AN:

My dearest Bluee, i m really happy that you like my taste in music!

My newest soulmate in CC and music ;-)

So glad i found ya...

And now... drama baby, drama.

Music: John Williams Star Wars Ep.2 „Across the stars"

„Battle of the heros"Star Wars Ep.3

The Piano Boys „Christina Perri- A thousand years piano cover"

Miley Cyrus Butterfly fly away

Flicka Soundtrack „Flicka comes home"

John Mayer feat. Taylor Swift „Half of my heart"

Chapter 5

She was... she sat there blinking and rubbed her eyes disbelieving.

„I don't know what to say. It is a little... confusing. And unexpected."

Scotty stood up and went to the bathroom, splashing cold water onto his face.

He lent to the basin and stared at his expression in the mirror.

Slowly he glanced back over his left shoulder as he realized she was standing in the frame and looked at him with big blue eyes and he noticed how she nearly checked him out as if it was

the first time she laid her eyes on him.

He had to give her time... at least he knew her that good.

She needed to find out what she felt for him all by herself.

He knew he couldn't push her.

„It's okay, Lil. I don't want to embrass you, too. It's just something... i needed to... forget it."

She slowly closed the distance between them and stared at him intensely.

Suddenly he felt like a victim in the interrogation room again.

„Scott Valens!" Oh no.

Now she sounded like his mum would had... now he knew he was in trouble.

„I should forget that my partner said that he's in love with me? You're kidding me!"

„If you don't want to hear things like that- what are you still doing here?!" he closed his eyes burdensome and he clearly could hear the pain and hopelessness in his own voice.

He admitted that he had thought she will be gone right now, that she will fled that kind of situation and turned on her heels in an instant after what he'd been telling her.

Suddenly Scotty started to realize that he had no clue what she's doing here at all and frowned.

„What are you doing here? Why had you come to me tonight? What do you want here anyway?"

he hissed in a hard and aggressive way. He whirled on her.

She had no right to throw him emotionally over the edge!

How dare she!

But Lilly Rush being Lilly Rush wouldn't let herself be frightened.

She's not a cop for nothing... and a brilliant one.

„I was just about to ask if you have already prepared your „thank you's" for tomorrow."

she answered cold and tried to glare him down with her Ice Queen mask.

„You don't have to try the Ice Queen, Lil. It won't work for me anymore.

You'll have to think of something more useful than that. And..."

He leaned himself forward and brought his face near to hers.

„I know for sure that's not the real reason you showed up at my door in the middle of the night."

Scotty returned to his original position and tried to damp down the anger and crossed his arms over his chest.

„Come up with a better lie. One i can believe in at last."

he throws at her quitely and hard.

She glared at him and he could see he had hit the truth.

„I'm waiting. Don't let me getting old in here, Rush."

„Fine." she spat and pushed him back with one hand on his chest.

„Fine Scotty!"

She walked up his front with blazing eyes and anger radiating from her.

„You want to know the reason? You're really ready to hear this?!"

His eyebrows shot up.

„If you'd tell me i'll feel so damn honored!"

he said cynical and wondered what had come to her.

She acted strange.

Now she pressed both lips together to a thin line and seemed to concentrate.

„I'm sorry i distrubed your night."

„Don't try to distract me, Lilly. I'm a detective, too."

he wheezed and built himself up in front of her.

Lilly looked away and then turned again to face him. He could tell she fumed.

„You are incredible... an unbelieveable incredibale stubborn, hotheaded ..."

„Yeah, that coming from the one woman in the world that went into the interrogation room with a murder, unharmed, closing herself in there where nobody could see her, shouting at that crazy guy to shoot her!

Yeah, you have begged him to end your damn life!"

He panted.

„The one who don't tell anyone she can't sleep a night long since four years,-

who go on with a not registered weapon to track down the violent guy who punched her sister nearly to death without her boss' knowledge and-"

She practically throwed herself at him and silenced him with her right hand on his mouth.

„I don't beg."

He stood still and looked puzzled.

Her emerald blue eyes were almost black pools and locked with his.

„I really want to talk with you about what i can say tomorrow.

Not to them, but to Boss.

I'd get an offer. I can have a new job, if i want.

Not the Feds this time.

But Boss wants me to get more and more interviened into the progress so I can..

I shall take his seat when he'll retreat.

And i want to hear what you think about it.

Because I think i... can't take it..."

He frowned but didn't move.

Damn. Her hand was way too soft, her eyes sparkling in the dimmed light of the bathroom,

her cheeks were flustered with red and her chin was stretched upward to look him straight in

the eyes.

If she even had a clue how beautiful she is when she's angry...

Suddenly the anger vanished from her face because she closed her eyes

and he saw tears forming up behind her long lashes.

„I'm married to my job already. If i..."

she sighed and... she didn't take her hand away, still holding contact.

„.. if i accept, I will be the lone wolf we'd been talking about for the rest of my life and never will be able to..."

„To have a family of your own. Never getting pregnant. Never be a mom.

Never hear childrens laughter in your house."

Scotty said gently speaking the words past her fingers.

He hold her gaze and now the tears welled up in them.

She nodded silently, a tear escaping her left eye, rolling down her cheek.

She seemed to do not notice or to ignore it.

„And why are you asking me? What can i have to say to that subject?

I have no right to decide for you, nor.. we're not..."

he stopped mid sentence, releasing his arms and put them behind his back,

longing for the basin for steadiness.

Her words had hit him.

Hit him hard.

Right to the core.

„Or do you ask me as your best friend? As a colleague?"

He backed back.

Her hand fell right back to her side and for one moment he felt as if she had slapped him.

„What do you want from me, Lil? Why are you here?"

She blushed.

Yeah, Lilly Rush blushed and closed her eyes.

Her head shook from one side to the other.

„I don't know... I hoped i would know when i'm here. When i'll see your face...that it'll be easier some way, the one or the other.. i don't know what i'd thought to come here, i just...wanted to."

She raised her blue eyes again at his brown ones.

„I wanted to see you. That's all i can give you for explanation. It may be a lame, but it's the truth."

Lilly played with her hands nervously.

He'd never thought to see her that nervous- again.

Last time he'd seen her this way was that time she flipped out because of that Joseph guy,

back when she did something forbidden because, one time in her life, her heart had controlled her head.

And all of the sudden that was all he needed to know.

Because in this instant he could feel that her heart was speaking to her head once more and

that her feelings had washed over her again.

She had done something unexpected and crazy-

in her eyes, if you know Lilly Rush as he did- and she simply hadn't thought about it twice.

Because she'd heard her heart and followed it.

And it had been telling her that she wanted to see him.

Here, right now, in the middle of the night, and that she couldn't wait until tomorrow.

And she'd the courage to came to his door

without knowing how he may reacted.

It was brave.

And suddenly his heart was so much lighter than before.

Because she felt a longing to see him.

Wasn't this a start, a thing to relay on?

A statement?

„I know that we're not together, Scotty, you're not my boyfriend,

I'm not your wife, there is no „us" for talking through my decision,

i know that it may have nothing to do with your life.

But i wanted to speak to you anyhow. I need to hear what you'll think about it-

i want to discuss that topic with you. I'm sorry if i'll have to bother you. I'll go now."

she blunted out,her voice barely noticeable and she turned her back on him now.

„Lil."

She will be outside if he didn't do anything.

„Hey!"

Slowly she took a long look over her shoulder and then he saw it.

A smile.

A heartful, real smile lightened her features and made her full face soft and gleaming like an expensive lovley porcelain doll.

He'd never seen that look on her face before.

Scotty reached out and grabbed her hand.

Tenderly he interwined her fingers with his and kept them locked there.

Carefully he pulled her a few centimeter back to his position, waited if she'll accept it and was happy as she followed his lead, now turning again to face him,

that wonderful smile that warmed his heart from the bottom up still on her marvellous face.

She took his other hand in hers and she stopped directly before her torso would have reached his chest.

She looked straight at Scotty with an expression he couldn't comprehend...

was this...understanding maybe, realization... as if she was thankful for something.

A little nervous, and peaceful at the same time.

Afraid and excited.

The emotions that played across her face were mixed, like a sky with sunshine and fading shadows-

It was somekind confusing to him he thought.

How could a woman look uncertain and deadly sure of what she'll do at the same second?

One step closer.

And she seemed to be at ease.

As if all doubts had faded away.

As if she had somehow waited for this to come for a long time and just realized this

at this very moment.

„It'll mean everything to me, Scotty. I want to know what you'll think about me and taking this job because if i don't know if i can relay on your strength and love i can't choose which road i have to follow. And it will hit your life, too. 'Cause when i'll accept what Boss had offered me-

it was a honor, a great chance to make career in PPD, we both had to split up.

I'll be your Boss and have to make decisions that may be against your opportunity to do something about them. Our partnership will be at last a thing of the past."

Lilly squeezed his hands and he felt as if someone took out his heart and stepped onto it.

A knife slided slowly through his tortured heart.

To hear her said „us" and „split up" in the same sentence was far to much to take.

How long had he dreamed about her offering him a chance to win her heart and now...

she smashed all his inner hopes and dreams to the floor and peak a hot needle in his heart while doing it.

He felt like throwing up.

One more step and suddenly Lilly leant her head to his chest, right over his heart and pressed her cheek against his flesh as if she'd like to hear it's sound to gave her the courage to go on.

„ We have to decide which way we wanna take in the future."

He noticed that he'd started to stroke her silky hair, his arm had looped itself around her small waist and pressed her stomach close to his own.

He could feel every curve of her body against his and a breathtaking warmth spread through his veins which suddenly felt as if someone, no, not someone, but Lil, had filled them with warm love that reminded him of sunbeams.

It won all his body, from heart to toe, preformed a magical smile of his own on his face while he hold her.

„We haven't talked about my new deal for Nashville."

he said in a low voice, continued with stroking her hair lightly.

„Oh, yeah, that-"

she nodded but remained where she was with her head and body.

„You must have done a lot thinking about that. You mentioned that a lot the past days-"

Lil choked.

He heard the uncertain and nearly felt that she have to gain all her strength to collect herself together after her confession and with his now complete change of topic.

It must be confusing for her.

„Seemed as if it's really important for you."

He chuckeled.

„I think it may be important for the both of us."

Lilly sighed deeply.

„Okay, go on. What if i have one question- and i need to now before anything serious, Scotty."

„'kay, Lil. Just ask."

„You said „all the woman i'd loved." and you mentioned Chris, too. Did you really love her?"

she wanted to know and he could tell from the horror that creeped up her voice.

„I mean... at that time, after Elissa's death."

„Hey, i noted my own mother, too! God help, I'm not Oedipus and i don't mean that i was in love with her! No, what i felt for Chris was mere brotherly concern.

Like what Mike feel when he looks at me, i think.

Like a brother in law maybe. At least... she's family to you, ya know."

He looked her deep in the eyes.

„It is the truth, Lil. Was it that what you wanted to ask?"

She nodded awarkward.

„Hey, that's okay. I would have asked myself if i were you.

Don't get me wrong. What i'll want to talk about is- „

He swallowed hard but continued:

„I think we both want a family of our own.

It can be without boundairies if you want it that way.

Just the two of us... forming a new pack-

a wolf pack if you know what i mean.

What would you think if i'll tell you, that if in.. maybe.. three or five years, if no one of us is in a certain and serious relationship or plan to leave town,..

we'll have a baby.

Together i mean."

He felt all muscles in her tensed, the smile vanished from her face.

„You know, with my good looks and your intelligence, it'll be Homicide's new Boss when it'll be in his or hers kindergarden years."

She gulped.

„And how do you plan to bring that idea to work, 'specially with „no boundaries"?

Sounds like an emergency exit for me! And i think if there's a child involved there's too much to loose and nothing to play with, Scotty!"

„You know, a few more years in that job, and it may be too late for the both of us.

We have a chance now.

And you don't need to return my stupid feelings.

But we can have what we both wish for.

Lil, we're both healthy, we are in our best ages, we both had a good job... it'll be at least easy!

Don't be to negative. The glass is always half full, not half empty.

We can make it work. I know we can make it because we're both good detectives:

We'll figure something out like we always do!

About the circumstances and the limitations we can decide later, when it's time for it.

Do you trust me?"

He laid his hand from her waist to her hand which holds his side and put it over his heart,

near Lillys cheek on his chest.

„I trust you with my life and you know that."

she said suddenly sounding bitter.

„But i have one condition: If we try that, if we...think about it seriously, i want a commitment."

„What are we talking about?" he asked innocently.

„For him. Or her. The child, i mean."

He nodded and felt her tension slowly retired.

„Yeah, sure." he reassured her. „For our child."

Scotty felt exited.

Sounds good to me.

„We'll need to write down something. Where we shall live. I think your appartement is way too small for the three of us."

she teased him and felt herself grin like a girly girl one day before christmas.

„So you at least will consider it?"

The question sounded serious.

„We're both a way unlucky with our past relationships. But our partnership- it's the long lasting

thing in my momentary life, Scotty. So why don't give it a try? But there is that one thing..."

she stated and again she blushed- but redder than before this evening.

„To have a baby we have to..."

Now he laughed.

„Oh. That!"

She punched him.

„Yeah, you'd heard me! And don't do as if you don't know what i mean! And it's not funny, Valens!"

Scotty chuckeled and his shoulders rocked hard.

„How dare I, Lilly. You know, if you want to... you could have said something, you know!"

Next punch, harder this time.

„Ouch! That'd hurt! So i see you get it."

He giggled a little.

„Like i said earlier- we'll figure something out that will... bring both of us to the pleasure we deserve. Ouch, Lil! I need my arm ya know!"

„And that'll work?"

„I believe in it."

Because i love you and i will make you love me by the way...i swear. If it's the last thing i do!

He thought but kept that buried inside his heart.

„So, what's with ya, Rush- do we have a deal?!"

She looked upwards to him with... a hint of...something in her eyes.

„I'm in as long as you are, Valens."

He took her face in his and kissed her cheek lightly.

„I'm definatly in, too."

They stepped back from each other, suddenly embrassed.

„I think we shall toast to our new deal! What about a glass of... let's have a look at the minibar."

Scotty said and was happy to pass her in search for two glasses.

„Hhm. Just prosecco, i think. But it'll have to do until-"

„At least i'm not pregnant i can have one. I really need a drink after this conversation."

Lilly broke in and admitted but he heard the smile in her voice again without seeing her.

„On with that drink of yours, Valens!"

Scotty passed her a glas.

„To our new deal."

He lifted his own up in the air.

„To the fun."

Lilly said with a slight giggle and shaking her head.

„Salute!"