Thank you for sticking with me and my slow updates! I have definitely taken this rewrite to a new level. Unfortunately we lost power after the hurricane and I have stumbled upon a road block so I slowed down in writing. I will be beating it with a hammer to try to push out some more updates sooner rather than later now that my power is back on. I have changed so many things, but it is all for the greater good! I promise!

Behind Close Eyes

Chapter 6

To Climb a Mountain

He watched her run into the adjourning bathroom to hide before walking to the foot of the bed to place her luggage down. Should I say something? Humans are so emotional. He could hear her crying, smell her tears. She gulped and sniffled and he realized she must have her face buried trying to muffle the sounds. She is embarrassed.

"Kagome. Your luggage is here, join us in the dining room when you are available." Out of the room he went, going to change and return to Rin.

She was embarrassed, knowing he had heard everything with his hyper sensitive hearing. The embarrassment did not lessen the tears though. Her sobs increase and she laid on the floor, realizing it was cold tile. A bathroom. She laid on the floor until her chest loosened and the tears stopped. How long had she been on the floor? She had to get up, had to pull herself together. She still wanted to call her mother.

She washed her face, brushed her hair down, and changed into a comfortable blue and purple pajama pants set before leaving the room. Her concern for anyone's judgment had flown away with her previous façade but lingering in the back of her mind was Sesshomaru. What must he think of her now, so composed and diligent at work and here she was a heaping mess of emotion. She could not think straight and felt desperate to talk to her mother who had not yet returned her calls.

Dialing the number after finding her phone in a bag, she waited for the ring to lead to a voice mail. "Mom, I will be by soon. I need to spend time with the family...I will call tomorrow. Good night. I love you. Give my love and kisses to all, especially him."

The phone closed and fell to the floor as she fought more tears, realizing even more how hurtful Inuyasha was to her life. She had spent so little time with the people she cared so deeply about. He carried such distaste for a certain few she loved that she had to send one to live with her mother. Her chest hurt, her head was fuzzy, and the hallway was an expanse to become lost in. The lights were dim, just bright enough to light the floor for a pathway, and the décor looked foreign to her. Where am I going?

Already she was lost and just the feeling was overwhelming. Am I going to start crying again? She continued to walk, looking for the stairs. The kitchen would be easy to find if she could just get to the first floor. Has she turned right instead of left when coming out of the room? Where were the doors to the other rooms?

"Kagome?" smooth, rich, and heavy. His voice swam in her brain.

"Sesshomaru?" She reached out with her voice to the darkness.

"Come. The kitchen is this way." He had decided earlier that dinner would be informal and not in the dining room. She is beautiful with her hair free.

She followed with a small nod, trying to pay attention to the pictures and path. "Thank you for finding me, I was lost."

He didn't respond, only continued along the way. Making a sharp right turn, he started down the stairs. Had she really been this close the whole time? The rest of the way was familiar as he led her to the kitchen. The lights had dimmed from the setting sun and the silence seemed to hang in the air. She walked in while he held the door open.

"Kagome! Rin remembers you!" She exclaimed from her seat at the table. There was already placements at the table, all three with hot food waiting for them.

"Good evening Rin." She tried for a real smile, but could not feel it reach her eyes. What were they having for dinner? Her mind was still too gone to concentrate on much.

They sat together and ate peacefully. Rin rambled on and on about her day. She had had fun at the day school that Kaede provided and was obviously learning a lot. Kagome smiled and nodded, still feeling distant. She could not even taste the food. Or maybe she could taste it but nothing was registering. She felt mechanical. Scoop, open, chew, swallow, and repeat.

Sesshomaru watched across the table, feeling just the slightest bit of emotion rise to the surface. She was stirring emotion in him. He had known that this was happening years ago when she began to blossom into her own independent person. The child who use to play with Inuyasha was shy and timid, far in the past of the strong woman she had become. He felt inadequate for not finding her younger version worth giving of emotion, but he rationalized it to his level of maturity. Inuyasha had surely ruined something great and he was still undetermined if this was a good or bad thing. Would she be too damaged to open her walls to him? He knew nothing of expression and friendship and even less of romance. What was he to do other than wait and try to show kindness when he could? Would he have the ability to let his own walls down?

"Sesshomaru?" Rin's little voice drew his attention.

"Yes Rin?"

"May Rin be excused from the table?" She had such eloquent manners for a child of her size. How old was she exactly?

"Yes you may." Sesshomaru hated to snuff out her joyous look. "You may not retire to your room until your homework and reading is complete for the day."

"Rin is finished, Sesshomaru." She smiled, never missing an energetic beat. "Rin wanted to play with Sesshomaru tonight and finished early."

Sesshomaru sighed and looked at the plates on the table. Everyone was finished yet Kagome was still lost in thought. Rin jumped on her lap and began talking to her of the games she wanted to play. Both adults were required to play and even a maid or two was joining. Rin has apparently been at work on this plan all day and just included Kagome when she arrived. He hid a smile, the muscle movement unfamiliar yet involuntary, and took the dishes to the sink.

Kagome watched him clean up, realizing she had lost a large patch of time again and Rin was on her lap talking about games. She was to play board games and card games and dominos with the little girl and three other adults. This seemed like the kind of fun she needed to escape. This could help her clear her mind and open her soul to the boundless opportunities in her life. Maybe I will go on some casual dates. Spice it up a little. The thoughts amused her and it quickly turned to fear. What if these dates pressed for more than she could offer. She had never been with a man and the thought of being forced into sex scared her. She wanted to lose herself to someone who would take care of her mind body and soul. Immediately grateful that she had waited even thought heartbreak followed the long drawn out parting of her and Inuyasha.

"What game shall we play first?" Her voice surprised Sesshomaru who had taken to watching her admire Rin.

"Rin wants to play candy land!"

"Candy land it is." She stood up and set Rin standing on the floor.

"Rin, Please go gather our other players." Sesshomaru walked over to them with two mugs. One for himself and One for Kagome.

"Rin just wants us to play. PLEASE?" She picked her cup up from the table.

"Yes. Go set up in the family room, we are on the way."

Kagome took the mug offer and gazed into the steaming cup of light colored tea. "What kind is it?"

"Chamomile and honey." His demanding nature was starting to show a side of kindness to her. "Drink."

She followed the command and let the hot liquid run down her throat. It swirled inside of her, energizing her senses and awakening her body while relaxing her mind. It was invigorating and exactly what she needed. She had forgotten the therapeutic properties of how tea. He brushed past her, his hand briefly touching hers, as he took the led to go to the family room. Her heart fluttered. Is this the way rebound emotions feel? Or have I felt this way for him the whole time? I don't want a rebound. She had not realized he had stopped, causing her to run straight into his back with an humph. He took her by the shoulders and turned her towards the room without comment. She took the hint, hiding her blush behind her fallen hair.

Her thoughts earlier were strikingly disturbing. She loved Kagura and valued her as an employee. How could she even consider that she had any emotion beyond work for the man who Kagura deemed to love. He does not even consider her worthy, he would definitely not think I was good enough. She sat on the floor by the table where Rin had set the game up, legs tucked under herself. Another few sips of the cooling liquid and she was more focused to play, even though her eyes continued to wander to Sesshomaru. Rin began explaining the rules excitedly, handing the little pawns out that she wanted the two adults to have.

The game progressed quickly, Sesshomaru very tactfully letting the girls pass him on the board and Kagome trying to keep Rin in the lead. Rin caught on towards the end of the game when Both adults rolled the same numbers respectfully a few times in a row. She threw a fit and starting lecturing them about playing fair and how she was old enough to handle losing. Kagome internally laughed at her quickly this little one had gone from child to teenager. I guess it is true what they say. 4 going on 14. Makes me wonder how old she is.

The game ended and Sesshomaru called for a maid to take Rin to bed. They all said their goodnights and watched Rin be swept away by a pleasant enough female youkai. The silence spread out between them, unusually comfortable and not at all awkward. It caused her to go back to her thoughts. Why would her heart flutter when he touched her? Could she say she really loved Inuyasha when her heart beat hectically for Sesshomaru? Would she end up hating herself if anyone found out? She was beginning to be thankful for lunch the following day. She needed time with her best friend and time to confide in someone. Her mind was beginning to overflow and she was afraid of combustion.

"Thank you for everything. I do not think words alone could describe my appreciation." Kagome spoke as she stood from the floor, not realizing that she was looking at eyes that had not left her since Rin left.

"I just need to ensure you are fit for work during this critical time." He brushed it off, hoping he did not sound too abrasive.

Realizing that she had just thought about emotions with an emotionless man was embarrassing. She bowed and left the room, picking up Rin's cup in the process. Taking the cups into the kitchen, she was finally able to catch her breath. Why do I feel as if I have been rejected AGAIN? Her chest felt tight, she needed to get to bed and find solace in her dreams. A few deep breaths later she had washed the two cups and was finally ready to take on the trek to her room. Hopefully I will not get lost this time.

She turned to leave, checking for anything else that needed to be cleaned up. Sesshomaru had taken care of their plates from dinner and there was no evidence of dinner even having been cooked. Must be nice to not have to clean everything yourself. She sighed, turned the light off, and exited the kitchen. The hall was dimly lit with the only source of light from wall sconces and the ceiling lights off for the night. The entire house seemed to rest, all anxious energy from the day had dissipated. She began to hum a quiet song that a long lost friend use to sing to her when she was upset. The words written in her mind's eye so vividly that nothing shone more. The past 15 hours fell away in thick layers, laying in waste behind her. Now all she needed was a glass of wine and she was set. Maybe I will pick up a bottle tomorrow after lunch with Sango.

The stairs passed quickly, each step heavier than the last and the banister ice under her touch. Already she was beginning to miss the warmth of sharing a bed but knew immediately that the feeling would soon fade. All of the feelings associated with Inuyasha would pass with time. She knew that with more certainty than she knew the sun would rise. Maybe this was why so many people use rebounds. She hated the concept of a rebound and had never understood the purpose but she herself had never had another relationship before Inuyasha. She had had nothing before him. They went from childhood friends to high school sweet hearts and stayed together through college and then moved in together. Everything had seemed perfect.

"Kagome." The deep velvet of his voice brought her back to reality.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I had stopped in the hallway." She also didn't realize that she had started crying again or that she did not just stop, she had moved to be against the wall and sitting next to a large floor vase.

"Come. I will escort you to your room." He offered out his hand, the moment of kindness surprising her. Then she remembered that he was ensuring that his company continued to succeed; he didn't really care about her.

Their hands touched, her stomach flipped and a blush swept across her cheeks and down her neck. She followed closely behind him, thoughts having turned to her rather erratic emotions. Did her heart think she could heal using Sesshomaru? Could he be her rebound? What about work and Kagura? A thought hit her so hard she stumbled and fell to the floor, catching herself on hands and knees. What if I have always had feelings for him?! What if I never truly loved Inuyasha?! Emotions for the heartless bastard she had feared when she was younger. The Inuyoukai that never came out of his studies. The brother to her best friend whom had nothing nice to say about his own blood. Two different mothers, one full blooded youkai and the other a hanyou. They were complete worlds apart on all levels.

A soft firm touch was pulling her to stand and leading her by the elbow. She didn't even have to see it was him, her stomach jumped before her eyes connected with him. He was leading her to her room, showing a kindness which even so small was far beyond what she thought him capable of. All of those years of bashing from Inuyasha, she was convinced Sesshomaru was worse than the devil himself. Yet here he was, proving ever word wrong. Even if his kindness was for his own benefit, it was better than being completely cold hearted.

"Get some rest, Kagome." He opened the door to her room and gently pushed her inside. The door shut behind her and he ran to his room, afraid of his own emotions.

Kagome moved to the bed to flop down on the lush mattress, grateful she had already gotten into her pajamas. The pillow and sheets were cooling against her body, a relief to the hot flush that had taken over her upper half. This day had been especially tiring, mostly emotionally. She was desperately reaching for any understanding of the events of the day. Inuyasha, who she had loved for years and given herself to tirelessly had finally broken her and cause her to leave. Sesshomaru, who she never had light conversation with had invited her to his home and given her some relief in the rush of the day. She was turning cold to the one she had spent so much loyalty on and growing warm to someone who spoke only of perseverance in the work place. Drained of all emotion, sleep quickly overcame her leading straight to nightmares. Even in sleep she could not find rest from the world.

She stood in a fog so dense it was as if cotton batting was surrounding her, pressing in against her senses, suffocating and smothering. Swiping at the mass around her, she pulled her hand back to find it dripping in the stagnant water droplets. She had to get away before her lungs filled completely up with the weighted air. Gasping for a bit of clear breath, she stepped back and fell. Not noticed before, something cold and solid grabbed at her ankle preventing her from leaving.

Looking down, she found the culprit. Shackles of heavy iron nailed her in place, forcing her in this place. Was this how she was living her life before? Was this a metaphor for Inuyasha's presence in her life? She began to hyperventilate before the clouds slowly drifted away, leaving her still shackled but nailed to a sidewalk instead. The streetlights were illuminating the small conjoined modern machiyas on each side of the road. Why was she here? There were few cars passing by, it must be late. Singles passed on each side, going into their own dwellings, impervious to her.

This must be a dream. A couple walked right through her and the silver of hair caught her eye. The other figure had dark hair, wearing a short red and white dress. They turned and the woman walked into one of the townhouses while the man stayed outside. Inuyasha. His phone rang twice before he answered.

"Hey baby," He filled his words with false emotions. "I am sorry it is taking so long. Miroku and I went out after the meeting to have dinner and we just lost track of time."

Was he talking to her? She remembered this conversation from before. Was this one of his memories? How?

"Yes, we just parted ways. I am walking to my car now. See you soon."

The phone was hung up after shared 'I love you's' and back in his pocket before the other woman exited her home.

Kikyou. They embraced and shared kisses. Kagome's tears ran free, soaking her shirt and staining her face. The sky seemed to cry with her, opening up and pouring down on top of them. They giggled and kissed more, holding hands to run under the awning of the townhouse. She asked him to come back into the house and he declined, saying he did not want to stir any suspicion in his fiancé. Kikyou begged him to leave the other woman and just stayed with her since they never truly ended their relationship years ago. He declined and they parted ways.

Kagome broke down, her knees to weak to hold her any longer. The shackles had faded some time during the scene. Maybe they were only there so she could see the truth that she had refused to see for all of those years. She was so very broken. Curled in a ball on the floor, she wept without restraint, her eyes pressed to her knees. She was shaking and sobbing so hard it rocked her whole being. She wished so hard the fog would engulf her and take her from this place.

"Kagome"

A voice rang through to her. A voice that reminded her of the color purple. Regal and firm. Go away voice, she wanted to be alone.

"Kagome."

She placed her hands over her ears, the sobs finally causing her to dry heave and grow in nausea. The fog had begun to swirl around her, the scene changing. This time it was one of her memories.

"

Kagome." Sesshomaru called out to her from the end of the bed, watching her obvious turmoil.

She had screamed out during the night, pulling him from his sleep and into her room. He had spent long minutes standing there, fighting with himself over whether to wake her or not. She was just his employee, right? He was still without understanding of his own emotions and attraction to her. He said her name again, watching her curl more into herself and place her hands over her ears. She could hear him but was hiding in her mind. He took a step closer on one side of the bed and touched her arm. She whimpered and pulled away. It is going to be a long night. He sat on the edge of her bed and watched her sleep, maybe her dreams would get better.

The scene was just as terrible as before. She stood in her living room watching herself argue with Inuyasha. He was red in the face, pacing and yelling about her selfish decisions. Was her decision really selfish? Yes, she had neglected to consult him before making a final choice but in her defense she was trying to help out a nearly poor pack of youkai that lived in the forest outside of the city.

"I thought you understood the important of packs!" he was fuming.

"I do! What difference does it make if the pack is not the same kind of youkai!? This child deserves love just like anyone else and he needs a pack to follow!" She was starting to cry, furious that it had come to this. She could not take back her decision, what was she to do.

"Take him some where else! Get him out of this house! He stinks!" And he stormed out of the house.

She watched herself sink to the couch, listening to his car leave the driveway. Face buried in her hands, she cried. Standing there watching herself, she remembered the entirety of that day. She had spent so much time volunteering with the conservation effort to save the forest that she had grown attached to the child. He had followed her everyone and loved playing with her collection kits. He became homeless and parentless months into their research, after both his parents fell ill from the insects killing the plants. The pack was too poverty-stricken to care properly for yet another orphaned child. She made the impulsive decision to take him home that same night and even rushed to help him pack, her work forgotten for the day. He was such a happy and loving child, never stopping to think of himself only of others.

While dream Kagome wept on the couch, she moved freely around the room and spotted him. She had thought he was out back playing for the whole argument but here he was, fear in his eyes. He had heard everything. She was heart broken for him. He had just lost his parents and then had to listen to someone reject him. She wished she could wrap him up and hide him away from the hates of the world. He ran then, down the hall and into her room.

He must have followed to where my scent was the heaviest. He jumped on the bed and silently cried until he fell asleep. She remembered finding him here and being grateful that he had missed the scene with Inuyasha, only he missed nothing and she never knew. After that he only lived in her house for a few days before she made the proper arrangements and took the measures to make him a home with her mother. Every chance she had, she was there with him. He had become her son and he called her mom. There was no greater enjoyment.

She walked to the bed, trying desperately to hold the boy she considered a son. He did not deserve what he had seen. He deserved happiness and love. She called out his name, screamed to try to wake him. The dream was beginning to get fuzzy around the edges, flickering and fading in parts. Someone spoke her name again, there was warmth on her arms. Someone was trying to wake her and she was realizing it this time. She begging for the person to stop, she wanted to stay here with him. He needed her!

She had called out in her sleep, saying a name he did not recognize. The decision was already made however. She had not stopped crying and he could not let her continue. He placed his hands on her arms and gave her a gentle shake while repeating her name.

"You must wake up." He pushed again. "Kagome."

"Sess...Sesshomaru?" Her eyes burned as she tried to open them. She must have been crying; her throat hurt too.

"I am sorry for invading your room," He removed his hands. "You were crying in your sleep."

"I'm sorry. I will try to prevent it from happening again." She repositioned herself on the bed and closed her eyes. "Thank you for checking on me."

He spoke, uncertain if his choice was bad or good. "What did you dream about?"

Her body stiffened, back ridged. "Inuyasha. I felt like I had seen one of his memories."

"That is not uncommon during times of distress. Your guard falls and your aura seeks out unconsciously of what you were thinking during the day."

She nodded and turned over to look at him. "Thank you, again, for your concern. I will better guard myself this time."

He realized she was dismissing him and was slightly confused. She had seemed to enjoy the kindness earlier. Then he remembered he had told her his kindness was strictly because of work. He had made a mistake already. Attraction is very hard to understand and utilize. He stood from the bed and left the room. Both slept quietly the rest of the night. His dreams were of years past and hers were empty.