Just Do What You Can

by Nederbird

With the overwhelming feeling of having failed at life, Takaki has retreated into his apartment and become somewhat of a recluse. Through a diary born of his many unsent mails, he reflects on his life and the choices he's made so far and tries to find a way back into a world where his life isn't pointless.

3. July 23rd 2006

July 23rd 2006

Haven't felt this fired up since... well, I don't know! Maybe not since I went to visit Akari in Iwafune when I was thirteen! Damn, that's a long time! Anyway, I watched the news yesterday and they had this big announcement about lakes on Titan! Lakes! On Titan! I never really thought they'd find any but damn, they did! Now I really feel like working in astronautics! It might just happen too. A lot has happened since my last entry. I found a cram school that I've enrolled in, where I'll be polishing up my maths skills and English so I can get back into university again. I've forgotten an incredible amount and need to get it all back if I'm to pass the entrance exams. Thing is, I'm planning to take the aeronautics and astronautics master's programme at Tokai University, and I want to be at my mental peak so that I won't fail at getting in. I've decided to give it my all for a career at JAXA and I find working toward it kind of fulfilling. Unlike my last job, this feels more like I'm doing it for myself and like I actually have a good chance at succeeding. I still have quite a bit of savings left from my last company and although I don't think it's going to last me another year, it should cover my needs for this summer well enough. Working for Akari's sake really gave me incentive back then, I suppose, though it was a bit stupid since I never bothered keeping in touch with her. I have no idea how I was thinking it would all work out. Now that I'm working for myself I feel the same excitement, yet still different somehow, I can't really put my finger on it.

Anyway, this course seems like the right one. I've told both Akari and Sumida of my plans and they're both really happy for me. I haven't told my parents yet, but neither will I until I've gotten in, they'd just get way too worried. Sumida says she's seriously planning on moving to Tokyo, which is a good thing, though I'm afraid I won't have much time to spare with all my studies. Despite all the stress that comes with it, this is making me feel young again. Maybe it's a sign that I wasted my youth studying so much instead of hanging out, but at least I've got some purpose in my life. Going to get back to studying now, still got a bunch of English to work with. Damn, how did I forget this much?