Chapter 5: Toads like beer too

"Shit..."

Sakura stood frozen as the panic escalated around her. Tsunade was barking orders at the other medics, Shizune was blinking tears from her eyes furiously as she tried to insert a drip and nurses were crowding around with gauze and clipboards and generally seeming to cause more chaos. Amongst all of this, however, Sakura's eyes had found three people standing back from the gurney.

She laid a hand on the older woman's arms and she jumped, blinking at Sakura like she couldn't really see her.

"You should wait outside."

Kurenai shook her head. Sakura eyed the two twelve-year old academy graduates behind her. They had been genin for three months and she knew they had never experienced something as horrific as this before.

"Kurenai-san, for their sake..." Kurenai turned deep red eyes on her squad and nodded, stepping out and beckoning them to follow her. The two boys shook their heads furiously. Sakura bit her lip, understanding their need to stay but knowing full well they shouldn't be in there. She was spared thinking up the kindest way to explain this to them by her shishou.

"ENOUGH! I want everyone out of this room except Shizune, Sakura and Kinuko!"

The older nurse looked terrified at being chosen to stay behind, but she swallowed and took the chart from one of her colleagues before dutifully standing beside the Fifth Hokage. Sakura tried her best to give the boys a reassuring smile but they cast worried glances towards the bed and walked out.

"I'm going to focus on organ repair, you two pump as much chakra into her body as you can, aiming for cell growth and blood production. Counter any affects of shock you can and make sure her heart keeps beating."

Sakura walked curiously over, wondering if they had managed to remove the kunai somehow, stopping short in horror. It had definitely been removed.

"What happened?"

"Kurenai said the girl panicked; she couldn't stop her in time."

Sakura's mind had frozen. Her entire being was hyper-focused on the gaping hole on the right side of the young girl's body. There was blood everywhere and something thicker draped out sickeningly. What appeared to be two ribs were sticking out at unnatural angles. She found herself shaking her head. She couldn't fix this. Even Tsunade couldn't fix this. She only had to glance at the wound to know the lung had been completely destroyed.

"Tsunade-sama..." She whispered, feeling tears form in the corner of her eyes.

"You've been told what to do, Sakura."

Barely two minutes had passed before the child's heart failed, and Sakura was delegated the task of keeping it beating, forcing the blood around the body, encouraging the one remaining lung to work. They had put her on a ventilator before she had got there, but with one lung completely gone Naho needed all the help she could get.

Sakura felt tears sliding down her cheeks. She hated feeling this helpless, but even though she had the utmost faith in her shishou, the first thing the old sannin had taught her when she entered the hospital was that sometimes the patient died, no matter what you did. Looking down at this little girl broke her heart. Was she in love with one of her teammates, like Sakura had been? Had she been planning out her first kiss, like she once did? Her mouth twitched a little at the memory of her first kiss with Kiba, of all people, but that's what she got for letting him walk her home after they had all gone out one night. Nothing had really come of it except one more experimental kiss before they both conceded there was nothing to pursue. She blinked and her tears splashed on her hands outstretched over Naho's heart. She couldn't do this, comparing herself to this girl would be suicide right now.

She wasn't sure how long they stood there, but Sakura felt the fatigue settling in and the muscles in her arms were cramping painfully when Tsunade finally took a step back.

"I can't repair it."

Shizune and Sakura looked up at her, still forcing chakra into the young girl's body. Kinuko made a soft noise in her throat and walked out of the door.

"That's enough."

Shizune stepped back, obviously struggling to remain composed. Sakura shook her head. She couldn't let this girl die. She was twelve! She didn't care that ninja died every day, or that Naho was a member of the leaf shinobi force and that this was something they were trained for, she was twelve and she needed to live.

She felt hands close over her shoulder's and pull her away gently. "Sakura, that's enough." The three medics' stood there dejectedly for a few minutes before Tsunade walked out to complete the awful task of telling the team.

Sakura and Shizune regarded each other miserably before beginning the clean up. A few of the nurses came in and satisfied they would do a better job than she could at that moment, she washed her hands and arms thoroughly and left the room. The two boys were yelling furiously, demanding they do something else, that they bring her back. Kurenai was crying softly, head in her hands. Sakura knew the jonin teachers always blamed themselves savagely when any of their team got hurt, and a death this young was just tragic. She was unsure of what to say. She often chatted to Kurenai whenever she saw her but she wasn't sure if they were close enough for Sakura to offer her any consolation right then. She bit her bottom lip but was spared the decision as Shizune sat down next to the distraught woman and put an arm around her shoulders.

"Sakura, my office."

Sakura nodded glumly and dejectedly followed her shishou. She hated this feeling. It always brought up memories of her genin days. This feeling of complete and utter failure. It didn't matter how many times Tsunade or Shizune told her this was a part of being a medic. It didn't even matter how many times she tried to convince herself she did everything she could; the uselessness engulfed her until she couldn't breathe anymore. Her breath hitched as she tried to choke back a sob.

Tsunade waved her in and shut the door with more force than necessary, before slumping into her chair and indicating Sakura should sit in the one remaining seat in front of the desk.

She heard Tsunade sigh audibly and looked up, not sure where this conversation was going to go.

"We gave it everything we could."

Sakura nodded. Somehow she didn't feel any better.

"Look, I'm sending you on a mission in a month to the resort island of Hachimitsu to gather intel on the production of these Kunai. We have a lead on a ninja-turned-merchant who is possibly selling these things but I need you on this. Genma is leaving in twelve days to recon and set up for your arrival."

Sakura nodded. It had been a while since she'd actually gone on a mission and if it would help get to the bottom of these weapons and save her fellow shinobi she would do everything she could.

"There may be things you need to do, things I wouldn't ordinarily condone..."

"Its fine, Tsunade-shishou, I'll do anything to protect my village."

Tsunade regarded her with wide eyes before giving the briefest of nods. "Well, take some time off, train and just get ready. I'll organise a mission scroll closer to the date."

Sakura gave another curt nod and stood up. It was three thirty and she was done for the day. She already felt her couch calling her name and knew she was picking up a litre of ice cream on her way home. She said farewell and left, thankful for Kakashi's random act of kindness that morning as she stared at the bunny patterned umbrella.

Kakashi waved as he entered, but apparently Shizune wasn't amused. He had genuinely tried to be on time, but when he saw he had an hour to kill he had fallen asleep. He slid into the booth opposite her and accepted the drink she pushed towards him. Given the small collection of glasses next to her, she obviously had quite a head start.

"Sorry, Shizune-san," he began, shaking his wet hair out of his eye. "A little girl in my building lost her umbrella and-"

"Don't bother, Kakashi."

He smiled and took a sip through his mask, noticing the normally lively woman in front of him seemed tense, a tightness to her eyes that wasn't usually there. He didn't push the issue, and he didn't bother starting up a conversation. She knew why he was there and would start talking in her own time, but for now she seemed content staring at the clear liquid in front of her. Anyone else would have found the situation awkward, but Kakashi was quite happy to sit across from a pretty woman and have a drink.

Eventually Shizune let out a sigh and shook her head. "Ok, look, I can't be here too long. I've had a shit day and if it was anyone but Sakura or you I wouldn't be doing this."

Kakashi nodded. He decided to hold back his usual attempts of lightening the mood. Women tended to respond to his charm well enough but for some reason he had a feeling if he even cracked one joke Shizune would be off. He also felt the usual condescending witticisms he pulled on the younger shinobi he was acquainted with probably wouldn't be appreciated now either, especially as he guessed Shizune and Sakura would have similar senses of humour. At least Shizune couldn't break him if he said the wrong thing.

"Sakura really loves what she does at the hospital. She has a variety of research projects and as long as they're not classified, she would jump at the chance to have someone listen to her. I know most of her friend's aren't interested, and only Shikamaru could really keep up with her anyway, but she loves it when her audience is attentive."

Kakashi gave a curt nod. To him, this was something all women loved and he fought the need to roll his eyes. At the back of his mind he realised Genma's advice was, in retrospect, damn obvious. Get a medic to talk about hospital related research and feign interest. No shit.

"More than anything, Sakura loves recognition. Not outwardly, of course and not exactly in the form of praise, but it makes her feel appreciated and valued, particularly given her past." Kakashi cocked an eyebrow at that last remark.

Shizune levelled him with a particularly flat look. "The whole Sasuke debacle."

Ah. Debacle was definitely the appropriate word. He knew he hadn't handled that situation properly and the devastated look on his young students face when he and Naruto had brought the only remaining Uchiha's body home was still blazed into his memory. Her eyes, ever mirrors to her emotions, had been filled with absolutely everything humanly possible to feel. He saw it all. Relief that her teammates were safe, anger they hadn't told her what they were doing, regret that she wasn't with them, sorrow that their rouge member had chosen death instead of letting his need for revenge go... More than anything, the one that had struck him at the time was the intense hopelessness that darkened the green eyes when they had lingered on Naruto. The jinchuuriki had given her a sad smile, wrapped his arms around her, and led her away. Kakashi had been perturbed, at best, but had found plenty of distraction in the mission report and organising a small funeral. The then rookies had all attended, along with himself, his team, Tenzou, the Fifth and Shizune.

After Naruto had said his final goodbye, something about bonds not being broken even by death, Sakura had stepped forward. She had placed morning glory on the grave and simply said, "I'm sorry." Her voice had held such a raw, broken edge to it that Kakashi's heart went out to her. He knew what it felt like to lose friends, but more importantly, how crushing it was to believe it was your fault. He heard it in her voice, all the shame and misery that he had been overlooking until that moment.

He had wanted to comfort her but knew she would be in good hands with Naruto, the Yamanaka girl and the other young ninja who were her friends. He had found them all the next morning around the memorial stone, clearly hung over. Despite the small amusement he felt at the rude awakening, that deeply sad look in Sakura's eyes was still there, and he wanted to get rid of it. He did the only thing he could think of, and treated her and Naruto to Ichiraku. Yes, he, the legendary Copy Nin Kakashi, had undone his tightly knotted wallet strings and bought them breakfast. They had sat in silence for the longest time, Naruto eventually being summoned by the Hokage, before Kakashi had tried lightening the mood with some humour. She had given him some small smiles, but they faded as quickly as they came and eventually he had asked, "why morning glory?" The choice of flower had stumped him, everyone else choosing the traditional white cala or rose and the dark, velvety purple had stood out against them like a deep wound on pale flesh.

"Because I couldn't help. For everything I had learnt, as far as I thought I'd come... I was still as useless to him as I was in the Land of Waves..."

It was the first time he had initiated physical contact with a teammate since his first and only clumsy kiss with Rin when he was fourteen. Besides his usual hair ruffling, of course, but he knew that wasn't what she needed at that moment. He had pulled her into a tight, but brief hug. On release, he had tucked a strand of pink hair behind her ear and smiled at the evident shock on her face.

"It's always going to hurt, Sakura-chan, but it will dull overtime and reinforce the need to get strong so you can protect the people you care about. Sasuke chose his path, and none of us could help him. This isn't your failure, it's all of ours and we'll share this pain with you."

She had nodded weakly, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. It hadn't been what he wanted to say. He had wanted to reassure her, tell her it wasn't her fault, but he knew it would make no difference, so he had settled on the truth.

"Besides all that, you were never useless. You give Naruto strength, and that's not something that warrants a flower that says you felt you didn't help."

She had shook her head giving a quiet, broken laugh. "That's not what the flower meant, Kakashi-sensei." He watched her puzzled until she brought darkened, forest green eyes to his. Her face had been so close he could still see the tiny, glittering tears caught on her mascara smeared eyelashes and the dark smudges under her eyes indicating exhaustion.

"It means 'love in vain'" she had whispered, before leaving.

Had that same girl really grown so much in the last four years that she could truly not confuse her feelings around him if he were to bed her and break it off instantly? Would she understand, be adult enough to let it go, or would it be one more crushing blow to her fragile soul? He wanted so much for her to stay how he knew her now. Knowing enough pain to be rational in battle; determined in protecting her friends and being good-natured enough to take his quirks and flaws. Most of all, for that shining, pure happiness that burst forth every now and then that reminded him of the genin she had been before Sasuke had abandoned the village and his team and left her feeling like she was no use to them.

He felt his free hand clench into a fist. He hadn't been angry that Sasuke had left, or that he had wanted to crush his home. In that, he was ruthlessly cold towards the situation, knowing that a threat to Konoha would have to be eradicated. What had got to him most was what Sasuke leaving had done to the other two. It had left them broken, unsure of themselves as shinobi, as friends... For all of Naruto's posturing and screaming defiance Kakashi could see the doubt that poured from him when he thought no one else was looking; could see the despair that clouded Sakura's eyes when everyone had turned their heads away. Yes, more than anything, those two had stuck by his teachings and stubbornly insisted that they would never abandon their friend and for all of their loyalty Sasuke had thrown it savagely back at them and destroyed his own young life in the process.

Naruto had never blamed the Uchiha and Sakura blamed herself for not being able to convince him to stay, but Kakashi? For a while he thought it was his fault and that his lesson hadn't been enough, but overtime, Naruto and Sakura's persistence had made him realise that he couldn't have completely failed as a teacher. Sure, they had both gone off and trained under different sannin members, and they had excelled in power, but the importance of the team, of camaraderie and loyalty to your friends? Kakashi had no qualms of claiming that as his own teaching achievement and this had eventually led him to the realisation that Sasuke had been his own undoing. Sasuke had caused them all this pain and worry and he had to fix it if they were ever going to move on. He had walked into the Hokage's office one morning and told her he was leaving on a mission to remove the threat of Uchiha Sasuke. He had been met with no resistance, but Tsunade had insisted he take Naruto. He had been reluctant, but understood the little knucklehead would need to try one last time to convince Sasuke to come home, even if Kakashi knew it was futile.

He sighed heavily, shaking himself out of his reverie to discover Shizune had been talking the entire time. Damn, he thought, rubbing the beck of his neck. He really needed to pay more attention to people when they spoke.

"I wouldn't bother with gifts or anything like that; she'll be far too suspicious if they're coming from you. Unless you can find some way of making them personal in a way she would expect from you... if that makes sense... Basically you need to find a way to still be you, but put the thoughts into her head. Anyway, just start small, be there when she needs you but do something for her she knows you wouldn't do for anyone else."

"You realise I have less than a month to do this? Can't I just show up with some sake and-"

Shizune narrowed her eyes at him. "You treat her like the well-deserving woman she is, Hatake-san or I swear you won't be able to eat in this village again."

He eyed her suspiciously; well aware she could find a way to slip poison into his groceries. "I have every intention of treating her right. I can treat a woman so right she'll forget what her own name-"

"I mean it all matters!" Shizune snapped, a slight blush gracing her cheeks. "Not just the act, but the lead up and the way you deal with it afterwards. If you don't tread carefully you could ruin your relationship with her and team Kakashi would become ineffective."

He sighed heavily, swilling the rest of his drink. "I know. I'm going to have to teach her the concept of friend's with benefits."

Shizune shook her head but he saw the corner of her mouth twitch. "Maybe you can concentrate on the friend part for today. " She pinched her nose and sighed. "We lost a twelve-year old this afternoon. Naho."

Kakashi made a soft sound in his throat. He knew losing a patient was hard enough for Sakura but a kid? She must be pretty torn up about it... "Wait, Naho?"

Genma took that moment to slide into the booth next to Shizune, laying his arm around her shoulders and shooting Kakashi a look that was all male challenge. Kakashi rolled his eye to show it was pointless and Genma's dark expression vanished into a grin.

"Where was my invite?"

Kakashi ignored him and focused on the medic who had dropped her head into her hands.

"What's up?" Genma's smile faltered.

"Naho died," she choked out, and Kakashi became aware that she was crying. He shot a look at Genma, and the usual idiotic face became sombre as he eased Shizune out of the booth and to her feet.

"Come on," he whispered, "let's go for a walk."

Kakashi left the bar a few minutes later. He would pay Sakura a visit and see if he could alleviate her no doubt bad mood. That surely counted as being there for her. First, however, he would visit Kurenai. As a jounin teacher himself, he remembered how terrified he felt every time his students had been in danger when they were younger. If he had lost any of them when they were genin it would have broken him and he knew she would be devastated right now. More than that, he felt he owed it to his late friend Asuma to check in on her every now and then.

He found her sitting on an armchair in her living room stroking her sleeping daughter's hair. The two boys on her team were also there, sprawled out on the couch, one also asleep.

"Yo," he announced, letting himself in through the window. She gave a small smile and rolled her eyes. "I have a door, you know."

"Ah, that's not the ninja way." He stared coolly at the alert genin who gulped before squeaking. "Would you like my seat, Kakashi-senpai?" He raised an eyebrow in answer and the boy jumped from the couch as if he had been electrified and sat neatly on the floor.

Kakashi noticed the boy asleep next to him had tear marks down his face and looked thoroughly beaten. "He shouted at Tsunade for half an hour. I brought him back here and he cried himself to sleep..."

"He really cared for Naho-chan..." Kakashi gave the boy at his feet an uncharacteristic pat on the head. He was regarded with suspicious eyes for a moment before a small, watery smile appeared.

"Want some tea?" He asked, wondering if Kurenai still had that really nice jasmine one he loved.

"I have it under control, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi looked up and smiled as Nara Shikamaru entered holding a teapot and several cups. The boy religiously checked in on Kurenai and her daughter for the same reason Kakashi did but on a much more frequent basis. The boy had already been confirmed as the girl's sensei when she graduated and he could often be seen teaching her how to throw kunai or pointing out funnily shaped clouds.

He nodded and stood up.

"You can stay of you want," Shikamaru offered him a cup, but Kakashi declined politely.

"You look after Kurenai," he said, smiling at the woman who was blowing on the steaming tea in front of her. "I'm going to check on Sakura."

Shikamaru tensed slightly, obviously remembering his conversation with the medic earlier, and nodded.

By the time Kakashi had approached Sakura's building, the sun had gone down completely. People were bustling about the town, laughing loudly and shouting to each other. Coloured lanterns were criss-crossing the streets, winking merrily at the crowds below and Kakashi couldn't help wondering how Sakura possibly got any sleep living on this street. He walked casually up the side of her building, chuckling at the gawping, drunk civilians below him. He paused outside her window, wondering if she would mind him entering through her bedroom before shrugging and letting himself in. He cocked his head, confused, as a loud chorus met his ears. He recognised it as a drinking song he knew Jiraiya had made up in his youth about toads drinking too much beer and opened her bedroom door utterly perplexed.

Sakura was wallowing in self pity, gulping down ice cream like it was oxygen and watching a very bad soap drama when the banging on her door started. She groaned loudly, irritated in being forced to her feet. She was wearing a black tank top and even though it was hot, a baggy pair of grey sweatpants. She hoisted them up, giving them a happy pat as she secured them around her hips. She lovingly referred to them as her comfy pants and slipped into them every time she came back from a mission or had a particularly gruelling shift at the hospital.

She barely had time to snap at whoever had disturbed her before she found herself being pulled into a bone crushing bear hug. She let Naruto and Sai into her apartment and they told her how they had run into Shizune. Yamato had apparently decided to call their training session short while the rain continued so Naruto had a little break for a while. She had spent a few minutes recounting the horrible event before insisting she didn't want to talk about it anymore. They had then spent the rest of the afternoon playing drinking games based on cheesy tv programs. They had attempted to make dinner around six but failed miserably, spending a good half an hour giggling over the burnt mess. Sai, being the most sober, had gone for takeout, procuring a few bottles of wine in the process. Sakura had been quite surprised he had bought more alcohol but he had simply smiled and said he thought she needed it. Sakura was vaguely aware this was borderline Tsunade alcoholism but really couldn't bring herself to care today. She made a small pact with herself to not drink again for at least five days and joyfully accepted a glass. At some point Naruto had taught them a song Jiraiya had made up and this was how Kakashi-sensei found them, belting it out, wine in hand.

She hiccoughed and giggled, a little embarrassed her captain had found her in this state again, but also quite happy to see him. "Now the team is all together!" She shouted excitedly, fumbling with the bottle and passing it over to him.

"Do you know the song about the drunk toads?" Naruto asked excitedly.

Kakashi ignored him, placed the bottle back on the table and openly stared at Sakura. She stared back, eyebrow raised.

"Umm, I thought I'd check in."

"Why?"

He blinked at her.

"I just came from Kurenai's.."

She sighed. She really didn't want to think about it right then. She was happy he had decided to see if she was ok but she was unwilling to discuss it again.

"Thanks, Kakashi-sensei, but either help yourself to a glass or go." He regarded her for second, eyes unreadable, before strolling into her kitchen to find a glass. Sakura had to admit, she was a little surprised. She had expected him to leave, but the sight of him sitting down in her armchair and pouring himself a glass, evidence of a smile under his mask, warmed her heart. She loved it when they were all with her. She glanced around, smiling happily at the boys as Naruto started flicking bottle caps at Sai. Whenever one of them was away on a mission she had a constant pressure in her chest, so the times they got to spend together like this were truly some of her happiest moments. They spent an enjoyable evening drinking together, laughing raucously at Naruto's attempts to draw each of them in Sai's sketchbook. Sai seemed untroubled by the amount of pages Naruto was tearing out and even let out a laugh as Sakura beat the blonde over the head with it after a particularly suggestive drawing of her.

By the time eleven had rolled around, Sakura was fighting to stay awake. Everyone had lulled into a peaceful silence and Naruto was snoring, spread out on the floor.

"Probably time for bed," Kakashi suggested with a smile.

Sakura nodded, putting her feet up on the couch after Sai stood. He picked the blonde up effortlessly, wishing them a goodnight as Kakashi closed the door. He walked over to the couch and pushed Sakura's feet out of the way. She growled at him half-heartedly and pulled herself into a sitting position. "I thought it was bedtime, Kaka-chan?" She giggled at the new nickname, oddly proud of herself.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Isn't that a bit inappropriate, Sakura-chan?"

She rolled her eyes at him. Sure, maybe it would have been when she was still his student, but the alcohol had boosted her confidence and given their exchange yesterday it wasn't really bothering her.

"So," he declared, in what had affectionately become known as his 'teacher voice.' "Would it be pointless to ask you about today?"

She fixed him with bored eyes. She knew he meant well, but she just didn't want to talk about it.

"Ok, guess its also pointless telling you it's not your fault then. You'll probably blame yourself anyway."

She sighed irritably and stood up, collecting the used glasses and taking them to the kitchen. He did this a lot and she was starting to get annoyed at how easily he could drag information from her. If he was an enemy ninja she would have been screwed. Then again, the reason he was so good at it was probably because he knew her so well. If it hadn't been for the alcohol she probably would have broken down and sobbed already but instead she found herself getting angry. He was prying into her feelings and this time she refused to say anything.

She felt rather than heard him move into the kitchen behind her and she began rinsing the glasses as a distraction.

"Tsunade-sama couldn't even save her, and she's the best," he pressed. She ground her teeth audibly. Why wouldn't he let this slide? She had told him she didn't want to talk about it so why wouldn't he leave it alone?

She heard a chair scrape against the floor and a shifting of clothes as he sat down. His eye was boring into the back of her head and she sighed. She knew he wouldn't leave until she talked to him and as infuriating as it was, she had to admit she always felt better after unloading on him every once in a while.

"I feel terrible. A twelve-year old girl died today and I couldn't stop it."

"No," he said softly, "you couldn't."

"I need to blame myself," she snapped, the idea of his pity making her feel ill. "This way I can use the anger and pour it into finding a solution, getting myself ready for this mission Tsunade-shishou is sending me on."

Kakashi was silent for a time. She finished the last glass and turned to him, his eyes seemed lost in thought and she waved. He blinked at her and his eye creased slightly in the corner.

"A mission," he prompted.

"Yeah, I think she wants me to use whatever means necessary to take down whoever is responsible for those kunai."

"Mn."

"I know she thinks it'll be hard for me, being a healer and all, but if it's for the good of our shinobi I can do what's necessary."

She worried her bottom lip between her teeth. Could she, though? For all her tough talk, she really wondered if she would be up for it. Whenever she thought of torture and interrogation Ibiki's terrifying face entered her mind and she wondered how long it had taken him to harden up to his duties. To be able to look his victims in the eyes and feel nothing as they screamed.

"It'll be hard," she whispered, "but I know it's to protect everyone." She looked up at him, determined. He hadn't said anything yet and she needed to hear him say it was alright, maybe even relay his own gruesome tales. If nothing else he might provide her with some ideas.

"I guess you've done it before," she said. His eye widened at her and she pulled worriedly at her hair. Maybe the memories were too horrific to share. She knew there was a lot about the man in front of her that she didn't know and a whole lot more that he would never tell her, but she would really appreciate some kind of reassurance. Something that would make her feel at least a little less like vomiting at the idea of torturing another human being for information.

Kakashi was relentless in his silence, however, and she knew if she wanted information or advice from him she was better off asking directly.

"Could you tell me what it's like?"

Kakashi choked. He visibly blanched and sat up straighter.

"I'm sorry," she murmured quickly, tugging on her hair and trying to keep her expression neutral. "It's probably not something people ever fully recover from, I just was hoping for a bit of advice. Tips, maybe? Like how to do it with minimal blood loss and-"

Kakashi held up a hand. "Wait," he said sharply, "what are we talking about?"

Sakura regarded him with puzzled eyes. Was he serious? He was an elite jounin and had worked for ANBU, he must have had his fair share of peoples blood on his hands.

"Umm, torturing people for information?"

Kakashi barked a laugh but recovered himself quickly with a cough.

"Smooth," Sakura deadpanned, rolling her eyes.

He scratched the back of his head and regarded her coolly. She could see him working something out behind that dark eye and stood with a huff, walking over to her couch and flinging her feet over the armrest. He followed her in and instead of sinking into his usual chair he sat himself behind her head and stared down at her.

"Sakura..."

"Mmm?"

He was quiet for a second and she glanced at him, confused by his apprehension.

"Tsunade-sama told you to use any means necessary and your mind goes straight to torture?"

She glared up at him. She wasn't quite sure where this was going and lying down had made her painfully aware of her queasy stomach. She massaged her temples slowly trying to dispel the forming headache. She already felt like the hangover was setting in and she sighed frustratingly.

"What else is there?"

"What else is there?" His voice sounded incredulous. He seemed genuinely stunned by her response and her exhausted, drunken state and his strange attitude was starting to grate on her nerves.

"Sensei, what are you talking about?"

"I'm not your sensei anymore," he replied flatly.

She sat up and stared at him. What the hell was going on here? Was he drunk? A devilish smile curved her lips before she could stop it and his head tilted in response. She frowned, more at herself than him and admonished herself quietly. Now was really not the time to be thinking about removing his mask.

"Ok, what are you talking about, Kaka-chan?"

She giggled as he visibly rolled his eye at the nickname.

"Sakura, some things you just need to figure out on your own."

She pouted at him and stood up. "I'm tired, and we have an early morning tomorrow."

"We do?" He dragged himself off the couch and she smiled vindictively.

"I need a punching bag tomorrow and this time I am not curbing my chakra for your benefit old man."

He held a hand over his heart and shook his head before fixing her with a sorrowful eye.

"Sakura, I am a young and fit specimen of a man."

She raised a slender pink eyebrow at him and pointed to the door. He chuckled lightly, raised a hand at her in farewell and left a cloud of smoke in her apartment. She found herself smiling as she lay down in bed that night. Her head was pounding and she was fighting to ignore her body's need to empty her stomach, but underneath it all, she felt a familiar buzz of happiness. Kakashi always found a way to reassure her so subtly she didn't even notice until he was gone. He hadn't helped her deal with the prospect of torture, but he had made her smile and feel better about herself for a little while.

All the thoughts of the day came crashing on her and even though there was still sadness, still hopelessness and despair, she couldn't help but smile at the evening she had shared with her little family. They loved her, and they sure didn't think she was useless. She should take pride in her skills as a medic and really start learning to not beat herself up every time she lost someone. She frowned at these thoughts. Surely she needed to feel guilty, the girl had died... She did, she realised with a sigh. No amount of laughing and drinking with her team was going to take that away, but she would stay strong for them and give her all to bring the bastard behind those weapons a world of pain.

Genma gave a slight smile. Not enough for the woman tucked into his side to notice, of course. She probably wouldn't appreciate him smiling; he just couldn't believe he had considered Kakashi a threat. Of course he wasn't hitting on Shizune. The two of them may have looked pretty cosy sitting tucked away in the corner of the tavern but he realised the fury he had momentarily felt was just stupid. He was also trying to tell himself he had felt said fury because he had been on many missions with Shizune and she was his dear friend and teammate. It had nothing to do with the fact that the idea of another man being with her made his blood boil. Nothing at all...

He had to admit, there was a manipulative and vindictive part of him that wanted to press his advantage with Shizune's currently vulnerable state, but a much bigger part of him couldn't. If he was ever lucky enough to find her in his bed, he wanted her to want to be there, but more importantly for the first time in a really long time, he wanted it to last. Maybe not forever, but definitely longer than one night. He had a feeling comfort sex wouldn't go beyond that, so instead he walked her home and let her cry into his shoulder, settling down on her couch to wait it out and hope her gratitude the next day would be enough to at least score him a free lunch.