Splatoon: The Bate Bros.

Slow News Day

The two brothers, now exhausted from the slide incident, stopped to catch their breath at a mall outlet.

"That was a close call!" Sharq exclaimed, still panting.

"Hope no one saw that." Splin remarked, propping his hand up against a wall for support. "I'm not sure what the penalty for destroying half of an ancient ink park is, but what I AM sure of is that we wouldn't go free with a slap on the wrist."

Just then, a whirring sound could be heard from behind the wall Splin was lying against. Curious, the two climbed over the wall, only to quickly duck their heads down when a couple police cruisers rolled by. Both deciding it would be a good idea to keep their heads like that, they shuffled away, whistling completely inconspicuously.

A young Inkling squid girl grasping a balloon, sitting by an older Inkling woman wearing a business suit tapping away at a tablet simply stared at the two brothers.

Looking up, she asked, "Mommy? What are those two boys doing?"

The Inkling woman simply stated, "Probably having fun, dear. You'll understand when you're older," going back to tapping on her tablet.

Scrunching her face, she protested, "But-"

Hey, shush! They're inconspicuous!

She immediately closed her mouth, and looked around in fear. "W-Where did that come from?" The Inkling woman looked up lazily, then back at her tablet, sighing. "Your imagination, dear."

Uh… We now come back to our heroes, still walking away, COMPLETELY unnoticed.

"What the?" "Hey, what are those two boys doing?" "Is that some sort of new dance move?" A crowd began forming around our two young Inklings.

"Shoot. That didn't work." Splin whispered, looking around the crowd.

"D-Do you think they know?" Sharq asked nervously.

"Hopefully not, I don't think we were being recorded."

Unfortunately for the brothers, a voice rang out saying, "HEY! LOOK, IT'S THE TWO BOYS FROM THE NEWS!"

"Nevermind."

"Uh, they're not talking about US, right?"

"YEAH, LOOK OVER THERE! THE TWO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CROWD!"

"Oh boy." Splin said, backing up into Sharq.

"Stand back!" Sharq ordered the crowd, getting into a defensive stance.

"OH, THE ONES BEING FILMED RIGHT NOW?"

"YEAH, THEY RAN AT THE SAME TIME THE OLD SPLATFEST INK PARK GOT LEVELED!"

"YOU CAN SEE IT ON THE GIANT T.V.!"

Both of the Bate Bros. gulped at the same time, and turned their heads. True enough, they were being filmed a cameraman in a helicopter, broadcasting all over Inkopolis.

"Okay, they know it's us!" Sharq yelled frantically, as the crowd began to move in to interrogate them. Splin sighed, and looked skywards. "I know I haven't asked much from you, but I ask you to help us through this."

Um. Alright, s-so the two brothers snuck out of the crowd COMPLETELY INVISIBLE.

Splin and Sharq looked at each other for a second, before shrugging and attempting to tiptoe through the crowd. However, all this did was move the crowd in the direction they walked, keeping them in the center.

"Splin, do you have a plan?" Sharq whispered.

"You know I do." Splin responded.

"What is it?"

"This!"

Splin took out a Forge Splattershot Pro, aiming at the crowd.

"We don't want any trouble, just let us go!" Splin shouted to the crowd. However, because the hub world in Splatoon prevents weapons from being fired, all that happened when he pulled the trigger was zoom in on the crowd, who at this point, started to grow in size.

"Crud!" Splin exclaimed.

"What now Splin?"
"Same plan as last time."

"Oh."

With that being said, the two sprinted as fast as they could out of the crowd, the newscopter still chasing them. As they ran, they could hear the news playing on the screens all around them throughout the entire city. The Inkopolis News theme started playing, and everyone's favorite popstar duo came up onscreen.

"Wait, what?! Seriously, I know we broke a slide or two, but how does that give them enough material to make an entire show about us?! That's just stupid!" Splin cried, dodging reporters.

"Hold onto your tentacles…" Callie said on screen.

"Really slow news day?!" Sharq suggested, nearly running into a horde of other teenage Inklings asking for autographs.

"It's Inkopolis News Time!" Marie added.

"Wait, maybe they'll say something that'll get these guys off our tentacles so we can go home!" Splin said, before raising his hand to his chin. "...Considering what's happened so far, that's probably too much of a far cry, isn't it?"

"Before we reveal the current stages, some special news!" Callie said proudly.

"What is it?" Marie asked.

"Oh, maybe it'll just be Splatfest news!" Sharq yelped, an Inkling girl attached herself to his leg.

"Sign my face!" She yelled.

Freaked out, Sharq took out his .96 Gal and shot her in the face.

"Sorry!" He yelled back. However, the girl seemed quite happy with the results, and walked over to a group of other teens, who began congratulating her for some dumb reason. "Wait, how come you can use your weapon but I can't?!" Splin questioned. Sharq just stared at his .96 Gal, then looked back at him and shrugged, Splin sighing as a result.

"We're receiving reports that two troublemakers are running amongst the city, causing mayhem!" Callie said, pumping her fist in the air, because she seems to do that whenever she's excited. "The old ink park was their first area of attack!"

"Waterslides are the best by the way." Marie whispered, before saying, "Let's go to the Newschopper 45 and watch!" The screens all switched to an Inkling providing commentary on the poor brothers as they raced through the streets.

"As well as completely trashing the old ink park that we so dearly loved…"

Splin shouted, "I KNEW we shouldn't have gone in there!" Sharq merely rolled his eyes.

"Okay, this has gone long enough! Sharq, I think we can lose them if we super jump over… There!" Splin pointed at the center of Inkopolis itself, the Inkopolis Tower. "We can lose them somewhere in the Plaza afterwards!"

Sharq, looking around, nodded and said, "Alright, I'm with you. Tell me when to jump!"

"On 3!"

"1!" The crowd was getting closer.

"2!" Police starting breaking through the ranks.

"3!" Just as they were about to get caught, they immediately switched to squid form and leaped!

The crowd didn't seem to notice, and kept running. Now in the sky, Splin and Sharq looked down at the chaos while hurdling towards the tower. Breathing sighs of relief, they started to relax until Splin realized something again.

"...Sharq, you might wanna brace yourself." Splin warned.

"Alright! I'm just glad we made it!" Sharq said, a smile on his face as he dipped through the clouds.

"No, seriously. And we haven't made it out yet." Splin's tone got harsher.

"...Why?" Sharq asked.

"When I made the calculations for the super jump in my head, it saved us from the mob. However, because the tower's size and location was much different than the Squid Beacons we use in Turf Wars, I had to make some hypotheses…"

"ZZzzzZZ…" Splin looked over at his brother, now dozing off. He sighed, slightly irritated, and began shaking Sharq until he woke up.

"...Huh, sorry. Something about Squid Beacons?" Sharq yawned.

"...Yeah, okay, what I was about to- OOF." "BLAGH!"

Splin said, before he and Sharq slammed into the middle of Inkopolis Plaza.

"...ow."

Hey, Inklings can't take fall damage! Shake it off you two.

After being logic-ed by the story, the two shook it off without any trouble.

Crack! "Gah! We don't even have bones!" Splin cried, causing Inklings nearby to stare in confusion and concern.

Sorry, I guess my observations aren't exactly accurate.

"Screw you too voice!" Sharq exclaimed in pain.

"Are you guys alright?" An Inkling boy sitting on a railing asked.

"Yeah… We don't take fall damage after all. ...Right?" Sharq asked uncertain.

There we go.

Sharq sat back in relief.

"...Hmm." Splin said, surveying the sky.

"What is it?" Sharq asked.

"Whatever happened to the helicopter?" Splin questioned, "Wouldn't they have followed us through the sky or track our trajectory?" He pondered this, until the giant monitor above the Squid Sisters' studio came to life.

"The two suspects we have been following super jumped to who knows where!" Callie said, bubbly as ever. "Apparently the cloud layer was too thick for the pilot! We're not even sure if they're alive!"

That last bit had Splin shiver a bit.

"Whoo!" Sharq cheered, raising his hand for a high-five, drawing suspicion from the Inklings in the plaza.

"...Sure." Splin shrugged, and slapped his brother's hand.

"Why does all of the exciting news run away?" Callie asked, distressed.

"Hmm. Kinda like everyone who sees you without makeup in the morning." Marie sassed.

At this point, literally everyone who watched this simultaneously went insane over the sick burn Marie just laid on her cousin. Staring in disbelief, Callie's expression immediately went from confusion to inked off. She walked over to her cousin, then turned to the screen saying, "We'll be right back after these messages. Stay FRESH!" Callie shouted, then jumped at Marie. The entire screen flashed to a "Please Stand By" message with the Squid Sisters performing their iconic pose. Splin and Sharq just stared wide-eyed at what happened. Everyone around them completely forgot about the story earlier and began talking to every one of their friends about the roast.

"...Sharq." Splin said tiredly.

"...Yeah?" Sharq said, just as tired as his brother.

"...Let's go home." Splin coughed that last word out, and limped away from the plaza, before collapsing and falling asleep near a vending machine.

"...Ugh." Sharq said, following him, then falling right next to him, straight off to dreamland.

The passerby were still unaware and talking about the news. No one seemed to mention or remember the ink slide incident, but everyone would remember the time Marie sassed Callie, similar to literally every other news post ever.

AN: Well, I couldn't decide if anyone really wanted to read my story, so I'm really just putting chapters out there right now, seeing if it'll take off. Thanks again for reading if you have read, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, have a nice day!