The teachers lounge was supposed to be a safe haven. A safe haven free from students, and grading, and loud, ridiculous former weapon partners who everyone was fond of referring to as Stein's "best friend".
But it wasn't. Safe havens didn't exist, it seemed.
"Happy Birthday, Buddy," Spirit said, grinning when he walked into the room and plopped a box onto the other man's lap.
In his chair, Stein could only stare at him. "It isn't my birthday."
"Well, I'm early, then."
"Especially when you don't want to be," Stein commented, shifting his cigarette around in his mouth at Spirit's offended gasp. The amusement on the younger man's face was dampened, however, when he finally looked down at the 'gift' his former weapon decided to bestow upon him.
"Condoms. Really?" Stein asked, throwing the box back to the redhead, who immediately threw it back.
"Really."
"Senpai, you aren't my type."
At that, the elder made a disgusted face, arms flailing. "Stein, no!" but Stein only blew some smoke out into Spirit's face, his deadpan expression holding firm. Spirit scowled, waving the plume away and rolling his eyes. "I figure you might need them," he said, tossing them back, and this time, Stein looked at the box once more, lifting a brow.
"I have no use for these."
"Stein, you're living with Mjolnir."
He looked up. "Yes."
"…and you're living with Mjolnir."
"Changing the emphasis in that statement does not alter anything. Yes. I am living with Marie. And I fail to see how she has anything to do with these," Stein remarked.
"Are you kidding me? Have you seen how she looks at you?"
"Yes." Rather hard not to, considering the night they'd spent naked together when he was staring down at her, watching her face contort in pleasure. Not that it was any of Spirit's business.
Spirit could only stare, unblinking, as the man in front of him continued to smoke, nonchalant. "You're living with Marie 'More-Curves-Than-a-Racetrack' Mjolnir, and she always looks like she wants to bang you and you always look like you wanna screw her, and you're telling me you don't need condoms."
"Not this kind," Stein replied, his eyes locking with Spirit's.
"Wha-"
"This particular size might work fine for you, Senpai, but, personally, they're small," Stein said, a grin forming on his face when he threw the box back and Spirit gaped at him, his hands missing the catch.
"Stein-"
But the other man already pushed himself away, spinning toward the exit and, as per usual, fell flat on his back when the wheels hit the raised edge.
Spirit looked at the contraception on the floor and then at his former Meister, exasperated. "Jackass."