Splatoon: The Bate Bros.
All Rolled Out
"C'mon Splin, please?" Sharq pleaded.
"Sharq, no."
Splin and Sharq were just chilling at home, sitting at the kitchen counters, the little sentient objects sitting closeby anxiously. A small paint roller weapon was lying on the counter, ink dripping off the main roller cover, dyeing the counter blue. Sharq sat with a pleading look on his face, with the ever classic puppy dog eyes, while Splin stared back with a rather unconvinced look, hands by his side.
"Just one buff, one little buff, that's all I ask. PLEASE?!" Sharq's eyes had achieved the maximum width eyes could possibly widen.
Splin sighed, shaking his head. "Sharq, you know I love you as a brother, but there are a lot of different things I simply cannot achieve. Besides, they nerfed all rollers in Turf Wars for a reason, would you want to get splatted in one lucky fling?"
"I would!"
The other brother facepalmed.
Sharq laid his cheek on the counter, blue rubbing onto it. "I just don't understand why they'd do it… It feels like so long ago…"
Roll the clip.
In flashback Inkopolis, Sharq was happily walking along to the Inkopolis Tower, Carbon Roller in hand, once again opting for a odometer, humming as he went. Strangely, the odometer had a sticker of a green U.F.O., and writing scrawled underneath that read, "we are in the beam", although hardly visible. Okay that wasn't subtle at all, I apologize.
"I can't wait to splat some squidkiddos!" Sharq grinned, unaware of the reference he had unknowingly spouted.
All of a sudden, the large monitor positioned above the Squid Sisters' Studio powered on, the ever popular idols standing onscreen. Everyone in the Inkopolis Plaza held their breath, listening to every word they had to say intently.
"Hold onto your tentacles…" Callie begun as always.
"It's Inkopolis News time!" Marie added once more.
"Before we begin, some special news…" Callie said, the audience watching in suspense.
"What is it?"
The screen behind the Squid Sisters which happened to be onscreen showed a slide showing blank white text in a black bubble.
"Splatoon has had some update changes! Check the official Splatoon website for details!" Callie said.
"Yeah yeah!" Marie paused after agreeing. "Did you seriously just do that?"
Callie chuckled. "Hey, the players gotta find out somehow!"
Sharq and the rest of the plaza-goers stared in confusion at the fourth wall snoozing again on the news, but shrugged, going straight to experts and bulletins on what has changed. Sharq went inside the Ammo-Knights store in the Booyah Base, quickly asking the shop owner on the update.
"Sheldon! Sorry to bust in like this, but what exactly has changed with the new changes?" Sharq asked, carrying his roller behind him.
Rattling could be heard. A horseshoe crab popped up from the floor, wearing a tan uniform and large goggles on his face.
Sheldon adjusted his goggles. "Ah yes! Well, the gist of it is that a few weapons have been tweaked to cause less damage in Turf Wars!"
Sharq gulped. "Uh… W-Which weapons exactly…?"
Sheldon raised his index finger up in the air to explain, but slowed once he noticed the weapon Sharq had currently equipped. "...The rollers and blasters..."
No one in Inkopolis Plaza was prepared for the scream of agony that came from the cap wearing Inkling.
"I didn't even tell you yet!" Sheldon cried out in exasperation.
Splin stared at Sharq, who was still sitting by the counter, Sharq's eyes frozen in horror. Splin shook his head and snapped his fingers, but to no avail.
"Oh boy, voice I may require some assistance with this one?" Splin asked.
No problem, I got it.
A bucket fell out of the air, landing on Sharq's head, snapping him out of his doldrums.
"Wha?! …Is this a bucket?" Sharq questioned, taking the bucket off his face.
"Alright, which one of you maggots stole my bucket?!" A uniform voice cried out.
Soldier, I think the aliens stole it.
Splin and Sharq were confused by the conversation, but listened despite the oddness of it all.
"Thanks for the information! Men, we're taking back my bucket from the alien menace, move out!"
Annoyed groans and busy footsteps sounded off, fading into the distance. Sharq inspected the bucket, small slips of paper littering the floor as he tipped it over.
"Um."
Here, lemme just take that.
The bucket vanished into thin air, the slips of paper disappearing as well. The two brothers shook their heads, ignoring the confusing conversation from earlier.
"...So yeah, I just want the roller to be restored to its former glory!" Sharq cried out. "Ever since that update so long ago…"
"A few days ago." Splin corrected. "Didn't even explain your panic attack."
Heh heh.
"Rollers have lost the magic they've had. No one likes using them as much anymore…" Sharq sighed.
"Well…" Splin looked around, eyes settling on Salty and the Tele-Cube, both staring rather intently. He turned to Ann-Gel, who gave a thumbs up with her figurine hand. Even the alarm clock seemed rather agreeable today, the numbers on the digital clock flashing, "DO IT". Splin lowered his head in defeat. "You're really dedicated to this, aren't you?"
Sharq's head bobbed up happily. "Does this mean-"
"...Yeah, I'll see what I can do."
Sharq hopped up with a joyful yip, accidentally banging his head on the ceiling, which he remedied with a quick rub to the head.
"...Hmm." Splin looked over the roller weapon, spinning the roller cover. "This'll take a while."
Looking over to Sharq, he sweatdropped once he realized he was asleep on his bed, snoring the day away.
"Oh, brother." Splin groaned, now donning his headphones, placed carefully on his head, turning the volume up.
Splin looked at Ann-Gel, sitting nearby. "And this is what I have to deal with everyday."
"Ah. Don't worry about it dude, we'll give you a hand with that!"
The awake party of the house started construction on the roller, the sounds of building somehow not affecting Sharq's sleep habits at all.
Sharq yawned, stretching his arms. Getting up and off his bed, he walked over to the counter, curious of the progress.
"Morning Splin… You done with the roller?" Sharq asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes.
Splin was currently face down on the counter, the other objects lying dormant next to him. Ink stained his clothing, although conveniently vanished after a few seconds. Sharq reached for Splin's collar, pulling him up off the counter. The younger brother's eyes were droopy, half-shut.
"...Okay Sharq. We tried the best we could, with the limited supplies we had. Hope you enjoy…" Splin trailed off, and fell asleep.
Sharq smiled, carrying Splin to his bed and laying him there. He looked at the Tele-Cube, which nodded as best a cube could nod, and shone brightly. A revving noise could be heard from the roller, the odometer glowing brightly.
"It's all yours Sharq!" A small feminine voice called out.
Sharq looked at the Inkling Girl amiibo in surprise, putting two and two together.
"Wait, so…"
"Don't worry about it right now, try it out man, play in a Turf War, I dunno!" Ann-Gel said excitedly.
Sharq smiled largely, picking up the roller carefully off the counter, giving the roller cover an experimental spin with his finger. The revving noise intensified, and the roller cover spun faster, ink spreading throughout the house quickly, the floor dyed a deep blue in seconds. With his newfound roller upgrades, Sharq grinned even wider, hopping around in squid form in excitement.
"Thanks guys!" He shouted, rushing outside. Still in squid form, he shook with enthusiasm, and Super Jumped away to Inkopolis, ready to play in a Turf War, leaving his brother and the others to rest easy.
The other four awake in the house looked at Splin resting peacefully. The alarm clock beeped similar to a mischievous giggle, a timer counting down quickly on its screen, which paused immediately once everyone else glared at it.
"You didn't help at all, so you better not try it." Ann-Gel threatened.
The alarm clock sounded off a harsh boop, similar to a huff.
Sharq, no surprise, landed very off from his intended destination once more, this time bouncing onto the Great Zapfish, who didn't seem to mind. He sat on the glossy coat of the electrical fish, patting it on the head.
"Nice save!" Sharq commended the Zapfish, who merely smiled.
Sharq attempted to slide off to land safely, but accidentally collided with one of the Great Zapfish's whiskers. A charred Inkling fell to the ground, burnt hat floating after him. The Great Zapfish adopted a face of concern, which was quickly put to rest once he found out Sharq was still up and kicking. Sharq waved goodbye to the Great Zapfish, who winked back in acknowledgment, and jumped away as a hopping squid. Entering the Inkopolis Tower, he immediately sprang towards the door for Turf War entry, jumping inside. His body quickly decomposed into a squid ghost, and flew away towards the battlefield, his excitement knowing no bounds.
Sharq rose out of his spawn point's ink, hair tentacles now dyed a light green, the vast yet enclosed arena of Port Mackerel straight in front of him. Three other Inklings all armed to the beak with stat bonuses and Blasters rising besides him. One of his female teammates gave him an odd look, but ignored him, preparing for the round. Everyone was ready, and the timer began ticking down.
"Three… Two… One…" Sharq counted mentally.
The timer finally hit zero, sounding off rather simply, and all three of Sharq's teammates bounded ahead to counter the enemy team, Blaster shots sounding like a symphony of mid-air bursts. Sharq inspected his Carbon Roller, looking for any new features added, when he spotted a button directly beneath the odometer.
The button was labeled with a small sticky note saying, "Use only in cases of dire emergencies. (or if you're failing terribly) -Splin" written in permanent ink.
"Thank you Splin, time to roll out!" Sharq yelled his pun proudly, deploying his roller directly onto the black asphalt, carefully rolling ahead through a path leading to the ground, going to join his fellow greens.
Leaving the safety of his spawn, Sharq entered the middle of the map, two large sets of boxes surrounding him, and three paths leading to the heart of the enemy's base, nearly identical to his own. He smiled, dashing ahead, only to retreat behind cover as soon as a series of deadly laser sights began opening fire at the Inkling, leaving a violet trail through the paths, merely succeeding in shooting his cap off, exposing his tentacles to the air. Sharq sighed, sinking low as a squid underneath his cap, then reemerging as a kid, hat now readjusted on his crown. Taking out his standard Gamepad, he looked at the map, hoping for a teammate. Sharq attempted to Super Jump, painfully interrupted by an enemy Splatterscope's Splat Bomb, blowing him up, and sending him back to square one.
Sharq groaned, popping back out from the spawn point, looking around for any backup. He took another quick look at his Gamepad, eyes nearly popping out of his head when he realized all his other teammates had ditched the battle, or disconnected. (Not even kidding, this was a thing that happened to a guy I play again, R.I.P.)
Sharq looked ahead with a frown, all of the enemy team surrounding his base, shaking their heads in disapproval.
"Cowards." One of the purple tentacled male Inklings muttered. "Sorry we had to win like this man, unfortunate that your teammates left you."
"If I were you…" A female opposing team started. "I would give up now, make this less painful."
Sharq grinned a bit. "Eh… About that." Reaching underneath the odometer of his roller, he pounded the button hidden underneath, the roller revving a bit, only to sputter out. "Whoops! Well, I tried."
Then, the motor revved up much more quickly, with a small harsh beep, and the roller sped off with Sharq still hanging on. Sharq smashed straight through the wall on the opposite side, accelerating through Inkopolis and leaving the enemy team with a large orange trail and bewildered faces.
Sharq's tentacles slowly reverted to blue, the large line of green changing to blue with him, Sharq yelping with every bump in the road. He attempted to slow down by planting his feet onto the ground, deciding against it when they caught fire from the unbelieveable friction. In his dash through Inkopolis, he rammed through multiple crowds of Inklings, totally on accident, launching them into the air.
"Sorry! Watch out, I can't stop it!" Sharq yelled, not relieving the populace in the slightest, as he busted outside the city limits, off into the distance, leaving a fuming city populace behind, though considering the news around here, will be quickly forgotten.
Tai whistled, casually walking under the blue skies of Octo Valley. Despite the possible threat of death from the rare Inkling that still visited the Cap'n, she didn't mind, twirling an Octoshot.
"Freeze!"
Speak of the devil.
Tai sighed, taking off her goggles and turning around with a comatose look on her face, a female Inkling agent staring her down with a Hero Shot trained directly on her.
"Listen man, I don't think you want to do anything you might regret." Tai said, stopping her twirl, and pointing her weapon at the Inkling.
"Oh yeah?!"
Tai noticed an extremely fast object rolling towards him, an evil grin emerging on her face.
"Yep." The lazy Octoling said, stepping out of the way with a false reassuring smile. "You'd do well to listen, idiot."
The female Inkling agent gritted her teeth. "We'll just see abo-"
Sharq ran over the unsuspecting Inkling somewhere over 100 mph, (160.934 kilometers for other countries) knocking her out.
"Yikes! Sorry!" Sharq apologized as he rode on the roller's handle, barely managing to hang on.
Tai laughed. "No flipping way! Thanks a bunch Sharq!" She waved at the Inkling brother, who managed to wave back.
Sharq looked ahead, eyes widening when he realized he had just dashed up a ramp, launching himself into the sky, vanishing with a blink of light somehow.
Tai whistled in awe, looking back at the unconscious Inkling offender. Looking over at Cap'n's shack, she shook her head, picking up the Inkling.
"...You're darn lucky you caught me in a good mood." Tai said softly, walking towards the run down shack of sheet metal carrying the unconscious Inkling bridal style, ensuring that she'd get there with less scratches than she already had, dropping her close by.
In a completely different universe, a pier close by Inkopolis overlooking the sea was under siege by a multitude of marine vessels of sorts, creatures similar to sea lions of sorts storming the beach, commanding vehicles and forces. Other Inklings with great power that I can actually name without being sued hopefully, as well as a single Squid Sister, albeit with some strange twist in power were fighting against the sea lion menace, although slightly tired from the fighting.
"We could really do with some backup…" Callie muttered, somehow dispatching a dude with the sickest punch you've ever seen. ...Alright she built up pink bubblegum flavored energy with her tentacles probably magically and punched the sea lion, there you go.
"I'm fighting my butt off here!" A battle hardened blue tentacled Inkling frustratedly shouted, literally slamming into a cruiser. (Normally he'd say something else, but I censored it because I care about you guys. :3)
"Yeah, thanks Ix!" Callie shouted back, just as frustrated.
A large line of sea lions, some troops on the lions' side similar to what an Inkling and a sea lion might look like if they were tossed into a blender advanced with them, advanced towards the fighting Inklings. They all held their breath, ready to fight, when a yell broke them out of their concentration.
"Gangwaaaaaayy!"
Much to everyone's surprise, Sharq broke the laws of physics and good story writing, mowing down the sea lion line quickly with his roller. The enemy forces reeled back in astonishment, moving back as the screams of pain from their sea lion friends intensified. Sharq apologized again, before disappearing with a flash of light. The battle paused for a moment, everyone standing there with dumbfounded looks, before they realized they had to murder the other side, the entire battle resuming.
"That was handy!" Callie stated, wiping her brow.
Sharq's roller slowed down, at least a couple miles (kilometers) less, but was still speeding strong, now entering an industrial appearing building, leaving paint as he went, teleporting once more. A young thin man, wearing a cap, a large earpiece on his left ear, a messenger bag, dog tags, and other such cosmetics, all with a bit of a blue theme, ran across the ink, slipping and falling.
"Gah! Ah, you alien jerks!" He yelled in a Bostonian accent, quickly picking himself back up and running back to his destination.
Told you Scout, gotta look before you leap!
"Soldier tossing me off a cliff?! How was I supposed figure that one out?!" Scout hesitated. "Uh... Actually, screw that, probably shoulda guessed."
Much to Sharq's relief, the roller finally stopped rolling, and Sharq could finally stop running, legs halting. Unfortunately…
"Uh oh!" Sharq gulped, as he fell from the sky, straight through the hole in his house's roof, and slammed into the floor. "...guh."
"Nngh…"
Sharq looked up from the floor, noticing Splin was fidgeting in his sleep.
"Sharq… Don't hit... the button..." He managed to mumble, before snoring overtook him again.
The cap wearing brother started sweating nervously. The smaller house guests stared at him worriedly. Sharq laid the Carbon Roller on the counter gently, grabbing a towel and scrubbing it until it shone with cleanliness. He jumped into his bed, hiding underneath the covers as a squid, not willing to experience that again.
"...Splin doesn't need to worry about anything." Sharq whispered.
The group of objects continued staring at him. Ann-Gel turned as best she could with her trophy state, eyebrow raised at the Tele-Cube. The cube floated up to the roller and inspected it, a whirling vortex appearing on the screen facing them.
"Dimensional jump successful." It wrote on its screens.
AN: References galore indeed. I'm at a bit of a loss again, so here's a Sharq chapter while I try to think of a new one. Thanks again to Dread Angel, Anon360, and Mr. Loner for reviewing my story! Dread, glad to see a fellow spookster, Anon, oh my gosh you're totally right I did make Ari like Gary, I did not plan that, and Mr. Loner, sorry for inadvertently stealing your costume idea, maybe next year. Anyways, thanks as always, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, off to determine whether to blow money on CS:GO or buy Undertale. Goodbye, and have a good day!