There's No Place Like a Closet

"When I read through you / You weren't translated

So I looked up love in the Yellow Pages"

Ed Sheeran, "Yellow Pages"

Feli is instantly accepted into our household, like he's always been here. I thought that maybe his mom and dad would call us and make us send him home, and they tried, but Nonno was having absolutely none of it. They yelled for hours and hours on the phone while I had to try and keep Romeo and Feli (okay, mostly Feli) from hearing any of it. I'm not sure how good of a job I did. I was a bit distracted because Antonio kept texting me to ask what was going on and then Feli would shoot Romeo a look and they'd both laugh quietly to themselves, like they knew something that I didn't.

Well, whatever kind of job I did, everything worked out in the end. Feli was pretty much kidnapped by us, except that it was sort of legal-ish, and he was signed up for school at Vargas Academy, and everything was fine. And... it really was nice living with both of my brothers. I haven't done that since I was seven, and Romeo honestly doesn't even remember what it was like, so while it's a bit weird suddenly having Feli practically lying on top of me all day, I don't mind it.

Well, except for when I'm trying to meet up with Antonio... neither of my brothers would let me out of their sights. I practically have to drug them just to go to the bathroom. Suddenly we're like three peas in a pod, and it's annoying the hell out of me.

"Ve, Lovino, Nonno says that we're having his fiance and their family over for dinner! Won't that be fun~?!"

"Terribly so," I answer dully. Hey, where are you right now?

At my apartment. Thinking about yooooou. 3

Shut up, dumbass! ...Are you REALLY thinking about me?

I'm always thinking about you, Lovi!

"Aawww, he said he's always thinking about you! He's so sweet!" coos Feli. I shriek and fumble with my phone, nearly dropping it on the floor.

"Holy fucking mother of Christ, Feli, don't fucking sneak up on me like that!" I shove my phone into my pocket and roll onto my back to glare at him properly. He just giggles, then lays down next to me.

"C'mon, Lovi, let me see!" he whines. "I just want to make sure he's a good boyfriend so that I don't have to kill him or something."

I snigger. "You? Kill someone? How do you plan on doing that?"

Feli pouts. "Well, I can't just let mio fratello get his heart broken! Getting your heart broken isn't fun."

I stare at him, serious now. "You've gotten your heart broken before, Feliciano?"

He sighs and rolls over on his back to stare up at the ceiling. "Well, yeah. Once or twice. I thought somebody loved me, but... well... it turned out that they didn't. It was okay though."

"I see."

He turns on his side to look at me, the hair curl identical to mine sticking straight up into the air like an antenna. "What about you, fratello?"

I stare at the ceiling, studying the lines and cracks in the white paint. "Um... um... yeah, something like that..." I mumble. My phone buzzes in my pocket and before I know what I'm doing it's out and I'm staring at the message from Antonio.

I have to go grade some tests now, Lovi! I love you!

My heart stops beating for a second, I think, and then I grab Feli by the shoulder and shove the phone in his face screaming "Read it, read it, look at it, read it, Feli, do you see what it says?!"

"Lovino, stop moving it around, I can't see it when you do that!" he cries, grabbing the phone from my hands. I roll off the bed and jump to my feet, pacing around the room and trying not to scream with happiness.

"'I have to grade some tests now-' that seems pretty normal, fratello-"

"Keep reading, keep reading!" I lie down on the floor and peer under my bed. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I'm going to look everywhere until I find it.

"'Lovi-' oh, he has a nickname for you, that's sweet! 'I love you-!' Oh, Lovino, he says he loves you, that's so cute!"

I pop my head up over the side of the bed and stare at him. I can't even keep the smile off of my face. "Feli, he loves me. Can you believe it? He loves me. He loves me. Can you believe it?"

Feli giggles. "I can believe it, Lovi, but I don't think you can."

I grin at him. "Don't call me Lovi, it's not my name."

Feli pouts. "But Antonio gets to call you Lovi."

"Yeah, but Antonio... Antonio loves me. He loves me! Can you beleive it?"

"I love you too, fratello..."

"Yeah, but... but Antonio... Fuck, Feli, gimme my phone I need to text him back!" I dive on top of him and wrestle the phone from his hands, then start typing.

I love you too, Antonio. (A lot.) Bye.

When I'm done I throw my phone onto my bed and fall back on the floor, then roll around a bit. Feli giggles as he scoots forward to peer at me over the edge of the bed. "Lovi, you're so funny right now. Did you have too much coffee this morning?"

I sit up and grab his face, squishing his cheeks together and giggling- giggling! Me! -at the end result. "Maybe I did have too much coffee, because I'm almost excited to have dinner with everyone. Nonno's getting married! You're living with us! Antonio loves me! I don't see how it can get much better than this!"

"Um... maybe if Mama and Papa were here?" Feli offers up doubtfully. I frown.

"I don't think so, Feli... they usually just make everything worse for me."

"Oh... okay then."

"But Feli! Antonio loves me!"

(','(','(','('.')';')';')';')

Five hours later, the Beilschmidts- Aldrich, Gilbert and Ludwig -are in the middle of arriving at our house. They've gotten stuck in the entryway, though, because Aldrich and Nonno have to have some sort of loving reunion (basically Nonno threw himself at Aldrich and now won't let go) and Feli won't stop happily greeting Ludwig and Gilbert as if they're all old friends when really they've never met before, and Romeo is following Feli around because... he's following Feli around, and I'm not about to mess around with those brainless fools, because I'm too busy... um... t-texting Antonio...

So basically, dinner's off to a great start.

...No for real. The last time both of our families had dinner together it ended with me running out into the night screaming about murder while Gilbert ran after me yelling something about how he's awesome. So yeah, it was... not very nice.

What are you doing, Lovi?

Texting you. dumbass.

Aren't you supposed to be having dinner with your Nonno's boyfriend/fiance/person?

The key word here is "supposed," meaning that everyone else is still stuck in the doorway. ...It's actually getting really cold since the door is still open.

...Sounds like fun!

I think your version of fun and mine are a bit different.

Fun for me is being with you, Lovi!

...Shut up, ass-butt.

But Loviiiii, it's true!

Just shut up before I come over there and...

And what?

And... and... maybe kiss you or something...

LOVI YOU WANT TO KISS ME?!

Shut up! No I don't!

Oh Lovi you're so cute! I want to-

"Hey Lovi, what are you doing?" Feli asks, leaning in to peer over my shoulder. I quickly shove my phone in my pocket and stand up, straightening my dark red t-shirt nervously.

"N-nothing, Feli, just... texting. Someone. Important. Someone important, yep. He's so important, that... someone."

Feli gives me a strange look. "Ve... okay then! Say hi to Ludwig, Lovi!" Feli grabs the big blond German guy by the hand and pulls him forward. He looks awkwardly down at me (probably since the last time we were in the same room I tried to break a plate over his head) but, at the stupidly hopeful look on Feli's face, turns to me and says a polite hello.

I snort derisively, then cross my arms over my chest and look away from him, trying my best to act, well, cool. "You're lucky I'm in a good mood, Potato Bastard, otherwise I'd do to you what I did last time."

Ludwig winces. "I'm... glad to see you too, Lovino."

I scoff and then brush past him into the dining room. Romeo wiggles his eyebrows wildly at me and mouths something that looks a lot like gay love, Lovino, gay love. I briefly consider walking up to him and noogie-ing him until all of his hair falls off and his new girlfriend laughs at him, but I'm a bit distracted by Gilbert running at me, grabbing me by the shoulders, staring deep into my eyes with his own blood-red ones (he's an albino) and solemnly saying "God Lovino, aren't I just so awesome?"

"First of all, get your fucking hands off of my shoulders you asshole. Second, no, you are in no way awesome and if you don't get out of my personal space I'll kill you."

He sniggers but removes his hands from my shoulders. "You? Kill the Awesome Me?"

"Yeah, I could do that. Nonno's got a gun hidden somewhere in this house-"

"Children, children, stop fighting," Nonno says cheerily, putting one of his hands on each of our shoulders and giving us a dangerously happy smile that says, quite clearly, "If you mess this up I will dismember you. Slowly." I back away from Gilbert and edge slowly to the dinner table, easing carefully into my seat and glaring at everybody before turning back to my phone.

You're so cute Lovi! I want to-

"Lovino, no phones right now! We're all having dinner! As a family!"

Because of the dangerous, crazy note in Nonno's voice I shove my phone back into my pocket, even though I'm positively burning with curiosity. Antonio wants to what? Does he want to kiss me too? Does he want to make me dinner? Does he want to go to sleep? (Probably this.) Does he want to, I dunno, eat something... does he want to... does he... does...

...

DOES HE WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME?

Because I want to have sex with him...

WHAT?! What am I saying? Of course I don't want to have sex with him! Hell no! Never!

...Well, maybe with the right ambiance- NO!

...

But really, what does Antonio want? Oh my god, this question is just going to kill me all through dinner, isn't it? ...Sigh.

"Ve, fratello, Nonno wants you to join in the conversation." Feli whispers to me. I glance up from my dinner plate (from which I was eating, which is what you do when you're eating dinner, you see) and stare at Feli.

"Join in what conversation?" I mutter, trying not to move my mouth too much. "Why do I have to talk? I don't even like these people."

Feliciano pouts at me (I don't think I've mentioned this yet but this is the closest he can get to glaring) and then turns to look at everyone sitting around the table. "But Lovi, everyone here is so nice!"

I snort. "They're German, asshat. And what did I tell you about calling me Lovi?!"

"What's so bad about being German, Lovi." He narrows his sunshine-colored eyes at me, as if... as if he's glaring. I didn't even know that he could glare. Man, Feli must really like sausages.

...Dio mio, that came out a lot worse than I thought it would.

"So, Lovino, um... how are you liking school?" This comes from Aldrich. He's trying to make polite conversation, but he's careful around me because he and Nonno- well, they weren't dating yet, but they knew each other -but anyways he was sort of around when I... um... well, threw myself out the window, you know, and he can't really seem to look me in the eye anymore.

"It makes me want to die," I say depressingly, dishing myself out some more pasta. Aldrich and Ludwig wince and look away from me while Gilbert laughs uproariously. Nonno glares at me from across the table but he's not close enough to whack me or anything, so I just ignore him and count on the fact that he can't actually do anything in front of everyone to keep me safe from getting slapped upside the head.

"Lovino!" Feli reprimands me. "Don't be a meanie!"

I turn to look at him with my special, super-depressed face, and then I just stare, unblinking, into his eyes. Nonno sighs audibly, and then everyone turns and ignores me. Phew. Disaster avoided. Finally I can eat my pasta in peace, which is what I wanted in the first place. Make conversation. Pfft. Not with those fucking Germans. I don't trust Germans. They eat sauerkraut. I mean, c'mon now, cabbage tastes bad without being pickled.

Dinner goes smoothly. It's what comes after dinner that I know will be trouble, because we're all gonna head to the TV room and, like... talk. About... something. Or other. But really, what does Nonno expect me to say to these Germans? I mean, we go to the same school, and... we... go to the same school... and we go to the same school. That's all I have in common with Ludwig, and sort of Gilbert, but not quite, because he's a gym teacher and I always skip gym. So basically... we have literally nothing in common except that our grandfathers are getting married. HOLY SHIT, WE'LL BE, LIKE, COUSINS. I don't want to be related to those stupid Germans!

Nonno ushers us all into the TV room and then has Feli, Romeo and I go bring out gelato for everyone to eat, and then we all sit awkwardly on the furniture and try not to look at each other, because that will mean we'll have to converse, and it seems pretty obvious that we're not actually able to do that. So, we sit there in this awkward silence for like seven years and then, suddenly, like a switch has been flicked, Ludwig and Feli are talking animatedly to each other about... who knows what. As if seeing their cue, Nonno and Aldrich start talking with Romeo and Gilbert, and then everybody's talking... except for me. I sigh and try not to feel lonely, but my hand is itching for my phone because I want to know what Antonio said, god dammit. I glance quickly around to see if anyone's looking, then slowly, slowly move my hand down my leg to my jean pocket. I slip a couple fingers inside (oh god, that sounds wrong, what's wrong with me?) and start slowly, gently tugging it out. I glance around one more time and-

-And Nonno's staring right at me with a look that just screams murder, oh fuck, he's going to kill me if I get out my phone, fuck fuck fuck.

I pull my hand out of my pocket and stare at the bland white wall next to me, then sigh. Well fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. This sucks.

After a couple moments I turn to watch the other people in the room talk. They're slightly less bland then the wall. Slightly.

...Feli and Potato Bastard 1 seem to be getting along rather nicely. I hope they don't get together because if they do I'm moving into Antonio's closet and never coming out. (Did I just say that I was never coming out of the closet? Excuse me while I go be completely done with myself. Why can't I ever say anything right?)

(Although... I feel like living inside of Antonio's closet would be nice... he'd make me churros all day and then he'd scooch in and cuddle with me, and I wouldn't ever have to deal with another human being again.)

(Maybe I should join in the conversation instead of imagining things that make me want to cry.)

"SO, NICE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING." I bellow out of nowhere, causing Nonno to actually jump in surprise, as if he'd forgotten I was there. Everyone's eyes quickly turn to me and I blush and look away, shoving a large spoonful of gelato into my mouth to cool myself down.

"Ve~ Have you been having nice weather in Italy recently?' Feliciano asks. "I've been in New York, and we've been having pretty bad weather."

"Oh, Feliciano, you've been in New York? Why?" Ludwig asks, face more curious about Feli than it's even been about anything to do with me.

"Oh, please, call me Feli!" Feli says in that polite, giggly way that girls and girls trapped inside guys' bodies have. He even waves his hand through the air all gay-like. And you thought I was gayer, didn't you? (Wait, I can't remember, am I gay now or am I still straight?)

"Um, okay, Feli... you've been in New York?"

"Si, I used to live there! And then I ran away because my parents are being mean!"

"Jeez, Feli, why don't we just tell them our whole life story?" I snort derisively.

"Ve, okay, fratello!"

I shoot up from my seat and give him a worried glance. "Feli, I was not being serious. Don't you dare tell them our life story or I will kill you."

"Lovino, no death threats when people are over," Nonno says idly, making Romeo snort into his gelato (actually, how does he even have any left?)

"But Nonno, Lovino always threatens people. How will he survive if he can't?"

"Romeo, be nice."

My phone starts buzzing, but when I reach to check it it's still. This is what lets me know that I really fucking need to get on my phone right now because ugh what the fuck did Antonio say ohmigod.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I say abruptly. I quickly leave the room and wander up the hall into the bathroom (yeah, I bet you didn't think I'd actually go in there, did ya?) and lock the door behind me. I grab my phone out of my pocket and finally, finally the moment of truth has arrived... I go and check Antonio's text.

Oh Lovi you're so cute! I want to kiss you too!

My heart, I think, probably stops for a moment and I forget to breathe while I try to wrap my head around this message. He wants to kiss me too. I jump to my feet as my heart and lungs suddenly remember they're supposed to work or something and burst out of the bathroom, somehow unlocking the door as I go, I think, or maybe it just flies off of its hinges- honestly I don't give a fuck. You wanna know why? Because Antonio wants to kiss me too.

I run straight down the stairs and right through the entryway/hall/thingy-fucker-asshole-noonecares and only stop to put my shoes on.

"Lovino, where are you going?" calls Nonno from the TV room. Conversation ceases- or maybe it doesn't, I don't really care -as everyone waits for my reply, but all I can manage is a vague mumble before I open the door and run outside. I run as far as I can towards Antonio's apartment, then stop to catch my breath, then run some more, than start walking, and then I walk the rest of the way. I get there about ten minutes after I leave the house and, as I stand in front of the doorway, I'm struck by a really, really good question: What the fuck am I doing?

I shift awkwardly from foot to foot in front of his door as I try to get up enough courage to knock. I stare at the door for like two minutes straight before glancing down at the ground and trying to figure out what the fuck I should do now that I've clearly reached stalkerdom, because seriously, what am I doing? Why am I here? I'm such a dumbass...

I pull out my phone and reread Antonio's text, then start a reply: Hey, Antonio, what are you doing right now? (Sorry I didn't answer, Nonno.) I send it immediately and then barely have time to congratulate myself on having enough courage to text him when he's replied.

I'm at home, silly Lovi. Why?

My breath catches in my throat. We're, like, five feet away from each other. We both want to kiss each other. We both know we want to kiss each other. We might actually kiss each other tonight oh my god stop I can't handle this.

...I'm standing outside... I send. I wonder if I should go away now before he checks for me and then finds me and then who knows what will happen oh my gosh I'm so scared right now-

The apartment door suddenly opens and I jump backward with a half scream. I stare straight into Antonio's eyes and he stares back at me and I feel like maybe lightning is shooting between us but that might just be me, because he breaks the silence by happily saying, "Hola Lovi! What are you doing here?"

"I-I... I... I, um, I'm here... because, um..." I swallow awkwardly and try to look away from his eyes. I can't do it. "You said you wanted to kiss me too," I suddenly blurt. "Is that true? Because I really want to kiss you. A lot. Possibly forever. But only if you want to because otherwise that might be a little awkward and I don't like it when things with you are awkward."

He's quiet for a moment, and then he slowly says, "Yes, Lovi... I'd like to kiss you..."

"Th-then will you please?" I half ask, half beg. I take a couple steps forward, my eyes locked on his lips, but he suddenly backs away, back into his apartment.

"I don't know, Lovi... it's... it's a bit weird... It's not you!" he says when he sees the horrified look on my face. "It's just this whole student-teacher thing, it's a bit weird and I don't want to push your boundaries or anything... because... well, you're not... like the people I usually date."

For some reason, this comes as a revelation to me: Antonio has dated other people. I mean, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that he had probably been with other people, but... he's mine. Not theirs. Mine.

But I ignore it for now because I have better things to do.

"You wouldn't be pushing any boundaries if you kissed me right now," I breathe. "None at all. Zero. Actually, if you're not going to kiss me I will probably have to kiss you because I need to. It's my destiny." Oh my god I did not just say that wow major turnoff.

But he just laughs. "Okay then, Lovi," he says, and he walks forward and suddenly his hands are cupping my cheeks and he's staring into my eyes and then he leans forward and softly, gently presses his lips to mine, and it's just... it's bliss.

A/N Heh, I finally gave you guys the kiss... just so you know, I wasn't planning on having it like this, but whatever, planning is for Germans and I am Italian, so yeah, here you go.

Oh, and would any of you buy a picture book if I managed to get one published? Because I very well might... I'd need someone to draw for it, since I (literally) cannot draw shit, but yes, I might do that. Maybe.