Dallas:

I had been pacing the locker room for a solid 10 minutes, ringing my hands. This was the right thing to do; the mature thing to do. Finally I made my way to the office and knocked on the door. "Hey, uh coach can I talk to you for a sec?"

The head coach was sitting at his desk talking to another assistant coach. He gave me a small nod and the assistant coach left us alone.

"I've been meaning to talk to you myself Mike." He said "Go ahead and sit down."

I moved in, shutting the door behind me, and sat down.

"Well… I've had a lot of personal stuff going on lately…" I started the speech I had practiced in my head a million times but the coach held up a hand to silence me.

"I've noticed your performance has been dropping the past couple weeks, everyone has noticed."

I lowered my eyes. With Maya and Dylan always on my mind it was hard to focus on the ice.

"But there's no need to explain or apologize Mike. We all go through tough times. However, you can learn to use that emotion to benefit your playing. I see real potential in you Mike, that's why you'll be starting the first game of the season." He continued giving me a smile.

My mouth dropped and I stared at him in disbelief. Then I collected myself.

"Oh my god, thank you so much; you won't regret this coach, I swear." My words jumbled together in my excitement. Starting for a NHL team this early was a dream come true.
It wasn't until after I shook the coach's hand and ran out to my car that I remembered what I was supposed to have done.

I was supposed to quit the team… I was supposed to give my two weeks and leave without a look back.

God, I screwed up bad this time.

Maya had finally moved all her stuff into my apartment. It was a little crowded but she and Dylan had their own room and their own space.

It didn't mean anything had gotten better though. After a tough fight with Maya this morning about school, I gave up on trying to make her go. Three days in a row now I had tried to get her up and ready, but she just laid in her bed and cried begging me to let her stay.

I gave in every time and offered to take Dylan to daycare. But that made her cry even more. She was way too overprotective of that kid and it got even worse as he got older.

He would be a year old in a month or so. Ha, that was a crazy thought; a thought that brought me back around to my original problem. How the hell was I supposed to quit when I was a starter? I'd probably be banned from even thinking about hockey. This was just a nightmare.

Maya:

"Where the hell have you been?" I hissed in a tone so low I wouldn't have even known I was the one talking if I hadn't felt the words slip off my lips.

I was sitting on a couch rocking a screaming baby in a house I had never seen before. My hair was a mess and my body was nothing but weak. Cam had just waltzed in, wearing his damn hockey jacket and a flannel shirt.

"I had to study, I told you that." He waved me off and headed for the kitchen. He returned a minute later with a glass of water.

"So you were studying until midnight? You must be working pretty damn hard." I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"Well I kind of have to considering…"

"Oh shut your mouth, you always try to act so freaking perfect. You're just freaking dad of the year aren't you?" I struggled to quiet Dylan's cries.

"Here, just hand him to me." He said with a sigh.

Reluctantly I handed Dylan over and almost instantly his crying ceased. I hated how Cam could do that. It was like he had some special connection to our son that I would never understand. It pissed me off to no end.

"Screw you" I muttered throwing the empty bottle in my hand across the room.

"Maya… please not this again…" Cam moved back the hallway to a small room and put a sleeping Dylan in a crib, I followed him, tears burned my eyes.

"I'm sorry I… I just don't understand. What am I doing wrong?" I asked him; a tear spilled over.

He moved to me. Finally the Cam I knew was there in his eyes, smiling sweetly. I felt my heart skip a beat.

"M, you aren't doing anything wrong. You're perfect, and Dylan loves you so much. What you do every day… I can't even imagine." He reached a hand out to me. "You're amazing Maya…"
I grabbed his hand and pulled him into a hug but the feelings of happiness never lasted for long.

He smelled like perfume… but not just any perfume. Sexy strawberry glitter, Tori's perfume of choice.

I pushed him backwards. "I thought you said you were with a group of all guys tonight." I questioned.

"I was…" He was a terrible liar.

"Then why the hell do you smell like Tori?!" I snapped. We both left Dylan's room not wanting to wake him.

"She stopped by for a minute; we were at Little Miss Steaks. She just said hey and gave me a hug that's all."

"Cam…"

"Look Maya if you're trying to say I'm cheating on you, I'm not. I live with you, I'm going to marry you, and I have a son that I love with you. Why on earth would I want anything else?"

"I don't know Superstar, why don't you tell me." I spat at him.

He took a step back, looking hurt and confused but equally as guilty.

I may be a leper these days but that didn't mean I didn't still hear rumors. I knew people were talking about Cam and Tori but I never believed it. This was the proof I couldn't deny.

I softened "Look Cam, please just tell me the truth…"

He took a deep sigh and fell back into the couch.

"Tori and I…" He trailed off eyeing the ground.

"Oh my god…" I whispered.

"But it doesn't mean anything to me I swear! I've just been so stressed out…" He tried to explain himself.

"And you don't think I've been stressed out too?" I tried to sound harsh but the sadness took over. "Did… you… did you two… sleep together?"
"Maya…"

This was too much for me. "Cam, just go. We're done." I muttered.

"Maya… please."
"I said go!" I screamed.

I woke up in a cold sweat, my face was wet with tears, and I had thrown my pillow across the room.

I laid there for a few minutes, the emotions still swirling around inside of me.

I had always thought that if Cam were here everything would be better. I always thought that he would take care of me and I would never cry and everything would be perfect.

But that was so childish; I mean teen relationships never last, especially when you have a baby involved.

Would that have been what Cam and I had come to? Fighting and eventually splitting up before Dylan was even a year old?

No, it was too much. This was all too much.

I got up and checked on Dylan, who was sleeping soundly. Then I grabbed the baby monitor and slipped out the door into the dark hallway.

Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself tapping on Dallas' bedroom door. When no one answered I pushed it open.

He was sleeping so soundly, I didn't want to disturb him. So I just stood there and stared at him. He looked a lot younger when he was sleeping… a lot… cuter.

I blushed at the thought and let out a small giggle. New fact about Mike Dallas, he was a light sleeper.

His eyes opened suddenly and he sat up.

"Maya… Maya what's wrong?!" He grumbled, not yet fully awake.

"Nothing... Nothing… I just had a nightmare and I…" How did I explain myself? Why was I even here?

But Dallas just smiled and patted the empty space beside him on his bed. "My door is always open Mama."

I should've taken a moment to think my decision through, but I didn't. I just went to him and got under the covers.

At first I laid there tensely but soon Dallas' arms found me and I snuggled in against him. It just felt so right, so comforting.

I told myself that this didn't mean anything. He was just a friend comforting his roommate.

But I knew it was wrong, in the pit of my stomach I knew. Because I knew perfectly well what this meant to Dallas. I knew how he felt about me, but I didn't care.

Right now I didn't have to care about any of that crap. This moment was nice, and it felt good.

"I have nightmares too…" He whispered.

I sighed a shook my head. "I wish they would just go away…" I muttered.

"I hear ya…" He agreed and I could feel him tense.

I looked up at him and into his dark brown eyes. You know, if you looked at those eyes a certain way you could almost pretend they were Cam's. And if you breathed in his scent and held it in for a while, it could almost be mistaken as Cam's.

I thought about kissing him, in fact I almost leaned up and did it but I stopped myself just in time and turned onto my side.

"Goodnight Dallas." I whispered.

I heard him sigh as he moved away from me. "Goodnight Mama."

I gave my own sigh and started to drift back into dreamland.

I had really really wanted to kiss him, but was it because I was delusional and trying to make him into Cam or because I actually wanted him?

Would I ever find the answer?

My dreams were filled with a collage of Cam and Dallas and the happiness they both provided.

But then I remembered the sadness that Cam had brought to me. I remembered the bitter, cold feeling I got when I thought of how he left me.

And I knew, I knew that if I let Dallas in he would only let me down. He would only leave me like everyone else.

I couldn't afford to go through that again

The word love can have many different meanings depending on who you're talking to.

And to me love meant loss.

And to me loss meant death.

Because Cam wasn't the only one who died that night in the greenhouse, along with him he took a piece of me. A piece I could never, ever get back and I was incomplete without it.

I was broken in a way that could never be fixed. Not even by Dallas, no matter how hard he tried.

AN: Just a little filler for all of you lovely people! I have some exciting plans over the next couple chapters! And spring break is coming up soon so I'll have lots of time to write. Please review and or PM me! I love hearing from you guys! Love you!