Chapter 6

Tris

It's been two days since I told Tobias that I needed some time to think. There must be something wrong with me? There's a boy who likes me, maybe even loves me, and I'm too scared to let him. I get out of bed and look in the mirror. I stare at my reflection. My eyes are red and my cheeks are puffy from my tears. I cried myself to sleep last night, again. The new ten members got the weekend off. Tomorrow it's Monday and we'll all start our new jobs. I'm supposed to practice with Tobias, but I haven't talked to him. I've seen him in the dining hall at breakfast but he hasn't said anything. I don't blame him. I'm so screwed up; he probably doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

I take quick shower, before I leave for breakfast. When I get there, Christina and Uriah are the only ones sitting at a table. A group of girls are standing by the buffet, grabbing muffins and some chocolate cake. I can hear them laughing about something, but not what. I walk over to Uriah and Christina.

"Hey Tris!" Uriah says when he sees me. "How's it going?"

"Good," I say. He doesn't know about Tobias and me yet, so I can't tell him that I'm actually heartbroken. "I'm gonna go grab something to eat."

I get some food even though I'm not hungry. I sit down next to Christina.

"So, what have you been up to these last few days?" She says, taking a piece of my muffin. "I haven't seen you. I'm sorry I haven't come by your place. I've just been hanging out with Will."

I can't tell her about what happened with Tobias, since Uriah is sitting across from us. "Um… Nothing really. Just settled down in my apartment. Getting some new clothes."

"That's great." She smiles, but her face expression suddenly changes and she looks concerned. "Uriah, would you mind leaving? We need to discuss some private things." Uriah opens his mouth to say something but Christina continues. "Ps. not a good time to insert inappropriate humor."

His grin fades away. "Alright, fine." He stands up and walks out of the dining hall.

"Now tell me," Christina says facing me. "How are you really doing? What's going on with you and Four?"

"Nothing." I look away.

"Tris, I can tell when you're lying." She takes my hands. "Come on, talk to me." I look up and she's smiling a little. I do see some pity in that smile is the first real friend I've ever had and without her, I probably wouldn't have made it through initiations. She makes me stronger, by just being her.

"Well, I haven't talked to him since Thursday. I kind off left him with a question mark. I said I needed some time to think. I just don't know what I need to figure out. I love him but I don't know if I'm…"

"Wait, reverse back! You love him?"

"Yeah, I do. But he needs communication and commitment too and I don't know if I'm the one who can give it to him."

"Do you want my opinion?"

A candor asking if they can tell the truth? Unusual. "Yes."

"Well, honestly, it sounds to me that that's what you have decided. Have you even talked to him about it? Asked him what he thinks and what he wants?

"Well… no. I haven't talked to him in two days."

"Tris, listen. He loves you. It's unbelievable that I know that from the little I've seen. He loves you and he wants you. I'm sorry but it's not up to you to make this decision. You need to talk to him."

I haven't even thought about that myself. "You're right. I should talk to him. Do you know where he might be? I've only seen him at breakfast."

"No I don't."

Just then, a group of dauntless teenagers enters the room, followed by Lynn, Marlene and Will.

"What's he doing with them?" Christina says, looking pissed.

"Christina relax, he's just making new friends. We should too." I wave at them. "Guys! Come sit with us."

"Hi guys. Thanks," Marlene says as they sit directly start a conversation and Marlene tells a story about Will falling over earlier. I stop paying attention when I see Tobias and Zeke walk through the doors. They sit down at another table.

"Hey guys. I need to speak with Four about tomorrow. I'll catch up with you later."

"Bye Tris," Will says and Christina smiles.

I walk over to Zeke and Tobias. They both look surprised to see me. "Hey Zeke. Do you mind if I borrow Four for a few minutes? I need to talk to him about tomorrows practice."

"It's okay Tris. You don't have to lie. I know you two are a thing." He smiles.

"Shut it," Tobias snaps. He takes my arm and we walk out of the dining hall. He leads me into a small room further down the tunnel. It's some kind of a broom closet.

"You told him about us?" I say when he closes the door.

"He saw us when the new members were announced. What's the big deal, Christina and Will knows?"

"Yeah well I don't trust Zeke. He could tell Uriah or Shauna, or even Eric for that matter."

"He would never do that. You don't know him like I do. I'd trust him with my life."

I immediately regret my words. "I'm sorry, you're right."

His body relaxes a bit, but he still seems upset. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

I look into his eyes. They're dark, cold. I decide to take a risk. "Are we okay?"

"Well I don't know Tris. You tell me. You say you need time to think and leave me with nothing. You don't talk to me for days and know you wanna know if we're okay."

I feel the anger building up inside me. "I never wanted this Tobias."

"Then what do you want?" His voice is loud. I haven't seen this side of him before.

"I don't know. And don't yell at me!"

He shakes his head and walks a few steps back. He stands there, looking at me for a few seconds. Then he suddenly takes my face between his hands and kisses me firmly. His grip is strong, solid. When his lips touch mine, I feel a longing, for him. Then he lets me go. "Then figure it out." He opens the door and leaves and I remain still, feeling only the heavy weight on my shoulders.

Tobias

I kissed her. I feel like I shouldn't have, but I couldn't resist. I haven't held her for days and it's driving me crazy. Tomorrow I'm going to practice with her but I don't think I can if we're fighting like this. I walk back to the dining hall and slide into my seat again.

"How did that go?" Zeke says, trying to not sound so curious.

"Not good. She still doesn't know where she stands. I'll just have to wait."

"Wait for what man? You need to make a move or she'll never know what to do."

"I just did!"

"You did what?"

"Never mind." I look down at my food. I'm not in the mood to talk to him about it.

"You kissed her," he says after a while, and it's not a question. I just nod.

See ya'll soon. Be brave! -s