Things Better Left Unvisited:

Exactly What It Sounds Like, Mates.

Woodlanders have some seriously messed-up land-owning practices. If you're, say, a hedgehog family, you're allowed to say you own your house and the fields beside it. If you're a tribe of otters, the otters get their tribal homelands near River Moss. Generally, the bounty of the world is for all to enjoy...

...Unless that damned weasel puts 'is stinkin' paws in my cherry (or pear, in the case of Taggerung) trees!

Sometimes goodbeasts will extend this possessiveness over to any stranger, regardless of species, but usually it's just another big ol' wad of good, old-fashioned pulsatin' racism like usual. But there's a serious double standard here. Really really bad. And sometimes it doesn't even make any difference.


*You Can't Have It...I Can*

Trimp and her pals Martin the Warrior, Gonff, the Prince of Robbing Innocent Weasels Because He Can Get Away With It Nyah-Nyah, and some other creatures that don't really matter and aren't important to the story go on their adventure to find out what happened to Martin's vigilante father, leaving the under-construction Redwall Abbey and having wacky, racism-filled side-quests all the way.

After nearly getting killed by almost every living thing on the river they arrive at the sea.

Sholabar the fox and his companions come along, pretending to not be pirates even though they totally are.

"Hey, there girly," the fox said, sounding totally normal and not aggressive, "Hey, random squirrel kid, respect family values and yore elders. Also, don't do drugs!"

The fox, rats and ferrets all wink and do a D.A.R.E. pose. Then Trimp the bigoted pincushion decides to get all hatredy on them for no apparent reason.

"Grr, I don't like you--yer a FOX!" the hogmaid whines stupidly, getting ready to beat the so-far non-criminals with a stick. Sholabar gets testy.

"Well, duh, I'm a fox. Anybeast with eyes could tell ya that," he rolls his eyes, "Just for that I'm callin' th' cops." He grins, knowing his argument is fool-proof considering the Redwallers are ALSO land-owners. "For TRESPASSING!"

"Mleh! Nobeast owns the shores an' sea!" Trimp screamed annoyingly.

One of the rats scratches his head.

"Er...don't you beasts own the land you built that Abbey on..?"

The cops arrive, arresting the goodbeasts for trespassing and misdemeanor stupidity. They later get served with papers for a civil suit, as they really don't own the land they built the Abbey on and are just squatting.

"MY INHERITANCE?! I THOUGHT IT WAS DESTROYED!" Gingevere Greeneyes exclaimed at the letter he'd just opened. Quite suddenly he and Sandingomm are rich once again, leading happy lives in Mossflower safe from racist woodlanders in their new chateau...


Her response is contrary to what goodbeasts already do-claim certain areas as owned by them--in telling the fox that "nobeast can own the shores and sea!". Even though... various "goodbeasts" have claimed to own sections of shore and sea before... and since...

Apparently, "vermin" do not have the right to own property...


More may follow. If you like, you may leave an as-of-yet unanswered bit of unusual Redwall yore as a suggestion, but it is more than likely I'll cover the grand majority of oddness and unmentioned unmentionableness.