"Woah, what's got Mjolnir in such a good mood?" Spirit asked. "Haven't seen her so cheerful in a while."
Next to him, Stein simply took in another drag of his cigarette, watching Marie from his spot on the bench as she handed out cookies to students. Stein merely shrugged, exhaling the smoke slowly, the blissful burn in his lungs intensifying with each second he held out on fresh air. Spirit turned to look at him, the redhead's green eyes narrowing.
"…she totally got laid last night."
Stein closed his eyes. Ah, there it was. His friend, and he does use that term loosely, often had only one thing on his mind.
"You might not want to let her hear you say that," Stein replied, stifling the urge to yawn while he continued smoking. But Spirit wouldn't let up.
"Dude, she probably got tongue-shoveled. She's way too happy."
Stein thinks he actually stopped breathing. "What?" he spat out, the cigarette dangling in his mouth as he turned to look at Spirit with a confused look on his face.
"Hm? Oh, you know: tongue-shoveled. It's when you-"
"No, that isn't what I wanted clarification on-"
"lick a woman's-"
"Spirit don't-"
"-holy hole-"
"We're at work-"
"-her pleasure wound-"
"Spirit-"
"-her panty hamster-"
"You need to be euthanized-"
"-her-"
"Shut up, Senpai, don't make me dissect you, again" Stein commanded, slapping a hand over the other man's mouth just in time for Marie to look over at them, waving and smiling. Stein blinked at her, his mouth tilting into a semblance of a smile. He used his free hand to wave once, before moving his attentions back to Spirit, whose eyes were wide after watching the display. When Stein moved his palm away, Spirit was all too loud.
"It was you!"
"Senpai-"
"Oh my Death!"
"Senp-"
"Was it you?!"
"Spiri-"
"I didn't know you had it in you!"
"Spirit-"
"Did she give you hea-"
The glint of scalpel was, oddly enough, especially effective in silencing him.
Part one in an infinite list of Third Wheel! Spirit ideas I've had! Stay tuned for parts 2 through 5!