Splatoon: The Bate Bros.
Teleporting Toast
Tai woke up rather swimmingly, a hum escaping her lips. She escaped the tiny confines of her room with a good mood, stretching her arms. She walked through the interior hall, blinking the sleep out of her eyes, only to walk into a line of Octolings.
"Huh?"
Tai tried to look around the Octoling crowd, but were too many of them for her to scan any action. She attempted to squeeze through the crowd, only to slide back out when she realized it would get too claustrophobic in that sweaty mess of soldiers. She walked back down the hall, spotting an awake Chi leaving their dorm.
"Yo, Chi." Tai waved, earning a sleepy wave back. "I'd suggest finding an alternate route around this mass, there are too many clustering around the central hall."
Chi blinked in fatigued confusion. "...What... Even am I listening about?"
"Sorry, military and all that stuff. Wake up and get the sand out of your eyes, Let's move that way." Tai pointed down the opposite end of the hall.
The two Octolings sluggishly skipped down the hall, only for more Octarians to block the way. Both groaned, inadvertently getting the attention of their peers. A fellow Octoling, studiously equipping her goggles as always nodded.
"T-41, C-H1. I see you've seen the roadblock as well." Aussie said.
"What's going on? Why's everyone lining up?" Chi asked.
An Octocopter floated up slowly, hovering dizzily in the air. "...Food." He then dropped to the ground.
"We've been waiting in line to get into the mess hall for a while, our electricity is back, but the provisions of two Inklings can only last us so long. This is going to severely affect our performance in the field if we don't get our rations soon." Aussie explained. "...And the fact that there are two lines doesn't make it any better."
"Ah… Well then, looks like we're gonna need to call in some help." Chi stated. "Tai?"
"Alright, let's go for a little visit to the surface." Tai stated proudly, and began to walk away. Unsurprisingly, she bumped into a wall of octopi, groaning in exasperation. "...Of course they would."
Meanwhile, up in the hills, Sharq stood patiently, Splin aiming at him with a Splattershot Pro in his hands. The two were outside their home, a gentle breeze carrying fallen blades of grass off the ground. Splin had one eye closed and the other one on his brother, cocking the ink gun directly at him.
"Alright, are you prepared?" Splin asked.
Sharq nodded proudly.
"...Dodge NOW." Splin commanded, firing multiple shots of blue ink at his brother.
The ink bullets hurdled quickly, but missed their target as Sharq simply moved out of the way unscathed, Splin shaking his head in response.
"That's… One way to dodge I suppose." Splin lowered the weapon.
"Yeah!" Sharq grinned.
The two stood in silence for a while, not sure of what the whole point of this chapter is.
"Hmm." Splin sat in thought. "What do you want to do today?"
"...Sit in the house all day and play Super Splash Bros.?" Sharq suggested.
"You know, as much as I'd want to not go out and possibly get eradicated by some unholy force of nature, I'd think that's actually a pretty decent idea."
The two began their trip into the house, when octopi attacked. By that, meaning two Octoling soldiers landed directly in front of them.
"Oof! Yep, we're gonna need to find some sort of beacon for this…" Tai groaned, rubbing her back. "Wait a second, we have no bones."
Affirmative.
The other Octoling, revealed to be the ever mischievous Chi gasped in wonder at the hills, burying her face into the grass, hugging it tightly.
"..." The two brothers stared at her in silence, Chi continuing by attempting to make grass angels, a carefree smile on her face.
"She… Really likes grass." Splin observed, the Octoling frolicing in a nearby bed of flowers, swimming through the grassy sea as an octopus.
Tai rolled her eyes. "Well, when you get little to no organic stuff in your homes, this tends to happen."
Chi laughed playfully. "It's just so fuuuuuuunnnnnnnn!"
Tai shook her head quickly. "That's not the point... Splin, Sharq, we came here because we need to ask you to help us out again."
"Of course." Splin said.
"You can count on us! What are we talking, laser Octoweapons? Training recruits?" Sharq asked excitedly, pupils in his eyes growing in anticipation.
Tai blankly stated, "Rations."
The two brothers looked at each other, then back to Tai, disbelieving expressions on their faces, Chi still swimming in the grass, getting stains of green and ruffed up tentacles in the process.
"...You know, you're welcome to come in and eat breakfast with us right now." Sharq turned into a squid as he said so, pointing at the house.
"That's not exactly why we visited-" Tai was interrupted by noisy growls coming from both Chi's and her stomach. "Ogh! ...Uh, so, what are we having?" Tai blushed in embarrassment.
After a completely messy breakfast, the entire house was once again coated in food, this time toast littered the floor, some buttered toast sticking to the wall. The snail, cube, figurine, and alarm clock all nested underneath Sharq's bed, huddling together to prevent themselves from being overtaken by the toast overcrowding the room.
Splin sighed, stuck to the wall via bread slices. "I will never cook again." He fell to the ground with a crunch, toast pieces somehow glued to the ceiling dropping like a stalactite onto the brother with a loud thud.
The other cephalopods all sleepily laid on the ground, stomachs full, already dozing off, "z"s literally rising from their heads.
"Wha-" Splin stood up, wiping off offending bread. "YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!"
"...Oh! Hold on!" Chi sat up. "With the amount of food this one Inkling made, we can actually feed a whole splatoon for weeks! Great job, Splin!"
Splin raised his eyebrows. "Wait a second, you're having food shortages? Why didn't you say anything sooner?"
"...Uh, toast and stuff. ...Come on, we were starving!" Tai complained, only earning an inquisitive and unamused look from Splin.
"Tai, we're going over there right now, we need to help."
"No no no no no, you're staying here, we're doing the heavy lifting." Tai said. "Octavio says we've been resting on our laurels for two long, letting you guys do all the work. We'll carry the bread back, you two don't have to worry about a thing."
Chi stared at Tai in disbelief, who winked back in response.
"Yaaay." Sharq enthused, crawling to his bed as a squid, scattering burnt toast across the wooden floor.
"...Really? Octavio told you that?" Splin asked. "I don't understand his leadership… But, we can still try to help you out in some ways…"
Tai bit her lip, looking away.
"T-41, C-H1, as you can see, our forces' morale have decreased dramatically due to the food shortage." DJ Octavio said, hovering over the two Octolings.
The Octarian crew were all situated in the briefing room, sitting around the grand table. The large slab of ceiling still stuck in the table for some reason, among other debris. Everyone looked rather fatigued, and starving. A ton of thuds could be heard in other rooms, followed by weeping.
"They should really fix this." Chi whispered, touching the large shard stuck in the table, Tai agreeing with a nod of her head.
"Anyways, I need you two to ask the Inkling allies of ours to help us out, give us some sick beets to munch on, get what I'm saying?" Octavio joked.
The entire table stayed silent at Octavio's pun.
"...Just get us some food supplies. Last time I'm making a pun." Octavio huffed. "Make sure we get those Inklings to help us, I repeat, get the voluntarily ready Inklings to help us. TAI ARE YOU LISTENING?"
The lazy Octoling collapsed out of boredom and hunger pains.
"Ugh. Chi, just get her up to the surface and ask those Inklings for their assistance. We'll stay here and help out the starving, you get help." Octavio stated firmly and finally, floating away to assist fallen soldiers.
Tai snapped out of her reminiscing of about a page ago and looked back at Splin.
"Um, yeah. ...Something like that." She muttered.
"Tai, what are you doing?" Chi asked.
Tai held her index finger up, huddling close to Chi.
"Listen, I know this sounds weird… But I really like these guys."
"Ooooohhh…" Chi smirked.
"Not like that." Tai rolled her eyes. "...I just wouldn't want them to do all the heavy lifting, they've done a lot for us. I mean, the two only Inklings in the world to actually put aside wars and death just to help out a couple of octopi like us"
Chi stared at Tai with a bit of a scared expression. "You've spent too much time around these two, where's the Tai I know that would just let others do the work?."
Tai sighed. "Yep, pretty much. ...I dunno, just something about those two…"
The two brothers stared at the two Octolings, waiting for a clear answer to a rather confusing question.
"...Well fine. Splin, Sharq, sorry to completely turn a 180 on you, but uh… We actually need your help with this."
The two Octolings turned back, where the two Inkling brothers were preparing a new load of cardboard boxes for travel, even a specific cap wearing one going as far as taping makeshift wheels to the bottom of them.
"...That's how we're supposed to get back? Seems… Pretty dumb actually." Chi stated.
Splin sighed. "I actually agree with her on this one, this seems way too obvious that something odd would be going on. It may have worked the first couple of times, but something tells me this could spell disaster if we decided to pull through with it."
In Inkopolis Plaza, a group of Inklings, young and old, stood facing the Squid Sisters studio, the two Squid Sisters themselves standing outside of it. Callie proudly standing on the railing by it, Marie looked rather indisposed, boredly sitting by with her chin resting on the palm of her right hand, leaning against the railings.
"Arr! Good job Pirates! We sure showed those Ninjas a thing or two!" Callie triumphantly said, eliciting a growl from the slightly annoyed fellow popstar cousin, cheers and jeers ringing out from the crowd. "Now, as the Splatfest winner, I actually have one more request from you…"
The entire crowd listened intently, when Callie revealed a scroll with rather bubbly writing on it, as well as a picture of a box.
"If you happen to see a box moving in the plaza, don't hesitate to blow it to smithereens!" Callie commanded the crowd.
Everyone stood in silence, Callie nervously darting her eyes around. The crowd reluctantly spoke among itself, Marie just staring wide eyed with an eyebrow raised at her cousin's odd proposition. Suddenly a voice rang out of the crowd.
"Ha ha! That's it? Simple, you can count on me to take care of any boxes."
The crowd suddenly rallied together in chants, making sure to check alleyways and crannies for any moving boxes.
Marie gave her cousin a huge look of disbelief, Callie just giggling nervously. "I-I just wanna make sure, okay!" Marie shook her head, and walked away.
"So…" Tai wondered aloud, hand on the brothers' kitchen counter. "What's the plan, Splin?"
Splin hummed low, thinking. He looked around the room multiple times, attempting to find something that could solve their problem. A beep similar to a throat being cleared popped up out of nowhere, snapping Splin out of his doldrums. Looking down at his feet, he noticed the Tele-Cube had a simple expression on its screens, a face composed of a few lines for eyes and mouth, drawn to look like it was planning something. Splin chuckled.
Picking up the Tele-Cube, he mentally facepalmed. "Of course. I'm sorry cube, we keep forgetting about that."
"...So, to replace all of these cardboard boxes, we're going to… Use a shinier box?" Chi asked uncertainly. "You're the logical one of us, right?"
"I know it looks weird, but trust me. Tele-Cube has been practicing."
"Wait, your guys' belongings live?" Tai asked, turning around. Spotting Ann-Gel, she slowly leaned into the figurine's face, eyes narrowed.
"gulp. Uh, hiii…?" Ann-Gel waved slowly.
Tai's eyes widened. She quickly equipped her Octoling Goggles, leaning in once again with eyebrows furrowed, making the amiibo girl extremely nervous.
"You're a little close there." Ann-Gel backed up as best as she could with a trophy stand glued to her feet eternally.
"...Sorry." Tai cleared her throat, looking back at the brothers. "What can this 'cube' of yours do exactly?"
"Teleport!" Sharq cried out, leaping over onto the counter as a squid. "We're gonna teleport to the HQ?!"
Splin smiled. "That's the plan."
"Okay, you Inklings have teleport technology?! Man, we've been underestimating you guys for too long." Chi said, impressed with the cube.
"Well, we're pretty much the only ones we know of that has this. ...Also the last time we tested its teleportation capabilities we accidentally laid destruction… Or at least near destruction of Inkopolis."
The eyes on Tele-Cube's "face" rolled. Splin pat the cube reassuringly, setting it down on the counter, where Salty happily bounded to greet its friend.
"But the cube is reliable. Even if it does have a few mishaps here and there, it usually turns out alright in the end."
"'Usually'?" Chi asked, unconvinced.
Sharq grinned, picking up the Tele-Cube. He pat the cube, eyes shut tight, and suddenly vanished with a whoosh in the air, the Tele-Cube leaving with him. Suddenly, he fell back from the ceiling from the house, again with a whoosh sound, pirate and ninja merch, presumably from the recent Splatfest falling by him.
"Eh? Pretty cool, huh?" Sharq beamed, a plastic purple shuriken embedding itself in the floor next to him, and a cutlass with a Callie face winking on the rubber hilt falling nearby.
"...Hmm. So, you just have to imagine where to go, then it takes you there?" Chi asked.
"Trust me Chi, these two may have blundered a little in the past, but they usually pull through." Tai told her.
"Usually people don't use the word, 'usually' that often." Chi scoffed.
"Look, it'll be simple, we just teleport us, and some bread, then teleport back, get more food, and the Octarians go happy! We don't have to do much work, and we'll be out of the brothers' tentacles, free to do whatever. Better yet, the Octarians get better rations than the slop we usu- Normally, normally I meant, have to eat." Tai explained.
Chi had her hand on her hip, shaking her head with a sigh. "Yeah, yeah, fine, I can get into that plan. Splin, Sharq, how about it?"
Splin eyed the covered floor, practically a bake sale now, with an unsure face. "We'd have to teleport all this bread across a long distance while ensuring that we can still make it back…" Splin took a peek at the Tele-Cube, a large battery with an eighty percent charge labeled underneath. "I guess now's as good a time as ever to test it again. Alright guys, gather as much bread as you can, and we'll teleport it out of here."
An aforementioned Soldier grinned elsewhere.
After the long, grueling, and boring process of stacking bread on the counter, the team was all set to transport themselves and the bread across time and space. The Octolings had their goggles equipped in case things went sour, Sharq pushing his Takoroka Mesh cap down on his head harder as if it would act better as a helmet.
"Bread stacked, crew at the ready, Tele-Cube, it's all up to you." Splin said. "Alright, please teleport us to the Octarian HQ, as well as the toast. Got it?"
The Tele-Cube hovered above the counter, lights on the cube flashing many different colors. After a few minutes, the cube flashed brightly, the team of aquatic tentacled teenagers averting their eyes, and suddenly vanished, toast left in the room blown back.
Tai and Chi opened their eyes, and looked around. They stood in front of a crowd of surprised Octolings, a pile of bread landing next to them. DJ Octavio and other Octarian forces, who appeared to be discussing something, stopped immediately, and stared at the two totally coincidentally named Octolings, the two females standing in front of the shocked crowd, when Tai took a piece of bread and raised it above her head.
"Who here's hungry?" Tai asked.
A roar of relief and cheers crashed down on them, the crowd of octopi rushing for the bread, the mountain of toast quickly being reduced to a small pile, Octotroopers and Octolings alike munching happily on the bread, DJ Octavio hovering over them in the coolest DJ machine ever devised by octopus kind.
"Well! You two did pretty dang well, we live to mix another day. You even did it without the help of those Inklings!" Octavio laughed proudly.
Tai shrugged. "Well technically-" She paused, looking around. "Hang on. Where are the other two?"
Tai left Chi to get showered in admiration and praise, pushing through the crowd attempting to find the brothers. She groaned, finding no trace of the two Inklings, even going as far as sliding underneath the Octarians as an octopus.
"Well…" Tai's eyebrows were furrowed after passing under some of the Octolings. "Still no sign of them. Although…" Tai turned around, looking at the Octolings she had passed under, who were blushing.
"Please don't do that." A flustered Octoling requested.
Tai closed her eyes, hand to her face in annoyance. "Well, with any luck, hopefully they ended up somewhere safe."
Splin and Sharq were falling above Inkopolis, the city looking like a barely recognizable blob from their viewpoint. However, it didn't matter much, as they were closing in on a landing quickly, the blob appearing to grow skyscrapers, towers, trees, and asphalt.
"How come every time we decide NOT to walk, we always get suspended high above the ground?" Splin wondered aloud.
He looked over to Sharq, who was freaking out in midair, scrambling next to Splin and tightly hugging him for support.
"...Sharq, we can't take fall damage remember?" Splin said.
Well yeah, but keep in mind the only places you've fallen off of were generally acceptable.
"What does that mean, voice?" Splin asked nervously.
Unless you find a softer place to land, now this drop... Could possibly spell instant death.
Both brothers froze in midair with a look of terror. A flock of geese flew by, one of the geese quacking their sympathies, before the brothers resumed falling, although none of them spoke for the rest of the fall. While the two hurdled to their immediate demise, a certain six faced object dropped down just above them.
"Cube!" They both exclaimed, breaking the previously mentioned silence.
Splin fell in thought for a moment, then pushed Sharq as best as he could at the cube, only to push himself further towards the ground.
"I… Forgot how physics work." Splin admitted, twiddling his tentacles.
"It's totally fine, this is fine." Sharq reassured him, albeit poorly. "Uh, cube, do you mind dropping faster?"
Splin looked at Sharq unamused, when suddenly the cube solidified further, the textures on the cube shifting to a concrete sidewalk, however, not increasing its drop speed whatsoever.
"Just because an object is heavier doesn't mean that it would drop faster!" Splin explained.
"Darn it!" Sharq sighed.
"...Well, I mean, for the most part." Splin rubbed the back of his head. "Still don't completely understand how it works…"
The cube approached the brothers more noticeably, then reverted back to its previous digital interface form, staying at around the same height as the brothers.
"Ah, well the rate of acceleration increases I believe." Splin observed.
"Okay, well, you better hurry up, I don't wanna die because of some stupid loophole!" Sharq gasped, both of them a mere mile (1.61 kilometers) away from dying.
"Uh, Tele-Cube, please teleport us somewhere soft!" He pleaded, the cube nodding.
Just before the two hit the ground, the cube engulfed the brothers in a flash of light, quickly making itself and the squid brothers disappear, safely away from the unforgiving landscape of the ground below, where Callie and Marie were still patrolling the city of Inkopolis for moving boxes, a rather tired task force of Inklings trailing behind them.
"Callie, it's been an hour, our fans are really worried about you too. Maybe you should take a break from your uh… Whatever this is exactly." Marie explained to her somewhat justified cousin, who despite the bags in her eyes, still persevered to bring justice to the cardboard box.
"...No, no. I swear I saw a box, I'm not stopping until-" Callie stopped midsentence, and fainted, leaning back on Marie, who sighed.
The white tentacle Squid Sister raised her free right hand, carrying the other idol with her left. "Alright everyone, Callie's knocked out, you guys can go home now. Stay fresh!"
The sigh of relief that came from the crowd washed over the city like a tsunami, the sound of shuffling footsteps finally moving away.
Splin inexplicably warped back to his bed, landing softly. He breathed deeply, glad that he didn't end up flatter than a dab fish. Expecting Sharq, he turned to his left, only finding that the bed was empty, no sign of the other brother or cube. He stood up, confused, quickly climbing upstairs to the roof, looking at the sky, Sharq nowhere to be seen.
"Oh no…" Splin raised his hand to his mouth, biting down lightly.
"Yo! Splin!"
Splin looked at the sky again, Tai quickly closing in from the sky. Unfortunately, she missed, landing in a nearby tree, apples falling loose from the impact.
"Ow." She groaned, her goggles coming loose as well, falling with the apples. She fell as well, adding up to three fallen items from the tree. "Who you calling an item?" Tai half joked.
Well excuse my French, miss Tai.
Tai humphed, pushing leaves off of her. "No problem voice. Hey, so Splin, what happened? Where'd you two go after the teleportation?"
Splin looked up at the sky. "We went for a bit of a free fall."
"Oh, dang." Tai whistled, looking at the sky. "Sooo… Where's Sharq?"
Splin looked around. "That's what I'm trying to figure out… The Tele-Cube is probably with him, so he's not in too much danger, however…" He sighed. "Knowing that it's Sharq, I can only pray things won't go horribly wrong."
"Well, how'd you get back here then?" Tai asked.
"Requested that we'd land somewhere soft." Splin said. "That's pretty vague of me… Sharq could be anywhere…"
Sharq grunted, standing up slowly, but wobbled a bit, looking around. The Tele-Cube hovered above him, glowing red, a sign that the energy left inside was low. The area around them was dark, the illusion of some sort of sky above them. The now solitary brother bit his lip slightly, so as not to completely cut through his own mouth with his beak. He tried to walk finding that the ground was rather cushy, feeling like a pillow of sorts.
"What have I teleported into now?" Sharq asked aloud.
The Tele-Cube began to generate a low quantity of light, Sharq looking down at the "ground". Feeling it with his foot once more, it felt similar to a soft dirt that he'd find in the hill, Sharq jumping up and down on the ground.
"Weird." Sharq stated, although with a small smile. "Huh…"
Sharq played around in the ground for a while, until he got completely bored.
"Okay, Tele-Cube, you think you can take me home?" He asked aloud to the cube floating above him.
The Tele-Cube managed a soft chime, before another flash of light overtook him, spiriting him and the cube away once more.
In a forest clearing, extremely far away from the dimension Splin and Sharq called home, a trio of Inklings were sitting rather silently in some sort of ritual with another overlooking the three, one of the three sitting peacefully apparently being the Squid Sister Marie. All was peaceful, until one of the present females face scrunched up a bit.
"...What is going on in there?" The female thought.
She held her hand up to her chest in confusion, but was stopped by Marie.
"Rem." She warned the other Inkling.
Rem's face scrunched up in protest, but sighed, sitting quietly once again, ignoring the odd sensation.
Sharq appeared out of thin air once again, but also failed to stick the landing, falling directly onto the railing on top of his house as a squid, one of the pillars jutting out dealing a blow to his squid form's stomach area. Tele-Cube floated down above him, a face with eyes wide drawn on itself.
"Bwooogh!" He spat out in pain, falling by the foot of his house's door, his Takoroka Mesh cap floating down onto his face.
"Sharq, there you are! Are you injured?" Sharq looked up, his cap obstructing his view. His cap was quickly moved, revealing his brother Splin, as well as Tai staring down at him worriedly.
"Does this answer your question?" Sharq groaned, switching to humanoid form with his hand on his stomach, rolling over slowly, moaning into the ground.
Splin inhaled sharply, motioning to Tai to help carry him inside. The two reached under Sharq, pulling him up, Tai kicking open the doors to the house. Carefully, they walked over to the counter, lying him carefully on top. Splin pat him on the back gently, receiving a small murmur of appreciation from the normally upbeat brother.
"Oh geez." Splin sighed.
"You gonna be okay dude?" Tai asked, poking Sharq with her Octoshot's nozzle.
"...bleh." He managed to say, rolling over. "...Did you get the food over there?"
"Yeah… We managed to get it there, no problem." Tai said.
Back at the Octarian HQ, the Octotroopers were fighting back evil mutated pieces of stale teleported bread, ink flying everywhere and bread crumbs being tossed, overall just a huge mess.
"...Hopefully." Tai frowned.
Splin sighed. "You're going to be fine, right Sharq?"
Sharq groaned more, clutching his stomach. "Maybe a little sick... "
Salty hopped over the the television, and jumped on the remote's power button. Immediately after turning the television on, the show switched to a "The Halibut" commercial, showcasing a variety of different menu items.
"I'm good, let's go grab some chow!" Sharq exclaimed, turning off the T.V. and sprinted outside, much to the amusement of the two others.
Splin chuckled. "Good to see my brother's still kicking. Hmm… You want us to get you something?"
Tai smiled. "Sure, why not. I could go for a meal right now anyways after that exhausting process."
"...The one where you had to stand still?" Splin joked.
"Ah, whatever."
Splin followed his brother outside, both of them turning into squids again, and preparing to jet off.
"Bye Tai!"
"We'll get you something, don't worry."
The two Inkling brothers jumped away with a burst of ink as usual.
"Heh. I know you will." Tai smiled, walking back inside their house, awaiting her food.
AN: Shared Universe Stuff: This is a disclaimer pertaining to the references in the story. If you don't happen to understand some of the references, you might just have to read more fanfiction. :3. No but seriously, you might want to if you wish to understand, or if you have already, great. But anyways, time to respond to reviews once more. Thanks again to Dread Angel, Anon360, and The Engi Who Cried Nope (or sebastian830, I don't really know what you wished to be addressed by, Entschuldigen Sie bitte meine Fehler.) Yep Dread, beam jokes. Anon, that totally slipped my mind, sorry I couldn't include Sonic. Finally, Engi, thanks, I really need to lessen the TF2 references, oh boy. Anyways, that wraps up this chapter. Thank you, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, remember to always treat your bread nicely!