"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you turn a story about smut into AWWWWWWWWWWWWW." ~AVERYwhelmedfan on Do You Like That, Baby?
I pretty much rolled over and died.
A/N: So yep. Here's a story all about baby daddies (no mpreg, so calm your tits), secret lovers, private detectives, sex, and superheros. Don't expect updates every second 'cause I don't have that kind of free time and to add on to THAT, I now have rare access to a computer and internet that isn't on my phone. Updates with be sporadically sporadic. So... yeah.
Warnings: language and pervy thoughts naturally, a little bit of mocking the gay stereotype (hey, teenagers are like that. Us adults are sooo above that kind of flimflammery *cough*), unbeta-ed because I couldn't be bothered. Man, I'm so effin lazy...
Disclaimer: I think you understand by now that I am in no way creative enough to create awesomeness like DC characters and the like, so fuck off, you don't gotta remind me. Fortunately, I do not own Year One. You have been spared. Once again, I don't own Pokémon.
"This is easily the dumbest thing I have ever seen," Clark remarked flatly and Wally turned to him with a gasp.
"What? It's so awesome! How can you NOT find this hilarious?"
"Because it's not. What is that even supposed to mean?"
"What? 'You fucked the pooch'? It just means you messed up. It totally makes sense." A silence.
"I'm putting in a different movie."
"What? NO! It's hilarious, I promise!"
"I don't know. I've been a victim of your sense of humor before."
"Oh, ha ha. Dude, trust me! I'm a professional."
Snort. "A professional what?"
"Uhh," Wally blinked before suddenly grinning. "Professionalist, of course!" Wally winked and turned back around, shifting to get comfortable in his boyfriend's lap again, lining Clark's Mr. Happy with the crack of his ass because, even if they weren't doing anything, he liked to sit on Clark's dick (that's not weird is it? Fuck, it's weird. It's totally weird). Clark's arms wrapped back around his waist, his favorite place the put them he says, and he rested his chin on Wally's shoulder with a bemused and unhappy huff. After a few minutes of silence, Clark spoke again.
"He's eating fecal materials."
"He's tasting fecal materials. HUGE difference."
"That doesn't negate the fact that there's feces in his mouth."
"Will you just watch the movie?" Wally glared when Clark laughed. He huffed before rolling his eyes and turning back to the screen. Well, he liked this movie, and Clark was lame, therefore his opinion was null. He guffawed as his favorite scene began and just knew Clark was rolling his eyes. Wally smiled. This was nice. They were in Clark's apartment, like always. They finished their habitual fuckfrenzy a little while ago, and were snuggled up on the couch, both only wearing jeans as Wally force-fed Clark Year One. They did this at least three times a week: steal away from the world in Clark's apartment to (and he can't believe he's using this phrase) "make love" and whatever else they could think of. It was almost like they were in a bubble and the world beyond didn't exist- didn't matter. Wally loved it. He'd been a little worried that staying in the apartment or going on walks and take-out would get a little boring after awhile (it's not like they could do much else without getting looked at all crazy), but they were in their fourth mother fucking month of officially being a couple, and it was still fantastic as ever. Wally sighed and shifted deeper into Clark. This was really nice.
Sadly, no moment lasts forever. Clark tilted his head slightly to the left (the ear he always put his in) and lifted a hand to answer the call. Wally sighed and let his head fall back onto Clark's shoulder. This always happened. Clark always got called away to prevent some natural disaster or take on some Lex Luthor mumbo jumbo. Worst of all, Wally couldn't even be pissed about it! 'Cause that would make him a self-centered douche or something.
"Superman, go. Understood. I will arrive in twenty. Superman out." Clark leaned up and Wally wriggled around to straddle his lap, kneeing him the stomach on accident, but whatever. He probably didn't even feel it. He gave Clark a wry look.
"Duty calls?" he said more than asked. Clark gave him a soft, regretful smile.
"Yeah," he breathed and the redhead huffed and swung his legs over and off of the alien.
"I gueeesssss," he sighed exaggeratedly and stood up, stretching. "Since you just have to go save the world and stuff." The superhero laughed and stood up behind him. He wrapped his arms around Wally's torso and leaned down to kiss his neck.
"Don't be like that," he laughed into the Kid's skin. The teen snorted and pulled away, knowing it was only because Clark allowed it.
"I'm not being like anything, hmph." Wally shot back and made of show of bending over to pick up his man's t-shirt (which had been unceremoniously tossed on the ground) before pulling it over his head, being sure to arch his back in the sexiest way possible. Clark groaned a bit before clearing his throat.
"You're being like something," Clark informed him smugly. "You said 'hmph'."Wally scoffed.
"So? I said 'being' too," the ginger wittily retorted. Clark laughed.
"Touche," he agreed and walked off into his bedroom to where Wally guessed he had a suit hidden somewhere. Wally only had about three himself (those things weren't cheap!). Once Clark left his sight, Kid collapsed back onto the couch. Ouch! He cringed. His HA healing hadn't kicked in yet and his ass was really, really sore. Clark really did a number on him. Anyway, the superhero must have used super speed because he heard the shower turn on for a minute and then turn off and, a few more moments after, he walked in completely dressed in dark brown boots, a red, long sleeved plaid shirt and jeans, under which was most definitely his suit.
"Oh my God!" Wally gasped and his hands flew to his face dramatically. "It's a bird! It's a plane! No! It's...! It's...! Oh, wait, no, it's a redneck." Clark rolled his eyes.
"Evolve," he demanded, probably because saying 'grow up' would remind him how young Wally was and how old he was.
"I can't," the speedster grinned. "I need a Thunderstone." He laughed out loud because he knew his boyfriend wouldn't get the joke. Clark huffed and rolled his eyes again, smiling.
"Do you ever get tired of being to the only one to laugh at your jokes?" he smarted and walked over. Wally leaned back to look into the raven haired man's handsome face as Clark wrapped heavy arms around the minihero's back and pulled them together.
"Hey!" He put his hands on Clark's bicep to attempt to push them apart. "My jokes are hilarious!" The teenager pouted. "You just didn't get it because you're a bore!"
"Okay, you're right. You're hysterical," Clark agreed seriously, and shut up, dude. No one needs your sarcasm. "Now," he leaned down and meshed their mouths together, biting and nipping at Wally's lips and the redhead decided he could argue about this another time, instead he allowed Superman's tongue to play with his.
"Mmnhh." Did Wally ever mention that Clark was a great kisser? Because, oh my God... The man pulled away, stared at Wally a moment, before leaning in for a quick peck. He pulled away completely then, dropping his arms and Wally whined low in his throat. He didn't want him to leave.
"I have to go, Wally," he said, standing there looking all handsome and strong and fuck, why did he have to go? Wally frowned.
"I know," he agreed. Clark smiled and pulled him gently by the back of his neck to place one final kiss in his hair. Wally pushed him away and Clark allowed it.
"I'll see you later," the man promised and walked toward the door. "I love you."
"Love you, too," Wally mumbled quietly after a pause. It was still kinda weird to say that. Clark smiled at him and left, waving goodbye. Wally huffed to himself in this quiet, lonely apartment. Maaaaaaan, this sucks. He came all the way over (okay, so it wasn't like it was that hard, but still) and Clark just has to go off and save some poor, innocent souls.
Yes, Wally realized he was being an inconsiderate douche, but dammit, he missed his boyfriend! Don't get him wrong, Wally was ALL about saving the people. It was the driving force behind him becoming a hero in the first place (that, his familial issues, and an unhealthy infatuation with the Flash, of course), but sometimes he wished that it didn't take so much Goddamn time. And not having enough time is something a speedster like himself should never have to complain about. He frowned before dropping his shoulders with yet another dejected sigh. Well, nothing to do except go chill at Mount Justice, he supposed. He searched the floor for his specially made Nike's (all of his shoes had the soles replaced with the special stuff, just in case) and put them on, tying and tucking the laces inside in the typical gangsta fashion. He walked toward the door and locked it, picking the key up off the key ring (yeah, dude, he has a freaking KEY! Fuuuck YEAH!) and pimping on out the door. He stopped to buy Taco Bell's 5 Dollar Box, five soft, five hard tacos and a large Dr. Pibb.
It was a school day (Wally had rushed over to Clark's as soon as school was done), so when he got to the mountain, it was about twenty past seven in the evening and the whole gang was there, more or less lazing around. Most of the crew were on the couch: Robin was playing a video game all by his lonely lonesome because Kal was too mature and Con broke controllers and Artemis was just as good as he was and he couldn't stand that. Artemis herself was reading a book that Kal had recommended: The Great Gassy- Catsy? Something like that, anyway. Kal was explaining the term 'U Mad, Bro?' to Con, who was watching Robin troll on LIVE with open confusion. Wait, how did Kaldur even know that term? M'gaan was, as always, in the kitchen trying to learn how to be a good housewife, which, oh Megan, please stop. Baby, you can't cook, and it's totally okay. Housewives are so fifty years ago.
"Yo! WALLY IN THE HOUSE!" Wally greated them. His team looked at him, Robin grinning, Artemis glaring, Kaldur sighing, and Conner not reacting at all. "Everybody's here," he continued. "Cool! What'supwhat'sup?" He plopped down on the couch beside Robin because, with the way they were seated, the only place else was next to Artemis, and no way. Just no way. Artemis raised an eyebrow at all the food in his arms.
"Well, Kid Manners, aren't you going to offer us some?" Ha! Of course not!
"Fersure! Rob, Kal, Supey, want some tacos?" He grinned at their leader's exasperated expression, Conner's confusion, and Robin's cackle as the younger teen took one.
"You're so mature," Artemis scoffed.
"Well, you know, when ya got, you got it!" He shot back. She just glared at him until he sighed dramatically. "Here, you beggar," he said and tossed her a crunchy taco. She caught it and mumbled thanks before going back to her book. "So what're you up to, Rob?" Robin grinned and shrugged.
"Pwning newbs in Black Ops." And let him tell you something about COD: Black Ops, okay? The campaign was complete crap, right? Total crap (confused the hell of him, too. Apparently the guy was dead the whole time and the computer was brainwashing him into what and what and WHAT now?), but multi-player was amazing. Modern Warfare KILLED Black Ops, though, but that's not important right now. "COLLATERAL!" Robin squealed and Wally grinned at the replay. Sah-weeeeeet.
"Cool!" Wally leaned over to the table and grabbed a controller from it. "Allow me to assist in teh annihilation of newbs." Robin paused the game and looked at Wally strangely as the teen leaned back into the couch. He rose an orange brow at the narrowed glowing orbs of Robin's mask. "What? Don't want me on your squad?" he joked.
"Who's shirt are you wearing?" Robin bluntly questioned (sounded more like an accusation, really) and Wally froze. Son of a bitch! The others looked at him curiously, even M'gaan, who had floated into the room and set a tray of not-quite-burned cookies on the table.
"Helloooo, gorgeous!" He grinned, ignoring Robin's glare, and reached for them. "Are these for me, beautiful?" he asked in The Sleazy Voice. M'gaan only giggled.
"They're not just for you! They're for everyone!"
"Awww." Wally mocked pouted. "And here I thought you were doing something special just for me," he whined. M'gaan only giggled again.
"Yeah. Anyway, it's huge on you," Artemis forced the conversation back because it was totally her business, right? That fucker. Fucking up his distractions. Asshole. "Looks like it's been used a lot, too." Fortunately, thinking fast was once of his specialties. Unfortunately, thinking fast meant that most of his plans were... well, ill-planned.
"Oh," Wally scratched the back of his neck. "It's my dad's shirt. I was late for school this morning." The others continued to stare. "All my clothes were dirty so I used one of my dad's." He shrugged. "Picked up the first one I saw." Whoo-hoo! Go Wally! Succeed, you righteous ass motherfucker! That was a brilliant excuse. It totally made sense.
"That's your dad's shirt?" Robin rose a brow. "Uh, I've seen your dad. He's not that big." Wally glared at him. Like he knew anything about his dad.
"You've only seen him in pictures, dude. And anyway, who the fuck cares who's shirt it is?" Wally dropped the controller and crossed his arms. "It's nobody's damn business." He pouted, settling into the couch.
"Language," Robin reminded him and Wally rolled his eyes.
"Wally," Kaldur began slowly, "is that a love mark?" Holy mother of sweet baby Jesus. His HA-healing hadn't healed up all his bruises yet, FUCK! Wally looked at his shoulder. The shirt was so big that it had exposed all of his neck and a bit of his shoulder, showing off at least two very large hickeys. Robin glared at him again and Artemis started laughing.
"Seriously, Wally? The shirt, the hickeys- you have a BOYFRIEND!" She snickered and Wally froze way too quickly for any of them to notice. He scoffed, forcing his tone to be nonchalant. Best thing to do in a situation like this is to play into the accusation.
"Oh, yeah, dude. Fersure." He began forcing a lisp. "Hith name ith like Bryan and heth like thooooo gorgeous!" He put his palms together and brought them to his left cheek, fluttering his eyelashes up at the ceiling with a dreamy sigh.
"Congratulations!" Mg'aan flew over and wrapped him in a hug. Wally waggled his eyebrows at his teammates. And just like that, the suspicion was gone. Damn, he was good. Kaldur closed his eyes and sighed because he's much too dignified and sexy to roll his eyes. Artemis scoffed.
"Whatever, Kid Troll. He's joking, Megan. Like he could even get a girlfriend, much less a boyfriend."
"You're just jelly 'cause my boyfriend is, like, soooo hot."
"Well?" Con broke in. "Where did you get the bruises?" If Wally didn't think it would hurt his hand more than Superboy, he'd punch him in the face. The others stared. Shit, initiate speedthink.
"Calm down, you guys. It's not a hickey, okay?" He scoffed. "I have a friend in ROTC. She was teaching me some of the gun movements and stuff, and you have to toss it up on your shoulder a lot, and those things are fucking heavy." Conner grunted before glaring and oddly sniffing at him, which o-kay, thaaaat's a little kinda totally freakin' weird.
"Shouldn't your healing have taken care of it by now?" he growled. Wally shrugged.
"It was only like an hour or so ago." He gave them a put out look. "Satisfied?" Megan let go of him and pouted.
"That's too bad! I think you need someone to take care of you, Wally," she said. Artemis snorted and Robin tried not to smile.
"What? What is THAT supposed to mean?" He pouted. Why was everyone such a douche to him all the time? "Well, whatever. Robin, we doing this thing or not?" He picked up the controller without waiting for an answer. Robin gave him a look, but exited his current game anyway. The whole gang continued goofing off for the next handful of hours. In those few hours, Wally thought about his relationship with Clark. It was odd, being a dirty little secret. Wally should feel sleazy, but he supposed that that feeling had long since been numbed, what with him rampantly sexing up the town and whatnot. Still, whenever they were together, or Clark called and asked him if he was free, Wally couldn't help that warm feeling in his stomach that told him this was so, so right, even if he knew what they were doing was kinda, really wrong. And really, was it so bad? They weren't hurting anyone. And they were both equal partners. No one was being forced into anything, but society wouldn't see it that way. His friends wouldn't see it that way. Aunt Iris and Uncle Barry wouldn't see it that way, but the way he saw it, they would never find out. I mean, he'd managed to keep his life at the House a secret of them (not that he blamed them, of course) so this should be cake! But the real kicker was Robin.
Robin wouldn't see it his way.
Not that it was any of his business, of course, but Robin was... He would be a problem. He's the protege to the world's greatest detective, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't worried about the possibility his bestiebro finding out. Not that he cared about his opinion, of course, but he and everyone else would assume that Clark had coerced him into some kind of twisted, perverse relationship- that he'd warped Wally's young, naïve mind into believing that Clark could be allowed liberties with his body that weren't appropriate. No one would even ask Wally if he was a willing partner, which was just freaking bogus, if you asked him, but as previously stated, no one would. Clark wasn't even, like, from this planet or whatever, so why should it's rules apply to him? But, you know, whatever. It's totally not okay to be thinking about serious shizz when helping your best bro fight off a horde of zombies (which was really the only map anybody played on Black Ops anymore). Clark related thoughts would have to wait. And speak of the devil.
They were winding down for the night and everyone was figuring out if they were staying or going. Kaldur decided he was going to stay, seeing as he didn't "have any pressing matters to attend to immediately". Robin was going home but didn't say why because his secret I.D. and junk, which Wally was totally cool with, by the way. He didn't need a name to know that he and Rob were bros. Well, Wally supposed it kinda hurt him once upon a time, but he got over it. Artemis had already left for whatever reason. Wally was gonna stay, too ('cause he wasn't gonna go home, and Auntie and Unc wouldn't mind as long as he informed them) but that was before he got the text.
Hello. I'm home right now. Where are you?
Wally snickered at his phone. Clark's text-speak was so weird.
Nowhere imprtnt ill b thr in a lil bit k? He replied before shooting a quick text to Unc. Mom wants me home 2nite c u 2mrow
"Well, guys, looks like I'm out tonight too," he said and looked up to find Robin glaring at him. Wally flinched back in shock. "What?" -the hell was he looking at him like that for? Robin had been acting fucking crazy lately, which was saying something 'cause he's mother fucking Robin.
"I need to talk to you," Robin stood and began walking toward his room. Well, the one the bird had decided was his, since there was like a billion rooms in here.
"Uhhh." WTF? "Okay?" Wally stood and looked at his friends. What the fuck was wrong with Robin? They just shrugged and M'gaan gestured to follow his friend so they could talk. This was so, so weird. He gave them one last look (Save me, you guys!) before speeding up to his friend. They walked in down the hallway in silence for a moments. His phone vibrated and he took it out and flipped it open (seriously, who still had a fucking flip phone?)
That sounds great. I'll see you in a little while.
Wally couldn't help the goofy smile that spread across his face as he read the message. See? Clark hadn't even said anything and Wally was feeling like a puddle of goo. They walked into Robin's room and as soon as the door shut behind the Wally Robin whirled around and crossed his arms.
"What's going on with you?" he demanded. Wally instantly knew what he was talking about- the redhead suddenly leaving and bailing out on plans, blowing his friends off and wearing giant, worn out shirts, the hickeys, the texts that called him away. It wasn't easy being a secret lover. But Robin had nothing- no proof and no clue. Really, Kid very much doubted he even suspected what was really going on because well, he WAS Robin, but he and Clark were being very careful about this.
"What are you talking about dude?" he asked. Robin scoffed and looked toward the heavens, shaking his head.
"Don't do that, okay?" he said. "I know something is going on." Well, la dee freaking da. Congratulations. What, did he want a medal?
"I have nooooo clue what you're talking abooouutt," Wally sung. He was a pretty decent liar, considering all the practice he'd had.
"Wally," Robin sighed.
"Robin," Wally grinned. Robin's eyes narrowed into the BatGlare™ and Wally's face dropped.
"Don't make me find out on my own," the bird threatened. Wally blinked.
…what?
Uhhhh, what?
Seriously, Robin? Fucking SERIOUSLY?
Wally explosion in 3...2...1...
"What the fuck? You have no right to try to force me to tell you ANYTHING!" Wally raved at him, because seriously, WHAT THE FUCK? "Mister I-Can't-Tell-You-My-Name-Even-Though-We've-Been-Best-Friends-Since-We-Were-Fucking-Puppies, so you can just kiss my ass, Robin." Because that was fucking BULLSHIT. Robin glared and his hands dropped into fists at his sides.
"It's not the same-"
"Don't give me that shit! How is that any different?"
"I can't tell you-"
"Fuck that! Yes you can!"
"I'm not allowed to tell you!"
"Well, I'm not telling you!" Wally turned without another word. He sped to their living room and waved to his friends as he passed. "Guys, I'm leaving," he informed them growling and ignored their shocked expressions. "See ya when I catch ya!" He left.
"Recognize: Kid Flash. B03."
END CH.1
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