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Injustice. That was the one word she could think of.
Injustice that she, the most beautiful woman on the land, would be wed to someone like Stannis Baratheon.
Injustice that the promises of marrying princes and kings told to her by father were all but falsehoods and sweet nothings.
Injustice that she was going to be taken away from the one man she loved most in the world by a man infamous for his uncaring nature.
Injustice that she would spend the rest of her life a prisoner within Dragonstone. Shitting out Baratheon spawn whilst her bastard dwarf brother would inherit the Lordship of the Westerlands.
She had finished weeping, finished begging her father to be released from her bondage. All she received was a slap to the face and a reprimand.
Her life was ruined, all because the King had married the Stark bitch. It was injustice. It was unfair. She was supposed to be a Queen, not some second prize for some second rate lord. Her father promised. That wicked wisewoman promised.
She was to be Queen!
She felt a hand on her shoulders. She looked up and trembled as she saw the cold eyes of her father.
Lord Tywin Lannister was an unforgiving man. He expected only unquestioned obedience in all his children. Much to their detriment.
They had traveled to Duskendale. For reasons unknown the ships that would take Lady Cersei and her entourage to her potential husband were unable or unwilling to dock at King's Landing. According to her father it might be because of the strained relationship between the King and her "betrothed".
She didn't care for it. She had already promised herself she would do all that it took to ensure this betrothal fails at any cost. Even if it required a certain boldness that many would find detestable.
"Do I need to repeat myself Cersei?" She was brought out of her thoughts as well. The strict tone of her father made her realize he was sensing her intentions.
"No-"She couldn't say anything more as she met his eyes. Those eyes that always looked at her with nothing but disappointment.
"Need I remind you the sheer importance of this union? Of how precarious the situation is with our house and that of the Baratheons? This marriage could decide our very future as Masters of the Westerlands. Do not disappoint me." Tywin warned.
This was what she hated. No one cared about her. No one respected her. Only Jaime, sweet Jaime did. All her life she was expected to do things that she didn't want to do. She resented it. If only she had been born the male twin.
Yet it was not an entirely horrible thing to be born a woman, especially one with her looks. Men after all were easily led fools who attended to her every whim with the simple batting of her golden eyelashes.
She shuddered to think just what the grim brother of Robert would do once he had but a single glance of her. Would he fall victim to her whims? Would he fall upon her like a beast?
These were the kind of thoughts that were invading her mind ever since she had heard of the news a week prior. When her husband-to-be rejected the proposal she was on the verge of celebration. Until her father wrote back to the King who ensured the betrothal would fall through.
She had not stopped crying since that night. When she was taken from her home in Casterly Rock and escorted to the Crownlands until finally reaching here.
The journey was awful, it was horrid. They didn't take a direct route to King's Landing through the Golden Road. Father had some business to attend with the Tyrells and hence they took the Ocean Road towards High Garden. Her father had elected to visit his bannerman at Crakehall and to pay his respects to House Oakheart at Old Oak. When they arrived at Highgarden proper they had spent about a week on the road.
Highgarden was beautiful, she didn't want to admit it. The Tyrells were an arrogant and stuffy lot, but at least they knew how to present themselves. She hadn't seen so many flowers and knights in shining armor in one place. Highgarden's beauty didn't calm her. In fact, in made her more restless as she realized this was probably the last time she was going to see anything close to a civilized court for some time.
Lord Mace Tyrell was a funny sort. He was such a harmless looking simpleton but, his mother was a different matter. She was the one her father talked to. She was pleasant, but was intimidating all the same.
Lady Aerie Tyrell tended to their children, there were four of them. Willas was the oldest, he was a timd boy who'd probably grow up into someone of no importance save for being heir to Highgarden; Garlan was wilder, he'd probably become a knight; Loras and Margery were too young for her to care about, she had little doubt that Margery would grow to be a girl of plain appearance that few tales would speak about.
After Highgarden they took the Roseroad to King's Landing. They encountered a small bandit band mid journey; but, they were quickly squashed for none dared to attack Lord Tywin Lannister and expect survival. At King's Landing Cersei did all in her power to meet with Jaime. Yet her father had confined her forcibly away from him. When father finished whatever business he had with King Robert they left for Duskendale. She didn't even get the chance to meet with Jaime.
She had fought bitterly to hide away her tears. The thought of her father chastising her for such a shameful display outweighed her sadness. The last time she forgot her place her father made sure to punish her accordingly. She would occasionally feel the sting flare on her backside.
When they arrived at Duskendale she truly understood the wretched existence she was about to live.
The environs of the port in Duskendale were absolutely filthy by her standards. Nothing like the glory of Kings Landing or Lannisport. This served only to worsen her perception of what life would be like upon Dragonstone.
They were now on the harbor, waiting for the ships that would take her to hell.
"They're arriving." A knight by her father's side stated obviously as distant shapes take form in the distance.
They were ugly,big ships that bore flags of a queer half horse half fish sigil. There were about a dozen of them. They were long and had many oars by their sides.
When the ships docked at the harbor men bearing the same sigil marched downwards. They were lightly equipped. They had spears and wore black shirts of mail over boiled dyed leather. At their head was an aging man with Valryian purple eyes.
"Lord Lucerys of House Valeryon." Father narrowed his eyes as he recognized the man greeting them.
"Lord Paramount." She heard the venom in his voice. It seemed he wasn't fond of father.
"I entrust my daughter to you my Lord." Lucerys nodded his shaven head.
He turned towards her. His purple eyes scanning her. He smiled.
"In the name of Stannis Baratheon, Lord of Dragonstone, Heir to the Iron Throne. I welcome you Lady Cersei." She curtsied with her best fake smile.
"I'm honoured to be a guest of Lord Stannis." She said sickeningly sweet.
As she was ready to depart her father gave her his final parting words.
"This is your duty as a Lannister. Do not fail me now Cersei." There was no hint of concern, no fatherly affections. Only talk of duty.
She met him at the portcullis beneath Dragonstone. He was everything she feared. He was boorish, had none of the handsome looks of King Robert. He was supposedly only three years older than her yet could pass for an elder man.
She wasn't supposed to be here.
The boat trip to Dragonstone was uneventful thankfully. They had allowed her to bunk in their most furnished quarters. It wasn't to her liking; indeed, she was insulted by how little it had. If this were a ship of House Lannister it would have amenities more fitting in a castle than a boat.
When they reached Dragonstone proper she was aghast. It was dark and ugly,she might as well have been living in Harrenhal; what kind of Lord would willingly rule such a dreary place?
Well her answers were quickly given when she finally met the man his father had forced her to guest with.
Stannis Baratheon was a dull man. He was more like a living statue than anything. No amount of decorum and courtesies could bring out anything more than a nod of the head. He was nothing like Jaime. Jaime was dashing, heroic and hardheaded. This Stannis was deprived of all those qualities. He was lethargic, sinister and cold. She was not going to wed such a man.
She promised herself she would end this farce.
"Lady Cersei." His voice was awful, like stones tumbling down a mountain. It hurt her ears.
"My Lord Stannis, it is ever such a pleasure to meet the brother of our good King." She flinched a bit when Stannis flashed her an ugly frown.
"Yes, I assume you are tired from your journey? It's been weeks since I've received the letter notifying me of this unorthodox arrangement." He was so boring, there was no emotion in his voice. He talked like stone too.
"Yes my lord. Our trip took longer than anticipated. As you know my father Lord Paramount Tywin Lannister is a busy man with many friends. He had earlier arrangements that needed tending to." She was unsure if Stannis Baratheon had the guile to notice the subtly of that statement. She was adamant in mentioning her powerful father so that he would know how precarious a situation he would be if he were to harm his sweet daughter.
"Then I shall have someone guide you to your quarters. After you unload your things and rest there will be a feast to celebrate your safe arrival within the Great hall. There you will have the opportunity to meet my bannermen." Cersei cringed inwardly at how he spoke. It was like speaking to a dead man.
"A celebratory feast? You are too kind my Lord." She flashed him her awe-inspiring smile.
All she received was a slight nod of the head.
"Your retainers as well have been given their own quarters." He looked towards the man by her side.
Ser Ilyn Payne was a very intimidating presence, only the Clegane brothers commanded more dread. It was no surprise then that father would charge him with her protection.
She witnessed Stannis and Ser Ilyn's gazes locking at one another and was astonished to see Illyn Payne lowering his head in deferment. He only did that for her father.
"Well. I am impressed that you had planned out so much for our arrival. If you had this level of foresight than the rest of my stay would pass without incident; but, before all of that I have one final request, I would like some bread and salt." Stannis raised his brow, understanding the intent of her request.
She wanted him to know she didn't trust him.
She didn't know what to expect. When she heard of a celebratory feast she expected something more opulent. There was no music, no merrymaking or the gossip of young maidens. It was largely a silent affair, only interrupted occasionally by the antics of Stannis' fool named Patchface.
He was a rotund and had a motely pattern on his face, likely the reason for his name. She didn't understand why the lords seated around her were laughing. He was like any other fool.
The feast they had was nothing to talk about. It was a simple three course affair. Food was laid on simple undyed linens. The first course consisted of simple soup of leeks and other smallfolk vegetables, the second was quail eggs poached with sauces of cream and dill, while the final course consisted of iced lemon cakes.
It was below average by the standards of any great court, but in this desolate place it would have been seen as a lord's feast.
A boring feast would no doubt serve boring lords and the bannermen of Stannis Baratheon seemed to share his mirthless and blank personality.
She could scarcely remember the names of any of them. All she remembered were the names of Houses. Bar Emmon, Connington, Celtiger, Sunglass, Velaryon and Seaworth. She could remember exactly only three lords; Lucerys because he had earlier met with her; Ronald Connington because his cousin was once Prince Rhaegar's greatest friend; and Davos Seaworth because he acted like more like one of the smallfolk than a lord. Which made sense considering he was merely a landed knight.
It was an unentertaining dinner but considering her original expectations it was slightly better than a messy wildlings feasting.
Moonlight and torchlight were the only things illuminating the dark halls of this place. She couldn't sleep. How could she? Every time she did her thoughts would drift towards her bleak future. Of never again seeing Casterly Rock, being the wife of such a cold distant man. She thought back of Jaimie, of his gentle touch and how she would never feel it once more.
No she couldn't sleep.
So she sneaked around. It was strange how little this place was guarded. Well considering the value of the things in this castle she doubted anyone would spend the effort of robbing it.
She was wearing her night clothes. A very loose thing of red lace in the style of Dornish fashions that she wore because of its comfort. If she were caught now she would be scandalized.
On her hand she carried a flask of wine. She didn't know exactly what it was but considering the little taste she had of it she was confident it was Arbor Gold.
At least Lord Stannis had good taste in wine.
She was lost for some few minutes until she recognized the doors that lead to what she knew as the Chamber of the Painted table. There were no guards posted by their side and it seemed empty.
Emboldened by drink and homesickness she figured looking at the table and taking a gander on Casterly Rock wouldn't hurt.
She pushed through the thick doors, entering a room that was bathed in moonlight. She walked over towards where the Westerlands were and stared deeply at the drawing of Casterly Rock.
She was supposed to be there, she belonged there and not on this hunk of useless rock. Then she decided to walk to the other side. In order to take a closer look at King's Landing and fantasize about her dear Jaimie.
She was nearly there when she realized a great black shadow seating on the lone seat next to the table. The blood in her froze.
"Out on an evening stroll?" Stannis Baratheon was seated in front of her. Hidden by the shadows like a Faceless Man.
She was panicking in her mind. She was holding a flask of wine that belonged to him, was currently walking around unchaperoned in a shameful attire. This was the end of her.
Unless…
"My lord Stannis." She giggled and flashed him a sultry smile, bending down slightly as so he could see her ample bosom.
It nary had an effect.
"Worried about your stay?" He continued without a care. With his unchanging tone.
"Why are you out so late my Lord?" Seduction didn't work, so maybe pleasant conversation would.
"Thinking about the future." She saw her chance.
"What great fortune, I was thinking of the future as well." Maybe if she were to indulge in him she might be able to escape.
"Oh? Pray tell what dogs your mind Lady Cersei." Damn it this wasn't what she wanted.
"I-….." She was hesitating now. She was afraid of jeopardizing this.
"I guess it concerns our potential betrothal." She wanted to scream out to the Seven that was she was thinking about but she couldn't. If she did he might be enraged, and that might lead to her father punishing her once more.
"Yes." She had a plan, she was going to lie. To say that she was excited.
"You want it broken." She wanted to say yes once more. Yet proper courtesy prevented her.
"No I-"
"DON'T LIE TO ME!" She felt a bolt of lightning down her spine as Stannis Baratheon rose to his great height. He shouted with such a dreadful force that she feared she would fall. She didn't know he was capable of such an outburst.
There was an awkward silence between them before Stannis sighed.
"Forgive me Lady Cersei. That was rude of me." He returned once more to his stoic façade. It was terrifying, the change in attitude.
The silence returned.
"Yes. I want it broken." She squeaked out.
"Why?" She was hesitant.
"I don't think we-" She unknowingly matched his stare. That was a mistake. Looking at him now at his great height and iron gaze. For a moment she did not see Stannis Baratheon; for but a single moment an image of Tywin Lannister appeared within her vision.
"What have I said about lying?" Stannis had become infinitely more terrifying when one realizes he was capable of great fury.
Ours was the fury. Those were the words of House Baratheon. She thought those words were mere boasts. Yet trembling now she realized they weren't. She was fearing for her safety, fearing what Stannis Baratheon would do now if she misspoke.
"I…..despise this place." What was she doing? She needed to stop. She was going to perish if she persisted.
"I hated the journey here, I hated how my father forced me from Casterly Rock and I hate how I've been separated from my dear brother." No this was foolishness. Her emotions and the wine were getting the better of her. She needed to force them down before she was going to say something she was going to regret.
"I hate you." Oh no. Her heart sank when she realized she had said those words.
He stood unmoving, nary a change in expression. As if he expected such an answer.
"Then why come here?" He asked finally. Simply.
What sort of question was that?
"My father."
"Your father what? You fear him? You want to please him? What?" This was getting too heated for her. All she wanted was to go to bed and forget this night happened.
"I have to follow his wishes." She said numbly now, it was obvious she was losing control of the situation.
"Why?" Was that the only word that he knew? Why? Why? WHY?
"Because I have to!" It was her turn to get angry now. Fear, wine and hate was a potent mixture to inebriate on.
Tears were dripping on the floor.
'This is your duty as a Lannister.' She remembered her father's parting words.
"IT'S MY DUTY! MY ACCURSED FUCKING DUTY!" She screamed out in utter pain.
She collapsed on the floor, a sobbing wreck. She hated everything, she hated this life. She was promised so much and given very little. This life was unfair.
This life was unjust.
"The rumors were right. You are spoiled." She looked up, and saw him standing over him. Her father's eyes were looking at her.
'Disappointing.' She didn't know if that was Stannis' words or her father's that she heard.
"What do you know of duty?" His tone was different, it was full of anger.
She continued sobbing, she didn't have the heart in her to reply.
"Duty is doing things you don't want to do." She mumbled out.
"You are close." What? She looked up and saw Stannis Baratheon offering up his hand.
She was at a loss for words. What was she going to do?
She reluctantly grabbed his hand, he foisted her up with a rough pull. She fell on his chest. He was wearing a brigandine cuirass so it was painful.
She looked at his blue eyes. They softened now. Her heart fluttered ever so slightly that she scarcely noticed.
"Duty is a chain, the chain that binds all men. From the lowest hedge knight to the highest lord it makes slaves of us all. Duty takes away all you love, it takes away your dreams. Yet there is one thing that duty cannot take." She was lost in his words. For it was so surreal.
She looked at him and saw a man like her father. Yet his words were not of her father. They were so different from what her father would say of duty.
"What is it? That thing duty cannot take?" She didn't know why she was so interested in what he had to say.
"Pride." She blinked, that was not the answer she was expecting.
"Duty cannot take away your pride. It can take away everything else but never pride." She could not understand. What was there to be prideful of?
"You are the lord of a crumbling castle, you command such a small number of bannerman. Why do you speak of pride?" She was starting to get comfortable talking now.
"Why not? Why do the smallfolk work? Why do the Maesters forgo their titles? It is all for pride. Even the Septons and Septas can feel pride no matter how they speak of humility. Why does your father strive for more? Why do you value your beauty? Why does the King whore around? Those who foolishly take but a single glance will say many things; the smallfolk work because they don't wish to starve, the maesters are those who are too cowardly to play the game, and so on and so forth. But that is a lie for the truth is always pride." This was a different sermon than the one she was accustomed to.
"Then what is your pride then?" She asked curiously. This was the first time she was interested in anyone other than Jaime or herself.
"My pride is duty itself." She raised her eyebrow at that.
"How is that possible?" He looked downwards at the painted table. She followed his eyes and saw what he stared at.
Storm's End.
"It was my birthright, by the laws of men and Gods. I was supposed to be its Lord. That was not to be the case. Instead I was given Dragonstone, a place of salt and fire. How can a man let such grievance pass? Those less honorable might endeavor to change his own fate and acquire what's his. That is not the path for me." She was incredulous. If she was in his position she would do anything to regain her rightful seat. This man was utterly queer in his thinking.
"Why? If by right it's yours then why not take it?
"It is not the way of duty."
Again with the talk of duty.
"Why is duty so important?" He looked at her. His eyes had a tired look to them.
"Without duty the world collapses. Without duty chaos reigns. Without duty we are less than men. Those who forsake duty forsake all that makes this world good and just." She was losing interest now. She had thought him different, now he was starting to sound like some Septon.
"You are unconvinced." She remained silent.
"If you mother did not fulfill her duty would you be standing here?" That question took her by surprise. She didn't know how to answer.
"One can hate their duty. I cannot fault them for it. Only those queer in the head will enjoy letting duty afflict them with all manner of ills. Yet I cannot forgive those who refuse to fulfill their duty. For their negligence dangers us all. Tell me what would happen if you failed in your duty to marry me if I agreed to a betrothal?" She frowned sadly.
"House Lannister would suffer." Stannis nodded.
"You will suffer. You can end my life. In fact it would be better for you. I promise you I would not make for a good husband. You can do all you can to ensure this betrothal fails.I would not hold it against you, men are weak after all. Not many are willing to suffer in duty. Yet in the end duty will find a way. She angered will ensure your life will suffer far more than it could have if you fulfilled your duty."
"Duty is cruel." She said softly.
"Yes she is cruel. The most cruelest thing in this world; but, sometimes she blesses you. That is why I fulfill my duty, why I pride on fulfilling her. For those scarce few occasions duty rewards me with gifts that I couldn't possibly imagine, that I would never receive through other means."
She looked at him now, their eyes locked for the longest time. Those dark blue orbs that she feared, were starting to become less frightening now. She was breathless. She had thought Stannis Baratheon was the most boring man in Westeros. Yet speaking now she realized he wasn't so boring at all. She felt something she didn't realize she had never felt before.
Kinship.