"Alright guys settle down." Dallas called to a crowded locker room full of rowdy hockey players.

Everyone ignored him. I fidgeted around anxiously. Dallas had dragged me in here Monday after school after I told him at lunch what the baby was.

"HEY SHUT UP!" Owen yelled and everyone did as they were told. Owen then gave Dallas a look and said "You're welcome"
Dallas rolled his eyes. "Alright guys, this is Maya Matlin. You remember her right?" A couple people nodded "Alright well she has an announcement for you guys."
Okay now I'm pretty sure this is the definition of torture. I did not want to stand up in front of all these guys I barely knew and tell them about my pregnancy. But for some reason I did it anyway. I just kept thinking it was for Cam, I just wish he was by my side while I was doing it.

"Uh… hey," I mumbled. Dallas gave me a look that told me to speak up. "I'm Maya and as most of you know I'm the pregnant freshman…" I sounded like I was in a support group… "And I just want to tell you that… when this boy grows up he's going to be the greatest player in NHL history and make all of you look like figure skaters."

They all just stood and looked at me for a second.

"It's a boy!" Dallas finally yelled and then they all cheered. Then he pulled me into a bear hug which I really didn't mind.

That was the first time the hockey team really felt like family to me. I mean Dallas kept telling me they were but I had never believed it. But as everyone in that room was congratulating me, I felt close to them all.

"Alright now get out there and get warmed up for practice!"

Then they all cleared out, leaving me just standing there, and then something caught my eye. It was a picture of me taped to one of the lockers.

I stepped forward and peeled it off. Then I opened the locker slowly. It didn't have a lock or anything on it, which I guess was weird but I didn't pay it much mind.

A couple of things were inside, not much; a hockey stick, a helmet, and more pictures of me. Pictures of me… and Cam.

"We couldn't bear to clean it out… and his parents didn't want to either. So no one's touched it." I heard a voice say behind me.

"Won't you have to?" I asked.

"Eventually… at the end of the season, but for now… we keep it as it is."

I didn't even turn around; I just ran my hand down the door. "All his gear is in here, where are his skates?" I asked.

Whoever was behind me didn't answer so I turned around to face them. It was Luke Baker.

"Well?"

"We… we don't know. They just weren't in there." Luke answered me finally.

"Interesting," I took one last look inside the locker and shut it quickly. "I have to go. Thanks for everything you've done for me though, really." I stuck the picture back on the front.

"Anything for family" He said.

I turned and left without another word.

"A boy? Wow, Maya I can't believe it."

Cam and I were sitting on a bench in the park; I had just shown him my sonogram.

"I know," I smiled. "He'll be a superstar just like his daddy."

"My son…" He was staring at my stomach looking unsure.

"Here," I picked up his hand and put it were his eyes had been. "Talk to him."

"Talk…? To your stomach?" he raised a brow.

"God I hope he gets my eyebrows…" I said with a giggle. "The doctor said that you should talk to the baby, it's supposed to be comforting."

"My eyebrows are adorable and you know it!" He laughed and then got down on the ground on his knees. He leaned in really close, right at my bellybutton. "Hey little man," he whispered laying a gentle hand beside his ear. "It's your dad… um I don't know what to say but… I love you."

He lifted his head up suddenly, his eyes bright and alert as the baby kicked at the sound of his voice.

"I think that's him saying he loves you too." I smiled.

"Wow…" was all he could say.

We were thoughtfully silent for a minute and then he returned to my side on the bench.

"I love you Maya." He said staring straight into my eyes. "And I'm going to take care of you and our son for the rest of my life. I swear it."

I caressed his cheek. "I love you too Campbell Saunders, and you better or Katie will kick your ass."

I was getting very tired of my alarm clock. It kept chasing Cam away from me. I sat up and looked at the picture of my sonogram on the table beside me. Cam would never get to see it… I had started learning how to ignore the throbbing in my heart lately. But I still felt a bit of this sting. But maybe there was a way I could show him… I knew it was crazy but once the idea was in my head I couldn't get it out.

"Maya, I don't think this is a good idea." Katie said softly.

"Katie, I don't care if it's a good idea. Just please watch the door and make sure no one comes in."

"Maya…"

"Katie!"

"Fine… but for the record I told you not to do it." She shook her head and I rolled my eyes.
"I'm a big girl Katie. I have to find closure… maybe this will be it. I mean… it's just a room."
"Just a room where your boyfriend/father of your child committed suicide" she met my eyes and I knew she was right, this may destroy me. "Just give it to me and I'll take it in."

"No! I told myself I was going to do this and I am. Now watch the door." I turned and ran in before she could stop me.

I looked around me. The greenhouse was beautiful this time of year. It was June and the beginning of summer so everything was in full bloom. It was elaborately planned out too and I mentally gave props to my sister.

See this wasn't so bad, I go in, put the picture down and leave, no big deal.

But I stayed longer than I needed too. I walked around, took in the flowers. I was just about to lay the picture down when I saw it, the stain just in the corner by some beautiful roses. It could've been anything. It could have been rust, for example, maybe the spot was right under a place where the roof was weak and some rain water had gotten through. That explained it.

I mean if it was in fact what I thought it was, which it wasn't, that would be ridiculous. There were plenty of ways to get that out. Don't you think the school would've paid to get it painted over, or god forbid used bleach? Unless Jake the pot head didn't want them to because it would hurt his plants.

Suddenly I forgot how to get rid of that throbbing. But no tears fell from my eyes; instead anger came from my mouth.

"I don't know where you are," I spoke aloud. "But wherever the hell it is, I brought this for you." I lifted up the picture. "It's a picture of our son. You know the one you knocked me up with just before you decided to leave everyone behind? Yeah, we'll here you go." I placed it in the roses near the stain and gently stepped over it. "You're welcome."

I shook my head and left. I walked past Katie without a word and she just watched me go. I knew she was probably thinking I told you so.

But I didn't care, I wasn't even sad. I didn't even feel angry anymore. Mostly I just felt numb, like I had just lost all feeling.

I passed Dallas in the hallway and he gave me a smile. "Hey mama!" He called but I ignored him.

I was headed towards the band room. I pushed the door open but someone caught it behind me.

"Maya are you okay?"

"I'm fine Dallas, just having a bad morning." I answered.

"Maya…" another voice sounded from inside the room. I looked up.

"Zig…"

"Can we… can we talk?"
"Oh you're talking to me now?" I shot at him.

Dallas was still standing behind me.

"Can we talk alone?" Zig pressed.

I turned to Dallas.

"You alright?" He asked looking Zig up and down.

"I'm fine, go. I'll see you at lunch." I said, and with only one skeptical look he let the door shut.

"Now… what's up?" I asked, turning to Zig

I actually wanted to talk to Zig. I wanted him to be normal with me so I could just pretend like none of this was happening. I figured he, of all people, could treat me normal.

"I know I was a jerk, avoiding you and stuff. I don't know I guess I was just a bit shocked. I didn't know you and Cam were… like that…" A glint of jealously was in his eye… how ridiculous.

"We were only together once." I told him. "That's all it takes."

He nodded looking uncomfortable "But Maya," he took a step towards me. "I've been thinking about it… a lot; thinking about you and me. And, I could help you… I could take care of you and your son. I heard you're having a boy…" he smiled. "I could teach him how to skateboard when he gets older and I don't know… I guess just be there for you two. So the kid would have a dad."

It was one of the sweetest things I had ever heard and maybe if he had said it on a different day, a day when I was feeling helpless and lost, I would've accepted his offer. But he couldn't help me, he was just stupid Zig. All he cared about was skateboarding and dates, he did not know what it took to be a father. And Cam… god he would just absolutely die if he could hear this.

"That's cute Zig." I said with a mean laugh. "But I don't need help from you, or the hockey team, or even Cam. I can do this all by myself. I'm not just some weak, scared little girl," Lie… "I can handle this. So why don't you just go back to cheating on your girlfriends and being so freaking awesome." I stomped out of the room without a look back. I knew that was cold but I was just done.

I just felt like everyone I trusted would just let me down. So what was the point of letting anyone else in? It was just me and this kid. And I would make sure my son knew how to stand on his own.

AN: Hey so I'm not sure of the timeline Degrassi is on right now so I'm just going to go with Cam committing suicide in February. I love all of your reviews they make my day! And they definitely keep me writing! So keep sending them and keep reading! Any suggestions are seriously considered and very much appreciated. Stayed up all night writing this so school is not going to be fun tomorrow! Love you!