Note: I'm not sure how often I will update this story it can be as little as once a week or as much as three times a week, it depends on how much time I have as well as inspiration. I will try to aim at updating twice a week but life is unpredictable so well see.

Jacob often haunted my thoughts late at night, while I lay in bed, the bed I shared with him many times in the past. In fact, I spent more time with Jacob in my room than any other place.

It was where we talked about our days and life stress. It was where we cuddled enjoying each other's warm embrace. It was where we were intimate with each other. It was where I accused him of being disloyal to me, many times. It was where we fought and where we made up. It was where I took care of him when he was sick. My bed held so many memories, both good and bad.

I let out a tired sigh, turning on my side, looking at the empty spot next time me. The spot he used to occupy.

I tear ran down my cheek as the memories came rushing back to me of the last time we were together.

"Jacob, are you okay?" I asked concerned, noticing his eyes were fading open and close as if he was going to pass out on me.

"I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay." He mumbled over and over through closed eyes as if he was about to drift to sleep.

But I knew better. Jacob had type one diabetes and every once in a while he would have low blood sugar and freak me the fuck out. This time was worst then the last time. He usually came around after a snack but this time he was taking way longer than I would like for him to come around.

"Shit, I don't know what to do, what should I do, should I call 911?" I asked worried even though I knew I wasn't likely to get a clear response from him.

He was sweating like crazy, his arms moving a bit due to his nerves he had no control over. Even in that moment, when I held him in my embrace, putting a wet cloth on his forehead to cool him down and letting tears fall down my face in fear, I never dreamed I would lose him and lose him the way I did.

I never thought when I hugged him goodbye and told him I loved him it would be the last time. If I did maybe I would have held on to him longer, tighter, put more emotion into my "I love you."

In fact, I felt like we were closer after that last experience, that we were bonded on another level, I mean, Jesus Christ, I even supported him walking side by side holding his arm around my neck to the bathroom and held his weak form up when he needed to take a piss. I was practically his fucking wife and then to find out he had a wife… talk about a low blow.

How do you take the news that someone who was supposed to be your one and only wasn't, that there was some bitch out there with a higher title than you claiming ownership over your man? I wanted to yell and scream at her and tell her I was his main one, that he was mine not hers and then I realized I would be standing up for a cheater, a loser, a heart breaker and I realized she was the one truly fucked. She was legally bound to the jerk. I could leave easily… well in a sense.

I was over him, I was, it was just what he did, it was a hard pill to swallow. As fucked up as it was I felt comfortable around Jacob, it was hard to let that go.

I even found myself talking about Jacob with Emmett many times and worst comparing him to Jacob. Frustrated when it didn't feel the same with Emmett the way it felt with Jacob. I caught myself telling Emmett about how I used to kiss Jacob on his cheek over and over again, making him smile brightly which in turn made me smile. Those were my favorite kisses I shared with Jacob because they were real, his emotions were real in that moment and I could feel it.

I tried kissing Emmett in such a way hoping to get the same feeling but it felt wrong, it was all wrong, his cheek didn't feel the same, his smile wasn't the same, and it didn't make me smile or feel joy. Instead it did the opposite. It made me feel empty, like something was missing. I felt numb.

I haven't felt happiness in such a long time even with Jacob I was never really happy. He hurt and frustrated me more than made me laugh or smile. You think with such a shitty relationship mainly based on sex and heartbreak it would be easier to leave and move on but it wasn't. I spent so much pain and stress in our relationship hoping it would get better. I didn't want it to be for nothing, and in the end it was… it was all for nothing. That hurt, knowing all the pain and suffering I went through was for nothing!

All I learned from my shitty experience was that I was lonely and wanted companionship and that apparently I had a sign on my forehead that said USE ME, TREAT ME LIKE SHIT.

That's what I found appealing about this mysterious customer. It wasn't that I found him attractive though lord knows I did. It was that he made me smile. I had seen many attractive people before but none that could make me feel in such a way that he did with just a glance and a smile.

I yearned to FEEL again.

I walked through the front doors of my work place, placing my hat over my head, going over to my register about to sign in when my boss signaled me to follow him.

"Whitlock, I need to talk to you real quick before you sign in." He said opening up the back door waiting for me to catch up to him.

Fuck!

I gulped nervously. I hated when my boss pulled me to the side to talk. His talks were never a good thing. It was always something negative or some extra work he wanted to give me. As if I didn't have enough to do at my job. The story of my life, getting used and abused.

I walked to the back office and took a seat as I waited for him to start speaking.

"Jasper, you failed the Mystery Shopper this month." My boss said disappointed.

Are you fucking kidding me?!

"Are you serious?" I said in shock, as he handed me the paper with the grading scale, showing me the 65% I got.

"Now Jasper I can't stress enough how important it is that you pass the Mystery Shopper every time, a 100 is ideal but an 85 is acceptable anything lower than that is not tolerated here. " He stated giving me a cheesy ass smile I wanted to punch.

This is Bullshit!

"Remember we all get a raise increase for the month if you get a 100%. You would like a raise wouldn't you Jasper, I mean who wouldn't right?" My boss said sounding like a total douchebag.

I give my all every fucking time; I'm so over this shit!

I'm too old for this teen age shit!

I can't wait to leave this place.

"I try my best, that's all I can do." I stated honestly feeling offended, my best wasn't good enough.

"I know Jasper, you're a good worker, let's just try to do better next time." He replied giving my shoulder a light pat as if to comfort or motivate me. It did neither.

Im so sick of never being good enough!

"I got to go sign in; it looks like they need me upfront." I said glancing at the line that was forming from afar.

"Right, right, go get em Jasper!" My boss said enthusiastically as if to cheer me on before turning around and starting on some paperwork.

I was so upset, I gave my work place my all every time I walked through the doors and I was underappreciated and underpaid. I felt my eyes water up. I refused to let my boss or anyone at work to see me cry. I fought back my tears and took a few deep breaths before heading to my register.

God please let this day go smoothly.

I don't think can handle much more.

"Hello, how is your day going?" I asked, trying to act like I gave a shit, as I scanned the customer's groceries.

"Good, yours?" They replied warmly.

I'M IN HELL!

"Fine."