Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine.

Chapter 36 The Great Prankster

"Do you want to go out to eat tonight?" Draco asked during lunch. "The four of us?"

Kat knew it was part of "the plan," but as she remembered her father-in-law's words, she felt a little mean. He didn't maliciously have no connection with the new baby, and because of her defensiveness, she didn't exactly try to get him involved either.

"Think they can handle a restaurant?" Kat wondered, feeling guilty when he sighed with relief. "We only have a few hours to teach them not to poop at the table."

"I've resigned myself to the fact they've inherited your manners," Draco said quietly, almost cautiously.

He was scared. He said he was scared, and she threatened to divorce him. Kat put her hand over his and brushed her thumb over his palm. "I love you."

"I love you too." He sounded so sad! Kat sighed and focused on her lunch. They'd get through this. They always did.

"Ma! Ma! Ma!" Ric exclaimed from his height chair as he reached for her breadsticks that night. He loved every food she mashed up and gave him. Rory was wary of carrots.

"Sorry!" Kat grinned and took a bite. "You can ask your Da, since you were so eager to talk to him the other week."

"Katherine," Draco chided tiredly. "How long are you going to hold that against him?"

"Until I'm dead," she said seriously. She didn't want to talk about Rory's first word. That one actually hurt. Her daughter was so close to calling her Mum or Ma. She just knew it.

"Better luck next time." The smile was so forced that Kat almost laughed at her poor husband. There must be laughter in her eyes though, because he took a sip of his water (Malfoys didn't drink soda) and looked away. "Edward wants to name him Drake."

"Teddy also wants to bring my breast pump to show and tell." She shouldn't laugh. He was trying. "What do you actually want to name him?"

"Scorpius," he whispered.

"Oh-fucking-well," Kat yelled before she could stop herself. He raised his eyebrows when she laughed. "Better luck next time!"

"Fuh!" Rory squealed, making Draco turn bright red at the thought of her cursing.

Kat wrinkled her nose and smiled. It was only a matter of time before someone cursed. Her bets were on Ric. "I'm sorry." Draco went from red to white as the waitress placed their pizza on the table. "I know that once you see him…"

"Well I don't know!" Draco flinched once he said it, and Kat's heart sunk to her feet. "I'm overwhelmed. And scared. And… resentful."

He didn't do anything! Kat wanted to shriek. Instead, she shrugged and started cutting up the pizza. "That will change once you see him. Trust me."

Draco didn't feel much better after dinner. But Katherine felt guilty. At this point, he wasn't sure if she should. He resented his own son for existing. It wasn't like anyone forced him to have sex or not use a charm.

They went for a walk in the park with the double stroller. Katherine sleepily clung to him while he pushed it. The twins were knocked out, and he was about to suggest that she rest when out of nowhere he heard the hungry, almost predatory, exclamation of Rita Skeeter.

"Katherine! So the rumors are true!" she squealed with delight. "Is Draco the father?"

"Yes," Draco snapped as Katherine forced her eyes open. Aurora whined in her sleep. "Stay away from my family."
"Rumor has it—"

"Hagrid's the father!" Katherine roared, half asleep and not seeing Skeeter scribbling furiously on her notepad. If she was fully conscious, he had no doubt she would've done the exact same thing. "I'm only a month along. But since Rubeus Jr. is a quarter giant…"

"Stay away from my family," Draco repeated. Katherine pulled away when his arms started to tense with the effort of not turning into wings. They should leave.

"Is it true that your temper has destroyed your marriage?" Skeeter pressed. Draco involuntarily took a step towards her. The beetle remained oblivious. "That Katherine is going to leave you?"

When Aurora started crying, Skeeter peeked into the stroller and reached out to touch her. Draco snapped and shoved her. Without thinking, he squawked and started charging towards her. The fact that they were in a Muggle park didn't stop him, or the fact that he saw a few stray feathers falling to the ground. He didn't realize what he was doing until he heard the sound of Katherine apparating behind him.

As his heart started pounding, he stopped and started to phase back to normal. There was a rushing noise in his ears before he heard Skeeter and a few Muggles screaming. What had he done?

As soon as he apparated home, he ran to the parlor, where Katherine was trying to soothe Alaric, and Aurora was giggling in her pram. He snatched her up and inspected every inch of her.

"She liked apparating," Katherine announced as she bounced Alaric on her hip. For once, he clung to her for comfort. "This guy on the other hand…"

"Can I see him?" Draco pleaded. He put Aurora on the floor and took his screaming son while Katherine sunk into the nearest couch. The boy was red in the face from crying so hard, but otherwise was unharmed. He nearly dropped him when Katherine put her hand on the top of her belly and winced.

No, no, no, no. Was she going into labor? He doubted she should be apparating. Draco would never forgive himself if—

"He's just kicking my rib bone," Katherine said breathlessly. "Sometimes I think he likes messing with me. And you, I suppose."

"Are you sure?" Draco asked before he could stop himself. She gave him that Are you stupid look? she learned from Hermione.

With a grimace, Katherine gestured for him to sit next to her. Alaric was still screaming in his ear, but she gave him a pained smile and took his hand. Although he remembered what it felt like from before the twins were born, he still gasped when he felt the pushing against his hand.

"It hurts," she said, "but rest easy Drakey-Poo, Drake Jr. is not coming any time soon."

"I'm sorry." What would've happened if she hadn't apparated? She smiled and kissed him, but Draco couldn't stop thinking about how he could've killed all three of them. All four of them. His son wouldn't even have the chance to take his first breath because of him.

"I…" Katherine took a deep breath and ran a thumb over Alaric's tearstained cheek before forcing herself to continue. "I don't want him to know. Because I knew… You know, what it felt like." She grimaced and her eyes filled with tears as she tried to calm down Alaric. "They didn't like me, Draco. I knew that before I knew what the word love meant."

Fuck. Draco didn't know what to say. He could count on one hand the number of times she had mentioned her aunt or uncle to him. They faded into the background, to the point that he had nearly forgotten they existed. "I'm s—"

"Don't." She bowed her head, hiding her face behind her wild hair. "Just don't. He-he's our baby… You can't…"

"I won't," he promised, even though he was afraid it was a promise he couldn't keep. Maybe she sensed it because she took Alaric and left him with Aurora. The baby gave him a gummy smile and held out her arms. She sighed happily as he picked her up, and although he loved holding her, he couldn't help but feel miserable. He ruined everything.

"So now Draco won't leave the house," Kat complained to Mrs. Weasley a week later. Astoria was at school (every Monday she tearfully announced she was going to drop out to stay with Reid), and Rory, Ric, and Reid were having a play date at the Burrow. Ric did not seem to like Reid and snatched every toy he could out of the poor boy's hands, so he was sitting in Kat's lap for now. Rory cuddled with a stuffed rabbit.

"What do you expect?" Mrs. Weasley laughed like this was normal. "It's a legitimate fear for a veela, Kat. Give him time. Although, make sure he's recovered before the new baby comes."

Kat opened her mouth and quickly shut it while Ric was trying to squirm out of her arms to steal Reid's toys again. She almost asked how, but she was sure the waddling and the basketball sized belly was a bit of a giveaway. "I don't know if I can handle three."

Mrs. Weasley was silent for a while. Kat was sure she was making judgments or was going to say that it wasn't that big of a deal, that Ginny and Ron turned out just fine, and they were a year apart and had five siblings ahead of them. Instead, her words made Kat's blood run cold.

"If there's one thing…" Mrs. Weasley paused as if she didn't want to say it herself. "If there's one thing I've learn since-since Fred, it is that your one job is to make sure they're happy. Not that they have a Ministry job or have more than two NEWTs… Don't get caught up in what you think have to be done, Kat. Nothing else matters as long as they have a smile on their face."

"What-what if I even can't do that?" Kat forced herself to ask. Mentioning Fred or Tonks still shook her up.

Mrs. Weasley laughed lightly. "I used to think that I messed Ron up. Because of how jealous he could get as a child… But he had the best friends anyone could ask for and a family that loves him. That's all that matters. My only true regret as a mother was trying to force Fred and George into jobs they didn't want. I'm glad that they ignored me and chose what made them happy, that Fred died with no regrets." She paused and looked away. "Don't focus on what should be, Kat. Focus on what makes them happy and what will help them grow into good people."

"They'll hate me for this," Kat said thickly. "But I couldn't…"

"They'll hate you for setting a curfew and not letting their grandparents spoil them rotten." Mrs. Weasley cracked a smile. "They have love, and they will be taken care of. Nothing will be perfect, but I don't think they'll ever go without love."

"They won't." Part of Kat wanted to have the baby right now. Then, her heart would melt, and she would know that there was nothing to worry about. Another part of her wanted to put a Stasis Charm on herself and waddle around for the next few years so she could give the twins all the attention they needed herself. But that was impossible. Mrs. Weasley was right. She had to be.

Kat still wasn't talking to Narcissa over two months later, although it was more out of awkwardness than anger now. Neither of them wanted to give in and talk about it. Whenever she was around, Kat simply stuffed her face so she wouldn't have to talk. To Draco's disgust, she was back to craving raw potatoes. Even worse, half the time it was a raw potato covered in peanut butter.

And so, Kat nearly jumped out of her skin when she came down to lunch to see that her mother-in-law threw her a surprise party for her twenty fourth birthday. Everyone was there. Even Mr. Weasley, who only forced himself on Malfoy property for big events like her wedding.

"Wha…" Kat said as Teddy started begging her to open his gift to her.

"I got you a shirt with a fortune cookie on it!" Teddy exclaimed as he pushed the bag at her. "Dad said we gotta get a huge one because—"

"Teddy!" Sirius grabbed him by his shoulders and started steering him away. "Presents are supposed to be a surprise!"

"I didn't let her see it!"

"Mother wants to try to patching things up," Draco whispered in her ear and wrapped an arm around her waist. He frowned when he saw Astoria trying to get Rory to dance with Reid. "She even got that revolting devil's food cake you and your family like so much."

"And the new baby," Kat said, mostly for his reaction, but he only kissed her slowly, causing Sirius to make loud retching noises in the background. "Who doesn't appreciate—"

"Katherine," he said quietly. "She can't undo what she said. You won."

Did he sound bitter? Kat didn't know. Sometimes she felt like pure hormones were flowing through her veins instead of blood. "What'd she buy me?"

Draco sighed and led her to the gift table. "Either you have to look through them all and see or you have to ask her yourself."

Kat eyed the table. "Shouldn't take too long."

"I'll let her know you're being a prat," Draco muttered as he walked off to make sure no one gave Ric cake. Mrs. Weasley seemed to think his four teeth could handle anything, and he was happy to pretend they could.

"Have fun!" Kat called out childishly. She'd forgive Narcissa… Eventually. Definitely before she turned thirty.

Dances with Rory, dances with Teddy, and well, calming down Ric once he realized she was trying to dance with him and not feed him. That's how Kat spent most of the afternoon and loved every minute of it. Her face must have been similar to Crookshanks when Narcissa pulled her away.

"I'm sorry." Surprisingly, Narcissa looked like she actually meant it. "Lucius is right. I have no say in… In your family planning."

"Family planning," Kat mimicked obnoxiously. "He's my son. Not a note on the calendar. And you're just saying that now because you can't manipulate Draco into letting you decide."

There was the tiniest twinge of guilt when Narcissa looked hurt. Tiny. Nearly nonexistent. She probably just had heartburn. "I was worried for Alaric and Aurora. Although I shouldn't have been." She took a deep breath. Her next sentence must've hurt. "You're a great mother, Katherine."

"You'll have to be their mother." Kat turned away, hating herself. "When he gets here."

"That's not true." Narcissa grabbed her arm and led her away. "Because I will make sure of it. Do you think I'd let you forget about them?"

It was a joke, but Kat's eyes filled with tears anyway. That was her biggest fear, that her babies would think she forgot about them. "They'll know. They'll know something is wrong and—"

"Nothing is wrong, Katherine," Narcissa soothed. "You moved back here for a reason. Everyone will simply be raised by four people instead of two. Lucius and I will take plenty of pictures if you miss so much as a giggle."

"You don't want him," Kat pressed tearfully. "Draco doesn't want him—"

"We want him," Narcissa said softly. "We say hurtful things out of fear, but we aren't monsters, Katherine. He'll be spoiled just like his brother and sister. If you let us?"

Kat shrugged, thinking of Mrs. Weasley's words. As long as they're happy, there isn't a problem. "Can we dress them up as pumpkins for Halloween?"

Narcissa wrinkled her nose at the Muggle tradition. "Perhaps dress robes would be more suitable, Katherine. It is their first Samhain."

Kat stared. What? "They're going to be pumpkins."

"We'll see what Draco says," Narcissa said slyly before smirking at Kat's face. With a content sigh, she put her arm around her shoulders and led her back to the party. "They'll be the greatest pumpkins in all of England."

Kat didn't say anything as they walked. The baby shifted so he was crammed against her lungs. Part of her didn't want to forgive Narcissa, but Draco was right. He and his mother couldn't change what they said. They would just have to show her that they meant it.

Before Kat knew it, it was the end of August. Draco didn't seem to want to go out much, but after her birthday party, Narcissa made sure he and the twins had daily trips so she could rest. She wasn't as big as she was with the twins, but at nearly thirty six weeks, all Kat wanted to do was snuggle up with Teddy and watch movies. Rory was just starting to walk (surprise, surprise, her first steps were towards Snape), and as much as Kat hated to admit it, she couldn't keep up with either of her babies right now. She mostly watched and hated herself for it.

"They love sitting and reading with you or crawling over to you Katherine," Draco tried to soothe one night when Kat woke up to realize she fell asleep in the nursery, again. "It's not that big a deal."

"I can't even play with them!" Excluding the brief four weeks in December and January, she had been pregnant for nearly a year and a half. Everything made Kat cry, including falling asleep during a game of blocks.

"You played with them all day." Draco stood up and held out his hand. "They're asleep by seven, and you fell asleep at six."

"Five thirty!" she wailed, even though she had no idea when she fell asleep. Draco rolled his eyes and waited until he grabbed her hand. Things were a little different when she got to her feet. "Whoa…"

Draco frowned as she stood up. "He's definitely dropped."

"Yeah…" How he managed to do it while she was curled up on the floor, Kat didn't know. The sprog really did like giving her a run for their money.

As usual, they were both scared out of their minds. In less than two weeks, the baby would be full term. Three kids under one was clearly going to happen sooner rather than later.

"Don't be afraid to wake me up," he said awkwardly. "If anything happens. I-I know what I said. But… But I do want to meet him."

"I know." Kat chewed on her lip. This wasn't that different from their usual problems. He got scared and said something stupid while she panicked and did something rash. Everything was going to be alright.

Sure enough, Kat woke up on the first morning of September having contractions. She wondered if St. Mungo's would try to stop it or let today be Baby's birthday. They hadn't even really discussed names…

"Why are you in such a rush?" Kat grunted as she eased herself out of bed. The baby answered in his own way, she supposed, because the moment she was flat on her feet her water broke. "Oh no… DRACO!"

Her oh so wonderful husband was nowhere to be found. Kat looked at her nightstand and wanted to scream when she saw the note.

I figured you could use a morning to sleep in. Mother and I took the twins to a petting zoo. We'll be back by lunch.

"Asshole," Kat snapped to herself before crying out in pain. She was tossing and turning all night with back pain, so he thinks it's a good idea to leave?! She'd give him a piece of her mind when she sent the Patronus. "Expecto Ah!"

Okay… Maybe that nightmare of Peeves stabbing her in the stomach and ripping her organs out was her sleeping through contractions because things were moving way too fast. She couldn't even cast a spell without interruption.

"Katherine," Lucius Dickwad Malfoy drawled as he opened her door. "Draco insisted that I check on you hourly. Still alive?"

"Take me to the hospital," she said through clenched teeth. Oh joy.

"What do you mean he just said "a petting zoo?"" Lucius snarled as Katherine was rushed to the delivery room. And how the hell did this idiot sleep through most of the labor process? It was supposed to be the most painful experience in the world!

"It's not my fault your son's fucking stupid!" the monster shrieked as a mediwitch helped her into bed and set up the stirrups. "You're the one who raised him! Oh God this hurts!"

Lucius took a step back as Katherine's latest basket case of a healer walked in. He didn't even greet them and went straight for Katherine's… feminine parts. "Then I have to get Black or Lupin to send the Patronus. I'll leave you to… have the child."

"Time to start pushing!" the healer said with forced emotion. Lucius had to suppress the urge to gag when his son's wife immediately complied. More like time to leave… "Hold it!"

"What?" Katherine panted, still pushing. "I-I can't just stop! I—"

"If you push again, you'll break his neck," the healer warned. "The umbilical cord is wrapped around it, and I need a minute to unwrap it. If you push, you'll only tighten the cord."

"I can't!" she sobbed, panicking like the Gryffindor fool she was. Lucius stood frozen on the spot. He was going watch his grandson being born dead. "I can't st-st-stop!"

"So, Katherine," Lucius heard himself saying. Thankfully, insulting her was a natural as breathing. "Are you going to keep your legs closed this time? Or can I expect another grandchild by next year?"

Katherine froze. "Excuse me?"

"The Dark Lord did say you couldn't control your urges." Lucius curled his lip in disgust. "I suppose he was right about one thing, at least."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" Katherine screamed so loud that Lucius winced.

"Okay." The healer was unaffected by their "conversation." "I untied it. You can push now."

Katherine blinked, making Lucius smirk at how stupid she was. "Huh?"

The healer gave her the smallest of smiles. "Now I'll perform the episiotomy."

"The what?" He must be losing it from the stress because Lucius momentarily forgot where he was and looked in the direction of the healer. As he was losing consciousness, he heard his evil daughter-in-law laugh.

Although she was in the worst pain imaginable, Kat laughed when Lucius fell to the ground in a dead faint. A moment later she heard a piercing cry that made her heart stop. The old git saved her son's life.

"Here he is," the healer said awkwardly, totally ignoring the unconscious Lucius. "A bit small but—"

"He's perfect," Kat sobbed as she took him. He wouldn't stop crying, but she didn't care and kissed his bloody cheek. He was perfectly healthy. She just knew it. For the first time in a while, Kat felt like a good mum.

"I can't believe I missed it," Draco whispered as he walked into Kat's hospital room with a baby in each arm. Kat smiled tearfully when Rory held out her arms.

She sniffled and said equally quietly, "He looks just like me."

"Nothing like Hagrid," he joked. "Father has a concussion."

"I never thought I'd say it, but I love that man." Katherine wiped tears of joy from her eyes and smiled as the baby fussed at the movement. "He saved his life. I would have killed him if he hadn't—"

"He wouldn't be here it wasn't for you." Draco sat on the edge of the bed and put Aurora at Katherine's feet. She crawled over to her lap and tugged lightly at her little brother's blanket, trying to take his place in her mother's arms. "He's beautiful. He…"

"Mmm." Aurora tugged at the blanket a little harder. Katherine grabbed her chubby fingers and kissed them. When Draco started to cry, she grinned at him like he was being silly, like he didn't previously not want their son to exist.

"You should name him." Draco forced himself to smile and nearly burst into tears a second later. "If you-if you had l-l-listened to me..."

"I love him too," Katherine said happily. "Are you sure you want me to name him? The troublemaker with my Potter cursed hair?"

"Just don't name him Minnie," Draco forced out through his tears. After worrying for months straight, it was such a relief to see him and know that he loved him.

Katherine smirked. "Well, he was ridiculously conceived a month after I gave birth. He caused a lot of trouble in our marriage. Made sure to kick me where it hurt the most. Gave me and your dad a great fright as he was coming out this morning. And has the famous hair. He sounds like a James Sirius if there ever was one."

She waited for him to argue against the name of this "great prankster" as she would later call him, but Draco was too relieved that he loved the boy and that everyone was happy and healthy. "The next one will be Scorpius."

Why did he say that? In fact, he should be getting a vasectomy right now. Aurora realized that Katherine wasn't going to hold her and burst into tears, not satisfied when Katherine pulled her into a one armed hug. He was still crying, and so was Katherine. Little James opened his eyes and started howling himself. Alaric didn't like the sound of that and started crying as well. Draco started laughing through his tears and thought to himself that this was how the next few years were going to be. He couldn't be happier.

Thank you for the reviews HunnyBook, Ern Estine 13624, amata0221, HypocriticalCommunistFromSpace, LilyCalliePotter, and gr8rockstarrox!

That didn't take long! I should hold chapters hostage for reviews more often! ;) Out of laziness, I'm going to reply to some of your reviews here. If you want to know more about A Match Made in Hell, it'll be after the responses.

HunnyBook- You earned the 100th review! And I added a little bit to this chapter because of your mention of the Dursleys! He didn't think of it because she almost never mentions them. At this point, I think she's only mentioned them once in this story.

Ern Estine 13624- He's helping out his son. ;) He's been married to a mother for over twenty five years, so he knows a thing or two!

amata0221- James gets back at them in! Check out the chapter titled James the Terrible in Katherine the Great.

HypocriticalCommunistFromSpace: If I still need to tie some things up, make a request in Katherine the Great, and I'll write a one-shot fixing it!

gr8rockstarrox: She's only 20 in that one-shot! She could always change her mind. My mom was a hairdresser at that age, now she works as a program analyst!

So, A Match Made in Hell will be an arranged marriage fic. Wizarding society is much more isolated from the Muggle World in this fic, so their society is behind in a lot of ways. I'm not going to say it's like one specific time period because I'm taking bits and pieces from some periods in history and making some up. Society is a lot more sexist, and Voldemort thinks Kat couldn't be the Chosen One because she's a girl. Neville is the BWL, but Kat didn't believe the prophecy was only about him and fought by his side. She thinks she's in love with him when she finds out that she's betrothed to Draco. You'll find out how that happens in the first chapter, which I will post when I post the Epilogue here, hopefully on Sunday or Monday.