Oh noes! A Disclaimer: This is going to feature quite a bit of Splat X references. If you do not care for the story of Splat X, or simply don't understand the references, I recommend skipping over this chapter, and the next. I will post another chapter as soon as I can after the Splat X ones for those viewers who do not wish to read the story, as awesome as I find it. That being said, for those who are going to read, minor spoilers for MGSV: TPP ahead. ...You know you're going heavy on the references when you spoil other games in a Splatoon story. Besides that, anyone who wishes to read, hope you enjoy it. Also, for fans of Splat X, forgive me, I might completely fail to capture some of the other characters in the story well, so bear with me on this.
Splat X: The Bate Bros.
Universal Problems
"You're going to… What?" Maria asked, leaning on a railing.
"We're going to teleport you home." Splin repeated.
The four sat outside on the roof, evening in Inkopolis quickly approaching, though the anticipation was thick in the air. Tai sat by the trapdoor, her legs dangling from the top of the roof towards the ground. Maria seemed to be in shock, staring unwavering at the brothers and the beacon.
"...Teleportation." Maria repeated, just to be sure.
"Affirmative." Splin said.
"...So, just to be clear…" Maria began jokingly.
Splin put a hand to his forehead with a sigh, Maria giggling at his apparent annoyance.
"I'm sorry, I had to." She said chuckling.
"Alright, straight to the point, if Tele-Cube somehow manages to work with the beacon, SOMEHOW, I think we have a pretty good chance of getting you home." Splin gestured to the beacon, which Tele-Cube was floating around,lights flashing as if directing the replica, the beacon whirring nosily as a result.
After a few minutes, the Tele-Cube hovered in one place, turning one side flat to the onlookers. Its screens showed an image of a progress bar, a 99 percentage underneath the bar advancing to a full 100 percent. The beacon satellite dish spun around rapidly for a while, slowing down after a minute's worth of spinning. The beacon stopped, facing Inkopolis, lights on the beacon glowing red.
"Hmm…" Splin bit his lip, turning to Tele-Cube. "I suppose it was silly of me to expect a Squid Beakon to create a huge portal."
Tele-Cube shook, as if to shake its nonexistent head. An arrow on the screen facing the sky pointed in the same direction as the beacon did, the arrow bouncing in that direction to emphasize its point.
"Ah, sorry. Looks like we have to make a trip to Inkopolis." Splin said.
The Tele-Cube nodded, spiriting itself towards Inkopolis. Reappearing for a moment, it pointed the arrow towards Inkopolis one last time, vanishing once more. Splin turned to the others, an inquisitive look on his face. Sharq grinned at Splin.
"...What?" Splin asked.
"Time for another break?" Sharq smiled slyishly.
"...Shut up." Splin sighed, though he smiled as well in spite of himself. "Maria, Tai, you ready?"
"Eh?" Tai said, keeping her legs still. "Yeah, I'm game."
"Yes." Maria said, looking over at Inkopolis.
"Hmm." Splin muttered. "Well, let's get going."
The two Inkling brothers present changed into squids, Tai becoming an octopus, and aimed at Inkopolis, their tentacles primed for launch.
"...So, um… Super Jumping there?" Maria asked.
"Yeah, why do you ask? You know how to Super Jump, right?" Splin said.
Maria's eyes looked down, away from the others. "...I don't remember how. I think as long as there is a spawn point or something, but other than that..."
"To be fair Splin, how many other people do you know who can Super Jump all the way from over there-" Tai pointed to Inkopolis Tower, nearly a spec in the distance. "From here? Heck, I'd think that all those times we landed with just a scratch was lucky."
"Then, how'd you and Maria get over there without Super Jumping?" Splin asked.
Tai reverted to humanoid form, her eyes looking back at an imaginary flashback bubble.
"Got you some new clothes!" Tai grunted, pushing the box of clothing up the hill. "I hope so, at least."
At this point, the clothing in the box Tai had… "Purchased", was nearly ruined. Clothing that stuck out of the box had been discarded on the way, Tai not really caring as it had lightened the load considerably, making the job just a little easier. All that was left was a Squash Headband, Sailor Stripe Tee, and Blue Slip-Ons. Regardless, Tai pushed the box up the hill slowly but steadily. After about a couple minutes of labor, she collapsed in front of the house, large box sitting in front of her.
"How was this house even built on this hill?!" Tai complained, slumping on the grass, her tentacles falling flat as well.
"Ah, Tai!" Maria called out, running out of the house, looking into the box. "Did you buy this for me? Thank you so much!"
Tai raised her hand, waving slightly, then let her arm fall onto the grass lazily. Maria laughed slightly, giving her pats of recognition. She took the clothes from the box, heading back inside. After a couple minutes in flashback time, Maria had switched from the squashed Hero Suit to the new clothing, stretching her arms as she left the house. Tai was still lying facedown on the ground by the box, grass blowing over her as she rested.
"Tai?" Maria asked, poking the Octoling.
"Mmm?" Tai mumbled from the dirt.
"You said something earlier about training me. Now, I probably shouldn't be one to judge, but I doubt I'll learn much from you down there." Maria explained, hand on her hips.
Tai lifted her face from the grass, spitting out a pellet of dirt. "Bleh. Yeah, sorry. Alright, let's Super Jump to the plaza and we'll figure it out from there."
"Super Jump?" Maria asked.
Tai stared at her in silence, wind being the only thing filling the silence. "...Right, forgot that... You forgot. Hmm,let's see… How would we get you there quickly..." Tai turned to the large cardboard box.
An invisible light bulb lit up above her. Walking over to the box, she began to adjust the flaps, taking all of them and putting them on the outside. Jumping into the box, she motioned for Maria to follow her. Though reluctantly, Maria walked up and hopped into the box.
"I know it seems weird, but trust me, this is gonna be rad." Tai said, taking out her goggles from inside of her short's pocket.
Kicking the box from within, she managed to edge it towards the hill slope, when gravity took over, the box acting as a sled. The box flew down the slope quickly, when it hit another smaller hill, launching the two into the air. Maria ducked in the box carefully, looking up at the Octoling, who was pumping her fist throughout the flight.
"Yeah!" Tai shouted, the box hitting the ground soon after, sliding away.
"You slid all the way there in a box? That shouldn't be possible, laws of gravity and friction dictate that you wouldn't go further than a few feet after the landing." Splin said, switching to humanoid form throughout his explanation.
Tai took out her Octoshot, spinning it, then blew on the nozzle as if it were smoking, while it was spinning.
"...Okay, point taken." Splin said. "Well, would you happen to have the box sled?"
Tai stopped spinning her weapon, holstering it quickly. Raising her index finger to the sky, she put it down immediately.
"No." Tai stated simply.
"Oh." Splin said. "Then how are we going to get Maria over there…?"
"We could just… Walk." Maria suggested.
A gust of wind followed the silence, tree leaves being blown by.
"...You know, that's not a bad idea." Splin said. "Huh, it would take a while, but considering the Tele-Cube would be waiting for us… Okay, let's just walk there."
The four carefully jumped off the roof onto the grass. Running down the hills, they switched to their marine life forms, sliding down the grassy slopes toward Inkopolis, leaping over each hill. Skidding to a halt, they switched to their upright Inkling forms, walking away towards the city.
After a peaceful, non-painful walk to Inkopolis, the crew were nearing the beach, walking on a sidewalk parallel to a busy street. Tai remained hidden in Sharq's cap when other Inklings were present, peering out from within the hat ever so often. On the opposite side of the street, Inklings in Hero Suits were chasing after two Zapfish bouncing away into the street, vehicles swerving to try and prevent any damage, which only caused much more than needed, cars running into each other and buildings, crashing noises filling up the city.
"Yeesh, finding those Zapfish must be harder than I thought." Sharq said, looking over the scene.
"I'm sure they'll catch them eventually." Splin said.
One of the Inkling agents chasing after the Zapfish tripped over a small space between the sidewalk. The other agents ran back to help him, picking the agent up and running after the Zapfish, only to find the Zapfish had somehow managed to climb up on top of a building.
"Like I said, eventually." Splin repeated, watching the scene. "Odd, I haven't seen Tele-Cube at all since we've arrived."
Tai's octopus head poked out of Sharq's cap. "Well, do you think he'd be anywhere specifically? Usually in our Splatoon, we are assigned specific locations to report to. Maybe he's somewhere specifically."
Splin looked at the cap with an eyebrow raised. "That's not a bad idea. In fact, we're coming close to a beach right now."
"What does that have to do with anything?" Tai asked.
Splin adjusted his headphones around his neck. "Well, I'd assume that teleportation is in any way similar to Super Jumping, you'd want to be at an optimal spot for said teleportation, a clearer shot from point A to B. What I'm thinking is that if Maria's home is similar to ours…" Splin gestured to the beach, a white line in the distance. "That possibly teleporting from this beach to the next would be easier than trying to teleport from a random spot in Inkopolis to another."
"Ah, basically, you think that being on that beach will make things more convenient?" Maria asked, Splin nodding.
"Precisely. It's really just a theory though… Just like the Squid Beakon, I can't be sure yet." Splin said, looking straight ahead at the beach, the sidewalk going on for a while.
"Then there's only one way to find out, let's go!" Sharq shouted, running ahead.
"Hold on!" Splin yelled, but Sharq was already out of earshot. Splin looked up to Maria, who was running ahead as well, excitedly. "Way to ditch me guys." Splin sighed, running as well.
The three ran through the sidewalk, the buildings of the city seeming to get replaced with flatter streets smaller shops, the sandy beach ahead of them. The sky was hardly filled with any clouds, the waters a sparkling blue, the sun setting on the blue horizon. Not many squids or kids of any description were playing in the beach, most of them probably playing in Turf Wars or something.
"Hey wait, doesn't this place look familiar?" Sharq said aloud, looking around.
"...Yeah, wait. Isn't this the place we went to meet Kaz?" Splin said.
Turning to their right down the street was a square empty space, absolutely nothing there. Tai poked her head out, nodding slightly.
"Uh huh. Definitely." Tai said.
"Sorry to interrupt, but who's Kaz?" Maria asked.
"He's-" Splin began, until Sharq cut in.
"So cool!" Sharq chimed in. "His mom's a chef, he saved my brother, and has the best burgers ever!"
Maria smiled. "Sounds like you think highly of him."
"I suppose you could say that. Wonder how he's doing…" Splin wondered.
Kaz sighed. On all accounts, he was glad to be back in his own world, but was completely frustrated. Big Boss was back, and he had rescued him from an uncomfortable arrangement in the Wakh Sind Barracks. While he retained his human form, losing two of his limbs didn't help. The fact that the scientist that completely betrayed Militaires Sans Frontières was among them made it worse. But the worst thing of all, the absolute worst:
He couldn't replicate the perfect burger.
Standing at a counter with several other men and women in a large, industrial kitchen, a load of ingredients piled on top of multiple counters. They had apparently tried fruitlessly to recreate the perfect burger Kaz had, scraps of meat and unfinished products lying about, trash cans overflowing with discarded materials. Groaning in frustration, Kaz hobbled over to a chair, sitting down with a single hand to his forehead, wiping off sweat. Kaz stared at a poster, a logo labeling a restaurant called, "Miller's Maxi Buns" at the top.
"...Gah!" Miller groaned.
"Ahem." Maria cleared her throat, snapping the younger three out of their reminiscing trance.
"Sorry, right, the Tele-Cube." Splin said, walking towards the beach.
The four now, Tai carefully leaving the safety of Sharq's cap, seeing as the coast was clear, walked over to the beach, hopping from the hard concrete sidewalks to the smooth sand below. Looking around, they hoped that they'd find a glimpse of the Tele-Cube, but to no avail.
"Dang it. I really thought Tele-Cube would be here." Splin remarked. "Sorry guys, looks like we might have to look elsewhere."
Splin could feel a tapping on his shoulder. Looking behind him expecting it to be the others, Tele-Cube struck again, startling the brother once more, jollily flying above them after the second prank.
"I should've known!" Splin shouted melodramatically.
Sharq and Tai began laughing as well, the Tele-Cube hovering down by them. Sharq raised his hand for a high five, the cube lightly pressing against his hand. The older brother cheered, Tai still giggling slightly after the initial reaction. Maria got a few laughs out of it two, snickering.
"O-Oh man, that's great! Twice in a row!" Tai chortled, taking deep breaths after the laughter subsided.
"Hee hee… Ah. Um, anyways, you can teleport, right?" Maria paused her laughter, getting straight to the point.
The cube hovered closely, nodding slightly.
"If it's not too much to ask then…" Maria started. "Could you bring me home? I'd love to see my family again."
The Tele-Cube glowed dimly for a second, then began whirring. The cube spun around slowly, gradually picking up speed, until the wind around the cube created a cyclone, whipping up dirt and water. The four stood back in awe and to keep themselves from getting sucked in and possibly killed. After what felt like hours, the cyclone diminished, the cube spinning slower. Behind the cube was a miniature rift, a small, flat opening in the air. The rift grew larger, becoming the size of a door, the vortex beckoning to the cephalopods. Sharq blinked, rubbing his eyes to make sure he wasn't imagining things.
"We're going in there?" Sharq asked.
"Yep." Splin said.
The four stood in front of the portal for a little while. The Tele-Cube pointed a small arrow to the portal, hovering just above it.
"I'm going home." Maria said.
"That's the plan." Tai said.
Finally, the four took steps towards the portal, Maria leading. Getting within one footstep away from the portal, Maria gasped, the vortex pulling them in quickly. With a flash of light, the portal vanished, blinking away, sand and water sprinkling down onto the ground.
The four reappeared… Somewhere. They all landed on a metal platform, various refined looking pumps and machineries in the background. Large clouds of smoke blew out from huge vents, polluting the skies. Splin, looking around, attempted to find out where they were, but stopped when he heard footsteps. Ducking behind a steam pump, he motioned for the others to follow him, the three sliding behind the large steam pump as their aquatic counterparts. Poking their heads out, they noticed a man on another platform, walking up to the middle. This man had blonde, spiky hair and blue eyes, a grayish purple shirt and pants with a brown belt with suspenders, and black combat boots. What really stood out about this man was the weapon he was carrying. With only one arm, he hefted an enormous broadsword, two holes vertically perpendicular to the blade's handguard, a dark gray all over except the presumably sharp edge, shining silver, the sword hilt red.
"Never thought I'd see the day…" The figure spoke in a language unknown to the four, though Tai seemed to have an inkling (unintended pun) of what he meant.
Okay, one moment, Cloud's in Smash?!
"What does that mean voice?" Splin asked quietly.
Nothing, just a guy hyping over a character inclusion.
"You mean like in Super Splash Bros.?" Sharq asked, his voice also reduced to a whisper.
Man, I've got to teach you about video games later, but not right now.
Tele-Cube hovered from behind them, another portal constructed immediately out of thin air. The two females nodded, gesturing for the brothers to follow them, stepping inside the portal. The brothers followed, but stopped, watching the swordsman. The world seemed to distort for a second, tense yet upbeat music appearing to play in the background. In front of the swordsman was now a short orange dragon with green wings, someone covered from head to toe in an orange, red, and green futuristic armor, their right arm a green hand cannon instead of a hand, and a pink puffball with red shoes or feet of some description.
"Bring it on." The spiky haired swordsman challenged the three standing in front of him.
The two brothers stood and stared with awe, but were pulled into the portal by Maria, her hand reaching back to grab them by their shirt collars.
The four reappeared, light blue all around them, nothing else in sight.
"That's strange. It doesn't look like there's much here!" Sharq said looking around.
Splin closed his eyes, attempting to stand straight, setting his foot down, but catching nothing. Looking down slowly, he tapped Sharq on the shoulder, pointing at the ground. The ground in question happened to be a couple hundred feet below them.
"Probably because we're in the realm of the clouds." Splin explained, a fluffy cloud passing by as he said that.
"Oh!" Sharq said.
Tai blinked. "Wait, so then if we're this high, shouldn't we be-"
The four dropped out of the sky, clouds blowing right past them as they fell.
"Yeah, I figured that would happen!" Tai shouted, tumbling through the air.
"You seem awfully calm for someone falling out of the sky!" Maria said, spreading her arms and legs out through the trip down.
"This happens more often than you'd think." Splin remarked, following Maria's lead.
Taking up a skydiving posture, the four faced the ground with confidence. Flailing their arms, legs, and tentacles around when they realized none of them had parachutes or a soft place to land. Closing onto the beach quickly, all they could do now is pray.
"Cthulhu, I'm sorry about the inkslide park!" Sharq yelled, hands placed together. Splin looked over to Sharq with a frown. "He could be listening!" Sharq retaliated.
Bracing for impact, they closed their eyes, knowing that this would be a painful landing. To be frank, it was. While the sand prevented them from dying, the fall was anything but pleasant, Splin and Sharq shouting out in pain as they hit the sand, though Maria and Tai got slightly softer landings on top of them afterwards, though landing on someone still isn't as pleasant for the one falling, all of them groaning afterwards. Maria picked herself up, assisting the younger squids and octopi afterwards.
"Ouch." Tai remarked, stretching every feasible part of her body that possibly could've been injured.
"Could've been worse." Sharq said, pointing a thumb towards the water, then flinched.
A group of Inklings was present at the beachfront, one Inkling was passed out cold next to another Inkling, the Marie of this particular world grieving by a puddle, another Inkling with a sword sitting by her, trying to comfort her, while a swirling mass of clouds was absorbed by the black hole seen on the news, the hole growing bigger. The four of our heroes ducked behind a staircase leading up from the beach to Inkopolis.
"See anyone you recognize?" Sharq asked.
Maria squinted her eyes. "...I can't say I do. Mmm." She muttered, feeling at the center of her body.
"Are you alright? Did you land on something wrong?" Splin asked.
"No." Maria growled, causing Splin to cease speaking. Looking over at him, Maria smiled sadly. "I'm fine."
Splin nodded. "Right, sorry. Should we ask them about the black hole? I don't want to… Break a universe by accident."
You should be fine… At least for a couple minutes.
"...A couple minutes?" Splin repeated as a question.
How do I put this lightly… Think of your presence in this dimension as… Timed.
Maria perked up suddenly, looking around. "Who said that?"
Ah, the process is already starting.
"She can hear you now?" Splin asked.
"This is the voice you keep mentioning? I thought you were joking or something!" Maria said.
Yes, hi. Anyways, more to the point, I'd have to say that a you have a minimum of about fifteen minutes to stay in this dimension.
"Really? So then, we'd better get Maria back home within that time?" Splin asked.
Yep.
The group huddled in a circle, sitting on the sand behind the staircase.
"Fifteen minutes to find specific people that only Maria know… What happens when the time runs out?" Splin questioned.
Remember what happened when you had entered this dimension initially by mistake before?
Splin looked up at the sky. "This is that universe? Oh no."
So you'd better get moving, unless you want the fabric of this universe to unravel again.
Splin sighed, looking at Maria. She gave a hopeful look in return, which made Splin feel just barely more confident. Splin peered at the group on the shores of the beach, then nodded to the others, only to notice that one was missing. Like always, Sharq had been one step ahead, currently sneaking up on the group. Splin groaned, and gestured for Maria and Tai to follow, running quickly to catch up with him. The running attracted attention, however, the sword wielding Inkling's ears perking up. He turned around swiftly, drawing his sword like any cool dude worth his salt would, pointing it dangerously close to Splin's throat, though no one was happy about that. The Inkling with the blade seemed to relax slightly upon seeing them, his stance softening, but still remained sharp as his blade.
"Huh… Civilians have all left by now. What are you doing here?" The Inkling questioned, pointing it the blade a tad closer, Splin sweating.
Sharq glared, reaching for a weapon, finding out that he didn't bring one. Splin backed away slowly to the ground, fear present in his eyes. Maria and Tai on the other hand didn't appreciate the idea of someone threatening a friend, pointing a Hero Shot and Octoshot they managed to bring along with them, readily aiming in a battle stance.
"We don't w-want any trouble!" Splin said, now lying on the ground, his eyes locked in a terrified stare at the Inkling swordsman.
Getting a better look, the swordsman was nothing short of intimidating, sharp green eyes looking over Splin, dynamic red tentacles setting him apart from the others. Well, aside from his metal jaw replacing the bottom half of his face. Other than that, he wore normal clothes, a navy blue hoodie as well as grey trousers, though they were filled with holes.
"Then you shouldn't have come to the beach today." The swordsman said, taking his sword away slightly.
"Hey man, chill out, he's just helping this lady out." Tai said, gesturing to Maria.
"Hmph." The swordsman sheathed his sword, backing away. As he backed away, his hoodie revealed the word, "Destruction" written on the back.
"My, how edgy." Maria huffed.
The swordsman didn't take too kindly to this remark, spinning back with his sword still sheathed, though his glare intensified, aiming it towards Maria this time.
"What was that?!" He asked, attempting to stare her down.
"Edgy." Maria retorted, shooting back with a glare of her own. Although he himself didn't seem to notice, the swordsman shook slightly. "I'd also appreciate it if you didn't point a sword at any of these children."
"Uh, Maria, I'm fourteen." Splin added. "Not a kid, but-"
Splin shut up when Maria turned around slowly, a terrifying open mouth smile directed at him.
"Splin." She muttered, looking directly into his eyes.
"R-Right, sorry. As you were." Splin said, backing away.
Maria turned back to the swordsman, intensifying her glare further. The swordsman seemed to waver under her stare, finally yielding, stepping back.
"W-Who are you?!" The swordsman asked, a hand reaching for his sword.
Maria's glare softened to a smile, as if nothing had happened, but still sharp enough to rival the wary warrior's sword. "My name's Maria. What's yours?"
The swordsman froze, taking his hand away from his sword completely. "...Leonidas." He said slowly, looking over Maria unsure. "...Probably just a coincidence." Leonidas muttered.
"Hmm?" Maria hummed questioningly.
"Nothing, nevermind. Who're the others?" Leonidas asked, gesturing towards the three others sitting on the sand.
"Name's Tai, if you try to kill Splin over here again I'll knock your teeth out." Tai said, stretching her trigger finger.
"Sharq. Same with what she said, I won't let you hurt my brother!" Sharq glared, despite his lack of weaponry.
Leonidas raised his hands in a peaceful manner. "I never meant to kill him, just thought he was a Sealing!"
Splin stood up quickly. "Look, we all got off on the wrong foot here. My name's Splin, but you already know that. We're just trying to help Maria get home."
Maria nodded. "Right! Uh, would you happen to know two Inklings, Rem and Ix?"
Leonidas flinched. He looked down at the sand, then back to the group of Inklings. "...They're… Dead." He said quietly.
Maria trembled at the news. "W-What?"
Leonidas sighed, looking out to sea sadly.
Maria clearly didn't take the news well, as she fell to the ground on her knees, not speaking. Tai ran over to calm her down, while Sharq picked Splin up.
"Was the threat really necessary?" Splin asked.
Sharq hugged his brother. "Yes." He said plainly, staying like that for a while.
Splin sighed, closing his eyes. "Thanks, but please don't freak out like that, I'll be fine."
Sharq nuzzled his head into his younger brother's shoulder, Splin standing awkwardly, though he managed to pat Sharq on the back gently.
"Okay, seriously, this is a bad scene Sharq." Sharq broke the hug, staring at him curiously. "Dude, as soon as we got here, we find out we only have fifteen minutes to find the people Maria know, who are gone, and I get a sword pointed at my throat. This is not going well at all."
"I mean, at least we got Maria here, so that's one down, right?" Sharq grinned sheepishly, Splin shaking his head.
"No Sharq, we have to keep helping Maria. She's devastated, man! Until we find a way to reintegrate her into her rightful society, we've practically done nothing." Splin explained.
Sharq nodded, closing one eye slightly. "Sorry, you're right. Heh, well you can't say this isn't at all exciting, sure beats working on the beacon!"
Splin sighed, shaking his head again. "Well, let's hope that things don't get any worse than they are now."
The black hole in the sky pulsated slightly, the vortex beginning to speed up. Clouds began to quickly get absorbed by the vacuum of the vortex, some water from the sea was starting to get sucked up, and debris from the sea was getting taken as well.
"And it just keeps getting better." Splin groaned.
AN: Sorry, lemme tell you my plans: After this chapter, I will begin work on the next one, sequentially, unless told otherwise by the Shared Universe group or something. I will try to finish this next one up, then immediately jump back into the Bate Bros. universe, so anyone like Ultrapyre who's not a fan of Splat X, don't fret, I got something for you, and for everyone else, I'm still going to try to include Shared Universe stuff every now and then if you guys like it. Other than getting that off my chest, time to respond to reviews as always! Thanks to Dread Angel and OctoInkling75 for reviewing! Thanks for your stellar memes as always, Dread! OctoInkling75, thank you for granting me permission to use your character again, although I'd look forward to any story you'd write with her in it, like you mentioned before. But hey, that's up to you. Aside from that, thanks for reading again, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, I really need to save money for Mario Maker, see you next time!