Chapter 5

Tobias

She choose instructor. She actually did. The crowd starts to fade out and it's just Tris, Will, Christina, Lynn, Marlene, Uriah, Zeke, Shauna and me left. Shauna is up on the stage congratulating Lynn.

"So you're becoming a tattoo artist lil sis," she says while hugging her.

Will and Christina are kissing. Tris is talking to Uriah and Marlene. She looks so happy. She is where she belongs now. Zeke pats me on the back.

"Looks like you two will be spending some time together huh?" He smiles. "I'm gonna go congratulate Uriah." He walks up on stage and hugs his brother. Behind them, Tris catches my eyes and her face is full of joy. She starts walking toward me, but stops after a few steps. I can't congratulate her here in front of everyone. I point at the kitchen door. She nods and turns to Uriah and Marlene again. I walk into the kitchen and wait for her there. After a few minutes she walks though the doors. I embrace her in my arms and she laughs against my shoulder. I pick her up and I her put her down on the counter.

"When did you make up your mind?" I ask, leaving just a few inches between us.

"I don't know. I guess I didn't really know until I saw you from the stage. I knew I wanted to be an instructor and give the new initiates the same strength you gave me every day. Have I told you how much that meant to me?"

"No, you haven't," I say.

"Well it does."

I pull her closer again and I kiss her, first her lips, then her cheek and then her neck. I bury my hands in her hair, continuing to kiss her, wanting to close the gap between us entirely. I keep one hand on the side of her head and slowly slide the other one on her thigh. I feel her hand on my chest and she pushes me away. "Please," she breathes. "We've got to stop."

I frown. "Why?"

"It's too weird."

"Weird?"

"Well yeah. I mean, initiation is over, and it's different now."

"Different how?"

"You're not my instructor anymore. Now you're just… and it's… scary."

I laugh a little and brush her cheek with my thumb. "I know it's scary, but we'll get through it. We don't have to rush this."

She smiles. "We should leave. The cooks will probably be here soon."

"Yeah. Hold on," I say.

"What are you doing?"

"Just looking to see if someone's still out there."

"Is there?"

"No, coast is clear."

Tris

He takes my hand and we walk out of the dining hall. On our way to Tobias apartment me bump into Christina and Will. "Hi!" Christina calls out the second she sees us. Tobias lets go of my hand. "I saw you guys sneaking off earlier. If you're gonna keep this a secret you need to be better at hiding."

"We will tell everyone, just not yet," I say, not really sure if I mean that. "Congratulations by the way, both of you. Are you happy with your decisions?"

"Yeah, I am, "Will says. "You'll have to teach me how the control room works Four. You still work there right?"

"Yes I do. Looking forward to it."

I really appreciate Tobias trying with my friends. He knows it's important to me. Everything just changed so quickly and being a dauntless member is different from being an initiate

"I can't believe that the position I wanted was still available when it was my turn," Christina says happily.

"Yeah, that's really great Christina. I'm happy for you," I say taking her hand in mine.

"So anyway," she says. "We were just heading to the dining hall again. They will open the kitchen again in like 5 minutes. Wanna join?"

I look at Tobias. Thank god we left when we did. "No thanks, we're just gonna go and get some rest. Have fun though."

"Alrighty then! See yah." She takes Will's hand and they disappear around the corner.

We continue walking to Tobias apartment. When we're inside he shuts the door and turns to me. "Can I get you anything? Water?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Okay. I'll be right back." He disappears into the kitchen.

I think about what happened in the dining hall kitchen. Tobias makes me happier than I ever thought was possible, but yet I feel… I don't know. It's like; I can't get over my fear of intimacy. I thought it would go away when I started seeing him, but I guess I was wrong. It's selfish of me to do this with him, because he deserves the truth.

Tobias

I walk into the kitchen and get a glass from the cabinet and fill it with water. I know Tris worries about talking our relationship a bit further, so I have to be careful. The last thing I want is to scare her away. I walk back to the living room. Tris is sitting on the couch and smiles at me and I hand her the water.

"I'm really glad you choose instructor. We'll have a lot of fun jerking around with the initiates."

She laughs a little. "Yeah. But first you'll have to teach me to be one." She smiles again and takes a sip of the water. A strand of hair falls on her face and she puts it behind her ear. She takes another sip of water and I watch her carefully.

"What?" She suddenly says. She must have caught me staring.

"Nothing," I say and try to smile.

She puts the glass of water on the table. "Tobias," she says, her voice a bit shaky.

"Yeah?"

She look me in the eyes, then my nose, my chin, and my lips. She looks sad.

"Tris, are you okay?"

A tear rolls down her cheek and she covers her face with her hands.

"Hey, it's okay. You can talk to me."

She looks up. "I'm sorry," she says. "It's just, I'm scared. I'm scared of this, us. Where this is going. I've never done anything like this before and I'm just not ready to… I don't want to let you down and… I'm sorry." She covers her face again, but I grab her wrists and try to look into her eyes. Her cheeks are wet from the tears.

"Tris, you have nothing to apologize for. I don't expect anything from you. We don't have to rush into anything."

"But it's not fair to you."

"Not fair to me?" I repeat. "Tris, the only thing I care about is you. You being happy, that's all I need."

"But, I feel like, you could have more. Something better." She finally looks into my eyes and they are blank with tears.

"I have you." I kiss her and for a second she kisses me back, but then she pulls away and stands up.

"I should go. I need to be alone for a while." She walks over to the door but I follow her and grab her waist. "No, don't leave like this. We have to talk about this."

"I'm sorry Tobias, but I need to figure this out. I can't be selfish with you. I won't."

She kisses me softly, and when I open my eyes, she's gone.

See ya'll soon. Be brave! -s