The Kids Are All Right
Part One

It had been a month since Dean had revealed the truth about his deal. It hadn't made Sam stop looking; it had made him look harder, actually.

I helped Sam in between cases - Dean kept us busy with vampires, ghosts, and demons. Mostly demons - there were more demons now, so there were more demon possessions.

Things with Dean were…different now. The only time things were the same was when we were working. When we were alone, which wasn't a lot, things were bad. We barely talked outside of work, and I noticed small things that were off about him.

He flirted with other women now, and he did it obviously, like he was trying to piss me off, or like he was trying to hurt me. It didn't hurt me, exactly, because that was all he was doing…flirting. And if he'd really wanted to hurt me, he could have. He was never away at night. Well, from me, yes, he was away, but with other girls…no, he wasn't away.

But things were different. It wasn't like before when I was ignoring him because now I was trying. Dean just wasn't. It was like he wasn't interested anymore. The only time he really even touched me was when he thought I was hurt. Or, sometimes he'd just absentmindedly touch me like he used to, but then he'd realize what he was doing, and he'd stop. And he'd get this look on his face like he was a little kid who had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

It was me, I was sure. When I'd exorcised those two demons I'd freaked him out and he didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me. That had to be it, right? And that was why he was pushing me away. It had to be, because I hadn't done anything else differently, I hadn't done anything to deserve the distance he was giving me. Maybe exorcising demons without an exorcism ritual was a bad thing to do around Dean?

Speaking of demons, I hadn't even seen Ruby again, and I'd all but forgotten her. I hadn't mentioned her to Sam or Dean because I didn't feel the need to. She hadn't been back, so she wasn't a big deal.

My birthday was coming up and I'd made it clear we weren't celebrating, and I didn't need gifts. The only thing I needed was for Dean to live, and then for him to talk to me. Maybe not in that order.

But as of now, he wasn't talking to me much and touching me even less, and I was spending more and more time with Sam. He was great…but he wasn't Dean. Not as fun as Dean, not as good at making me happy, and being away from Dean so much was…excruciating. There was an almost physical ache in me because he'd never actually pushed me away for so long.

I think it was worse, too, because we'd never gone so long without connecting. Not physically, but…soulfully? He just wouldn't anymore. I knew he'd enjoyed it. I knew that. He'd told me over and over again, and I'd felt it enough to know it was the truth.

But now, he didn't want to anymore, and it hurt, like a part of me was missing because he wasn't there. We didn't even sleep together anymore. I usually shared a room with Sam when we stayed at a motel.

For the first week, I thought maybe he was just trying to get back at me for ignoring him that one time, but then I realized Dean wouldn't do that and I felt bad for even thinking he would.

So now, I'd come to the conclusion that it was my fault. I was too much of a freak for him. I'd always been self-conscious about my abilities, and Dean knew that, but I'd never thought Dean would hold it against me. I couldn't help it. I didn't ask for my abilities. I didn't do anything to earn them, they were just given to me. I mean, it wasn't like it was a life-style choice.

We were at a motel now, and of course, Sam and I were sharing a room. We'd gone to bed an hour ago and I still wasn't sleeping. Too many thoughts were filling my head to relax enough to sleep.

For the past few nights, I'd had nightmares. Or…a nightmare over and over. It was strange and scary and disturbing.

I didn't remember all of it, only flashes. Only bits and pieces stood out.

I knew the dreams felt real, like they were happening as I saw them. I remembered in the dream I was watching a town basically fall apart. An earthquake, maybe? The streets were lined with people freaking out. I was aware of a pain in my lower abdomen and I wasn't sure why that stood out. Then I realized it wasn't a pain, exactly, it was an emptiness, a lack of everything.

I remembered Dean was there telling me he loved me. I remembered we each were like one soul reaching toward another.

I remembered throwing my arms around him, but my body went through his and there was nothing there. I remembered staying at the empty space and screaming.

In the real world, I moaned and rolled onto my back. I was crying. Again. I'd been doing that randomly ever since Dean had made the deal.

I rolled back onto my stomach and buried my face in my pillow. I didn't want Sam to hear if I decided to spill the gut-wrenching sobs I felt building up.

These dreams were tearing me apart because they were so close to reality it wasn't funny.

I knew the earthquake probably symbolized how shaky my world felt to me now. Everything I'd come to rely on was going to be taken away from me. The one thing - well, person - that was the center of my world, universe, galaxy, was going to be gone in less than a year. So the Dean thing in the dream was self-explanatory. I knew I was going to lose him. The dream was just a dreadful reminder.

Sam and I went to breakfast together the next morning. We texted Dean the name of the restaurant. If he came he came, if he didn't…that was his prerogative.

After we ordered our food and it was brought to our table I pretty much just moved the food around on the plate, thinking.

I didn't know what to do. I only had two options, really: stay or go. I could tell him to take me to Bobby's and I'd stay there. I could go to college, get a job, live a somewhat normal life, or I could hunt by myself. I knew enough to do that myself now.

But every time I even thought that, every part of me said no. I'd already promised to never leave Dean unless he sent me away, and so I would stay and suffer.

It sounded stupid, or at the very least, irrational, to stay, But I had to. Even if, when the time came…he'd really be gone.

"Eat," Sam said softly, breaking through my thoughts. "Don't make me force-feed you."

"That would be interesting to see," I said, trying for a light, teasing sound, yet not quite reaching it.

I took a bite of eggs, though, to appease him.

Someone tapped on the window and I jumped slightly. It was just Dean, and I mentally reprimanded myself for being so jumpy. He came in and took his place beside me, slinging his arm behind me onto the back of my chair. He was carefully not touching me.

"Hey, I think I may have found something," Dean said, tossing a newspaper on the table. "A guy in Cicero, Indiana…falls on his own power saw."

The newspaper headline read: Man Dead in Tragic Home Accident. Looking over the article, I read that the guy had been found in his garage work-space, and he had an ex-wife and a daughter.

"And? What, that's it? Just one power saw?" Sam questioned.

"Well, yeah," Dean nodded.

Dean began playing with my hair, twirling it around his fingers. My fork clattered to my plate in shock and he stopped. It was almost as if he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't.

I felt the warmth of his arm against my back and I wanted so very much to lean against him. I knew that if I gave in…he'd move away.

"And you think that this is a case?" Sam, again.

"Well, I don't know. It could be."

"Or it could be an isolated incident," I said. "Unless you know something we don't."

"A'right. There's somethin' better in Cicero than just a case."

"And that is…?"

"Lisa Braden." He had a wide smile on his face, but it wasn't genuine.

I could've smacked him. He wanted to go to Indiana for a girl? Really? I clenched my jaw, reminding myself that as of now I didn't have a claim on him. We weren't really a couple anymore.

"Should I even ask?" Sam asked, shaking his head.

"Remember that road trip I took…gosh, about eight years ago? You were in Orlando with dad, wrapping up that banshee thing."

"Yeah, the five states, five days. Right?"

"Yeah, well, kind of. Although I spent most of my time in Lisa Braden's loft."

That was enough of that. I stood up, eyes stinging, and began walking away. I heard a chair scoot away from the table and I knew it was Sam. I stopped, sighed, and turned around.

"Wait," he said. "Come back. Dean's just…bein' an ass."

I looked at Dean, who was pointedly looking the other way. "I'm sorry," I told Sam. "I just…forgot to be hungry." I sighed again, wrapping my arms around myself. "Is there something wrong with me? I mean, if there were something wrong with me, you'd tell me, right?"

"Yeah, in a heartbeat," he said, though he was joking a little. "But…it's not you. This one's all Dean."

I nodded. "Okay, well, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I…need to be away for a second, so I can…be away."

My grammar and sentence structure was definitely on the fritz today.

I walked to the bathroom and once inside I went to the mirror. I looked…horrible. My usually tan skin was paler - too many night jobs that had me sleeping away the sunlight hours. My usually curvy figure seemed disfiguring now. I'd lost weight. I knew because my jeans were loose now. I looked downright unhealthy. I was sure that if I were to lift my shirt I'd be able to see my ribs jutting out.

I made a mental note to actually give an honest effort to eating. If I wasn't careful I'd waste away. And it wasn't like I was starving myself. Honestly it was like I'd told Sam earlier. I had way too much to focus on and I forgot to be hungry.

Dean was being almost…mean, and that wasn't like him. He'd always - always - treated me good and let me know I was his only…I never had to fight for his affection. I just had to be me. But now…everything was different.

I ran my fingers through my limp hair, sniffling a few times. I wiped my eyes, tears still stinging but not falling over.

I walked back out and saw that Sam and Dean weren't at the table, so I figured they'd gone outside to the car. The table had been cleared.

I went outside and walked to the corner of the building - the car was parked on the side - and stopped when I heard them talking. About me, I assumed.

"What the hell are you doing, Dean? You have to see what you're doin' to her. If you're not careful she's gonna end up hating you."

"Maybe it's better that way, Sammy," Dean said softly. So softly I barely heard him.

"Better? With her hurting like that? Better for who? You?" I could practically feel Sam roll his eyes. "That's a load of crap, Dean. She's blaming herself, did you know that? She thinks there's somethin' wrong with her. That's why you won't have anything to do with her. You're making her think that she's not good enough, and that's not fair."

"Sam, I know what I'm doin', okay?"

"No, not okay." I heard Sam exhale loudly. "Dean, what d'you think Mom would say if she were here? Or Dad? I mean, he's the only who told you to treat her right. He's the one who gave you the ring you gave to her. The ring she's still wearing, by the way."

My fingers automatically traveled to the sapphire ring on my left hand.

"The ring you gave her when you swore you wouldn't leave her alone, that you'd be here with her as long as you were alive. But she's alone now, Dean. You've got her so tied up she can't even think straight. She's lost without you, Dean."

"You think I don't know that, Sam?" Dean's voice came across rough and weary. "You think I can't see that? I see her everyday and I can see that she's slipping. I see what it's gonna be like for her when I'm gone. And so I'm…pushing her away." I imagined him swallowing against the pain. "You don't know how hard it is to see her and know that you could make her feel at least a little bit better if you could just wrap your arms around her. But I can't. I won't. She deserves better than me, Sam."

"No," Sam said softly. "She deserves to make that decision on her own. I mean, you don't hear her, Dean. She doesn't go a night without crying. And I mean, crying. Like full out sobbing, like her world is ending. I mean, crying so hard it makes me hurt. And I know it's hard for you to comprehend, but she loves you. You are the world to her. So if you're gonna push her away…just tell her to go. Don't drag her along like this. It's not right, and you'll only end up having her hate you."

After the conversation was over I went back inside the restaurant. I was going to get some coffee, which I would pay for later because I hadn't eaten anything, but I had to make sure they didn't know that I'd been eavesdropping.

A weight had sort of been lifted because now I knew that it wasn't me. It wasn't my fault. Dean wasn't freaked out, or if he was…that wasn't the reason he was being the way he was. It explained a lot, the conversation I'd heard.

A sort of fond frustration came over me. That was so Dean. Pushing me away while he was suffering because he thought it was better for me.

Then a different sort of frustration came over me because Sam had heard me crying all those nights, and I'd thought I'd hidden it so well. I hadn't wanted him to suffer right along with me.

Everything slid into place, though. The flirting, the not talking to me about anything except business…Dean was getting me ready for when he was actually gone. He didn't want me to have to quit cold turkey. We were going through a twelve step thing.

After getting my drink, I went back out to the car and saw they were both inside already. Once I got in the back and got settled in, I realized I felt lighter than I had in a long time. I realized that part of the reason I'd been so upset about Dean practically ignoring me was because I hadn't known why. I'd just thought it was something I'd done, but that weight was gone now that I knew the real reason.

"So, Indiana, right? Great," So sad that I actually felt happy about that. I knew now that Dean was just trying to make me let go of him by doing all the things he'd done. "Let's go.

Sam looked at me like I'd grown another head, and I smiled innocently at him.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said. "It's just everyone's gone crazy, it seems."

"Oh." I shrugged. "Hunting will do that to a person."

Sam blinked a few times. "Do you care if I throw holy water on you?"

"Why?"

"Because I think you're possessed."

"Holy water won't hurt me, I'm not possessed…I'm just…" I looked down at my twenty ounce coffee. "Getting ready to be highly caffeinated."

Sam still seemed weirded out by my sudden mood swing, but he didn't say anything else about it and turned back around in his seat.

We were only about two hours away from Indiana so we got there before lunch time. Dean dropped us off at a motel - Cicero Pines Motel. Sam and I checked in for a week. The room came with cable and a phone. There was a pool outside, which I would probably make use of. It was the middle of summer, after all.

There was a diner next door. I was sure Dean had picked this motel for that reason.

After we checked in, I talked Sam into going to the store with me. We were in town, there were stores everywhere and I needed a bathing suit. Since Dean was doing whatever he was doing, and we didn't actually have a job right now, I was going to get a tan. Put some color back into my now pallid skin.

At the store - Walmart - it didn't take me long to find the suit I wanted. It was black, and it was one of those that covered the front but had an open back, and it came down in a skirt. It stopped around mid-thigh.

After getting the suit, I went to get some sun block, and then after that we went to the hair styling place.

"You're getting your hair cut?" Sam asked.

"Not much, just getting the split ends off," I reassured him. Why did he care if I got my hair cut, anyway?

After the split ends were gone, I ended up getting it layered. The shortest layer was about chin length - which was maybe a little drastic since my hair had been evenly shaped to reach the middle of my back - and the longest layer was about three inches past my shoulders. My hair surrounded my face attractively; I liked it.

I paid the hair dresser and then we left. We'd walked to the store; the motel was only about a mile away and so we were heading back now. We talked a little about everything and then about nothing at all. Sam said he liked my hair.

When we got near the motel, I almost stopped walking. I felt that eerie feeling again, though I knew this time it was Ruby. She had her own distinct feeling. Evil, of course, because she was a demon, but there was something more there. Something I was picking up that had nothing to do with her being a demon.

Sam and I kept walking, and I played it off like I hadn't felt anything. Then, there she was, standing in front of our door.

"Hello, guys," she said, smirking.

Sam stopped in his tracks, surprised. "You again? You've been following us since Lincoln."

"Not much gets by ya, huh?"

Sam shook his head. "That knife you had - you can kill demons with that thing?"

"Sure comes in handy when I have to swoop in and save the damsel in distress." I could tell she meant Sam and not myself. It was almost funny.

"Where'd you get it?" Sam asked curiously.

"SkyMall."

"Why're you following me?" Sam, again. "Or us."

"I'm interested in you," Ruby smiled.

"Why?"

"Because you're tall. I love a tall man. And then there's the whole anti-Christ thing." She smirked; she did that a lot. Maybe it was the whole demon thing, or maybe it was just her M.O. "Ya know, generation of psychic kids, Yellow-Eyed Demon rounds you up, Celebrity Deathmatch ensues. You're the sole survivor."

"How do you know about that?" Sam asked.

"I'm a good hunter," she said, shrugging.

"A hunter?" I snorted. "Right."

She rolled her eyes. "So, Yellow-Eyes had some pretty big plans for you, Sam."

"Had being the key word," I said.

"Oh, yeah, that's right. Ding Dong, the demon's dead. Good job with that. Doesn't change the fact that you're special in the Anthony Michael Hall, ESP-vision kind of way."

"No," Sam disagreed. "That stuff's not happening anymore. Not since Yellow-Eyes died."

"Well, I'm thinking you're still a pretty big deal. I mean, after all that business with your mom."

That got Sam's attention. "What about my mom?"

"You know, what happened to her friends…"

Sam and I both stared, confused.

"You…don't know." Ruby shook her head and smirked again. "You have got a little bit of catching up to do, my friend." She was speaking solely to Sam now. "So, why don't you look into your mom's pals" - she grabbed a pen out of her pocket and took Sam's hand, writing her number down - "and then give me a call, and we'll talk again."

She began walking away from us and then turned back around. "And by the way, you do know there's a job in this town, right?"

Then she was walking away again.

"Wait here," I told Sam and then went after Ruby. "Wait." I grabbed her arm and dragged her a little ways away from Sam so he wouldn't hear.

"What?"

"You said you could help Dean. As far as I know he's still dying."

"Do you trust me?" she asked, taking me by surprise.

"What? No. You're a demon."

"Then I can't help you." She sighed. "Do you know why I came to you first? Because you're more reasonable than them. I knew you'd actually listen. I am surprised, though, that you didn't tell them what I am."

"Well, it's been a month since I last saw you. I figured it didn't matter." I looked her up and down. "You know the only reason you're still here is because of Dean."

"I do know that," she said.

"Are you taking care of her? Whoever you're possessing. Eating, sleeping, being careful. Keeping her alive?"

"She's alive and buried deep inside her own subconscious. She won't remember a lot."

"Good." I sighed, shaking my head, not believing I was going to let her stay, let her keep possessing the poor girl she was riding around in. "You can…go."

"Oh, thanks for your permission," she snarked before disappearing.

I clenched my jaw and looked around. Stupid demon vanished into thin air in a public, open space. Anyone could've seen, but luckily the only ones around were me and Sam. And Sam was busy talking on the phone and looking the other way.

I shook my head again and went back to Sam, who shut his phone as I approached.

"That was Dean. And there is a job here." Sam pocketed his phone. "Dean said something about Morning Hill Community. People have been falling off latter's, drowning in Jacuzzis. Five in all. Four never made the paper."

"Huh."

"Yeah. Dean gave me a list of names. We can check them out if you want."

"Sure. Sure, just…let me go put my suit up and then I'll be ready."

"Dress in business clothes. We're going as insurance people."

"Hm. Any…common denominators between the victims?"

"They're all male, and they were fathers.

"Oh."

An hour later, we were dressed and ready to go. Sam was gonna go to this one house where the dad had fallen off a latter; I was going to a house where the dad had drowned in the Jacuzzi.

The first thing we were going to look for was sulfur. Of course. Demonic activity was rife now.

Sam and I were waiting for Dean to come pick us up and we were ready. I'd offered to rent a car for the day, but Sam had said Dean would come get us if he knew what was good for him. So we were waiting.

While we were waiting, Bobby called me. Me, because he couldn't get in touch with Sam or Dean. Sam's phone was off, I knew that much. I didn't know why Dean wasn't answering. Maybe he was busy, or maybe his phone was off, too.

Anyway, Bobby was on the phone now, and I'd put him on speaker.

"Where are you guys?" he asked, skipping over pleasantries.

"Indiana, why?" I answered and asked.

"I'll get to that. Are you workin'?"

"Starting to, yeah," Sam said. "What's goin' on, Bobby?"

"Somethin' weird. I haven't completely figured it out yet, but I'm in Columbus Ohio. It's 110 degrees here. Summer is usually pleasant here. They've had heat spells, sure, but nothin' like this, and not for as long."

"You're freaking out over a heat wave?" I asked suspiciously. That wasn't like Bobby.

"I wasn't done. If you'd hold your horses…"

"Okay, okay." I grinned. "Sorry."

"Okay, well, heat makes everyone insane, anyway, but tempers have been flaring. People have been going missing. Mostly teenagers. One girl was last seen with her boyfriend at a bar. Her name was Alicia Allen. I talked to the boyfriend, he didn't know anything. He's a scumbag, though. The weirdest thing, though, is that I'd heard of two people spontaneously combusting."

I looked at Sam. "Spontaneously combusting?" Wow. "I thought that was just a myth."

"Well, I'm not sure it was spontaneous, but they did combust. The coroner's stumped, he's the one who said it was spontaneous." I head Bobby sigh, or yawn. "The two guys burnt up from the inside out. Organs liquefied, eyeballs burst. They were practically charcoal by the time it was over."

"Ew," I said emphatically. "And…ow." I hoped the two hadn't…felt all that. Or if they had, I hoped it was over quickly.

"Yeah," Bobby agreed. "So get here when you can."

"Will do, Bobby," Sam said. "And be careful, what with the spontaneous combustion and all."

"Yeah," he said again. Then he hung up.

I began taking off my suit jacket, grateful to take it off. "I'll be Research-girl today. I didn't feel like dressing up today, anyway."

I went back in the bathroom and changed to my regular clothes. A white tank top with a baby blue camisole underneath. The cami was slightly longer so it hung down below the shirt. My blue jeans weren't as snug as the used to be and I had to wear a belt to keep them from slipping down.

By the time I was done, Dean was here waiting outside the motel room. Sam had his laptop in one arm and an empty briefcase in the other. He was dressed as an insurance agent, so I assumed the briefcase was part of the package.

"Hey, I need the computer," I said. "Like I said, Research-girl."

"You're comin' with us. You can stay in the car or something."

"I think it would be better if I stayed here. Dean seems to not want me around as much."

It was hard saying that last line, not because it was true - I knew it wasn't - but because since I'd heard their earlier conversation I knew he wanted me around, but in a weird way, he was trying to protect me by keeping me at arms length.

"Well, Dean can get over it," Sam said, grabbing my arm. "Come on."

"Fine, fine." I rolled my eyes and pretended I didn't want to go. But inside, I felt a little stirring of happiness. It seemed Sam wanted Dean and I to work it out, or at least talk again. That's why he was dragging me along with them.

Needless to say, I wanted Dean to talk to me again too.

So I let Sam lead the way.

Okay, so...I know some of you hardcore Dean fans are probably going to think that what Dean is doing is stupid and that he probably wouldn't do this, but I think he would solely for the fact that he thinks it will help Aly when he's really gone. He's not trying to be mean, he's trying to distance himself so it's not as hard for her when he's gone, but don't worry it won't last forever. I haven't figured out how long it'll be, BUT I know it won't be forever. LOL :) Anyway, thanks for reading and let me know what you think, please.