"Professor?"
In a brief moment of panic, Chakotay shoved the drawer closed, and stood up.
"Kathryn!" he shouldn't have been surprised to see her, and yet he was. He thought for a moment that his thoughts had conjured her, and he kept wondering it for a few minutes as he took it all in.
She didn't look the same out of uniform. Her slight form had taken up residence in a very beautiful silk pantsuit. It wasn't immodest by any means, but he'd never seen her look so comfortable in anything so feminine before. That, and her hair, which she'd begun to grow out and put up again, threw him for a moment.
She didn't seem to notice his eyes come to rest and stay on her bare neck and shoulders, which he could only remember seeing a handful of times in the last seven years.
That settled it. She was not a figment of his imagination. There was no way his imagination could have so perfectly reconstructed what her seldom-bare collarbone would look like in daylight.
"I feel so terrible!" she said, closing the distance between them quickly, but then halting just as quickly before she got close enough to touch him. "I should have visited earlier. I don't know what happened, I just…" She seemed to implore him with her expression.
"Kathryn," he said. He was trying very hard not to smirk.
"Yes?"
"You're babbling." He brought her briefly into his arms for a hug. He was as careful as he could be not to cling too long or let his hands grasp too much or fall to her waist, but it was hard. The suit she wore didn't just look like a cloud on her, and feeling how thin it was on her warm skin was nearly enough to make him stop everything, open the desk and tell her everything he'd been thinking for the last 10 minutes, seven years… eternity.
When they stepped apart, it was suddenly awkward. What did you talk about when you didn't have reports to share, or mission briefs or duty rosters?
"So since you brought it up," he began, eager for the silence to end. "Why haven't you been to see me before now?"
Kathryn forced a smile. She was struggling to come up with an answer that didn't include how she'd been coping with his absence. Any answer.
"I guess I was just so happy to be home and see my mother and family again that I just sort of… lost track of the time," she said. It felt like a weak answer, but he accepted it.
"Happens to all of us."
"But I see that the new job is agreeing with you," she said. "You look like you've lost weight!"
"A little," he said self-consciously. "It might come as a surprise, but as an academy professor I actually have a lot more free time than I did serving as your first officer."
"I hoped you might," she said. "I was just thinking the other day about all the projects you used to do… on the ship. The sand paintings and carvings and art. I was actually wondering if you'd been up to any new projects now that we're back. I'd love to see some!"
Chakotay's eyes fell back to the desk drawer. It was just an infatuation back then.
"Don't tense up," B'lanna had said.
Chakotay was having a hard time maintaining composure. He was also having a hard time concentrating, and sleeping. To be honest he was having a hard time not punching the bulkheads as he walked.
The day the Captain has put him on report was probably one of the worst days of his life.
He really thought it couldn't get any worse, feeling the palpable disappointment radiating from her. He felt like an idiot. He'd gone off like a hothead and put an entire crew at risk. More than that, he'd disobeyed orders and just made himself look like an idiot in the most public way possible.
Scratch that. He didn't care about being put on report. He cared about that look on her face. He cared about having no idea how long it would take to regain her trust.
He tried to think of a worse day.
"Congratulations are in order Chakotay."
He came up empty.
That first night, he knew that this wretched day would soon turn into a series of wretched days. He needed a distraction. Something.
That's when he saw the small blue pouch lying on the floor.
It had fallen out of his bedside table with the rest of the contents when he'd knocked it to the deck in his frustration.
It came back to him, suddenly, his brief fantasy the last time he'd seen it. The idea that one day he'd be home again. One day he would have a home at home, with a woman he really loved and trusted and who loved and trusted him. Starting a family with that woman. Being the man he had always wanted to be.
He snatched the pouch from the deck, and stalked to the Holodeck.
It took him days to customize the program, but those were days he spent thinking about his first day on Voyager, his childhood and his father, instead of thinking about how quickly everything had gone horribly wrong.
He found himself smiling for the first time in a week when he walked into the workshop. It was incredible; clean and smelling like Earth.
"Can I help you young man?" the little old craftsman sat on the other side of the workbench in one of the corners.
"I hope so," he said. He lifted the pouch and handed it to the man. The craftsman opened it carefully and dropped the contents into his wrinkled palm.
"Oh!" said the little old man. Chakotay smiled again at his surprise. It was beautiful.
"You approve?"
"A piece like this doesn't need the approval of a mortal like me, young man," he chided. "And just what is it that you want my help with?"
"I'd like to make a gift," Chakotay said. "Maybe a pin or a necklace…But I've only ever worked with wood. I've never made jewelry before."
"A ring," the man said with a note of finality.
"A ring?" Chakotay was a little surprised by the man's determination.
"Listen son," the man's piercing gaze now reminded Chakotay very much of his father. "You may be able to fool another young man like yourself, but I am old. You and I both know that this is meant to be a ring, and you and I both know what it's going to be for." The man smiled for a moment. "So let's get to work. Have you ever hammered gold before?"
"How's Seven?"
"What?" Chakotay was brought out of his memory abruptly.
"Seven," Kathryn looked at him intently. "How is she?"
"Oh!" Chakotay couldn't find a way to tell Kathryn about what had happened with Seven without opening himself to a full inquiry. "She's fine."
Suddenly it was awkward again. Kathryn could tell Chakotay was uncomfortable, but didn't want to push the issue.
"No new projects though," he said finally.
"Oh," she said, disappointed. "Well maybe we should catch up while I'm still on sabbatical. I have some briefings I'm to attend this week. I'd love to see more of you while I'm here. Maybe we can brainstorm some ideas for things you weren't able to make in the Delta Quadrant."
"I'd love to," he said, meeting her eyes again.
"Tomorrow morning for coffee?"
"Still skipping breakfast?" Chakotay was still having trouble keeping his eyes away from her décolletage.
"Old habits Commander," she said. "Old habits."
"I'm not a Commander anymore," he replied.
She smiled, unsure of how to respond to that.
"I'll see you in the morning," she wanted to hug him again, but held back. "It was good to see you Chakotay."
His eyes stayed on the door after she left.
"Being with me is an inefficient use of your time."
Chakotay picked up a pad from his desk. He had papers to grade.