Brothers Shouldn't Have Been Invented

"Breathe in, exhale / To turn to move beyond the pale

Flag up, set sail /To find what's there beyond the pale"

Ed Sheeran, "Beyond the Pale"

I race through the halls of this goddamn-way-too-big-who-the-hell-was-the-architect-oh-wait-that-was-Nonno school and try to resist bursting into tears because there's this big ball of something in the middle of my chest, and I'm not sure if it's worry for Romeo or a vague hope that Antonio will look at me soon. Oh god, I'm such a wimpy, girly, stupid, gay little- little- squirrel!

When I finally reach Antonio's- fuck it all, Vash's goddamn stupid fucking dorm go die you little asshole -I'm totally out of breath and really want to either curl up on the floor and cry or throw my arms around Antonio and hug/strangle him.

No, wait! I thought I was absolutely not gay, so what the fuck is going on? What did I just think about Antonio?! FUCK ALL HUMAN BEINGS! There. I think that helped.

But anyways, when I finally reach Vash's room, Antonio is frisking him- although at first I think he's doing something completely different and I nearly attack him until I see him pulling a small knife off of Vash's person -while speaking into his phone about how he needs to see "Headmaster Vargas" immediately. I stop running and linger a little ways off, pretending to wait for Nonno to come so that I can watch Antonio- I mean, waiting for Nonno to come so that I can talk to him, god-fucking-dammit!

It's then that I realize that Vash had a fucking knife on him, and he was probably planning to use it on my brother. I'm torn between running to Antonio and throwing myself at him and freaking out, or running to Vash and doing my best to, em, at the least hurt him, and running to Romeo to... to... yell at him or something. I dunno. Maybe just watch him be alive and bask in the glory that is being a successful older brother. Ish. Person. Thingy.

In the end I decide to just wait for Nonno, because it's the one option I can think of that doesn't include running, and I just ran all the way here! I can't run anymore. It's not allowed. I'm sure that's stated somewhere, in the law, or maybe the Ten Commandments... or something... Plus, well, Antonio... is... standing in the middle of the hallway... and, well, I've been following him around for so long now that I still feel like I have to keep him within my sight. (Partly so that he doesn't randomly sneak up on me.) (And totally not because I like looking at his ass- him.) (That would be silly.)

And then, of course, he catches sight of me and sends me a friendly smile, which makes my face suddenly grow hot and Vash to wonder what the hell is going on, since Antonio was just chewing him out and now suddenly he's smiling. I open the nearest door and jump into it to hide myself, thanking my lucky stars that it's a closet rather than someone's dorm room, because what if they were changing in there or something? Ew! I don't want to see that!

I hide in there for a moment, half freaked out of my mind that Antonio will open the door and look at and smile that- that easy-going smile, and then... and then I'll be gay!

Oh fuck, that doesn't make sense even to me...

Suddenly the door opens and I shriek a bit- I mean, no, I didn't, I just, um, coughed and it sounded... like a shriek... -and, instead of Antonio, like I had expected (but not hoped!), it's Nonno, looking at me sternly.

"Lovino, come out of the closet."

At first I think he's telling me to, like, come out of the closet as a gay guy, but then I realize that he's just telling me to, um, get out... of the closet that I'm hiding in. Whew. If it wouldn't have seemed totally weird, I'd have wiped my forehead like there was sweat on it, but instead I just say that I will as soon as he moves out of the fucking way, godammit, and step out of the closet in a way that means that my body is completely hidden by his, so that Antonio can't see me. I make sure to keep really close to him as he moves, so that I can move with him and remain hidden, because I don't want Antonio to see me again! He'll... he'll fucking infect me with his gayness, dammit! A voice inside of me asks how I know he's even gay, and I kindly tell it to fuck the fuck off. Did you see how I added an extra "fuck" in there? That makes me cooler. And more right. For serious.

"Lovino, what are you doing?"

I think frantically for a moment before saying, "I'm, ah, h-hiding from Vash! Is he still here?"

"No, Lovino, he's been sent down to my office to wait for me there."

"B-but what if he escapes?!"

Nonno rolls his eyes. "I sent Antonio with him, Lovino, don't be so dumb!"

I start to glare at him before I realize... HOLY FUCK, didn't Nonno see Antonio when we... um... almost kissed... in my backyard... does he recognize him?! I don't dare ask him because what if he doesn't recognize him and then when I ask him if he does he suddenly recognizes him and then fires him or something? I mean, sure, being around Antonio will make me gay, but... that doesn't mean I want him to lose his job. He's... too nice to lose his job... A-and me thinking that does not mean that I like him, dammit! Or that I'm gay, either! I'll only be gay if I'm around him! A-and it does too make sense! Stop questioning me, dammit!

And then I realize what he called me. "I am not dumb, you asshole!"

He turns around and glares at me. "I am your headmaster! You can't just call me an asshole!"

"Yeah, well, you're also my Nonno, so I can call you whatever the fuck I want! Plus, you just said I was dumb, and headmasters aren't allowed to do that, dipshit!"

"Well, students aren't allowed to call their headmasters dipshits, you... you dipshit!"

"Well, headmasters aren't allowed to call their students dipshits either, you... you big fat meanie!"

As soon as I utter the f-word he seems to shrink, then looks down at his stomach sadly. "Y-you think I'm fat...?" he asks despondently, and I just fucking know tears are gathering in his stupid eyes. Yeah, he and Feli are so totally related it's not even funny. "I-I mean, I know it's only natural after eating so much rich Italian food, b-but..."

"No, I don't think you're fat, you stupid idiot!" I say, pale and worried, because whenever Nonno gets depressed like this he always calls his stupid German boyfriend, Aldrich, who's also the grandfather of my sworn enemy, The Potato Bastard. His name is so stupid that I've forbidden myself from ever saying it, so I just simply refer to him as The Potato Bastard, because that's what he is, dammit!

"You do!" he wails. "Am I really? Tell me the truth. No, don't even bother; you're just going to lie!" He pulls out his cell phone and dials Aldrich's number quicker than a bolt of Thor's lightning. "I'm going to have to ask Aldrich to verify this! He's seen me naked enough times to know for sure!"

I shiver in grossness. "I just puked a bit in my mouth. Stop talking about your sex-life around me!"

"You're just jealous because I get more than you do." he says, and I turn bright red, I'm sure.

"Sh-shut up, d-do not!"

"Viiiiiiiirgiiiiiiiin," he taunts, his inner two-year-old shining through like some terrible disease. Such as cancer. Or being-a-stupid-asshole-itis.

"Well, at least I'm not acting like a fucking juvenile delinquent hoodlum." And with that said I grace(lessly)fully depart to go find Romeo and rip him a new one.

(','(','(','('.')';')';')';')

Or at least, that's my original plan, and it's my current plan up until I reach where I know Lili's dorm room is and turn the corner to see- oh gosh -those two little, what, fourteen-year-old brats... talking and smiling and looking all adorably cute and lovey-dovey. I stop in my tracks and just watch them for a moment, not even inside myself enough to realize how creepy it is that I'm just watching them. I have never, not in all of my life, not even before Romeo and I were abandoned here with Nonno, seen my baby brother look so happy. Well, perhaps when he was a little baby and he would smile happily at anything until he wasn't allowed to do something, at which point he would scream and throw a huge tantrum. He looks so... relaxed and peaceful and happy and it makes me feel... makes me feel...

They're leaning against the wall right outside her door, and he's in this cool-guy pose- you know, the one where his arm is sort of up above her head and he's leaning on it and his ankles are sort of crossed -but because he's not even really all that much taller than her, his arm is way above his head so that it can be above her head, and he looks totally geeky and stupid, while she keeps tugging awkwardly at the hem of her shirt- trying to hid a hole in her jeans -while clutching a Harry Potter book in one arm. They're both blushing furiously, even as they smile shyly when their eyes meet, even as they talk about whatever they're talking about. They look so... awkwardly perfect with each other, so uncomfortably comfortable, that it makes me wish I could be like that too, instead of just stalking my teacher around the school.

In all honesty, it makes me feel really lonely, like he's moving on with his life, he's not so hooked on our parents, and I... I'm stuck. I'm completely stuck... in fact, I'm even more stuck than when I was first dropped off here. More stuck than I was seven years ago, or five, or two, or one. I'm more stuck on the idea of parents today than I was yesterday, and yesterday more than the day before that.

I get more and more obsessed with every day that passes.

I get more and more alone with every day that passes.

I'm such a... I'm such a... complete LOSER.

I mean, I knew I was a loser from the start, but it's only just struck me how much of a loser I am.

I'm the biggest, stupidest loser ever.

I'm such a loser that other losers think I'm cool.

No. Worse.

I'm such a loser that cool people think I'm cool.

Warning lights flash in my head, but I'm too busy thinking about what a loser I am to pay attention to them. So what if this is a dangerous state of mind for me to be in? So what if the last time I thought about myself in this way I did something terrible? So what? All that shit is true! It's truer than true, even! It's... it's... um... Ugh, I'm too much of a loser to even know what it is!

I turn quickly away from Romeo before he can spot me, before he can see the look I know must be on my face, the look that says fuck it all, they don't care about me anyways. I walk back down the hallway, pulling my hood up around my face and ducking my head so that no one can see my face and think, "Oh, look at that guy he looks like he wants to hurl himself in front of a car! Hahaha!"

I walk through the halls aimlessly, not knowing- or caring, for that matter -where I'm going. What's there to care about? I'm so stupid... no one else cares, so why should I?

But what about Antonio? asks a small voice in my head. Doesn't he care?

"Of course not," I mumble under my breath. "No one does."

But his eyes look like he cares whenever he looks at you. You just haven't seen it in a while since you won't talk to him.

"He doesn't care. How could he care if not even my parents do?"

I don't know. Maybe you should ask him. A small pause, and then, more sly this time, the voice says It would be the more manly thing to do.

"I know what you're trying to do..." I say, glaring. "You're trying to trick me into talking to him!"

No I'm not. I'm your conscience, and I'm just telling you what you really want to be doing right now.

"I do not want to do that!" I say hotly.

Then why are you standing outside his room? It asks, laying down its trump card. I look up to find that I really am standing in front of his room... like some sort of stupid fucking idiot.

"I can't believe you, Lovino!" I say instantly. "I can't believe you're stuck on this stupid guy- UGH, get a FUCKING LIFE, you numbskull!" I would have continued if the the door hadn't opened wide. I jump backward instantly, and raise my head to see who is there. My hood gets in the way, though, and hides my face for a moment while I mess around with the cords and try to untangle them. When I finally get it all figured out, I shove the hood off of my face to see Antonio standing in front of my, holding a hand in front of his mouth to stifle his- probably stupid and girly and hot (no, NOT hot!) -giggles. I scowl at him.

"Wh-wh-what are you laughing at, b-bastard...?" I mumble, face heating up even though I imagine polar bears to try to keep it cold in my head.

"I-I wasn't l-laughing at- hee hee -all!" He clears his throat and straightens up, removing his hands from his face, and suddenly he's all... all... teacher. "Lovino, I think that we need to talk."

"What about..." I say warily, narrowing my eyes and glaring at him. I don't like how he can just transform like that... how does he do that? Why can't I do that? Oh, right because I'm too stupi-

"Well, it's just that I really like you, so I was wondering how we would make this work."

A/N Okay, I know this is short AND it's a cliff-hanger, but... you have NO IDEA the amount of joy leaving you all cliff-hangers gives me, so that explains all of that. *snigger* Anyways, that's all, have fun! ^^