Splatoon: The Bate Bros.
Not Quite Melted Yet
By this time, Splin was used to unexpected visitors and guests at this point, whether from this world or another dimension. The one thing he wasn't used to was waking up to a houseful of squids sleeping around on several mattresses. Okay, he still had trouble grasping the true reality of his world and the odd occurrences, but philosophy in a Splatoon story makes very little sense.
Back to the point, Ari and his squadron somehow managed to fit all four of them in one mattress up on the kitchen counter, Willie and Zip were cuddled up by the staircase, and Maria was wrapped up in a blanket by the television. They all stirred in their sleep very slightly; they shivered occasionally.
Splin stared at the scene, sitting up in his bed, when suddenly a gut wrenching feeling gripped him, sending chills through his body better than the snow outside ever could've done.
"Is that-" Splin stared at the mattress Ari and his squadron were squished comfortably onto, a name-tag reading, "Tai" poking out from the bottom.
Splin didn't realize it, but he was silently crying for the goodwill of Ari, who had no idea what he had just gotten himself into, blue tears dripping down his face, a fearful expression on his face.
As to be expected from the Octoling, Tai perked up suddenly from inside the Octarian HQ, frowning, taking her Octoling Goggles from her face, letting them fall to her neck, Tai squinting her eyes, looking up towards the ceiling.
"...That's weird." Tai said, raising a hand to her chest, closing her eyes.
"Eh?" Chi asked nearby, eyebrow raised.
"I gotta, um...do in someone." Tai said then paused right after her sentence. Chi gave Tai a strange look, to which she replied with a shake of her hands, "Oops, hold on, that's not what I-"
-You Missed the Tech-nical Difficulties-
"I gotta, um...do something." Tai said, standing up. She headed outside, walked towards a kettle installed on the nearest wall.
She approached the grates of the kettle, then switched into a violet octopus and leaped in, the kettle whistled as Tai slid through in octopus form.
Chi stared at the kettle exit, biting her lip nervously. "...Someone's gonna die, aren't they?"
Splin gulped, walking out of his bed towards the counter carefully. The wooden floor made creaks beneath his shoes.
"Shh!" He shushed towards the floor.
It made no reply, and continued to make noise as he walked.
Arriving at the kitchen, he looked around, then quickly reached over to tap the snoozing Ari on the shoulders to warn him of the impending Octarian menance, a somewhat quiet crash sounding from behind him. Splin flinched, then turned around nervously, becoming crestfallen once he realized Tai was standing in the middle of the house, snow from the roof dripping down from the hole in the ceiling she entered through, her eyes gleamed with the intent to kill.
"Splin, why is what's-his-name...Ari," She asked slowly, "I dunno, doing on my bed?" Tai asked, exposing her Octoling teeth, grimacing terribly.
"Sorry, sorry! I-It's just a bit of an oversight, you see, he was having family pro-"
Tai marched over to the kitchen counter, eyeing Ari, Sari, Rit, and Bas suspiciously. She looked around the house, noticing Willie and Zip as well, frowning.
"...You can't be serious." Tai sighed, covering her eyes, "Dude, this is like, my safe haven. You've ruined it."
"Sorry! ...They just wanted to visit us, I don't recall what happened after that, I fell asleep." Splin admitted honestly.
Tai frowned at the younger brother, then shook her head in response. "At least you brought the Inklings least likely to massacre me. They know anything about, well, anything?"
"Not really," Splin told her, "I'm pretty sure they think of us as just regular Inklings who they see from time to time, nothing too spectacular like dimension travelers or giant robot tamers, or something along those lines. Though I'm pretty sure they thought we fought a Metal Gear."
"Good." Tai said firmly. "...Wait, a Metal Gear?"
"Basically a giant death machine like the Skell." Splin stated.
"Oh, cool! Record it for me to see next time." Tai said, Splin deadpanning at her nonchalant/borderline fangirlish thoughts on the death machine.
She suddenly noticed Ari stirring a little in his sleep, rubbing his cheek on her mattress, Tai fuming silently in response. Nevertheless, she didn't protest, taking a deep breath, and instead stealing Splin's bed from him, jumping onto his bed, ducking under the covers, wrapping herself up.
"Hey!" Splin said.
"If I can't sleep in my own bed, I'm sleeping in yours." Tai said simply, hugging the blanket and the pillows.
Splin frowned. "You wouldn't want to snooze in there, it uh…has my smell all over it! Just completely abhorrent, believe me."
Tai didn't seem to care whatsoever, the only thing it seemed to make her do was relax more into the sheets, snuggling her face into his pillow.
"I'll take my chances~" Tai called out, covering her face with a blanket.
"...This Squidmas, I get beaten up trying to buy a present, and an Octoling steals my bed. Happy holidays indeed." Splin sighed after his sarcastic remark.
Splin walked towards the stairs, heading underneath, opening a door. Underneath the stairs, he now stood in a tiny room, a sink and porcelain throne sitting in walls opposite to each other. Walking over to the sink, he turned on the faucet, letting water pour down from the pipes. Splin took in a handful of water, ignoring the very mild burning sensation, and splashed the water in his face, waking himself up just a little more. Leaving the bathroom quickly, he looked around his house, moving towards the kitchen stove and refrigerator. Opening the fridge, he grabbed a bowl of batter nonchalantly, placing the bowl on the counter, starting up the waffle maker on the kitchen counter Ari wasn't sleeping on. Taking a spoon nearby, he dipped the utensil into the batter mix, pouring some of the batter onto the small grill in the waffle maker, letting the fluffy food bake. Immediately in doing so, he heard the sounds of feet shuffling quickly towards the kitchen. Splin braced himself, turning around towards the counter Ari was sleeping on.
"Good morning, everyone." Splin greeted the captive audience of squids.
"Good morning Splin."
"What's on the menu, Splin?"
"Cooking food for me? Truly, you are one of the greatest rivals!"
"Hey bro, save some for me!"
Splin deadpanned at the assortment of squid kids, teenagers, and adult that gathered around the kitchen counter, Ari pushing the mattress off the counter, all of them staring intently at the spoon Splin had used to pour in the batter. Splin rolled his eyes, taking the bowl and pouring the entirety of it into the waffle maker, closing the waffle maker with a satisfying hiss, delectable smells whisking into the air.
"It'll be done soon." Splin promised, the squids nodding in affirmation, all eyeing the tanned ooze leaking out of the waffle maker.
Splin walked over to his bed, about to lie down, when he halted in the middle of slumping down on the bed, eyes wide. In the air, he scooted a little to the right, slamming onto the floor next to where Tai was sleeping. On the floor, he sighed in relief, knowing that he had dodged quite the ink bullet.
"Phew, that was a close one." Splin said, wiping his brow, accidentally smacking Tai underneath the covers with his hand. "Oh ship."
A red, violet tentacle extended from the sheets, grasping Splin by the neck, pulling his head underneath the covers. Tai glared at Splin, her purple pupils piercing through the brother menacingly, Splin's own pupils dilating in fear. Suddenly, Tai smirked, closing the top halves of her eyelids somewhat.
"Save it, maybe when you're older, you're a little young for my tastes." Tai said, with a vicious smirk.
Splin's eye twitched. "Wha- OH, now that's just uncalled for."
"You know it, Splinny boy!" Tai said with a laugh, pushing Splin out of his own bed, patting him on the head as he left.
"...Octopus." Splin sighed, rubbing his neck, eyes lighting up in realization. "Could you at least give me my headphones back, please?"
Tai tossed Splin's headphones out, Splin catching them with ease, wearing them over his head, placing them close to his tentacles wrapped neatly on his head. He turned around to the other squids, who were too busy eating waffle stacks to hear any of what had just happened.
"Huh." Splin muttered. "Well, Tai, I think now's a good time as ever to get you out of-"
"Zzzz…" Was Tai's response.
"Really?!" Splin groaned.
Splin, carefully glancing back at the others, picked up Tai, still bundled up in blanket sheets, and sneaked outside, unwrapping the blanket, a now shivering and disappointed looking Octoling rolling out of the bundle of covers.
"Tai, come on." Splin said. "A new Splatfest is over, too, that gives us a nice opportunity to get you home. Come on, you can sleep when we get you home."
"Fine." Tai rolled her eyes. "But you guys seriously need to invest in mattresses once I get back."
"Alright. ...Oh wait, what will we get you there in…?" Splin wondered aloud.
"Hey guys!" Sharq called out, walking out the doors. "Wanna come inside? There's still a couple waffles left!"
Tai stared at Sharq, Sharq tilting his head in confusion, an innocent smile on his face. Tai tilted her own head at the other Inklings inside, whom Sharq looked back at, then back to Tai.
"..." Sharq stood in silence. "...So is that a no…?"
Splin sighed, and reached at Tai's neck, pulling her Octoling Goggles over her face.
"Oh, right!" Sharq said. "Sorry, I forgot."
"Huh… Hey, don't wanna alert you or anything, but I think your grass is starting to die…or cry?" Tai said, wiping wet frost off the terrain below her feet.
"Don't you mean, 'snow'?" Sharq said.
Tai blinked, wiping off some of the white grass. "Ah, THIS is snow? Hmm, from Octavio's description of it, I expected it to be more…fresh, or something. Always said it was, 'The coolest'. Didn't think he'd mean it literally." Tai stood up, taking her goggles off. "So, wanna get moving?"
"Hold on, there's something I need to do first!" Sharq said, leaping back into the house via the window in squid form through the still shattered window pane.
Sharq stood up in humanoid form as soon as he made it inside, clearing his throat.
"Thanks for coming, guys, but we need to get moving! We have a busy day today, so um, could you please get out of the house?"
The other squids paused their breakfast, staring at Sharq and his odd sense of manners, all shrugging, taking plates with waffles on top of them.
"Sure, see you Sharq." Zip said with a smile, leaving the house, Willie following behind her, grinning at Sharq.
"Later Shady!" Willie shouted.
Splin and Tai cringed at the sudden departure, both sneaking behind the house as the other squids began leaving.
"Splendid waffles, rival! Until we meet again!" Ari said with a grin, dashing away.
"Thanks for having us over, I know Ari's not exactly the most...agreeable most of the time, but thanks for having us anyways. Girls?" Sari said, Rit and Bas nodding in agreement with her, the three leaving to catch up with their leader immediately.
"Well, I'd say that your guests had fun." Maria commented, stretching her arms with a yawn.
"Not all of them!" Tai shouted with a grin, busting through the doors of the house, leaping towards a pile of waffles with now care in the world, the mound of breakfast shrinking before their eyes.
"...That girl gives Rem a run for her money when it comes to speed eating." Maria remarked, turning to Sharq, and to that extent, Splin leaving the cover of his house, looking up to Maria. "So, what are you two doing today?"
"Not much, I though of escorting Tai home, maybe doing some errands and Turf Wars to earn money." Splin explained, Maria nodding in confirmation.
"Although, with the others gone, there really isn't a problem with her staying." Splin thought.
"Sounds good." Maria said, an octopus flying out the window with a waffle in her mouth as she was speaking.
"Wat ar' we waing fo', les go!" Tai mumbled, the waffle still lodged between her beak.
"Sure. Sharq?" Splin said, Sharq lifting his cap. Tai hopped on Sharq's head, still munching on the food, Sharq closing the cap down on his head.
"I'm ready! Maria, you wanna come?" Sharq asked.
Maria waved politely. "No thanks, I think I'll just go for a walk in the park or something. See you later!"
Sharq nodded, switching into squid form, Tai clutching the top of his head with her tentacles, looking like a short totem pole of cephalopods. Splin also transformed into a squid, the frost tickling his tentacles somewhat. The two brothers jetted off into the stratosphere, Tai hurdling close by, winking clouds out of her eye, closing in on the plaza quickly.
Sharq reverted to humanoid form midair, lifting his hat, Tai gripping onto his head midair. That may have been cool for a moment, but landing face down in the snow certainly wasn't, Splin following his brother's lead soon after. The two stood up, shaking the snow off their faces, and looked straight ahead. The trucks for the recent Splatfest had been moved away, and the plaza was generally very clear aside from shopkeepers in the Booyah Base and the occasional jellyfish.
"This is going to be easier than I thought." Sharq said, smiling.
The two began walking towards the manhole cover.
"Hey Tai, I've been meaning to ask you, what did they ever do with the Skell?" Splin asked.
"Oh, the Skell? We, um..."
The Octarians all hefted a huge, downed battle robot back inside the hole it made in the hangar of the Octarian base, all grunting with effort. Once they were sure every piece of it was inside, they laid the mech on the floor, all cheering at their accomplishment. Just then, the Skell's eye glowed blue, and the Skell began to lift off, flying away, making an even bigger hole in the wall. Each Octarian practically gave up there, Octotroopers and Octolings alike falling to the ground in exasperation.
"We're... running tests on it." Tai said.
"Ah." Splin nodded.
Upon reaching the manhole cover, the Inklings checked around to make sure no one was watching, which, fortunately, just so happened to be the case. They lifted the manhole cover and dropped down, Tai quickly shifting to Octoling form and taking the manhole cover, placing it back on the hole with hardly a sound.
Sliding through the manhole, the Inkling brothers made it to Octo Valley, Tai cautiously peeking her head out of the manhole just in case Cap'n Cuttlefish was around. Tai left the pipe first, heading towards the kettle, Splin and Sharq following behind. Once at the kettle entrance, Tai looked over at the brothers, yawning quietly.
"Aaaah… Well, thanks for the waffles guys, but I think I'm going to get some shuteye. See ya!" Tai said, stepping into the kettle, when suddenly Jerry the Octocopter flew out, his propellor quickly lifting him out of the kettle.
"Tai! Thank goodness you're here, we're having a meeting right now, Aussie wants Splin and Sharq over here right now!" Jerry said, then noticed the Inkling brothers. "Oh, that was fast."
Tai stomped her foot on the ground, clenching her right fist angrily. She crossed her arms, eyes closed in anger.
"...What does Auss want?" Tai asked.
"Now, this operation will require lots of patience, time and effort are the keys here. Under no circumstances are we to let this go with a blind eye. Everyone understand?"
"ZZZZZZZZZZ." Tai snores loudly, everyone in the room facepalming at the same time, sounding like a clap of thunder.
The brothers, Tai, and Jerry were seated at the table in the briefing room of the Octarian HQ, Tai drooling on the table as she slept. Aussie and Chi attended as well, Chi keeping tabs on her sleeping superior, while Aussie looked very upset with Tai's usual laziness. The large shard embedded in the table still remained, though it was now decorated with festive red and green lights wrapped around it, much to Sharq's delight.
"T-41!" Aussie shouted, her blackish tentacles curling up. "Pay attention!"
"Meh, maybe later Auss." Tai muttered.
"Someone needs to fix that coffee pot soon." Jerry whispered.
"Or maybe Tai needs to stop training late at night." Chi said, Jerry nodding in agreement.
"This is extremely important, our safety as a race depends on it!" Aussie exclaimed, laying one hand down on the table with a slam. "Do you WANT us to become extinct?!"
"If it's that problematic, why don't you go and mate with someone if you're so anxious to keep us alive." Tai said with a grin, laying her face down on the desk, going back to sawing logs.
"..." Aussie glared at Tai, then sighed, turning to the Inkling brothers. "At least you two are listening."
Sharq didn't reply, still staring at the shard stuck in the table covered in pretty lights, hands on his cheeks, eyes sparkling in wonder.
"In Tai's defense, you haven't exactly told us what we're going up against here." Splin said.
Aussie sighed, her tentacles relaxing, adjusting her goggles. "Apologies, you're right."
Aussie then took out a large scroll from behind her, laying it flat around the table. Once laid out, the scroll was revealed to be a large map of Octo Valley, painstakingly detailed from a bird's eye view.
"Recent reports from our scouts detail a large decrease in temperature around the entrance and exit to Octo Valley. That's normal this time of year, but one thing we've noticed is that in this area specifically-"
Aussie pointed to an area on the map that was crossed out.
"It's… unusually warm." Aussie said. "At first, we thought it was the Skell… testing weapons, but the heat signature is off, and the heat remains consistent in a large perimeter compared to the Skell's thrusters or weapons shorter range. The area in question also happens to be an abandoned Octarian testing lab, like the one you paid a visit to a while ago."
"What you're saying is, there could be another Great Octoweapon out there…?" Splin asked.
"Something along those lines. We would send out troops, but Octavio keeps insisting on having parties for whatever reason." Aussie said. "Too busy to look into this officially. So, we want to ask you two, Agent A and B of… Inkopolis's agency? Who are you two working for again?"
"The agent names are just weird formalities Cap'n gave us." Splin explained.
"Ah. Well, hope you don't mind me using them." Aussie told the two. "We need you two to check and report back. Risking a rogue, active Octoweapon remaining active could spell disastrous, future results that could fracture the integrity of Octo Valley, and to an extent, Inkopolis. Understand?"
Splin nodded. "I suppose if it threatens our races, we'll have to, right?"
"Thank you." Aussie said, slumping backwards in her chair. "All day people have been telling me to, 'relax' and 'chill'. I've fairly certain half of them were awful puns too. You truly are a breath of fresh air, let me tell you."
"Thanks, I think." Splin said, standing up. "Alright Sharq, let's get moving."
"I'll catch up with you." Sharq said, waving him off, still staring at the shard.
Splin rolled his eyes, stood up, waved goodbye to the others, then left the room via kettle, dropping through, landing on the other side outside of the Octarian HQ. He looked around for a moment.
"Oh, shoot. How am I going to find the lab?" Splin asked.
He then noticed a bright, warm light emanating from a small facility, two neon signs pointing to the facility reading, "This is an Octarian Testing Lab" and, "It's warm inside".
"Okay, now that's just screwing with me." Splin said with a sigh.
Despite the glaring flaws in what was supposed to look like an abandoned testing facility, Splin made his way towards it, walking through discarded kettles along the way. Stopping directly in front of the facility after a brief walk, Splin stared up at the lab, frowning. There was a single door with a shattered window leading inside, which Splin entered, clutching the doorknob carefully, opening the door and walking inside. Splin looked around, the only things around were messy cabinets and desks. Splin walked for a while, until he spotted another door. Taking care once again, Splin carefully opened the door.
"...Whoa."
Splin stood in a small, yet spacious, hangar, rusted bay doors cracked open, small beams of what appeared to be sunlight streaming through. Multiple machines of various shapes and sizes lay rusted, unmoving, and overall, inactive. Most of them had large artificial tentacles decaying with them, spots in the tentacles ripped open, revealing a flexible, thin endoskeleton in the tentacles.
"Odd, nothing here appears to be operational. What would cause a heat signature here, everything's dead! Nothing large seems to be making the heat signature, at least." Splin thought.
Splin looked around for a while, inspecting each and every machine, then shrugged, assuming that there was nothing here was worth salvaging or reporting. With a shrug, Splin walked out of the building, ready to explain that there was nothing there, when suddenly a tremor shook the ground. Never a good sign, Splin began to pick up the pace, when a giant tentacle erupted out of the ground. Splin jumped to one side, ducking, looking up at the great tentacle. An Octoweapon then burst out of the ground, the exterior looking like a deteriorating metal Great Zapfish, the artificial tentacle sprouting out of its tail like a scorpion. The Zapfish-lookalike glared at Splin, then began glowing, electricity dangerously sparking out of the machine, heating up the area around it.
Shocking.
"Gee, thanks for the pun when I can potentially die voice!" Splin yelled, running back.
You're welcome. :3
Splin ran back, the Great Zapfish-bot roaring, sending static electricity moving through the air, as well as mentally bludgeoning himself over how he somehow read a ":3" face.
Will Splin be able to defeat the Great Zapfish with literally everyone else not doing their jobs? Probably not, find out next time in the next chapter of Splat X!
...Wait, wrong outro.
AN: Okay, I think I got it. Welp, tomorrow I'm off to Arizona for the holidays, going to visit some of my tortoise cousins, you know how it is. :P Also, wow, 40 chapters of fourth wall breaking and reference making in a Splatoon story, round of applause for all you lovely people out there, none of this could've been accomplished without your support!
Aside from family holidays, let's talk reviews! Thanks Dread Angel, Ultrapyre, and qwertyzuiopas701 for reviewing! Thanks Dread, one can't go without a little strong squid mom in the morning! Ultrapyre, I'm flattered that you think my story is worthy enough to act like a Christmas gift, though I kinda have to agree with you on the plot, it isn't following any particular line at the moment, but hey, who knows? Maybe we'll see some action with Ares later on. qwertyzuiopas701, hope this was enough Tai for you. All of you seemed rather interested in Ari's past, might have to expand on that later. Anyways, thanks for watching, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, off to see that new Star Wars movie despite BEING SPOILED 50 TIMES ON THE INTERNET. See you when I get back from Arizona!