending explicit sex messages?!"
I don't believe this…
Hisoka looked up again. "Hey, different people have different ways of showing affection~"
Gon shook his head in defeat, but couldn't help smiling. Hisoka surely was something else.
"And let's see…I bet the shock woke you up too. Weren't you so tired that you could barely move this morning? Now look at you all lively…and stuff~"
"You could have just let me sleep and saved us both the trouble of your texts…"
"Why? Where's the fun in that? Oh and had I let you sleep, you wouldn't have found out what a quickie was— ~"
"Ah don't remind me!"
"What? You don't like quickies? ~"
"I-It's not that…"
"Well there you have it"—Hisoka's grin widened, the hands on Gon's hips moving to grip his butt cheeks—"a quickie has its time and place you know and the danger makes it feel so damn good..."—he pulled him closer—"Not to mention this morning the fear and excitement of the moment made you tighten up so wonderfully around my c— ~"
"Yahhhh! Hisoka!" Gon pulled away from him, his face practically scarlet.
Good god…
"What? ~" Hisoka seemed disappointed that Gon had moved away.
"Have you no shame?"
"No. Should I? ~"
"Normal people do."
"Well I don't, especially when your ass is involved…~"
Gon took one look at that fox-like grin and knew that Hisoka was messing with him and he'd fallen for it.
"Hey…where are you going? ~"
"To take a shower, I can't continue this conversation anymore…"
"Why? Are you as speechless as you were this morning while you were cumming and I had to— ~"
"Hisoka, do you ever stop?" Gon didn't even want to imagine what the rest of that sentence was; he just continued walking, trying not to let Hisoka's teasing words affect him.
Hisoka turned to watch him as he walked out of his view, slinging one arm over the outside back of the large couch. "Gon-kun...that ass looks great in those shorts you know... ~"
"Damn it Hisoka!"
"Mmmm…I hate to see you leave, but I love to see you go~"
"Just stop it with the corny pick-up lines!" Gon peeked out of the bedroom to shout one more time before disappearing again.
Sheesh…
He padded across the cold tiles of their bedroom floor to the bathroom, quickly shedding his clothes along the way until finally stepping under the cool spray of the shower.
Sighing as the water cascaded over him, Gon shook his wet hair, unable to fight the smile spreading across his face. Just thinking about Hisoka made him blush and he was more than happy that the water was cool enough to tame the rising heat in his body. Pressing his hands against the cold tiles he took a deep breath to steady himself. Sometimes, if not most times, Hisoka was definitely more than he could handle.
Outside in the living room, Hisoka grinned.
Ah…Gon it is just too good to resist teasing you~
XXX
Gon returned to see that Hisoka was still on the couch in front of TV. From where he stood he could hear the excited voices of what appeared to be two commentators. He became curious. Is the programme that interesting?
"What are you looking at?" Gon asked as he approached, joining him on the couch.
"Nothing really…~"
[[Commentator 1: …what did you say?! You know, I don't agree with that statement. This is definitely something… how could it not be? I mean, we have three of the best in the world sitting right here! Who can possibly have the edge? What a riveting game!]]
"Bored?" Gon asked, watching the screen curiously and observing the set up. A poker tournament?
"Basically... Quite bored to be exact – there's nothing else on~"
[[Commentator 1: What?! What could be more exciting than this right now?!
Commentator 2: This, my friend is a tough call…at the moment the pot is at nine hundred thousand! Wow, what is he going to do?!
Commentator 1:…And he's all in! What a pot, the biggest in history! Is he going to—?
Commentator 2: Oh no…that's it, it's all over for him…almost two million lost in one hand—]]
"Really?!" Hisoka whispered disbelievingly at the television. I mean, couldn't he see that he would have lost? ~
Gon laughed at the expression on Hisoka's face; it was a mixture of disbelief and disgust. "Not everyone is as good at cards as you are…"
"It's too easy. All you need to do is learn the rules, and play the game~" Hisoka changed the station again, finally settling on one dedicated primarily to the local news. He put down the remote and turned to look at Gon sitting on the other end of the large sofa.
"You're too far away… ~" Hisoka reached out to gather him in his arms and Gon blushed as he cuddled against the smooth, bare chest.
A hard, exposed nipple poked him in the chin.
Gon blushed even hotter. It was distracting to say the least…
"W-want to put on a shirt?"
"How about no? ~" Hisoka smirked. "Having to actually wear clothes all day while the maid was here working was torture. And she took so long polishing that table too… that was punishment enough, don't you think? ~"
Gon started to laugh and Hisoka smiled at the sound even though he knew that Gon was laughing at him.
"Yeah…I believe you," he replied, his tone ripe with sarcasm. "I'm sure that was a whole lot of 'punishment' wasn't it Hisoka? I bet you were practically dying…" He laughed again, looking up to stick out his tongue at Hisoka who tried to pinch his cheeks, but missed when Gon shifted in time, laughing even more at him.
Grinning widely, Gon lifted up partially to poke at Hisoka's perfectly muscled chest. "I don't know what you're complaining about…you should keep this thing covered at all times. It's dangerous; you'd have probably given the maid a heart attack with just a glimpse of this body…"
Hisoka looked down at him and smirked suggestively. "Am I giving you a heart attack right now?"
Gon scoffed. "Ha! Me? I'm indestructible. I've seen this thing too many times to be affected anymore," he lied.
"Oh is that so… I must be quite boring to you then? ~"
"Yep!" Gon lied again, unable to curb the urge to throw a jab at Hisoka.
"Feeling rather lucky and chatty tonight aren't you? ~"
Seeing the mischievous look in his eyes Gon warned, "Whatever you're planning, don't even think about it Hisoka!"
"What?" Hisoka asked innocently, his grip tightening around him just a bit. "This…?! ~"
"Ah! No!" Gon moved to scramble away but it was too late, he couldn't help the forced laughter that was coaxed out of him.
"No! please…n-not that! Ah! hahahaha...ahhhahahahaha...!"
Hisoka was tickling him without mercy and Gon kept trying to get out of his grip but he held him tightly.
"Have mercy! Hahahahahaha….noooo…"
"Mercy? What's that?" Hisoka smirked. "Give up yet? ~"
"Ahahahaha…ah please!"
"I thought that you were all talk. Can't talk now? What's wrong? ~" Hisoka's grin was predatory as he continued torturing him with tickles.
"And since you like to talk so much, I'll give you something to say. I want to hear you say that you surrender, that you can't take it anymore and for me to stop…those are our safe words. Don't forget now… ~"
His grip loosened a bit and Gon pulled away, reaching for the safety of the other end of the couch and hoping desperately to escape but as he did, that exposed his feet which Hisoka grabbed, easily pulling him back towards him.
"No!" Gon threw one of the velvet throw pillows at him but that did nothing to stop Hisoka from starting to tickle his feet.
Gon's laughter echoed throughout the room and he gripped the inside arm of the couch harder, his fingers digging into the soft, brown suede. This is terrible! And I can't remember the safe words!
"Ah so you're even more ticklish here~"
"Ahahahahahaha! Noooo! P-pleaseeee!" Tears were pearling at the corners of his eyes. How did Hisoka know that he was extremely ticklish on the soles of his feet?
"What's the matter Gon-kun? Didn't you say that you were indestructible? You don't seem very indestructible right now though... As a matter of fact, you seem to have crumpled~"
"Ahahahaha no! This...this is terrible! Hahaha..."
"But I thought that you liked to laugh? You were having so much fun just a minute ago when you were laughing at me~" Hisoka teased, pretending to be clueless. "Isn't this fun for you?"
"Ahahahaha… noooooo...n-ot….not l-like this!" Gon gasped for air, unable to stop his laughter. He practically squealed, "Hisoka! Stopppppah!"
"'Stopppppah'?" Hisoka mocked him, not relenting one bit. "What is that? Those aren't the safe words~"
"Ahahaha no Hisoka…noooooo…" Gon writhed, panting. "S-safe words? What is this? BDSM?!" His body wriggled involuntarily but Hisoka held on tightly.
"It is what it is Gon, but I won't release you until you say those words~"
"Ahahaha...It's...it's st-stop… I can't take it a-anymore, I surrender…I said stop…please!"
Hisoka stopped tickling him and smiled even wider, Gon had such a cute laugh that he couldn't resist. "I just love it when you laugh…and beg." He released him and Gon sprang away from him towards the far edge of the couch.
Gon panted, cradling his legs in an effort to prevent any further attacks. He looked at Hisoka accusingly. "You're such a sadist…"
"Only for you~" Hisoka teased, pulling him back into his arms and Gon did not resist, settling happily in the embrace.
"Oh, lucky me…"
"Was that sarcasm? ~"
"Maybe?"
"Hmmm so you just love talking big huh? Seems like you want to laugh some more? ~"
Gon giggled. "Ah Hisoka, that wouldn't be necessa—"
Just then, the TV programme switched out to a breaking news report that was so distinctively urgent in tone that it caught Gon's attention.
[[— has been discovered in what appears to be yet another mysterious attack. Reports coming in to the station are still sketchy at this time. Our Yoko Hayashi is live on the scene and will give you the latest. We'll take you to her now. Yoko?]]
The camera was now focused on the reporter on location who was standing amidst a tangle of yellow tape.
Forgetting about the threat of being tickled again, Gon's focus shifted to the television.
"Wow… this is the fifth time, isn't it?"
[[…so here I am live at the scene of yet another murder, which would make it the fifth body that has been discovered under similar circumstances this week. Like all the previous bodies discovered this week, I am told that this one has also been drained of its blood. Police, still working on the investigation, are at a loss as to who is responsible for this heinous crime and the fact that this body too has had its b—"]]
*Hisoka switches the station*
"Awww…hey! I was watching that!" Gon tried to wrestle Hisoka for the remote but was overpowered quite easily.
"Why do you want to see that stuff?" Hisoka raised an eyebrow, lifting the remote high above his head, while holding Gon down with the other arm. "It's not like they're going to find out who did it anyway~"
"You never know! Maybe they will!" Gon still tried to reach up for the remote but his efforts were in vain.
"I doubt it. The person who is executing these crimes is most likely very powerful~"
Folding his arms and looking up at him, Gon asked, "How do you know that?"
"No reason…I can just tell; and can't you see? That's usually how it is…"
Gon pouted. "But I still wanted to know…"
Hisoka continued to look down at him, taking in his displeasure. He put down the remote. "Hey… ~"
"What?" Gon met his searching gaze, still pouting.
"Enough about blood-draining murderers… I know just how to make you smile~"
Gon felt Hisoka's smooth words pour over him and he blushed as he was pulled closer again. He tried to hide his face but Hisoka tilted his chin up with one finger and kissed his nose. His blush brightened and spread all the way to his ears.
"You see, I bet you enjoy this much better than watching news reports… ~" He bent to kiss his neck.
"Ah Hisoka…" Gon could already feel his anger dissipating under the gentle kisses.
"Tell me,"—he kissed his neck softly again—"is there anything that's bothering you? ~" Hisoka trailed the length of his neck with the tip of his tongue, drawing back slightly to blow on the trail of moisture left behind. Gon shuddered visibly and he chuckled at how responsive he was. "You seemed to have been a bit down ever since you came home tonight... ~"
Hisoka lifted his head then to look into Gon's heavy-lidded eyes, admiring how they were now darkened to a much more intense, richer shade of brown, akin to that of honey.
Gon hesitated, averting his eyes. He was confused.
How did Hisoka know that I was troubled about something?
Could it be that all his teasing tonight had been an attempt to cheer me up?
He looked up to see Hisoka still looking at him with a profoundly discerning gaze as if waiting for him to say what was on his mind and for a moment Gon seriously considered asking him about his meeting with Illumi the next day.
The troubled feeling inside of him had been mounting ever since Killua had told him about that meeting and had only gotten worse as he was walking home. By telling Hisoka what was on his mind he would be able to alleviate his fears but...
Maybe I shouldn't.
I can't tell him about Killua's suspicions either. Most likely Killua is just over-thinking things. It would make no sense to bring it up now...
"No Hisoka...there is nothing bothering me," he lied, adding, "I was just feeling a little tired." At least that part was true. He really was emotionally tired.
Hisoka hugged him tighter, his fingertips doing small circles on his back. He didn't say a word, but surprisingly that small gesture made Gon feel much better than any words could have. It was as if subconsciously Hisoka was telling him that he would be there for him no matter what was troubling him.
He snuggled against Hisoka's chest, listening to the beating of his heart. That sound - it was deep, beautiful...and as he always did, Gon entertained the thought that Hisoka's heart was beating like this just for him and the simple thought made his own heartbeat quicken in response.
Gon sighed happily and a small smile graced his lips; there was no doubt that they'd have to face many obstacles in the future but in these arms he felt protected, loved and happy. For as long as he could remember, Mito-san's arms were the only ones he'd ever felt safe and content within.
They were all that he needed.
Back then, to him, even without the love of his father, nothing had been missing from his life. Nothing...until recently when Hisoka decided to suddenly make himself a part of that life. Now he couldn't imagine going back to the way things were without the quirky magician to come home to. This was so unexpected, these feelings...everything. What would be the consequence for such happiness? What price would he have to pay? Whatever it was, he was more than ready to face anything that came their way, as long as Hisoka was here with him.
Gon shifted to look up at the man whose strong arms surrounded him and Hisoka bent to take his lips in a slow, passionate kiss. As the kiss deepened and his tongue ventured boldly into Hisoka's mouth to taste more of him, he moaned.
He tastes just like strawberry bubblegum Gon thought idly, his tense muscles relaxing.
The din of the television became background noise and the coolness of the room that surrounded them was ignored as Gon felt his fears evaporate along with his control.
Hisoka broke their kiss to look down into his eyes. "Ready to talk to me now? ~" he whispered and bent to place small kisses on his full bottom lip and all along his jaw before meeting his lips again.
Gon shivered as he leaned even closer to Hisoka. These slow kisses always made him lose himself.
Hisoka released his lips, looking down at him with intense, hypnotic eyes. "So...how was your day spent?" he asked, bringing one hand to brush aside a wispy strand of hair from Gon's forehead.
Gon became entranced by that intense, golden gaze and his heart was beating so fast that he was beginning to wonder if he was okay. It seemed as if the more time he spent in Hisoka's presence, the less he could control his reactions to him. He couldn't help it. And he realized that there was no use in trying to fight it - the moment he met Hisoka's eyes his heart beat in a crescendo for him; only for him.
And that's when something became clear to Gon; there really was no doubt in his mind about how he felt anymore.
I think I like you a lot, he thought, unable to voice the words.
His cheeks reddened with the thought but instead of telling Hisoka how he felt, Gon chose to respond to his earlier question. "My day…my day was,"—he shook his head— "no, my day is great now Hisoka…"
XXX
At that same time, in the three bedroom YorkShin City apartment he shared with Illumi, Killua was sitting on the couch in their living room staring unseeingly at the television. Whatever the News Anchor was talking about in that Breaking News Report was of no importance to him when his mind was too busy trying to process what had happened that day. The day had started out so good with seeing Gon again and then Gon had almost given him a heart attack when he'd said that...
"That's not going to change how I feel you know…"
How he feels?
But...that man...why...?
I really am not fucking dreaming...what the fuck was that about?! Of all people...
He growled.
Of all people...
Killua's brow furrowed and his fists clenched the soft leather of the couch as his mind felt as if it was in the middle of a meltdown, unable to decide whether he wanted to cry or rage.
He wanted to do both but settled on the latter.
Gon…my best friend with that no-good, lying piece of fucked up sh—!
Suddenly, his senses became alerted when a spot close to him – too close – indented with the weight of someone sitting down. Oh good god no…
"Kil…"
"What do you want?" he asked moodily.
"…"
From the corner of his eye he could see Illumi lean back, one long leg crossing casually over the other as he reclined. Urgh, no matter how mean I am to him he just won't go away!
"Killu…" he tried again. "You seem to be in a very…sour mood tonight."
"You think?!"
"Now, now…" Illumi said and Killua felt that hand on his chin as his aniki tried to turn his head to inspect his expression. He pulled his face out of his brother's grip and put some more distance between them on the couch.
He was not in the mood for any deep, analyzing gazes tonight.
Unfortunately, Illumi did not take the hint and closed the space between them by moving around on the couch to sit even closer to him than before. "Why are you in a bad mood tonight?"
Killua rolled his eyes. "What is it to you?"
"Well…you're sort of ruining our couch…"
Killua looked down to see that his now razor-sharp nails had already easily dug their way deep into the cushion he was gripping, to reveal the wool batting beneath the smooth black leather.
He removed his hand.
"I really like this couch you know…" Illumi's eyes were focused on the deep tear across the beautiful, supple – previously unmarred – leather. He frowned.
"Whatever."
Like I could care less about what he does or doesn't like.
"Killua."
The hairs on the back of Killua's neck prickled as the air in the room became chilly all of a sudden. Ok…now when he says it in that tone…
Illumi continued, "I won't say it again. What is the matter?"
Killua sighed. "It's that trash clown of a friend you insist on keeping company with."
"Who? Hisoka?"
Killua didn't respond, just kept his face straight and eyes focused on the TV as if he was actually watching it.
He stewed as he thought, What other trash clown is there? And you're asking as if you have other friends…
He didn't dare say those thoughtsaloud though.
"Did he do something to you?"
There was a hint of protective possessiveness in Illumi's voice and Killua groaned in annoyance.
Why does he have to be all possessive over me?
Illumi could have chosen Kalluto to go all creepy-bro on…nobody would have cared. He sighed again.
"It's Gon…Hisoka's travelling with him." Killua could feel his blood boiling once more just thinking of the situation his friend had gotten himself into.
"And what's the problem with that?"
Killua couldn't believe that Illumi had actually just asked him that. He turned to him for the first time since he'd come to sit on the sofa and quickly turned away again when he realized how close his aniki's face was.
Ah...those eyes...
Killua could never get used to them; especially up close and was suddenly struck by the desire to get as far away as possible from him.
Unfortunately, there was no more space left to allow him to move away again on the couch. He was jammed right up to the inside arm of the sofa.
Maybe I should sit on the floor.
Killua growled. "You're actually asking me what the problem with that situation is? The problem? Isn't it obvious?!" he asked incredulously. How could he even ask?
"I see…"
Killua was upset that Illumi most likely didn't really 'see' the problem in this situation. "You don't really see the problem do you?" He asked knowingly.
Illumi was at a loss. "Well, no…"
"Of course you don't! Because he's your friend! But that man …wherever he goes, he brings bad news…he is bad news and I don't want him influencing Gon!"
"Hmmm…"
Killua wasn't done with his rant yet. "And he is so perverted; I can just imagine what he will try to do to Gon if he gets the chance! Oh my god just thinking of it just makes me want to…to—!"
"Killua. The couch."
Killua looked down again to see that he had ripped through another section of the couch this time. "Arrrrrrrrrrgh!" he shouted, retracting his hand. "Screw this fucking couch! Screw it to hell! !"
"I see that you're very angry…"
"No shit Sherlock!"
Illumi looked at him with a completely confused expression. 'Sherlock'?
What? Why is he talking about fictitious detectives?
This must be serious…
"Kil…this isn't really about Hisoka, is it?"
"What?! Of course it is about that perverted shotacon predator son of a whoring bit—!"
"Killua."
He paused in his tirade immediately and gritted his teeth. Although Illumi no longer held him under his control with the needle, there were times that by just using a particular tone of voice and his first name, Killua would immediately freeze. He pouted. He did not like that at all.
"As I was saying, I can see that this is not about Hisoka at all…"
"Huh?"
"You're too close to Gon and I don't like that."
Like I could give a shit about what you like.
Killua looked away stubbornly. "I don't see a problem."
"Well I do."
"You have no authority to say who I can get close to or not," Killua complained. "You can't control me anymore and you know that."
Illumi smirked, knowing that he very well could, if he really did try. But to him, there was no fun in that anymore. "It's not about that Kil."
"Then what is it? Why do you care about what I do?" He asked whilst trying not to notice the arm that was now resting casually behind his head on the back of the couch.
"But why shouldn't I care, Killu?"
Killua's throat was suddenly dry and he swallowed hard to alleviate the uncomfortable feeling. There was something about Illumi's tone that was incredibly disconcerting.
Wait... And why does his voice sound a lot closer?
Curiosity egged at his consciousness but Killua didn't dare look to his left to find out if Illumi had actually moved closer to him.
Illumi continued, almost in a whisper, "I've always cared about everything you do Kil."
I'll pretend like I did not just hear that. Coming from someone else, like maybe Gon, that would have sounded like a very motivating statement, to know that his friend has always been interested in everything that he did, but coming from Illumi...
Now his throat was not only dry, but uncomfortably tight.
"There's no need for you to care at all," he croaked.
Please don't.
"I'll still do it regardless." The hand close to his head was now playing absently with the ends of his hair and Killua shuddered.
He sighed once more, not even surprised that he was sighing a lot that night. A lot had happened after all.
Illumi spoke up again. "Because you see Killua, the friendship that you share with Gon, the fact that you're so close to him...it's dangerous."
Killua resisted the urge to turn to look at his aniki.
How the heck is my friendship with Gon dangerous?!
Seeing the way that Killua was frowning (from the part of his face that he was able to observe), Illumi added, "It's dangerous for people like us."
Now Killua was very intrigued. What could Illumi be talking about? He did not ask though, for he had no intention of showing Illumi that he was actually interested in anything that he had to say.
Despite this, Killua did not have to outwardly show his interest in the conversation because Illumi instinctively knew that he had gained his attention. He'd known Killua all his life after all. "Now Kil, what is the one emotion that you think assassins may crave the most?"
Killua hesitated momentarily. Where exactly is Illumi going with this? he wondered, but responded nonetheless, "Love."
"Correct. Do you love Gon?"
"Of course, he is my best friend," Killua responded without hesitation.
"How do you know you're not in love with him?"
"What?!"
"You don't know the difference do you?"
"I..."
"You see, people like us, ones who were born and bred in darkness – who walk in the dark always – usually find it hard to separate romantic love from the love shared between close friends; especially when we first experience it. So when we find someone who we trust enough to call a friend and that friend becomes important to us, it can create a series of undesirable events. With all things considered, that person we find can be as pure as light or possibly a soul as dark and tainted as we are but the fact that they accept us enough and stick around creates a lot of joy whether we want to admit it or not."
Killua scoffed. "And what's wrong with being happy?"
"I guess that nothing is wrong with it for other people. But with that blooming of emotion in our heart, we who are puppets of darkness without passion...we receive a taste of something that is usually forbidden to us, a sweet taste of happiness, peace, contentment, normalcy and the joy of knowing that there exists this one person that accepts us for who we are."
Killua really couldn't help but look at Illumi again since that was exactly how he felt about Gon. How did Illumi know this so well? He'd never really heard his brother speak like this. He sounded so serious and that look in his eyes made him wonder if his nii-san had experienced what he was speaking of before.
There was a hint of sadness in Illumi's eyes as he went on, "Pleasure...for people like us is when someone dies. But friendship makes us feel pleasure too and we can easily confuse it for something more."
He paused as if remembering something. Placing a finger on his own chin in thought Illumi added, "That is why I told you in the Hunters' Exam that I didn't want you to become friends with Gon; the truth is that I didn't want you to get too close to him and experience the pain that would come when you confuse friendship with romantic love – especially when the other person doesn't feel the same."
Illumi looked down at Killua who appeared to be too speechless to respond so he continued, "And that is why I told you that if you become friends with Gon, you'll end up wanting to kill him one day. Have you ever wondered why I had said that?"
Killua turned away from his searching gaze. "I just assumed that you were being a jerk," he replied moodily. "As usual."
"Really? Oh well you were wrong, the answer is that I said it because I knew how you would react when you are rejected. You would kill your best friend in a rage after falling in love with him and having that love unrequited. And it would be then in the midst of the pain of killing your only friend and the pain of his rejection that you will crumble and understand why we were never allowed the luxuries of normal people: friendship and emotional attachment to others. I knew that this would happen to my otouto one day and I tried to stop it."
"What? That is absurd. I have known Gon for this long and it has not happened to me."
"Maybe because you're not in love with him yet. But who knows? Maybe after your reunion and spending more time together you would have started thinking that you were in love. And then, maybe you'd have confessed to him and he'd have turned you down saying that he thought of you as only a friend. What would you have done then? Who'd have known how you would have reacted? It's that blind rage that I was concerned about. Maybe you would have been so depressed that your assassin side would have taken over without your knowledge..."
Killua gritted his teeth. "You don't know that. This is all speculation."
"Yes it is speculation, but would you prefer to hurt Gon? Now that I think about it, had Hisoka not come along, we might have had to deal with a very messy situation in a few years if not sooner. Maybe you should be thankful to him instead of so upset. He saved you from falling in love with someone who may continue looking at you as only a friend."
"Don't you dare say that I should be thankful to that bastard clown." Killua said through clenched teeth. "And what do you know anyway? You tell me all this stuff about mistaking friendship for romantic love, blah blah falling in love with my friend and wanting to kill him and all that crap when you're practically a fucking robot. What would you know about confusing friendship and love? I doubt you even know what love is!"
When his aniki didn't respond immediately, Killua huffed in annoyance, taking a deep breath and meeting Illumi's abysmal black eyes directly as if challenging him to disagree.
Illumi actually looked away from his icy blue glare. "Just because I'm like this...doesn't mean I am devoid of emotions."
Turning back to meet Killua's disbelieving look, he continued, "There is a lot that I know, Kil. Have you ever stopped to wonder why I know so much about this? Or why I would have fervently discouraged you from getting too close to your friend? There is only so much that jii-chan and otousan could have taught me you know." He sighed.
For a moment Illumi wondered if to continue but when he looked over to see that he now had Killua's ardent attention, he decided to go on.
"At one point I was like you, overwhelmed by this friendship thing that I had found but in my case I fell for my friend and well...after some stuff happened, I was eventually hurt when I realized that he did not feel the same way. To him it was just an exciting bonus to our friendship but to me it was much more. Of course I'm over it now but back then I had confused my feelings for him for romantic love. And maybe he took advantage of it at the time...he certainly didn't try to refuse anything."
"Is he dead?"
Illumi looked up puzzled. "Why would he be dead?"
"Well, you did say that after experiencing something like that I would want to kill Gon and then crumble under the guilt of having killed my friend, only to understand why we were never allowed friendship and emotions. So assuming that you did experience such a situation and have obviously come to the conclusion of 'why we were never allowed friendship and emotional attachment', I can only imagine that the bastard who was your friend is long dead. Right?"
"No...I didn't kill him. Almost did…that one time when I was very angry and didn't hold back, but he's still very much alive and a bastard still. Now that I think about it, he must have enjoyed that near-death experience."
"Why didn't you finish him?!" Killua couldn't imagine his brother actually sparing someone – especially since this guy sounded like quite a jerk.
"It would have been a waste, although sometimes I wish I did kill him when I had the chance." A brief look of regret flitted across Illumi's usually blank features but was gone so quickly that Killua thought that he'd imagined it. "He sometimes comes in handy for jobs when I need someone strong so killing him would have been bad for my business." Illumi laughed and Killua observed him momentarily.
Could it be that this friend he speaks of is...
"Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that friendship and love are completely different. Now I know how to tell them apart. And since you're still young and inexperienced you need to practice more caution. You see Kil, we may be mostly denied that emotion, but I know that true love is being willing to die for that person, to sacrifice everything for the one you love – even if others judge that love as wrong…even if they look down on what you feel."
The explanation sounded believable enough but Killua was not buying it. He just did not, could not trust Illumi. "How would you of all people know about love?"
Illumi smiled as he continued to stare straight ahead, his expression softening. "Because I have experienced that feeling and for years I've been very patient, just standing on the sidelines. I have even been in denial and I know what it's like to be unable to act out those emotions buried deep inside. To be comforted only by the fact that all I can do is everything in my power to protect him and should the time come that he rejects, scorns and refuses to see me, I am content to just live on in his heart forever."
Now Killua was extremely curious.
Sounds like forbidden love...
He didn't know why he cared but he had to ask. The possibility of an honest answer seemed terribly unlikely but since he'd caught Illumi in a talkative mood, this was the best time to try. "Who are you in love with Illu-nii?"
"Hmmm? Do you really want to know?" Illumi asked but received no answer.
The reason for Killua's silence wasn't that he was intentionally ignoring him, but simply that he just couldn't respond. He'd made the mistake of making eye contact with Illumi and his response was literally stuck in his throat as those intense, black eyes were suddenly turned on him. Killua was entranced, consumed by the helplessness of being pulled into their depths, deeper, deeper…his body seeming to move on its own without his knowledge until...
Why is Illu-nii's face so close?!
He gasped as the hand at the back of his head closed over his shoulder and Illumi's other hand touched the side of his face gently. The touch was so soft, so gentle, so unlike Illumi that Killua was caught off-guard and his thoughts became all jumbled up.
Move!
In the fog that surrounded his consciousness, Killua could have sworn that he heard his own voice shouting at him to move, but he couldn't think clearly enough to command his body to react.
Frozen, he felt like a spectator in his own body, unable to do anything other than look on with a sense of great foreboding. He closed his eyes, hoping that if he did so, this would all turn out to be a dream...a really bad one.
"Kil…I don't know why you always assume that I want to hurt you. Even now, you're so tense," Illumi whispered, studying his face. His thumb on Killua's cheek strayed to the full bottom lip below and as he curiously traced its width, a bright red blush stained both cheeks.
Illumi smiled as if satisfied by this reaction, bending as if about to kiss his lips but stopping when his lips brushed Killua's. At first Killua flinched at the unfamiliar contact but Illumi persisted, holding that position for one long, suspenseful moment as if wondering whether or not to complete the act.
Killua literally felt him smirk before his aniki's lips claimed his in bold, close-mouthed kiss. Killua's eyes flew open and he would have gasped if he could have – if Illumi's lips weren't covering his own.
Illumi's lips lingered and he moaned as if savoring the moment, as if he'd been waiting to kiss him like this for a long time…as if right now he was doing everything in his power to hold back, to keep it chaste despite knowing that there may never be another opportunity to repeat this moment.
Killua felt boneless, the thought of fighting back not even crossing his mind. He was unsure if it was fear or shock that made him remain still, but even so, every nerve ending was attuned – stimulated by what was taking place against his lips. And just when Killua thought that Illumi was going to deepen the kiss, he released his hold on him, moving to kiss his cheek instead.
His cheeks were flushed so brightly and Killua felt as if he was on fire.
Illumi studied Killua's still form momentarily, his free hand moving to brush aside his hair. "My dear otouto…" he said lovingly as if speaking to a rare, treasured doll, "You blush so beautifully. How long shall you make me wait?"
On hearing Illumi speak, Killua felt himself finally coming to his senses. That voice, it was the bucket of iced water to his face that he needed.
Realization of what had just taken place flooded his awareness and feeling as if he could control his body once more, Killua jumped up, bumping into his aniki.
Illumi was that close.
He looked away. "I...I'm feeling tired all of a sudden...I'll see you tomorrow nii-san..." Killua said awkwardly, backing away slowly. And with that, he ran off, leaving Illumi alone on the couch staring after him.
"Hmmm…I think I scared him off," Illumi pondered aloud, making a mental note of Killua's reaction. "I'll have to be a little more subtle next time..."
Switching his gaze to the couch, he observed the deep cuts in the smooth leather. "Ah...seems like I'll have to get this fixed..."
XXX
Killua panted as he leaned against the solid oak panel of his bedroom door, his cheeks flushed.
Why...
W-why am I breathless?
He put a hand to his chest to find that his heart was beating rapidly too. What th—
Okay Killua...take a deep breath, it's not the end of the world…
Arrrgh it is! What the fuck is happening to me?!
Killua felt himself starting to panic as he continued to lean on the door in order to steady himself. His knees were so weak that he was convinced that if his back wasn't against that door, he'd be unable to stand on his own.
It just doesn't make sense, w-what in heaven's name was that just now? Illumi must have done something to me to make me unable to fight back! Don't tell me there's...
He started frantically searching his hair where Illumi had been touching him, then his shoulder and cheek before pausing in confusion. He frowned as if unhappy with his discovery, or more accurately – lackof a discovery.
What?
His heart continued to beat faster.
There's no needle.
So why did I react…?
Killua had thought that the only way to explain why he'd been frozen before Illumi a moment ago was that his aniki had planted one of his needles in him while he was unaware in order to inhibit his movement and force him into submission so that he could control him.
But now that he'd found none, he had no idea how to explain his inability to put some distance between them, to get away sooner.
He touched his lips as if he could still feel the insistent pressure of Illumi's against his own.
His lips were so soft.
The colour on Killua's cheeks bloomed even brighter and his fingers traced the same path that Illumi's thumb had taken only moments ago. His lips still tingled and he sighed before coming to his senses.
What the fuck?!
Why the hell am I acting like a maiden that just had her first kiss?!
Well… it was my first kiss…
Arrrrrrgh! What the hell am I thinking?! That asshole stole my first kiss!
...and now I must have lost my mind.
That's right, I'm fucking delusional and Illumi is enjoying every minute he could spare to mess with me.
Why does Illu-nii like to torture me so much? He's probably laughing right now. Just my fucking luck, I bet he thinks it is funny to scare me like this. And I bet he was just using that opportunity to demonstrate how much power he has over me.
Killua gritted his teeth. "Fucking jerk. Whatever. He's unimportant. I can't think about him, can't let him see that his intention to stress me out – that his games – are working. I...I need to focus on helping Gon. I should be thinking about how to get him away from Hisoka before it's too late."
He walked toward his bed, his mind focused on not thinking about Illumi but he couldn't help it, especially after what had just happened. Stopping suddenly, he brought cold palms to press against his hot cheeks. Illumi had always messed with him in the past; being the usual creepy brother just to piss him off but he'd never done something like this.
Confused, Killua whispered to himself, "Why…why would Illu-nii kiss me…?"
A/N:
Hisoka you...
Illumi what did you...
*Looks away briefly* Give me a moment to catch myself... hmmm...
Ok I'm good now.
I couldn't resist showing Gon and Hisoka's home life. And Gon is realizing just how deep his feelings for Hisoka are! The poor boy is in love lol so cute （≧∇≦）^o^
Haha ha and did you guys notice how the commentator seemed to be responding to Hisoka? LOL breaking that fourth wall :P
Now for the serious stuff:
1) Ooooh so much stuff happening! What's going to happen next? Tomorrow is the day Hisoka meets Illumi! What did Killua want Gon to see? Will he be discovered? Should he trust Hisoka…?
2) Now, before anyone says it - no, Hisoka is not the murderer on the Breaking News report lol he had an alibi, he was stuck at home bored as heck and sexting Gon lol.
3) And finally...Illumi being Illumi lol. He actually did it! What was that Killua was saying in the previous chapter about not having to worry about Illumi molesting him? He should stop worrying so much about Gon and start worrying about himself (first of all, keep his door locked lol). But as usual he'll just avoid facing the truth. He's convinced that Illumi is just playing games, messing with him but to me Illumi seems pretty darn serious =.=
4) And ooooh can anyone guess who Illumi's lover / friend with benefits was? LOL
Hahaha and Hisoka the underwear model for president lol ok review and share your thoughts! \^.^/