Penny suspects that it would be so very easy to fall in love with Sheldon. She just isn't sure she can risk it.

The pub wasn't like any bar she had ever been in. For one thing, they took reservations. They served really good burgers. The band was actually good. Best of all, it was clean and welcoming. Not like the dives and clubs she was used to at all. They had ordered the locally made cider, after the waitress assured them it was non-alcoholic. Penny knew better than to mix her Ativan with liquor.

She leaned back in her chair and patted her stomach with a wry grin. "Okay, I admit it. The buttered sweet potato fries were delicious."

He smiled widely. "Never doubt a man with a discerning palate, Penny. I came here every Sunday for the first year and tried something different on the menu until I found my favorites. The mushroom and swiss burger with the sweet potato fries is the hands down winner."

He held out his last fry to her and she shook her head with a laugh. "Oh no! I'll explode!" She sipped her cider as the band wound down. "So, now that you're back, I expect you will need to get back to work."

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I might check in later this week. I want to show you the town, first. And Santa's Park." He cleared his throat a bit nervously. "Penny, there is something I want to make very clear. When I first arrived, Karissa and I spent a lot of time together. She helped me get settled, learn the language, and find my way around. Many thought we were an item, but Karissa is a colleague, only. I don't want you to think I have been …unfaithful" he trailed off with embarrassment.

Penny sipped her drink slowly, studying him. "Sheldon, you don't owe me any explanations," she said finally. "You make it sound like you were cheating or something."

He looked at her fully. "For me, it would have been. My heart has belonged to you for a very long time, Penny. I do not want to make you uncomfortable," he promised, "but in my heart, there is only you. Even if all we ever are is friends, I will always love you. To be with anyone else, in any capacity, would be tantamount to adultery for me."

Penny's eyes were huge and she licked her lips warily. "So, by that reasoning," she murmured, "I was cheating every time I went out."

Sheldon shook his head. "No. You don't love me. You have never made any promises to me. While I do consider it poor judgment on your part, I do not hold any of that against you. I am grateful you ceased that behavior. You could have been hurt," he whispered sadly. "Or even killed. Besides, I hold much of the blame for that. If I had not hurt you, you would not have engaged in said behavior."

Penny nibbled her bottom lip and reached out to take his hand in hers. "Sheldon, I do care for you," she promised. "I just don't know how deep that goes. I've never really been in love before. I always confused lust for love. Or I was desperate not to be alone. I don't know if what I feel for you is because I love you, or if it's because of this situation. For two years I was so angry at you, but I missed you so much. If asked, I'd have given anything to have you back. But am I happy now because you are back in my life? Or am I happy because I am not going through this alone? Or, even more unsettling, am I happy because I know you are suffering along with me?"

Her eyes filled with tears and she bared her soul, knowing she was risking everything. He may end up hating her for this. "Am I be so vindictive that I still want you to suffer? To feel every pain I felt? I can't lie to you, Sheldon. When you first came back, I wanted that. I wanted you to hurt. I wanted to rip out your heart. The day I went home from the hospital, and you told me you had moved in, I prayed for us to switch places. I wanted you helpless and in pain." She sobbed softly, not noticing that he had moved his chair beside hers, and pressed her head against his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered over and over, one hand clutching at his shirt, the other a tight fist between them. Sheldon waved away a concerned wait staff, and gently whispered reassurances in her ear.

Guilt washed over him once more, knowing this was his fault. He couldn't blame her for how she felt, when he had caused it. And now, their wonderful evening out had been ruined because he had brought up the past.

After a few minutes, Penny had calmed down and he asked for their bill. They silently made their way outside, and began the short walk home. When he unlocked the front door and followed her inside, she sighed heavily. "Sheldon? Can we just go to bed? I'm exhausted, and I just want …"

She looked up and he could see the fear of rejection in her eyes. He knew that look all too well. He had it in his own eyes more than he liked to admit.

She slowly held out a hand. "I need you to hold me. Please?"

Sheldon hung up his jacket and her cape and scooped her up in his arm. He walked past a sleeping Whack on the sofa and took her into the bedroom. He sat her on the narrow bed and helped her take off her shoes and tights. She pulled her dress over her head and he handed her a sleep shirt. He quickly undressed and pulled on his pajamas before helping her scoot into position on the bed. He slipped in behind her and pulled her tight against his chest.

"I understand," he said softly against her neck. "I am not angry, I promise. If anything, I am relieved. If you truly hated me, you would not regret your anger."

Penny sniffled and turned her head to look at him. "It would be so much easier if you did hate me," she admitted. "Or if I could hate you. Then we wouldn't have all these rollercoaster moments."

Sheldon leaned up and kissed her softly. "I would rather have this, than have nothing at all, Penny. Now get some sleep. Tomorrow we are going to the museum."

Penny smiled softly and laid her head back down. She snuggled back deeper his arms and closed her eyes. Sheldon placed a kiss on her shoulder and closed his own.

XXXXX

Sheldon was in the bathroom giving Whack a good scrubbing when there was a knock on the door. Before she could say anything, it opened and Karissa stepped inside. Penny groaned as she looked at the Alexander Wang ankle strap booties the blonde wore. They were ones she had drooled over many times, but at $625 a pop, would never be able to afford. "I want to hate you so badly," Penny muttered.

Karissa's eyes widened for a moment before she realized Penny was teasing. "May I ask why?"

"Penny has a shoe fetish," Sheldon said as he entered the main room. He was sopping wet from neck to waist. He turned stern eyes to Penny. "That mutt is a devil." He walked over to the small closet by the window and grabbed a couple of towels. He headed back to the bathroom mumbling about kennels and the superiority of cats.

Penny giggled and moved her chair to the kitchen. "Want some coffee?"

Karissa took a seat at the table and shook her head. "No, thank you. What on earth is he doing?"

"Whack, my dog, is going with us to the museum. Sheldon insists he needs a bath first. I told him that Whack hates water." Penny looked slyly at Karissa. "Well, I may have downplayed how much Whack hates water, but I did warn him."

Karissa gave a surprised burst of laughter. "Oh, that is bad, Penny! I love it!"

"Thanks," Penny laughed. "So, what are you doing today?"

Karissa shrugged. "I have no plans. I thought I would see if you both would join me for dinner tonight. I found this delectable recipe for cloudberry tarts, and thought I would try my hand at them. I thought we would have Lohikeitto, a salmon soup, for our meal." Penny bit her bottom lip for a moment, her natural American food snobbery hard to suppress. Karissa smiled and patted her hand. "Trust me, it is very good. The soup is made from salmon filets, potatoes, leeks, and mushrooms. Nothing too strange."

Penny was surprised by how her mouth watered at the description. "That does sound good," she agreed. "What is a cloud berry?"

Sheldon stepped back into the room, Whack wrapped in a towel, and whining pitifully. "They are pale peach in color and resemble blackberries in shape. They are slightly tart if eaten fresh. However, the jam made from them is excellent on waffles."

He placed Whack on Penny's lap, kissed her cheek, nodded to Karissa and stalked back to the bedroom. "I need a shower," he groused.

Penny giggled quietly as she dried off Whack. Karissa reached over to pet him, before Penny could warn her. Penny's jaw dropped as Whack leaned forward and licked the other blonde's hand happily. "Holy frak," she said with a grin. "Whack has never taken to anyone so quickly."

Karissa winked. "I have a female Pekinese in heat. I'm betting he smells her." Whack wiggled and tried to get over to Karissa. "But hey, I'm not picky. I'll take all the puppy love I can get, no matter why it's offered." She picked Whack up and plopped him down on her lap and began towel drying his fur.

Penny picked up her coffee and sipped it. "Karissa, come with us, today. To the museum, I mean. You and I can get to know each other better. I'm sure you and Sheldon have some catching up to do. He told me you two used to spend a lot of time together."

Karissa looked at her worriedly. "Only as friends," she hurried to assure Penny. "I know I acted territorial yesterday, but I was just trying to protect my friend."

Penny waved a hand calmly. "I know that, but I also know Sheldon doesn't make friends often, or easily. I don't want my visit to keep you two apart."

Karissa's expression turned shrewd. "Are you sure you are just visiting?"

Penny blushed. "Yes. I have a home in Pasadena. A job, friends, family. I am just visiting."

Karissa looked disbelieving, but didn't say anything else about it. Instead, they talked a bit about Karissa's work as a linguist, and the upcoming museum trip.