Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine.

Chapter 26 Broken

"She didn't mean it," Draco said later than night when Katherine had stopped secluding herself in Edward's room. The poor boy had to silently play checkers with her for nearly an hour. "She would've said anything to get us to stay."

"To get you to stay." Katherine curled up in a ball and brought her knees to her chest. "Do you think she'd care if I died in childbirth since now you won't die too?"

"Yes and don't talk like that." Draco sat next to her on the bed when she rolled her eyes. "I mean it."

"I was kidding. She kind of reminds me of Mrs. Weasley." Katherine cracked a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Only sneakier."

"Right… Do you want to move? I kind of blurted that out without thinking." Draco bit his lip and forced himself to add, "We could just live here."

Judging by how much Katherine brightened, he knew he might as well start looking at houses now. "You meant it, right? We could get one of those plastic swing sets and oh! We have to find a house with a tree!"

"I suppose..." Draco frowned. Maybe she just didn't want to talk about what happened. "And you'll be a great mother, Katherine. You know that, right?"

Katherine's smile faltered, but only for a second. "Sirius will be there… And Remus and Teddy if you're working late."

"And you." Draco sighed when she suddenly wouldn't meet his eye but decided to drop it. He wouldn't end his paternity leave until she had some confidence in herself, but surely she would be alright once they were born. Until then, he would just have to do his best to keep her happy.

Kat thought Draco was going to bail on his driving lesson, but he was up bright and early Sunday morning. Now that she thought about it, it didn't look like he slept much at all. He had dark circles under his eyes and clutched his coffee cup like it was the only thing keeping him alive.

"We're going to an empty parking lot," Kat said cheerfully. She did her best to obey all the traffic laws, but Draco still looked pasty. Was she mean to think that today was going to be especially fun? "I can drive you know. I learned from a guy that taught teenagers for a living."

Draco narrowed his eyes. "Do I want to know?"

"Nope. But I'll tell you anyway." Kat grinned as he started grinding his teeth. "I was nineteen and he was a little over thirty five—"

"For Merlin's sake, Katherine! What's next? Did you and Dumbledore have a fling?" Draco spat. He must be grumpier than she thought. Sweet.

"No, he was gay. But that's not to say I didn't try," Kat joked while Draco was starting to resemble Crookshanks when Ron was in the room. "Anyway, it didn't last long because I called his house after our third date, and his wife answered."

"So you didn't sleep with him?" Draco asked hopefully, but Kat only laughed at him like he was being a naïve child. "I hate you."

"Anyway, in exchange for not telling the wife, I got free driving lessons! I learned from the best!" Kat pulled into the parking lot of an abandoned grocery store and stopped the car. "Are you ready?"

"I really hate you." But Draco bravely took his seatbelt off and got out of the car to trade places with her.

Kat sat down and pretended not to notice when he waited for her to put her seatbelt on. After a few minutes ticked by, she started to fidget. "It's too small! I got a bigger one for the driver's seat! You aren't going to go that fast. I can already tell by how you're grinding your teeth to dust."

"We could get into an accident." There was not a bloody car in sight! Kat stared to see that Draco was dead serious. Did he really think cars were that dangerous?

With a dramatic sigh, Kat fumbled with the seatbelt. It wasn't exactly tight, but the babies could feel it, and the little monsters shifted away from it towards her lungs. "Happy?"

"Ecstatic." Draco bit his lip and started to reach for the steering wheel but almost immediately backed away. "I trust you with the car. Can we go home now?"

Kat tapped her chin and pretended to consider it. "Not until you drive around the parameter, Drakey Poo. Now. The car's in park. Press your foot on one of the pedals."

Cautiously, Draco complied and nearly jumped out of his seat when the engine revved. From the look on his face, one would think the engine was about to blow up any second.

"Good. That's the gas. The opposite one's the break, which you'll use to slow down." Although it was a bit of a struggle because of the stupid seatbelt, Kat leaned forward and ruffled his hair. "Ready?"

"No."

If she could get Draco to take his driver's test, she'd have to hide in the car under her invisibility cloak because he was being too cute. "Okay. So put your foot on the break peddle and then grab this knob and put it to D for drive."

Draco closed his eyes and if she wasn't mistaken, started silently counting to ten. Then, to her surprise he actually listened. "Can we go home now?"

"No." Kat pointed at his feet. "Now put your foot on the gas pedal, the one you were pressing before."

After a tense moment, Draco listened, but she probably should have told him gently because he practically floored it. Kat was too shocked to enjoy the fact that he actually squeaked before slamming on the breaks, causing them to surge forward. He started breathing heavily as if he had run a mile.

"That's it," he gasped out. "We're going home."

"No-no-no!" Kat felt a little bad about the laugh that slipped out. Just a little. "Just gently press on it. It goes fast or slow depending on the pressure."

"I'm not risking our lives over this!" Draco yelled. "Can't we just go flying or something?"

Kat held her hands up in surrender. "One more try. I'm sorry I teased you."

Draco laughed crazily. "Oh, well since you apologized, I'll just go on driving us into the oblivion!"

"You won't!" Kat swore. He was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white. It was tempting to just tease him at home, but his fear was only going to get worse if they left now. "C'mon. I'll tell you the constellation name I like."

Draco tore his eyes away from the front window. "For who?"

"For one of our children," she said sweetly.

Very reluctantly, and after mumbling a few curses under his breath, Draco eased on the breaks to drive a few inches. And then slammed on them. Kat raised her eyebrows, but before she could correct him, he did it again. And again. At this rate, they'd be around the parking lot in a few hours.

"Gently, Mr. Malfoy." Kat smiled as he slowly started driving like a normal person. She thought things were going to start to go smoothly until she heard the siren of a cop car.

Draco jumped and slammed on the breaks again just as the cop got out of his car to knock on the window. He looked at the cop stupidly as he gestured for Draco to roll down the window. With a swear, Kat unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over to press the window button.

"License and registration please." Great. She could already tell from his voice that he was a no nonsense stick to the rules like he worshipped them type.

"What are you talking about?" Draco asked before Kat could stop him. Oh no…

The cop frowned. "Sir? Are you under the influence of drugs or alcohol?" Draco blinked like he didn't understand the question. This just keeps getting better and better. "Step out of the car please."

"Why?" Draco asked haughtily while Kat nudged him and tried to silently say this wasn't the time for the oh so eloquent Malfoy charm.

The cop put his hands on his hips. "Would you prefer the breathalyzer or a blood test, sir?"

"You're not taking my blood," Draco yelled before Kat hung her head. Muggles cannot perform blood rituals! "Who knows what you'll do with it."

"Officer." Kat smiled charmingly. Whenever she got pulled over, she acted like it was the first time and started to cry to try to get out of a speeding ticket. From the looks of things, it wasn't going to work for Draco. "I'm trying to teach my husband how to drive—"

"Then I'd like to see his permit." The cop held out his hand. Whelp, she walked right into that one. "You do realize that you're trespassing. You'll have to find somewhere else to practice."

"Permit for what?" For Merlin's sake! If Draco didn't shut up, she was going to let him get arrested! The cop wasn't going to perform any rituals with his blood!

"You're driving without a permit?" From his tone, it sounded like he was accusing them of drug dealing and selling said drugs to babies.

"We left it at home," Kat lied poorly. "My husband is…"

"Step out of the car, M'am." He took off his sun glasses and stared her down. "You look familiar."

Of course she did, and if she told him her name, he'd see a record as long as his arm. It would be mostly of speeding tickets and drunkenness in public, but there was also the domestic violence charges, and the fact that this guy seemed to have already decided that he wanted to arrest them. Kat wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing that Draco got out of the car when she did.

Scratch that. She already knew it was bad, judging by how angry he looked. When he opened his mouth, he sounded even more psycho than he already did. "You are not taking my wife's blood."

The cop gave her a once over in response. "Ma'am, you do realize that drugs and alcohol affect the fetus."

"Yes." Kat really wished she spent more time with Dudley and Cho recently. Cho was studying to become a psychiatrist, so she would know what to say Draco had to make the cop give them a sympathy warning. "This is all a simple misunderstanding—"

"Then you won't mind coming to the station for a blood test," the cop said firmly. Kat wanted to rip his Hitler mustache right off his face. Unfortunately, it seemed that Draco was willing to do just that.

"You are not taking my wife's blood!" Draco shouted before charging at him.

At least the cop tasered him before he could transform…

"You are so lucky Ron has a Muggle badge!" Like it was funny, Katherine couldn't stop chuckling to herself about what happened the following evening. Weasley took his sweet time, and he had to spend the night in jail! With a bunch of drunken Muggles! He had to go to work that morning reeking of them.

Draco rubbed at his eyes. "You can't let just anyone take your blood, Katherine. Not even Muggles."

Katherine only laughed again. "So what's life like on the inside? Are you forever changed? Are you having trouble adjusting to life out here?"

"You've been to jail." Now that he was back on the "outside," his wife couldn't seem to stop smiling. "I was vomited on. It smelled like urine. There. I told you about my night. Can we drop it now?"

"So testy." Katherine shook her head. "I guess I'll give you some time. It's a big adjustment, being part of society again."

"Fine. I learned my lesson. I can't attack officers. Although I don't get why I couldn't apparate," Draco complained. According to Katherine, they would think he escaped, and he would be in even more trouble, but after listening to men fight over a cigarette all night that they had no means to light, he wished that he ignored her.

"I told Teddy you were arrested for not eating your vegetables." Katherine snuggled up to him and closed her eyes. Draco closed his own and figured he'd ignore her jokes until he fell asleep. She must've sensed it and woke him right up. "I want to name him Castor. Well, I'd call him Cas. Although I still love RJ."

"Really?" He wouldn't put it past her to laugh in his face and say that she was kidding, that Castor was a stupid name. It was a risk, but he added, "And her name would be Pollux? Polly?"

Katherine opened one eye before snorting. "Don't push it. Minerva Lily."

"Cynthia Pollux," Draco shot back. How could Castor be without Pollux? "You do realize that Castor is a Gemini twin, right?"

"You do realize that Castor is a Gemini twin, right?" she mimicked in a whiny voice. "Yes! But I like it better than Aries." She shrugged when he raised his eyebrows. "I nicked a list from your father's office back in July. Can you believe he wanted our son to be named Sagittarius? I can't even pronounce it."

"I guess he thought you couldn't hold him in until he could be Capricorn," Draco muttered. "I'm not sure about Castor."

"Are you kidding me?!" Katherine squeaked at a higher pitch than he thought she was capable of. "Why? Because I'm not willing to name our daughter Polly Pocket?"

"What does that even mean, Katherine?" After the other night, Draco felt that he had enough of the Muggle world to last a lifetime.

"It means-it means you're a butthead!"

Draco supposed that was a mood swing because Katherine turned over and suddenly wouldn't speak to him. With a yawn, he turned off the lamp and forced himself to go to sleep.

"You don't even have a house yet, Kat," Hermione halfheartedly chided as they walked around the toy store. It was Hermione's day off, so they were spending the afternoon looking at swing sets.

Kat was only half listening as she ran her fingers over a yellow slide. They'd go outside every day during the summer. "What kind of swings should I get? I suppose I could just transfigure them later."

"I'm not sure if the wizarding world uses swings." Hermione frowned in a way that told Kat she was going to spend the night researching the typical wizarding childhood. She never understood why her best friend felt that she had to know everything. "Surely they do. But if they don't, get the ones that they can't fall out of. Then Draco will be more open to it."

With a sigh, Kat rolled her eyes and put her hands behind her back to support it. "Childhood is no fun unless you get a few scrapes. Or papercuts in your case. Nerd."

"Thanks." Behind them, there was a child having a tantrum and throwing himself on the floor because he wanted a new bike. Hermione glanced at him and snickered. "You know I like children, right? Just because I don't want any of my own… it doesn't mean that I don't like them."

Kat blinked in surprised. She never really thought about it. "That's good. Because part of being a godmother is liking the sprog. Don't tell stupid Pansy, but you have first dibs. Boy or girl?"

Hermione looked shocked for a splint second, but then her eyebrows shot up after she heard Kat's last two sentences. "Is that the deal? Pansy and Nott can be godparents if I have "first dibs?""

"Yeah." Kat shrugged. "Compromise. And he gets Blaise too! All I wanted was car seats for my beautiful babies."

"So the driving lesson went well?" She didn't have to so sound suspicious! Sure, it went terribly, but for all Hermione knew, Draco could be well on his way to getting his driver's license!

"It went great," Kat lied poorly. She still couldn't talk about it with a straight face. "Anyway, I've been driving us around all week, so he's less nervous about it since I stopped speeding and blowing through stop signs. I felt like an old lady driving like that, but it was worth it."

Hermione tutted in disapproval at her obvious lie but otherwise ignored it. "I can't choose between your children, Kat. I'll love them both." She snorted when Kat mumbled to herself that she was being stupid. "How's marriage counseling by the way? The Prophet saw you heading into the building. They're speculating that you're on the brink of divorce because Lucius is the true father of the babies."

Kat chewed on her lip. Her counseling appointment with Draco was in a few hours, and he knew what he was going to bring up. If she ignored her, Hermione would be nice enough to not push it. For now anyway. "You can pick have the one that weighs the most when they're born. The winner in the fight for my food."

Hermione called her ridiculous, but thankfully, changed the subject to the vacation home she was thinking of buying with Blaise.

Katherine became quiet when they started talking about the fight that caused her to run off. Draco only took it as a good sign that she didn't try to leave the session again. She was giving one word answers, and the healer must have sensed that she was starting to shut down.

"I think," Healer Crown paused until Katherine slid her green eyes to her, "that you should tell Draco why what he said hurt you so deeply."

"He knows," Katherine muttered quietly. He could detect a note of impatience in her voice. She rested her chin in her hand and looked out the window.

"If he knows," the mind healer pushed gently, "then you shouldn't be so worried about telling him."

Katherine squirmed on the mauve couch and didn't say anything. The silence seemed to stretch on forever, and when she finally spoke, Draco had to strain his ears to hear her. "I can't let her go. I'm a bad mother because I can't let her go."

"You don't have to let your mother go to be a good mother," Crown said softly while Draco was trying to figure out what his wife meant.

A few tears slipped out of Katherine's eyes, but she wiped them away before they slid down her cheeks. She started picking at a thread on her sleeve and focused on that instead of them.

Again, she was quiet for a while. Draco could tell that she was thinking about leaving because she stared at the door for a long time before giving in. With every word, her voice rose with the effort not to cry. "I can't let it go. She shouldn't… I wish she didn't die for me. But if she didn't, they wouldn't be here. But I can't-I can't—I still think she should have let me go. But thinking that means thinking the twins shouldn't exist either."

When she saw the horror on his face, Katherine seemed to have realized what she just said. He felt even worse when she looked ashamed of herself and started back peddling. "I-I mean, they should be here. I do love them. I mean, I won't think that anymore when they're born—"

"Katherine," the healer interrupted before she could become anymore hysterical. "Your love for your children has nothing to do with your guilt. And Lily made a choice that night." She paused and scribbled something on her notepad. "Similar to the choice you made when you went into the Forbidden Forest during the Final Battle with You-Know-Who. Your guilt has to do with your own self-worth, and while it is something you need to work on, I don't think it makes you love your babies any less than you should."

Katherine shook her head, and by the completely shattered look in her eyes, Draco could already tell she had enough. She started shaking but still managed to stand up faster than he thought she was capable of at this point in the pregnancy. "I have to go."

"No wonder she ran off when I said that to her," Draco whispered while visiting Pansy at the hospital later that night. After their session, he felt too guilty to stay home and told Lupin to keep an eye on her. Edward lucked out because from the looks of things before he left, the boy was being pumped full of sweets so he could stay up late with her and watch movies.

"You would think she would see how little that made sense after saying it out loud." Pansy smiled softly when Herb sucked on her finger. She was sitting with him in a rocking chair in his hospital room. In a week or two, they were going to try bottle feeding instead of the tube.

"She has absolutely no connection to her parents, Pansy." Draco growled to himself when she only shrugged. Hermione would have understood, but he didn't want Katherine to find out he was telling others how she felt. "Except a few pictures and trinkets. I think with her father, she was able to fill the void with Black and Lupin. You're saying you wouldn't feel guilty if your mother died for you?"

"Of course I would. But I wouldn't act suicidal." Pansy winced when Draco shuddered at her words. "I don't mean it like that. Potter is too used to fighting for her life to want to off herself. But talking like that makes it sound like she doesn't want to be here. I meant… that I would know that my mother wouldn't want me to regret her choice."

"Well she doesn't know her mother!" Draco snapped but swore under his breath when Herb let out a soft whine.

After giving him a dirty look, Pansy shushed her son and quietly said, "I think Potter's problem is that she's starting to realize that that's what mother's do, that she would die for her children. It's hard to feel bad because someone made a sacrifice for you when you are willing to make that same sacrifice for someone you love just as deeply."

I can't let it go. Draco felt his blood turn to ice at the fresh memory of her words. She was feeling conflicted, and that night they fought, he told her that she shouldn't be a mother. He confirmed what she was telling herself when she was struggling. Now he had to figure out how to make it right.

Kat knew Draco wanted to talk about the session, but she knew she couldn't without crying hysterically. She also knew that she wasn't going to go to marriage counseling anymore. It was too painful. So, she acted like it never happened and spent the weekend buying toys, outfits, and tiny shoes. Draco stuck to her like glue, but she didn't mind. Teasing him about putting their daughter in a bikini this summer numbed the dull ache she felt in her chest.

But the following Wednesday, she would have to admit she was a little worried about a fight when he came to the Quidditch Stadium to see her flying and being a seeker for the team with the younger kids.

With an awkward smile, she glided to the ground while the kids continued their after school game. "I charmed balls to be soft. And if someone falls, the floor is charmed to be like a trampoline. So the babies will only get bounced."

For some reason, he was so excited that he didn't even notice. "When's the game over? There's something I want to show you."

"When their parents feel like picking them up?" Kat gave him a quick kiss when his face fell, causing the kids to yell that they were gross. "Sorry. Not everyone can afford daycare. I'll probably head home around nine or ten."

Apparently four hours was way too long because Draco couldn't stop himself from saying loudly, "I bought us a house!"

Excuse me?! Kat was too shocked to say it out loud. He bought a house without even letting her see?! "What-what…" It was so hard not to scream swear in front of all the kids. "What the heck is wrong with you?!"

"In Cokeworth," he added breathlessly, causing Kat's heart to skip a beat. That was where… "On Spinner's End."

"You-you bought my mum's house?" Kat asked once she found her voice. "I didn't even know it was for sale."

"It wasn't." Draco smiled, but he looked a little afraid by her lack of reaction. "But I offered about three times what it's worth, so the family couldn't say no."

"You…" Kat felt her eyes fill with tears and wished she could blame it on the hormones. "You would live in a Muggle neighborhood, and not even a fancy rich one, for me?"

"The house, if it can be called that,is a shoe box." He smirked at her blank, shocked look. If he didn't like it, then why did he buy it? "But don't be that surprised. I'd live anywhere with you."

"Really?" No, she wasn't crying. Her eyes were just leaking. She had never seen her mum's house, only the outside of her parents' house in Godric's Hollow.

"Really." With a small laugh, he wiped one of her tears away. "What kind of a monster do you think I am?"

"One who needs a closet just for his shoes and enough bedrooms to house an army." Kat couldn't believe that she was going to live where her mum grew up. It was like a dream. "Thank you! I love you so much!"

Draco raised an eyebrow. "You haven't even seen the shoe box yet."

Somehow, Kat managed to smile through her tears.

"I have another surprise for you," Draco said as they walked through the house the next evening. The family promised to be out by mid-October after he gave them money to go out to eat. "Well, from Severus. Our new neighbor."

Kat laughed as she slowly walked through the living room and tried to picture her mum running through it to go play outside. It only had two bedrooms, meaning she shared with Aunt Petunia. She vaguely wondered how long Draco would last before offering to buy another, larger house, but she found herself not caring. No matter what, she would always have this house.

"Is it poison?" she asked lightly as she stopped in front of the kid's room. They had bunk beds and toys everywhere. Hopefully they weren't too put out about moving. Hopefully they could keep the bunk beds.

"No." Draco walked into the room and started stomping on the floor boards. "Although if it isn't here anymore, I'm sorry, and I'll even buy you ice cream for dinner."

"Oooh, this must be big." Kat's eyes widened when Draco paused at a squeaky floorboard. It had to be something of her mum's. So she hid things under her floorboards like Kat did at the Dursleys. "You have two seconds to open it before I shove you and do it myself."

"Now I'm going to feel really bad if it's not here." Draco took out his wand and gently used it to lift the floorboard. After reaching in, he sighed with relief and took three books out. Kat felt her mouth run dry. "She didn't write all the time, but Severus said she wrote in a journal when she wasn't busy with school work."

When Draco stood up with the diaries, Kat almost took a step back. She never heard a story from her mum's point of view before. With a shaking hand, she hesitantly took them. "T-thank you."

"You don't have to read them right away," Draco said just as Kat opened the first one. The first entry seemed like a normal day. Her mum was wishing that Aunt Petunia would let her play with her and her friends when they came over. Severus didn't like to play with teacups. "Do you want to be alone?"

"No." Kat turned the page to see that it was the day she got her Hogwarts letter. "You didn't have to buy the house. I would've been happy with these."

"I know." Draco paused. "But I want you to know that I-I understand how you feel. I don't like it but… I feel like I made it worse, and I want you to feel close to her. She loved you, but you didn't get the chance to know her."

Kat clutched the diaries to her chest. "I love you." And for once, she didn't feel the need to add, But you hurt me to herself. With a sniffle, she couldn't resist asking, "Does this mean we're done with therapy now?"

For a moment, Draco looked relieved since she was saying that she forgave him, but unfortunately, he quickly caught on. He narrowed his eyes as she leaned into him so he could wrap his arms around her. "Katherine, I think I'm going to take a leaf out of your book, and say, "Fuck no.""

"Damn it."

Later that week, Kat was saying more than "damn it." In the session coming up, Lucius and Narcissa would be joining them.

Happy Mother's Day!

Thanks for reviewing Ern Estine 13624, saku hyuuga, and gr8rockstarrox!

gr8rockstarrox and saku hyuuga: You may not like Lucius, but at least he's honest. Narcissa's more passive aggressive, which I think can be worse.

Is Castor a worthy name? ;)