AN: Hey it's at the beginning this time! If you wanna listen to the song this chapter is named after, it's Bleeding Out by Imagine Dragons. A big thank you to Wer1007 for the wonderful suggestion that was used in this chapter. It fit in perfectly to what I had planned and was just what I needed. I love you and all my readers! You guys really are the best! Remember any suggestions are considered! So if there's anything you'd like to see happen (within reason, I'm not going to give Maya superpowers or have her give birth to an alien or anything) Just write me a review and I'll see what I can do! Make sure to check out that song too!

Katie tried to argue when I told her I needed to be dropped off at the small church a few blocks away. But Dallas gave her a look, a deep, long look that froze the words right on her lips. She sat back and we drove in silence.

When we stopped alongside the small graveyard my heart was in my throat. Dallas turned to me "Are you going to be okay?" He asked.

I have him a small nod and took a deep breath. I got out of the car and followed Mrs. Saunders's directions.

Then there I was standing in front of a lonely stone perched on a small hill. His name was scrawled across the front in bold letters, below was his date of birth and then the day he died. And at the very bottom written in small print was "Beloved son and friend"

Before I knew what I was doing, I was on my knees. My whole body felt weak and wrong. I reached my shaking fingers out and traced the letters of his name. I traced them over and over again.

Campbell Saunders, Campbell Saunders, Campbell Saunders.

I traced it until it became a part of me. I mentally carved it into the tips of my fingers, so it would plague my memory forever. Oh Cam why did you have to leave me here like this? Our son is going to grow up without a father, and I, I will never love again. Even if my heart was capable, who would want to love me, with all my baggage, and a kid?

I was an undesirable, a lost cause. My heart ached for someone I would never see again. My body longed for sleep, but my dreams were unpredictable. Would I see Cam happy or bleeding out with tears in his cold eyes? My mind begged for death to come to me, sweep me up in its cold arms and take me to the deepest of hells.

But I had to stay for this thing growing inside of me, this thing that held me to Cam no matter what. Suddenly I was resentful of my baby. I could never move on from Cam after I brought this child into the world. Not even if I wanted to. He was tied to me, and I was tied to him. Only Cam didn't have to be the one who bore all the pain.

He wasn't the one who walked the halls of Degrassi getting constant stares and hearing constant whispers.

In that moment I laughed out loud at myself, it was a shaky laugh that didn't belong to me. Wasn't it funny though that I could get so angry at Cam for doing this, could feel so sorry for myself for being in this situation and not regret a thing?

I could curse Campbell Saunders as much as I wanted, but that wouldn't bring him back. I could resent his baby all I wanted, but that would stop it from being born. I could tell myself I hated Cam forever, but that wouldn't make me love him any less.

I gave everything to him, everything I had! And he took it; he took it without a second thought.

That's when the first sob escaped my mouth. It came from deep down inside of me. I felt like my whole body was being ripped to shreds. Tears ran down my cold face and stung my already sore eyes.

"I loved you so much." I whispered to the ground, where underneath me his body was rotting away. "I know I never told you, I should've but I was scared. And I know that sounds so stupid… But it's all I can say for myself." Truth poured out of my mouth the way the tears poured out of my eyes. "I need you here now Cam! I need you to help me with this! I'm so scared. I've never been so scared in my life. What if I'm not a good mom? What if I raise him wrong? What if he ends up like you? What if he wants to hurt himself and it's my fault?" I was quiet for a moment. "What if I want to hurt myself, what if I just want to check out? What if… what if I want to see you again…?"

For several moments I just cried. My hair was matted to my face and I was out of breath. "I can't do this by myself Cam! I just… can't do it."

I erupted in sobs. My body shook violently and the tears blurred my vision. Every once in a while I would get a glimpse of the grave.

Campbell Saunders, Campbell Saunders, Campbell Saunders.

"I know it's so stupid," I choked out. "But I thought that I would have you forever. That night when you told me you loved me, I thought I was going to marry you. I would be yours, and you would be mine. But fairytales don't happen in real life. Tragedy happens and you just have to move on. You have to move on because there isn't anything else you can do. But how can I move on if I have a constant reminder of you for the rest of my life? What am I going to do Cam? What am I going to do when he asks where his daddy is? How do you tell a child his father is dead? How do you tell your baby that he's never going to meet his Dad? I know people do it; people do it all the time. But I don't know if I can. I won't lie to him either; make up some story about how you're a hero. Because you aren't a hero Campbell Saunders, you're a coward." A chill rushed through my body, reaching deep within my bones. "But I love you so much. And I have to be brave for our son, and for you. You would've told me to be brave. So why am I here? I don't know! I guess I just wanted to know where you were. And now that I do, I have to move on. I have to go back to Toronto, and go to school, and get a job, and try. Because there isn't anything else I can do. And there isn't anyone to help me. Katie is going to Stanford, god knows where all the hockey team guys are going, I basically told Zig to go to hell, which I'm pretty sure you would've loved by the way… but I really am alone now." I sighed and took in my own words. "I am so alone."

Then I collapsed onto the ground and curled up into a ball. All the pain from the last couple months hit me again with a full force.

I don't know how long I was laying there before the arms found me, strong arms. For a minute I pretended they were Cam's but when the voice sounded in my ears my precious illusion was shattered.

"Shh… It's okay. Everything is going to be okay." Dallas whispered into my ear, holding me tight.

"No it's not! He's gone Dallas! He's gone forever and there's nothing I can do! I loved him so much…" I screamed at him.

"I know Mama… I know." He soothed.

I felt a tear fall from his face and land on my neck. We sat there for a while, me and Dallas, crying and holding each other in front of the grave of a boy we cared about. A boy we both knew was going through hell but did nothing to save him.

Campbell Saunders, Campbell Saunders, Campbell Saunders.

After that day something changed between me and Dallas. We had a deeper understanding of each other somehow. We never talked about it though. Not until a night in August, the last day of my summer vacation.

"School… is going to suck so bad." I exclaimed. We were sitting on the steps to my front porch.

Dallas gave his signature chuckle and shook his head at me. "It'll only suck if you think it's going to suck, try thinking positive."

"That's easy for you to say Mr. Big Shot. You probably have some kind of hockey deal somewhere." We never did talk about where he was going before. I had always just assumed he was going away to college somewhere.

"Actually… I did get signed to a team." He said smiling to himself.

"Really? That's amazing Dallas!" I tried to hide my disappointment. No matter how much I could hate him, I was going to miss Mike Dallas, a lot.

"Yeah, I don't know if you've heard of them or not, the Toronto Maple Leafs."

"The Toronto Maple Leafs… You're staying here?!" I did not see this coming at all.

"Well I'll have to travel for games and stuff but yeah guess so. Come on you didn't actually think I would leave my favorite girl, did you Mama?"
I smiled "Actually I did, that seems to be the theme lately. Who will leave Maya next? First Cam, then Katie, how about Dallas too!" I looked down at the pavement trying to blink away tears.

"Maya, I will never leave you. As long as you need me, I'll be here." Dallas whispered, his eyes met mine for a long moment. And then with no warning he leaned in and kissed me. His lips were soft and welcoming. I let myself lean into him and kissed him back.

Then it clicked in my mind. This was Dallas, Mike Dallas. Garden destroying, hockey playing, girl using, bully Mike Dallas. And here I was kissing him after all he did to Cam?
Oh Cam, what if Cam could in fact see this? It was better than Zig I supposed but not by much.

I pulled away with that thought "What are you doing?" I asked standing up.

He stood up to, I realized how much taller he was than me. He looked shocked himself, maybe even a little ashamed. "Maya… I'm sorry I didn't mean… but I felt something, you had to feel it too."

"No," I lied "I didn't feel anything. I knew this would happen. This whole time you were using me. I mean I'm just a little whore right? That's all I am to you."

"No! Maya that's not it at all. I know you feel like you're betraying Cam but…"
"Don't you dare talk about Cam to me!" I yelled. "You didn't know him like I did! You didn't even care about him! You treated him like crap all the time, so what? So you could play hockey for the Maple Leafs?"
Dallas just stared at me as a look of deep pain crossed his face.

"I don't need you! I don't need anyone! Leave Dallas, I never want to see you again." I hissed and then turned and went inside slamming the door behind me.