Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the game, Splatoon, and I do not own the rights, or the game, Metal Gear Solid V, or any other Metal Gear Solid game besides 3. Shame, I really want to play that game. But if I did, then you'd be able to have D-Dog, D-Horse, and Quiet wear boxes and patrol with you wearing said boxes, and there would be a box option in Splatoon.

Splatoon: The Bate Bros.

"What Took You So Long?"

Splin ran across the light blue ink as fast as he could, which wasn't much more than a brisk, sluggish jog considering the ink he was trudging in. Splin looked at the ground, kicking up small blobs of ink as he went, slowly moving along. Each step caused him to groan in frustration, this wasn't working. He hesitated, tightly gripping his newfound N-ZAP, and fired a single test shot at the cyan slush. The darker shade of blue mixed surprisingly well with the lighter tint, freeing up Splin's feet.

"Hmm. I wonder…" Splin began to trace over the previous path of light blue, allowing him to move forward without any difficulty. The color scheme shifted to somewhere in between, as if the sky and the sea blended together.

"Very… Descriptive?" Splin shrugged.

Sorry, inner artist.

Splin shook his head at this, moving forward towards the middle ground. There he saw a green team Carbon Roller duking it out with MM. Despite the weapon advantage and optimal distance the Carbon Roller had, MM was severely beating him back, dodging and weaving under the Roller, and delivering a small sweeping kick, before spraying him into oblivion with his N-ZAP '89. Upon spotting Splin, he smiled and waved.

"Glad you could make it! Mind giving me a hand in defending this area?" MM asked. He looked at Splin for an answer who just stared in surprise. "Hey, anything goes in Turf War."

Splin hesitated, then dropped down from the wall, shooting at the ground a little to ease up the space. "Sure… But I'm gonna need to stay away from the enemy team, I don't think I'm hooked up to respawn."

MM gave Splin a reassuring look. "Don't worry boss, I'll stand by and provide cover fire. Focus on defending this area."

Splin looked around. They had captured the middle ground, but the paths leading up to it were only partially blocked by the friendly ink. However, two platforms overlooking the middle were covered in green ink, which could be used as a vantage point for the opposition.

"Actually… I have an idea. You see those platforms up there? If our other teammates, Willie and Zip, get over there, we could turn the tides of battle." Splin said, hand to his chin.

"Interesting tactic. What's our plan of action?"

"First, we gotta get the others over here." Splin said.

A soft digital sound was heard, as well as small circular beacons with the name, "Zip" and "Willie" respectively appeared, signaling the team's eventual appearance.

"Just in time." Splin smiled.

Considering Splin's luck streak so far, you should all know that this shouldn't go as planned.

Splin rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the vote of confidence voice."

"Voice? You got someone on radio?" MM asked.

Splin rubbed the back of his neck. "Well… Something like that."

"Great, he can be our eye in the sky. I'll move forward, when the other two get here, we can put your plan into action. Good luck boss." MM saluted, shooting at a wall to the left, and swimming up into the enemy base through that path.

Soon, Zip and Willie both landed at the middle, shaking off the impact easily.

"What's the plan Music Man?" Willie said with a smile.

Splin pointed at the platforms again. "We're gonna take those platforms."

Willie stared at Splin unflinchingly. "That's it? Man, I thought you were gonna say, 'Let's storm the base' or 'Sneak attack' or even, 'Let's ride an Inkstrike' like you did last time." Willie sighed.

"William, he's trying to help us, besides, I bet he'll ask us to do something cool, come on..." Zip reassured her more-than-a-friend, making puppy dog eyes.

Willie pouted somewhat. "I told you not to call me thaaaatttt."

"Uh… Ahem?" Splin coughed, clearing the awkwardness out of the air somewhat.

Willie and Zip turned, both with embarrassed faces.

"Y-Yeah. Anyways, you were…cough...saying, Splin?" Zip stated quickly.

Splin nodded. "MM has already gone up ahead, we need you two to capture those platforms so that we can ensure that the enemy doesn't get too far."

"Roger!" Willie exclaimed, jumping down the middle stage, taking out his Krak-On Roller, continuing on.

Zip followed suit, but not before laying down a Squid Beacon. She waved to Splin, swimming behind Willie in the path he dozed through the green team's ink. Splin started to spray the surrounding area with his ink, calmly defending the area. He looked ahead at the opposing team's base, the his newfound, "teammates" holding off the green team as they turned to cover the high platforms on the side of the wall. Splin smiled, glad that his strategy was working. Unfortunately for him…

"Oh boy." Splin muttered.

Splin noticed an Inkstrike missile being launched out of the green base, traveling over the entire map, aimed at the middle. The headphone wearing Inkling shot at the wall leading up and out, and swam up quickly as a squid. The Inkstrike completely covered the area behind him, stomping out the safe area Splin could use. He was panting, having just barely made it out before the missile hit. That wasn't it however, a green laser stuck out past him, searching for a target.

"Oh come on!" Splin shouted.

The Splatterscope heard him, and blasted a straight line of ink towards the wall he was behind. Splin got an idea, he ducked out of his hiding spot, behind a planter, and tossed a Splat Bomb at the sniper. She looked up from her weapon, and retreated, giving Splin enough time to rush forward with his weapon. The sniper didn't take too kindly to this, repeatedly firing small bursts as she hopped after him, only to get denied by a shot from Zip, standing nearby.

"Splin?! What are you doing, what about the plan?" Zip questioned him.

A just barely missed green Inkzooka projectile answered her question.

"We gotta get you out of here." Zip stated, pulling Splin behind a kiosk. "Willie, we need some help!"

Her request was granted, Willie sneaking up to the Inkzooka user from a small patch of ink behind a tree, and squished the unsuspecting squid with his Roller.

"Ha ha!" Willie laughed in triumph, only to get shot in the face by an Aerospray RG user who came down from the middle. "Gah…" The poor fellow was spirited away to the spawn point as a little squid ghost.

"Boss! You look like you need some help." MM shouted.

Splin peeked his head out of the kiosk, noticing MM waving on the left side, on top of a wall that led to one of the platforms.

"Don't worry, I said I'll cover you, just get over here!" The 18K Aviator Inkling grinned, firing at the Aerospray, driving him away.

Splin turned to Zip, who shrugged. "Hey man, just do it. I'll help you out too."

The solitary brother nodded, shooting ahead of him towards MM. Sliding down the ramp, he looked behind him, Zip scoring a optimal strike on the Aerospray user. She pumped her fist in the air, but was unfortunately splatted by an opposing Bamboozler. Splin's eyes widened, quickly reaching the bottom of the ramp, he sprayed at the next one, shooting up as a squid soon after. MM reached for him, grabbing him by a tentacle. Splin reverted to a humanoid form, his tentacles still in MM's hold.

"Uh… MM, could you please let go?"

"Whoops, sorry." MM placed Splin behind him.

Just then, two opponents began advancing towards them. Splin looked back, Zip and Willie had respawned and were covering the ground. He kept walking backwards, shooting towards the two.

"Stay safe boss, I'll hold them back for a while." MM smiled, pushing Splin backwards to the end of the platform.

"Oof! MM, what are you doing?!" Splin yelled.

"You got two options. Life, or death. Hopefully if this goes well, it'll be life." MM chuckled nervously.

He ran to the enemies. They began shooting at him in response, but MM dodged through the crossfire. Switching to squid form, he surfed under one, and surprisingly disarmed him, using some form of judo it seemed.

"Gah!" The green team Inkling was flipped over, off the ledge by MM. He turned to Splin, giving a smile, but was splatted by a Tri Slosher who ambushed him from above.

Splin shot at the Tri Slosher, moving back slowly, making sure to spray as much as he could. The dark blue no longer combined with any other ink, as the surrounding ground was mostly green. Still, Zip and Willie had managed to reclaim the turf, light blue separated by a line of green. Splin ran out of ammo, and decided to turn into a squid, only to find that the ink underneath him was light blue, and impossible for him to sink into. Splin fell back in the ink, the Tri Slosher slowly gaining on him…

Until a whistle could be heard sounding through the air. With a loud, TWEEEET, the match was concluded. Splin fell on his back completely, breathing in and out heavily.

Yeah, we're not killing off anybody just yet.

"Thank those who watch over me." Splin gasped.

Judd walked onscreen. This time, he surveyed the battlefield, but found something different. He noticed a hue unlike the other colors, a navy blue. Warming up for the results, he pointed a hand up with the winning team's flag. However, the flag this time was doubled, two banners with a light blue squid and a dark blue one.

"Meeeow! (Surprisingly, Cyan wins with a 48.5%, over the Green with a 39.6%, and Blue with a 10.4%!)"

Multiple things happened at once. Zip, Willie, and MM celebrated, the Green Team stomped their feet in agitation, while Splin just sat in relief. Judd left, and the exits to the mall opened. Each team left, and the public of Inkopolis was left to go inside the mall, despite the mass of colors spilled about. Well, there was one thing missing…

Splin looked around. "..." He stood up, and walked away, still relieved yet surprised over the turn of events.

At the Inkopolis Tower, the teams of the recently ended Turf War were chilling out, a few minutes after the battle was ended.

"So wait, that blue tentacled Inkling we shot at wasn't hooked into respawn?" The green Tri Slosher questioned.

"Yeah, you nearly killed him. I have half a mind to smack you silly for that." Zip said, tapping her foot on the ground.

"Yeah! Come on, who shoots at a poor guy without a weapon?!" Willie exclaimed.

"I'm sorry! I thought he was a hacker or something!" The enemy sniper apologized.

"Oh, you know the only 'hacker' around here is that evil Octoling rebel who's been erasing people!" Zip retorted.

The argument started getting heated up, each side getting much more annoyed, until a new, worried voice joined.

"Guys?"

Everyone stopped yelling at each other and looked to the entrance of the tower. A certain Takoroka Mesh Inkling we all know and love, carrying a completely not suspicious looking box, was standing there with a concerned look on his face.

"I don't want to be rude… But have you seen my brother, uh, Splin? He has a pair of headphones he always wears…" Sharq emphasized this by putting the box down and cupping his hands around his ears to look like headphones. "And he wears a Anchor Tee, like mine, but just black colored, with a pair of blue and orange shoes. Know who I'm talking about?"

Sharq looked at the previously arguing Inklings, who were now frozen in place.

"...Oh hi Zip, hey Willie, how's it going?" He smiled, which quickly vanished once he saw the nervous and sweaty look on their faces.

"...squit." Zip whispered. Willie whistled nervously.

Sharq tilted his head in confusion and concern. Suddenly, a whooshing noise could be heard, and Splin himself rocketed into the tower lobby, carefully covering a package, landing roughly on the floor.

"Ow…" Splin stood up and stretched, eliciting sighs of relief all around.

Ask and you shall receive!

"Splin!" Sharq ran over to his brother and practically tackled him with a hug. "Dude, where were you?! Me and Tai-"

The box Sharq dropped coughed a little.

"Uh, I was worried man! I thought you had gone home with Mom and Dad!" Sharq smiled, little tears of joy forming at his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me you where you were going?!"

"I'm good, I'm fine Sharq. I got stuck in Arowana Mall for a while, until I remembered I could Super Jump again…" Splin chuckled nervously. "...But I managed to get this!"

Splin lifted the package and opened it slightly, revealing a shiny new router.

If only I could play MEDIC! through a story, then it would be perfect.

"Nice, isn't it Sharq-" Splin's statement as well as lungs were cut off when Sharq hugged him tighter.

"Thank Cod for my brother!" Sharq cried out.

"N-Need to breathe…!" Splin choked out.

Sharq put Splin down and apologized soon after. "Sorry bro, but consider it payback!" Sharq grinned.

Splin sighed. "Of course it would be."

"Glad to see you're still kicking, Splin. Sorry about leaving you behind." Zip walked over to the two.

"It's fine Zip, it was a huge accident in the first place." Splin paused, and looked around. "...Hey, where's MM? I haven't thanked him for sacrificing himself."

Willie put a hand on his chin. "I think he said he was going to a place called, 'Burger Reef' or something. Oh yeah! He also left this for you, Splin."

Willie handed the two brothers a note. Splin took it with a, "Thanks", reading it.

After the quick examination, Splin said, "Sharq, you still up for a burger?"

Sharq had attached a large bib of a lobster holding up a fork and knife to himself.

Splin rolled his eyes, "Of course you are. See you guys later, it was nice seeing you again, Zip and Willie!"

The aforementioned couple waved at the two brothers, Sharq picking up the box on the way out as he ran to catch up with his brother. Zip smiled, then heard a cough. She looked back at the inside of the lobby, the green team still confused as to what happened.

"..." They stared in silence.

"Eh." Willie and Zip shrugged, before waving goodbye, leaving the others to comprehend the situation.

"I'm sorry I didn't pay attention Splin." Tai apologized from within her box sanctuary. "I was just so tired-"

"Yeah, you explained to me this morning." Splin sighed. "It's fine Tai, you were just exhausted."

"...Sure, fine. But I'm not letting any of you two die, you're too cool for that." Tai could be heard mumbling.

"Thanks, I suppose." Splin smiled.

"You know what I mean! Gah, I'd SO kill you for hearing that!" Tai shouted.

"Well that was a quick mood shift." Splin mumbled.

Though it wasn't possible to see, Tai grinned from inside the box. "Hee hee, just making things right, Splinny boy!"

"What is going on today? Everyone keeps acting weird!" Sharq complained.

"Probably just hunger. But that'll be over soon." Splin said.

The two brothers had arrived at the Burger Reef, a relatively laid-back joint overlooking the beach from across the street. Inside, they couldn't spot too many people, except for an older squid wearing a pair of aviators. They entered the inside of the establishment, a small place with a cash register and counter in the front, and a flight of stairs leading up somewhere, and were immediately greeted.

"Hello! Welcome to Burger Reef, how may I take your order?"

The two looked to the left and spotted a young female Inkling adult, garbed in an apron and donning a vizor, the uniform of the restaurant.

"Uh… We came here to meet a friend, actually." Splin said, pointing to MM.

The Inkling employee smiled. "So nice to see a friend of Kaz. Come, sit down." She ushered the two to sit next to MM, who chuckled slightly in awkwardness. "I'll get you two something, wait here!" She hummed and walked away behind a set of doors, presumably to cook.

Splin and Sharq turned to MM with a questioning look.

"What took you so long?" His smile was forced.

"Is she-"

"She's my mother." MM sighed.

"So uh… Thanks for, you know…" Splin rubbed the back of his neck again.

"Dying to save you? You're welcome." MM chuckled slightly.

Everyone sat in awkward silence for a few minutes.

"Psst. Splin, Sharq." Tai whispered out of the box.

"Yeah?" They both answered back inconspicu-

"Why are you two whispering to a box?" MM asked, before putting a hand to his chin. "Actually, scratch that. I know a friend who has done some questionable yet effective things with boxes before."

"...Okay?" Splin said, quietly sitting.

"Get me a burger. Please." Tai emphasized the last word.

Sharq pet the box. "Alright!"

"And don't treat me like a pet, Cod!" She hissed back.

"Anyways, the whole reason I wanted to call you back here is-"

"Here you are!" MM's mother dropped four fresh burgers in front of the whole crew. "The extra one is just in case one of you gets a little hungrier." She said with a wink, walking upstairs.

"Thanks!" Sharq exclaimed, and began chowing down. His face brightened up so much after the first bite, you'd think he was part Zapfish. "DUDE. This tastes amazing!"

MM laughed. "Well, that's the whole idea of the Chemical Burger."

Splin's eyebrows rose in interest. "Chemical Burger?"

"A burger made using fresh and organic ingredients mixed with some of the more, 'man-made' things such as sauces and flavorings. It was my idea, a burger that blends usefulness and flavor. Something that Inkling-kind can use to advance civilization, and help those in need…" MM stopped, the two brothers staring at him wonderingly.

Splin and Sharq began to clap, unironically.

"Wow… That's…"

"COOL!" Sharq beamed. "That thing sounds like it could save the universe if it need to!"

"Heh, thanks. Anyways, the main reason wanted to call you here for was just to say thanks."

"Really? Why?" Splin asked.

"You really helped us out back there. We actually had some money on the line, and after losing one of our teammates, I really lost hope… But then you came along. Thanks…"

"My name's Splin." Splin introduced himself the third or fourth time in this fic. "This over here is my brother, Sharq." Sharq grinned, and shook MM's hand.

"What about you friend in the box? If you don't introduce me, I'll do it myself." MM firmly said.

Splin and Sharq both flinched. They huddled together, debating what to do, before finally deciding. They looked at the box… And quickly surrounded it.

"Sorry, but uh… This isn't for public eyes." Splin said.

"Oh I gotcha." MM completely misunderstood, giving the two brothers a "knowing" grin. "Yeah, sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

Inside of the box, Tai's face shifted to that of disgust. "What the actual…"

The whole party of them finished their chemical-infused sandwiches, putting one inside the box as well. Splin had a content look on his face, where Sharq was smiling quite openly.

"Is this what heaven feels like…?" Sharq said, patting his stomach.

MM chuckled. "I'd like to think so, Sharq. Huh. Time flies, doesn't it?"

The three looked out the glass pane windows. Sure enough, the sun was setting, creating a nice reddish violet.

"Oh shoot, we gotta get home!" Splin said. "I'm pretty sure if we don't get home in time, we won't be able to install the router-"

"Splin, calm down man. We'll go, but first…" Sharq looked up to the ceiling. "Thank you miss!"

"Miss Miller!" A cheery voice shouted down.

"Thank!" Sharq nudged Splin. "Let's go bro!" Sharq ran out the door with the box.

Splin smiled, and looked to MM, who was holding his hand out. Splin wouldn't leave a true bro like that hanging, so he grabbed it and shook it, all cool like in the movies, trust me.

"See you later MM." Splin said, standing up to leave.

"Kazuhira."

Splin turned around. MM took off his aviators again, his eyes shone a very pale blue.

"Name's Kazuhira Miller. See you later, boss."

Splin nodded, and ran out the door to catch up with Sharq. The two brothers super jumped away, carrying the box and router package with them.

Kaz smiled sadly. "Reminds me of a certain man who sold the world. I hope they don't end up like us." With that being said, the Reef faded away in the night as Splin, Sharq, and a hidden Tai jumped away to the comforts of the hills.

"What do you mean nothing was ever built here?!" Sharq questioned.

After a long night's rest, the two Inklings, box included, had stopped by the Burger Reef only to see that nothing was there.

"Sorry fella, nothing's ever been built here. It's always been an empty space for quite some time…" The lobster the two had asked just shrugged, and walked away.

Splin and Sharq stared in disbelief. "That couldn't have just been a dream… And the Tele-Cube didn't transport us anywhere, right?"

Tai poked her head out of the box, noticing a glimmer on the ground. "Guys, check it out." She whispered.

The three of them crouched to the ground, and spotted a familiar pair of eyewear. Kaz's Aviators sat on the ground, with a tiny note attached to them. Splin picked up the glasses, and took the note off to read.

"Sorry Boss. Had to return to a place I belonged in. I appreciate the trouble you went through just to help a guy like me. Funny how life works sometimes. You're either doomed when something terrible occurs, or life'll hand you a saving grace, like you. Thanks again, I'm sure if the real Boss was with me, he'd agree. -Kazuhira Miller" The note read.

Splin looked at the clear blue morning sky, only dotted with a few dark clouds. "You think it's going to rain?"

Sharq shrugged. "Beats me. Wonder if it's raining where he's from?"

Tai stood up and out of the box, not caring for any broken laws. "Maybe."

The three looked at the sky in wonder. Then a raindrop came down.

"...Let's get out of this downpour while we still can!" Splin shouted. The other two nodded, Tai jumping back into the box, and the three ran for cover, small pitter patters of rain sounding behind them.

AN: Ooh, mystery and plot twists. Sorry if that chapter wasn't as humorous as some of the other ones, I seem to be going through a lack of comedy. Although, the day I posted this, it was raining where I lived, so I did have some inspiration for the last bits. Thanks for sticking with me, anyone and everyone who reads my story. I promise, I'll make the next chapter funnier. I wanted to make a Metal Gear Solid reference before, but a certain Science Inkling fic in this community already took all the good ones, so I was like, "Eh, I'll just try to have Kaz or Big Boss cameo". Hope I did a good enough job. Anyways, time to respond to reviews! Thanks again, Anon360 and sebastian830 for reviewing! Yeah, Arowana Mall isn't one of the best maps Anon, but I wanted to use it for quite some time. Sorry if I made it seem too, THIS IS THE GREATEST MAP EVER OMG. And sebastian, yeah, Splin's bad luck is kinda based on the luck I get when playing multiplayer games. It's not great, but I'm getting better. You guys don't have to review the day the chapter comes out, go out, do something cool, I don't mind. Anyways, that's all the time I have for today. This is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, off to splat some enemies in Splatoon. See you later!

In my heart I just know that there's no way to light up the dark, in his eyes… -Sins of the Father, Donna Burke.