Things Better Left Unvisited:
Exactly What It Sounds Like, Mates
Quick, name a character from the Redwallverse who was most certainly gay.
Not Rakkety Tam and Doogy Plum! That kilt-putting-on-while-we-were-in-jail-naked thing was probably just a mistake or two lonely squirrels' desperation. Now really think: Which extremely well-known and well-liked character from the Redwall series is definitely gay?
Don't think later than Long Patrol. Heck, think back to the good ol' original--Redwall (What an original name!).
Now, I don't mean to offend any readers who may themselves be gay (or straight, or both, or... something else), but when I say "they're definately gay", I mean the AUTHOR definitely intended for them to be gay. And not just gay. FRUITY. FLAMING HOT FIRE. DON'T TOUCH THAT YOU'LL GET BURNED AND SMELL LIKE APPLE CRISP.
Whooooa... that's enough of that.
The point is, how much do you really think people (*coughcough* who're imperialist dogs *cough*) born before 1970 know about what gay people are actually like? Exactly. The character I want you to guess is not really a nice, accurate gay character. He's a big ol' caricature just like almost every other character in the series (with a few notable exceptions: Veil, Tagg, Tansy, etc. You can name a lot but it's a mere drop in an ocean of 10,000 names).
Go on! Guess the traits! Are "flamboyant", "affected voice", "obsessed with housekeeping/design" and "can never seem to find a mate" on your list? Good, because these all apply to this character, and so much more...
*Out With It, You Buffoon*
"It's me, ol' top!" It was BASIL STAG HARE! "Care for a jolly ol' musical numbah t' explain the ol' bally evidence?"
"Why, certainly, Basil,"Matthias said through gritted teeth, clearly hating his existence at the moment.
Basil began a song and dance routine, kicking high like a Las Vegas showhare:
"Ooooooooh--the first time that mouse met me, he did hear an "affected quaver!
"He thought perhaps that I was drunk on ale!
"But if those Abbey mice had taught him sex'ul education--
"He would have known for sure what he had seen!
"I'm Stag Stag Stag Stag-means "bachelor", y'know,
"Meaning that I'm not good with th' fillies!
"And completely out of context, I did elect to share
"That me mater always wanted a little she instead of me
"Which I do not seem to mind-perhaps prefer!
"I get jolly chuffed doin' my spring cleaning
"And equally become found of adolescent male mices!
"And theeeeen--my comment about my bestest friends
"Maybe being LUBED was a little suspicioooooous!"
"Yeah, what was with that? 'Some of my best friends are greased pigs'?" Matthias pondered, his innocence slowly being eroded away. Basil snorted.
"Please, you're the one who got a girl pregnant with your bloody brat of a Champion when she was, what, fifteen?" Basil craftily brought up. Matthias hid his face.
"Sh-shut up! There might be that Chris Hansen pine marten lurking about!" he shushed then scowled, "Grr. Scummy vermin."
More may follow. If you like, you may leave an as-of-yet unanswered bit of unusual Redwall yore as a suggestion, but it is more than likely I'll cover the grand majority of oddness and unmentioned unmentionableness.