Target Therapy
A/N: I just wanted to say thank you all so much for your support and kind words! If anyone wants to see something in particular in this story set please tell me and I'll try to make it happen. I have plenty of ideas but am currently working very long hours so I'm a bit short on time at the moment. So I'm getting little bits and pieces done here and there and trying to be as quick and creative as possible.
"Get the unscented 250 pack of wipes, trust me you'll be thanking me later. You'll go through those things like college students go through vodka."
He jumped a mile and swung his head around to see the offending commenter to his right, "Jesus Christ Mer! Where did you come from?"
"The snack aisle, wholegrain rabbit shaped crackers don't buy themselves unfortunately," She replied, gesturing to her shopping basket hanging off her arm before bumping his left hip in a friendly greeting.
"I think the more important question is what are you doing here? You haven't left the hospital since May was born so why are you now spending time in a suburban Target?" She questioned him while picking up two tubes of nappy cream and eyeing the ingredients before tossing one into her basket.
"Well April needed some nursing pyjamas and toiletries and we have literally nothing for May except the crib and the clothes you gave us. So here I am, with a list of urgent essentials."
Meredith glanced at her watch, "Maggie's picking up the kids today so I have a couple of hours, let's get shopping."
"Meredith, you don't have to that. I know for a fact you have better things to be doing, seriously I'll be fine." Jackson tried to re-buff her offer valiantly, waving his neatly written list around to prove his point.
"Jackson, you're not fine. You haven't slept properly in about four days and you look like you're about to start bawling, and you're going to freak everyone out if you do that while picking out a package of breast pads." She reached out to pluck the list from his hand and began to scan it. "Now, for the muslin clothes you're going to want the breathable organic ones because you can use those for burping and also as a light swaddle or as a form of sun shade, follow me."
After thirty frustrating minutes she finally rounded on Jackson and threw her hands into the air, "For god's sake! Why do you insist on buying the smallest packet of everything available? You're just creating way more work for yourself and you're going to run out of everything in a few days anyway. You do realise that you're going to need more than five bibs in the next year, don't you?"
She felt instantly guilty as tears escaped from Jacksons eyes as he silently clutched the pack with a heritage floral pattern on it (something that April was sure to squee over) and she realised that she'd made a grown man cry over a multi-pack of bibs in a Target. This may have been a new low for her.
"Oh, oh. Em, ok," she rooted in her shoulder bag nervously and produced the keys to her much protested mini-van before pressing them into her friends hands while prying the plastic package out of his grip. "My car is out and to the left, go sit in it while I go through the check out with what we've got and I'll be out in ten, ok?" She knew something was up when he didn't protest and instead silently shuffled off in the direction of the exit.
She laughed mirthlessly under her breath while she waited in line, thinking how if only dark and twisty Meredith who was sleeping with her boss and was barely able to take care of herself could see present day Mer. Here she was, a mother of three, willingly providing advice on the pros and cons of using swaddles versus sleep sacks. Good lord, how the tables had turned.
A short time later they were wandering aimlessly around the park, overpriced coffee in hand. "So. Spill it. What's up Jackson? I can promise you it's nothing that I haven't heard or dealt with before."
He ran his hand over his head before speaking, "You saw Samuel's nursery didn't you?"
"Yeah, I think so. Oh I remember now, April dragged me in to ask my opinion on the safest baby monitor. Why?"
He chuckled at the memory of April stressing over the pros and cons of video vs digital wavelength. "Well Aprils all thrifty, a by-product of being raised on a farm, so we made a list and went to a few consignment sales and Costco. That room was full of stuff for when he got older. We had clothes for when he was a toddler, we bulk bought baby shampoo and lotion. We were so prepared." Jackson sighed heavily before continuing, "It all got donated afterwards, all we used was a couple of blankets and a stuffed duckling." He gripped his coffee harder at the memory of the perfect little oasis that was destroyed.
"I see," Meredith replied in a small, measured voice. "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me?"
"Pretty much. What' the point of getting 250 wipes if they're just going to sit there and haunt me, haunt us again?"
They continued wandering aimlessly while Meredith thought about his statement. She began, "But who's to say that will happen? Look, we both know that the statistic are bull, you go into work one day and end up doing surgery at gun point, I get on a plane and it crashes, you go into an ultrasound and it's the beginning of your world shattering. I'm not going to try and appease you by saying statistically it will be fine, because statistics don't like us too much around here." She paused, a pensive look settling onto her features. "But what I will say is that you have you still have to keep going on, because the benefits of believing that everything is going to be ok do outweigh the risks. Yes, something might happen to May, buts that not a guarantee. Absolutely nothing is guaranteed."
He let her words sink in as he gazed at the misty horizon, his shoulders hunched against the world. "I just, I don't know how to do this. I don't want to be so scared but I can't stop it. I barely survived Samuel dying, as a couple it destroyed us. I couldn't survive anything happening to May…. Or April. And it nearly did, they both nearly died."
She raised her eyebrow imperceptibly at the mention of how much he still adored the redhead but thought better of saying anything about it. Meredith gave her best 'Supportive Listening' nod and motioned for Jackson to continue, knowing that he had more to say.
"I know how small a coffin can be and I can't face another one that size. When Karev told us May was jaundiced yesterday my mind immediately went into overdrive. I instantly began to try and formulate a plan for her liver failing, thinking of procedures and drugs that could be offered. Then I thought about how long the organ donation wait list is and how April would be too weak to donate, even in a few months, so I would have to be a match. It went from a moderate and treatable neonatal condition to a death sentence in three seconds. I'm a wreck"
"Well I can tell you that's very not very worrying at all, seriously" She countered with a wry smile on her face. "That's the reaction you have when you're a worried parent and also happen to be a surgeon. That's the most normal part of this whole conversation."
"Thanks, I think. I guess I'm just scared and stressed and nervous. We have this complicated situation that's probably only going to get more complicated with time"
"Sometimes you can't think about these things too much. Because if you did you would never put your hand in the body cavity with the bomb in it and then a whole different chain of events would happen. I hate to go all yogi, mediation, wholesome crap on you but sometimes you just have to hope and believe. I hope and believe that my niece will come over for sleepovers in a few years' time while her parents are out on date nights."
Jackson put down his coffee mid sip and stared incredulously at her, "Oh my god are Amelia and Hunt having a kid?! Oh, that's why they got married so quickly!" His brow wrinkled, "Or is it Pierce? I did hear about her and DeLuca, that baby would be so beautiful, wouldn't it?"
She cut off his rambling by throwing her hand out and scathingly saying, "No you idiot! Though I wouldn't be surprised if Amelia was to get pregnant, she and Owen do go at it like rabbits." She took a second to shake off that visual before continuing, "I meant May, Jackson, that's who I meant as my niece."
He looked utterly confused by what she was referring to but Meredith cut him off before he could begin questioning her.
She was almost shy as she explained her logic, "Well Richard is the closest thing I have and will ever have to a father, not to mention that he's the actual father of my sister and he's married to your mom, so I figure May and Samuel are kind of like my niece and nephew. That's all". She finished her little speech with a shrug.
Jackson put his arm around her and pulled his friend close, "Thank you Mer, you really don't know how much that means, honestly. I'm really glad you're my kind of sister friend person. But what did you say about 'parents on a date night?"
The blonde turned around and stared at him dead on, unflinching with her hand on her hip, "Jackson, people don't go stopping weddings and eloping for the sheer novelty factor of it all. You two had a lot of stuff you couldn't work out but a blind possum could figure out that the two of you adore each other and have amazing chemistry and friendship. I hope and believe that you can work your stuff out, and so do a lot other people on the surgical floor. There may or may not be bets." She finished delivering that little gem of information with a carefree grin before she turned around and began walking with longer strides. "Now, let's get back. I'd say that you're probably getting new-born withdrawals and Kepner is waiting on some pyjamas."