"Sometimes I had an overwhelming urge to speak, not about that, but only to hint that there were some curious things about me which no one knew of." -Carl Jung

Introspection

I, Gwen Stacy, think Peter is a good person.

He works so hard to find himself.

But he refuses to sacrifice the other one.

He wants to help everyone.

Peter is such a good person.

I felt like he could break at any second.

Peter and Gwen had two types of dates, so to speak.

The first type were actual dates. They usually went out somewhere, like a theater, or a restaurant, or a park. Sometimes they would just sit on a bench and hold hands, watching the sunset.

When Flash heard that he blurted out, "What are you, a middle-aged married couple?" Then Peter smiled sheepishly and Flash added, "No, that wasn't a compliment."

The second type of date - which not even Mary Jane knew about - weren't dates at all. They were closer to therapy sessions for Peter, with Gwen as the counselor.

Peter, admittedly, had an intense paranoia about someone overhearing his secret, so he could only talk freely when there was an empty house available. Gwen's mom was sometimes out until late for various PTA events. And Gwen's dad, being a policeman, was always out late.

Peter had sides (not alters) of himself that he couldn't show anyone. He wouldn't even admit them to himself when he was alone... but he could show them to Gwen. He would stomp around her bedroom, screaming and raving about the random, stupid, "why me" unfairness of it all.

Or sometimes he would be calm, and tell Gwen the list of annoying things Spidey did that week, bringing up whatever minutia he could think of to make the list longer and, in his head, more worthy of complaint.

Or rarely, he would try to say something, but his throat would choke up and he'd suddenly start sobbing. And Gwen would silently hold him and let him sob.

Peter hated being a guy who cried in front of his girlfriend. Moreover, he hated dumping all this crap onto someone else, let alone somebody he cared about so much. She shouldn't be the only one playing therapist. She had things that bothered her, too. Peter hated being the one who needed the most support.

But Gwen never complained. She quietly accepted everything. Maybe she had her own sessions with Mary Jane. Peter didn't know.

Besides, Peter couldn't help it. The stress and hatred he suppressed every hour of the day could only come out when he was alone with her. Peter told her things he wouldn't dare admit to himself... Selfish things... Evil things... Things like...

"If only he didn't exist."

Of course, even if he could, Peter would never act on those thoughts... because he chose coexistence.

I, Peter Parker, am always contradicting myself.

My thoughts are my own.

How hard do I have to think that to make it true?

He's in my body and brain.

I'm becoming someone I don't know about.

I don't want it.

I don't want to lose myself.

This was one of the first so-called "therapy sessions" that involved physical therapy.

Peter was laying facedown on Gwen's bed. His shirt was rolled up to his shoulders, revealing three ugly bruises on his back.

Gwen had gotten out the first-aid kit. She sat on her desk chair and began applying cream to the black and blue blotches. "This should make it heal faster."

"Thanks."

"Do you know what caused this? It's pretty rare for Spidey to take a hit from a normal person."

"His journal entry was blank - completely. He only does that if something really bad happened."

"I see." Gwen finished with the medicine and started applying bandages. "Did your aunt and uncle notice you were hurt?"

"I don't think so. At least, they didn't say anything. I only really see them at breakfast and dinner. Ever since Spidey appeared, I try to avoid all other contact with them."

"Doesn't that make them suspicious?"

"Hopefully, they'll just write it off as a moody teenager phase. Like I said, they haven't said anything so far."

"It must be hard, hiding a secret like this from people you live with."

"It's incredibly hard... but I only have to endure it for a few more years."

Gwen thought it was sad that being with family was something you had to endure. "Okay, I'm done."

She pulled his shirt back down, but Peter didn't move. "I hate this," he said at last.

"I know. You have every right to be upset."

"Do I? People with Dissociative Identity Disorder usually have a whole group of alters to deal with. Sometimes dozens. I only have Spidey. They'd say I was lucky - that I shouldn't complain."

"Maybe. On the other hand, how many of those groups have superpowers and fight crime?"

"...Good point."

"Everyone is better off than somebody, Peter. And problems aren't interchangeable. Isn't that part of individuality?"

Peter sat up, but kept his eyes to the floor. "Thanks."

Gwen moved next to Peter on the bed. She placed her hand over his, and they sat in silence for a while.

Peter spoke up first. "We've talked about this before, but you remember the so-called 'cure' for DID, right?"

"Integrating the personalities into one, wasn't it?"

"Neither of us want that - me and Spidey, I mean. If that happened, we'd both be gone, and there'd be this new compound whoever in our place. Sure, it'd be a version of me... but it wouldn't be 'me' - the me that's thinking right now. I'd be gone.

"I know I'm over-thinking things. I know that people are changing all the time and it's natural. I know I'm not the same as I was when I was five, and you're not the same as when you were ten, and I know there are other patients who integrated and are fine with the results. I know all that, but I... I can't help how I feel! Being myself means thinking about what I want, right? I don't want my mind to transform into something it's not. I... I..."

He started shaking. Gwen quietly wrapped an arm around Peter's shoulders and pulled him close. He calmed down, but he still wouldn't lift his head.

"Spidey appeared completely out of the blue. What if I wake up one day and find out we merged together naturally? Or there are suddenly a bunch of new personalities? I don't like not knowing how my brain works, Gwen... It scares me."

"...It'll be okay, Peter," Gwen answered. "Maybe it's irresponsible to say that without any guarantees, but that's how I feel - as myself. You're going to be okay."

They had this conversation a few times before. The wording was almost the same, but sometimes, Peter just needed to hear it again.

Author's Notes: (1/21/2013) Here's a short intermission from the Carnage Arc. I wanted to give another look into Peter's life outside school and his relationship with Gwen. This feels a little different than my previous chapters, but it features a few themes I sorta implied before, and I just wanted to write them out explicitly. Sorry if it's too angsty.

Special Shout-Out to Dragonskyt for reviewing.

I didn't mention this in the disclaimer last time, but I should have. While my version of Carnage does owe a lot to the Joker (and Bane), I got just as much inspiration from Armus, the "skin of evil" who killed Tasha Yar in "Star Trek: The Next Generation."

Disclaimer: I don't own, nor am I trying to take profit away from, The Dark Knight Trilogy or the Star Trek franchise - as if anyone suspected me.