I Love... Um, Grapes, Not You
"Could I wake up next to you
When we're hitting double figures
Look into your eyes
Like I'm looking into double mirrors."
Ed Sheeran, "Homeless"
Whatcha up to?
Nothing. Just leading a tour around the city. X3
Don't use a squee face to signal that you're leading a tour. That's a misuse of a squee face.
But I like using squee faces! ;A;
DON'T YOU DARE. DON'T GIVE ME THAT CRYING FACE. T_T
Why not?!
...Antonio, I was just walked down the hall, and this girl comes up to me- I think her name's Katyusha or something like that -but anyway she grabs me by the shoulders and like stares into my eyes and is all like, "I HAVE NICE BOOBS AT LEAST, RIGHT?!" and I was kind of like, "...Um, yeah," 'cause really, what else am I to say? And then she's like, "Okay, I'm glad!" and then just walks off, happy as can be.
That's a lot of words to text, Lovi...
Yeah. It was hard. My fingers need to rest.
...Couldn't you have at least left me a way to turn that pervy and weird?
I did. You just didn't notice.
As soon as I send the text, I know it isn't a good idea. Now he's either going to get exactly what I meant or he's gonna keep asking me about it, and that's just not cool. Not to mention embarrassing. Not to mention I just don't want to.
Lovi. LOVI. How could I have turned that pervy?
I shake my head, glancing around at the people in my group before allowing myself a smile. Mwahahaha, though it will be awkward, it will STILL be fun to play around with Antonio's mind!
I don't know Antonio... how COULD you have... I wonder...
"Ve, Lovino, whatcha doing?" Feli asks, peering over my shoulder like the fucking Peeping Tom that he is! I jerk away from him, fumbling my phone up my sleeve and praying that he didn't see my text. UGH, he is such a... mlegh.
"Jesus, Feli, leave me alone! Creep!"
He pouts at me. "I'm not a creep, I'm your brother!"
"Some brother. You just always spy on what I'm doing!"
"Yeah, well, I like knowing what you're doing! And I tell you what I'm doing!"
"That's completely different." Mainly because Feli's not furiously making out with his teacher every chance he can get- not that I am, I just happen to, um... accidentally... um... um... I have no excuse, actually.
"How's it different? We're brothers, aren't we?" Feli pouted. "How's it going with Antonio?" he asked, lowering his voice. I shushed him, glancing around wildly.
"Jesus fuck, Feli, don't just go talking about that shit as if it's nothing!"
"Okay, fine. Well, how's it going anyways? Have you two even kissed yet?"
I think back to the afternoon before and feel my cheeks heat up. "Yep, we've kissed," I say. I'm about to add onto it, but then I remember that I'm talking to my fuckwit of a brother, who will likely tell Nonno everything that passes from my lips as soon as we get home, the idiot.
"You've done more than kissed?!" Feli gasps, looking at my embarrassed blush.
"N-no, nothing like that! Jesus, Feli, stop talking to me!"
"But Loviiii, I just want to know what's been going on with you..." He gives me puppy-dog eyes, then leans forward and whispers, "I'll tell you about me and Luddy~!"
"Oh hell no!" I say, pushing him away from me. "I don't want to hear about you and that stupid potato bastard!"
He giggles. "Well, good, because we haven't been doing anything. I mean, I sort of have a crush on him, but... I don't think he... I think he likes girls." Feli looks down at his feet, his bangs falling into his eyes in a sad way. I sigh, then put my hand on his shoulder comfortingly.
"Shut the fuck up, we're on a tour."
Words of the wise, right there, words of the wise.
I turn away from Feli's sad face, since I can't fucking stand it, and glance around the city around me. I've been here before, and I don't need to hear what the stupid teacher is telling us about everything, but I can't help but feel happy to be here. There's a warm sort of glow in my heart that you feel when you're someplace that you have fond memories of. I don't know how to explain it, exactly, except that I remember running around as a little kid, with Nonno wildly chasing me so that I wouldn't get hit by a car. Fond memories indeed.
"Ve, Lovi, I like it here," Feli says quietly.
"Well, yeah, how could you n- OH MY GOD! You've never been here, have you?!"
He turns to look at me, face clearly displaying his confusion. "No, fratello, when would I have come here? Mama and Papa don't like to travel, and they wouldn't let me come by myself, now would they?"
I glance up to the front of the group, where the teacher is telling the class (well, mainly Ludwig) about some statue that we're all supposed to be looking at.
"C'mon, Feli, we've gotta get away from here. I need to show you the really cool stuff."
He stares at me with wide, caramel-colored eyes, the strange curl that sticks out of the side of his head bobbing wildly in the wind. "Ve, Lovi, Lovi, can Luddy come too?"
I scowl, but at the look on his face, sigh and nod in affirmation. "Fuck you, Feli," I mutter under my breath as he flounces off to go drag "Luddy" away from the teacher, and act that upsets the stupid potato-eater.
Hey, Lovi, how's your tour going?
Glancing at Feli, who's still trying to convince the German bastard to come over, I type a quick reply: Feli and I are leaving now. Maybe Ludwig too. I need to show my brother the sights.
He answers in seconds flat. Aaagh, Lovi, I don't think that this is a good idea!
Too bad, motherfucker. :(
Aww, Lovi, don't be mean... :(
"Lovi, come on, Luddy's here~!" Feli says happily. I sigh, then type a quick gtg before stuffing my phone in my pocket and turning to my twin and his... eugh... pet German.
"Come on then, stupid heads. We've got shit to do and not a lot of time to do it." I turn and slip away from the rest of the group, down a narrow alley, down the narrow street that it leads onto, then around the corner to the left. I don't bother to check that they're coming, though I know that they are.
"Veeee, Lovi, don't walk so fast, me and Luddy almost got lost!" Feli whines, clasping tightly onto a tired-looking Ludwig's sleeve. I almost feel sorry for the German.
"Luddy and I," I correct Feli. I then point to the shop we're in front of. "They have the best meatballs I have ever tasted."
Feli's eyes immediately light up. "We're going to eat?!"
I roll my eyes. "Of course we're going to eat! What did you think I wanted to show you, porn stores? Now come on, we're going in. How much cash do we all have?"
"I have twenty euros, and Luddy has forty~"
"Okay, good, that will be enough to pay for a plate of pasta to share- even though the thought of sharing with a German disgusts me..." I narrow my eyes into a scowl aimed at Ludwig, who stares steadfastly back, forcing me to look away.
"Anyway, once we're done here, there's this gelato place, and then there's this one art supplies store, and, y'know, some touristy shit, but that can wait, because that art store is great, and I need to stock up while I can."
"Me too, me too!" Feli says happily as we sit down at a table. Feli has this gorgeous knack for painting and artsy shit that makes me so fucking jealous. Sometimes I feel like I can draw, but then I look at his stuff and I just know that I can't.
A pretty waitress comes to take our order, and immediately Feli and I both sit up straight, plastering friendly smiles to our faces. Ludwig stares at us in dawning horror as we flirt blatantly with the girl, giving her wide, cheesy grins as we order our one plate of pasta, but we were trained by the best- aka, our dad -to never, ever make a girl feel unwelcome, and we somehow continue to do that to this day, despite the fact that we're both, apparently, gay as all fuck. Well, at least Romeo's not here, because he always does more than flirt, the annoying little shit.
"Um... if you don't mind me asking, what was that?" Ludwig asks as the waitress turns her back on us, causing Feli and I to slump back in our seats again. I glare at the German, but Feli answers him in a friendly tone, of course.
"Ve, Papa always says to be nice to pretty girls!"
"But aren't you... um... both... um..."
I raise an eyebrow. "Both what, pray tell."
"Um..."
"Gay?" Feli offers. "Oh yeah, definitely. Doesn't mean you don't be nice to pretty girls!" The waitress glances over, and Feli winks her in direction, causing her to blush bright pink and duck into the kitchen.
"Jesus, Feli, don't just go around telling everyone that we're gay!" I hiss at him across the table. I feel a pang of satisfaction as Ludwig begins looking more and more uncomfortable.
"But Lovi, we are gay!"
"Yeah, but I don't exactly want everyone and their uncle knowing that I am!"
"What about me?!"
"Feli, everyone knows you're gay. It's impossible to miss."
He pouts at me. "Well, that doesn't mean that-"
"The waitress is coming over," Ludwig interrupts. Instantly, Feli and I both sit up straight and turn to smile at her once more. I innerly hope that she doesn't try to start a conversation, and that Antonio doesn't happen to walk by for some reason, because that would be the most awkward thing ever to happen to me. Well. Today, at least.
"Here's your order," the waitress says in a chirpy voice. "I hope it's good! I'll be out with your bill in a couple minutes, si?"
"Si, si," I say, smiling graciously. I wait for her to go back into the kitchen before grabbing my fork and dipping it into the spaghetti, twirling it absently around my fork as I wait for Feli to try it. Once he does, his eyes widen, and I smile.
"Wow! That's good!" he exclaims.
"I know!" I exclaim back. Well, no, I don't exclaim. I sort of... don't-exclaim.
"I wish I could come here all the time!"
I quickly wave that away. "Nah, we can make this easily."
"Yeah, you're right."
And the three of us- even that stupid German -turn back to our meal/snack with gusto, because it really is good, even though we can easily make it at home.
Once we're done with the pasta, the girl comes over and we pay- she also gives Feli her phone number -and then quickly leave, Feli ecstatic over his newest number, which he will add to his collection. Yes, he has a collection. Smug bastard. Just because they always give him the phone numbers...
"Please tell me you're not keeping that!" Ludwig says as Feli tucks the napkin bearing the precious number into his pocket. Feli looks up in surprise.
"Well, of course I am! I have to put it with the others!"
Ludwig pales. "Others?"
"It's a contest," I explain sourly. "Feli, Romeo and I are in a contest to see who can get the most phone numbers. Feli's winning." I glare at said boy, who smiles angelically back at me.
"At least you're second~!" he "reassures" me with an evil smile. Don't let Feli's seemingly naive exterior get to you, because inside he's a fucked up little jerk who likes annoying people and then making them forgive him with his cuteness. The worst part? It works every fucking time.
"Shut the fuck up, asshole!" I say with a glare. He just giggles and skips ahead of me. Ludwig hurries after him, probably to make sure he doesn't crash into any walls or trip on nothing or skip into traffic. The airhead.
I watch Ludwig and Feli run off, then dip my hand into my pocket and grab my phone. Yep, there's a text from Antonio, reading, Be careful! Don't get robbed! Or killed! Or put in detention! Or suspended, or kicked out, or anything terrible like that!
Smiling to myself, I answer, My grandpa is the headmaster, I'm not going to get kicked out. Then I shove my phone back into my pocket and race after my brother and his pet German.
(','(','(','('.')';')';')';')
We visit a couple more places, but I don't take Feli everywhere I wanted to show him because he keeps throwing himself all over that stupid German, which is gross and something I don't want to see. Ever. Again.
Ludwig consults his detailed schedule plan of everything ever to help us find where our tour is going to be at this point, and we make our way over there, me up ahead, of course, though I make sure to stay rather close so that they don't get lost and die on the streets, which means paperwork. (And that I won't ever see my brother again, which would be sad, even if he's annoying.)
"Oh, that's that one hotel," I say, pointing across the street.
"The one hotel from... what?" asks Feli curiously.
"That's the hotel where Nonno says you and I were conceived," I say blandly, like imagining my parents conceiving me is totally normal.
"Really?!" Feliciano asks excitedly. "That's so cool! Which room was it in?"
I make a face at him. "Ew gross. Who the fuck cares? Now hurry up or we'll miss our tour." And Antonio. Who is wonderful and stupid and I don't like him at all, haha.
"I want to know!" Feliciano says, pouting and clutching onto Ludwig's arm. "Ve, Ludwig, don't you think it would be interesting?" Feliciano gives Ludwig this pleading look that makes the stupid German nod in agreement.
"Well, Nonno never told me. I guess we can ask him when we get home, or I suppose we could call him-"
"Call him? Yeah, let's do that!" Feliciano yanks his cell phone out of his fancy skinny jeans (which would be matching with mine except that mine are black so HAH that just PROVES that twins don't dress alike!) and quickly dials Nonno's number, which he has somehow memorized. I honestly don't know how he did it. I still barely have it memorized, and I depend on the guy for survival.
Feliciano stands there in the middle of a crowded street in Venice for like three whole minutes, I swear, and then he hangs up and smiles and says, "He didn't answer! Let's go inside and check the hotel records!"
"What? No!" I protest, being, apparently, the only sane person out of the three of us who has the use of our mouths (Germany looks helplessly from me to Feliciano like he's unable to do anything). "We can't just go waltzing into a hotel and ask what people had sex there seventeen years ago!"
Feliciano tilts his head to the side. "Um... Why not?"
I majorly facepalm. "Feliciano, are you naturally stupid or did your parents just not raise you to be smart?"
Feli shrugs. "A bit of both, I guess. Now, let's go in!"
And, before Ludwig or I can protest, Feli grabs us both by the wrists and drags us into the hotel and right up to the reception desk.
Which is then where he gets shy...? Or something...?
"Lovi, you do it!" he whispers, shoving me toward the desk and giggling wildly. "I can't, I just can't!"
"You're such a fucking pussy," I hiss back at him.
"Hello, what can I do for you?" asks the man at the desk. What are they called? A... something-or-other.
"Hi!" I say, as friendly as I possibly can. "I was, um... I was wondering if... I could see your guess register from... um... seventeen years ago... in, um..." I glance back at Feliciano, who mouths that it was in like March or something.
"March," I finally say. I grin widely at him.
"No," he says flatly.
"But... Um... My twin brother wants to know what room of this hotel we were... conceived in?"
The guy makes a face. "That's kind of gross, but... I'll see what I can do." He then mutters about how kids are so weird and he wouldn't have ever wanted to know the exact location his parents had sex.
"It's not me who wants to know, it's my brother." I say with a scowl.
"Riiight."
I make a face at him and then turn around to glare at Feli, who's grinning happily at me. He gives me the thumbs-up sign, to which I reply with a secret evil hand single called flipping him off.
"Okay, I've got the records. Read through them quickly and then give them back. I need to go sign this guy out of his room." He turns away from me, a hassled look on his face. I quickly scan the records, finding the room listed under Vargas.
"Feli, it says that they were in room 375-"
"That's my new lucky number!" Feli says excitedly. "Oh my gosh, this is so exciting!"
I give him a disgusted look. "You, my friend, are no longer my brother."
"Didn't you already say that recently?" he asks confusedly. "Eh, I've forgotten."
"Me too. Now let's go."
"Nooooo, we need to see the room!"
"Jesus fucking Christ, Feli, what the fuck do you want to do, rent the room and sleep in i-"
"Yeah."
My jaw drops and I fall against the reception-y desk thing. "NO! We can't just get the room, Jesus God!"
"Why not?" Feli asks confusedly. "We can just put it on Nonno's credit card."
"I don't have Nonno's credit card," I say with a sigh.
"Yeeeeah, but I do!" And get this- he reaches into his pocket and fucking pulls out Nonno's credit card. "Nonno said that I could buy anything I wanted and stuff because this is my first time to Venice."
"That stupid bitch!" I say. "He's never given me his credit card!"
"I guess I'm just more specialer than you are."
I make a face at him, then turn around and signal the now free desk guy. "Hey, here's the record. Now, can we get room 375?"
The guy looks at the three of us dubiously. "Aren't you all, like, seventeen?"
"Sixteen," I correct. "Besides, we only want to check it out. Feliciano here wants to..." I glance back at him. "I have no effing clue. I guess he wants to..." I glance back at Feli, then shrug. "I don't even care. We've got a credit card, though. Just charge it on there and then we'll be out of your life forever."
He shrugs. "Okay, fine. Hand me the card. Room 375, right? Lucky for you, it's open." He hands me a couple of hotel key-cards.
I roll my eyes. "Not lucky at all, if you ask me." I take the card from Feli and hand it to the guy, who does his hotel-guy thing with it and hands it back to me. "Okay, room 375 is on your card. Make sure you sign out tomorrow or whenever you want to sign out, I don't care."
"Yeah yeah, cool. See you never." I turn away, tucking the credit card in my pocket (you don't trust fucking Feli with credit cards) and searching around for the elevator.
"Yay~!" says Feli, clapping his hands excitedly. "This will be so fun!"
"Feli, real quick for me, look up the definition of fun and then tell me what it says."
And guess what? Feli does exactly that on the whole elevator ride up, and then reads it out loud to me. You'd think that, being related to me, he'd at least have a vague understanding of sarcasm, right?
Once out of the elevator, we traverse down the hallway to room 375. I take out a hotel key-card and shove it into the key-card-slot, automatically unlocking the door.
"Well, Feli, here it is," I say dully, fake-yawning just to prove my disinterest.
"Oh, wow, look at it!" says Feli, pushing past me to go into the room and stare around in awe.
And, I have to admit, it's a pretty damn nice hotel room. It's all colored ivory and gold and everything is all pretty and rich and there's a super nice-looking flatscreen against one wall. And one bed.
"Wow, I could just live here!" says Feli, throwing himself onto the one bed. Ludwig goes and vaguely stands next to him, and suddenly I get a really weird thought... and then I realize...
"Holy God," I say. "Feli, you're fucking gross."
Feli glances up at me, then smiles. "Oh, Lovi, are you leaving now?"
Ludwig gives me this helpless look, like there was nothing either of us could have done to stop this, and I kind of agree with him. What I've learned in all the time I've been Feli's twin is that he has this way of always getting what he wants.
I make a disgusted face. "Yeah I am. Gross." I turn and run from the room, vaguely unsure of my feelings. One part of me says my-baby-brother-is-going-to-have-sex-with-our-almo st-cousin and the other part says, Hey, now your room is free.
Free. For me to do things in. Things like... whatever word rhymes with Antonio, if there is one.
Yeah, but I'm totally not going to do that. God, Eliza's such a perv for making me even consider it. Like, why would I ever do something like th-
I suddenly glance down and scream (a manly scream) as I see that I've been texting Antonio this entire time. I've somehow been writing a super-long text about how my room is empty tonight... Excuse me while I go cry. How have I not noticed that I was doing this? I must be some kind of genius or something.
I quickly erase my text and then shove my phone back into my pocket. Jeez, that stupid Antonio, thinking that he can just take over my life-
My phone suddenly buzzes in my pocket. Curious, I pull it out and check my messages and- Holy shit. I did not mean to send that text.
What do you mean that your room is free?
"Shit shit shit shit," I mutter. I feel like I'm sweating enough to fill a swimming pool.
Nothing, nothing. Absolutely nothing. I didn't mean to send this. I text back.
I'm calling you, okay?
Aaaaaaaaaaagh! No, don't call! I text back, but by that time my phone is already ringing.
I sigh and answer the phone. "...Hello, Antonio..."
"Where's Feli? Is he okay? You know, as a teacher-"
"Sex," I blurt. "I-I mean, not sex. I mean, something else. Text. Yeah. I prefer texting. To... um.. phone. Ing."
"...Alright..." He says. "It's just that it sounded a lot like you said sex."
I feel my face turn literally as red as a firetruck or possibly blood or Snow White's apple or a raging forest fire or something else that's redder. Like the Red Sea.
"I-I-I didn't say anything about sex." I stammer. "N-nothing. I don't even like sex."
"...Um. Okay then."
Oh shit, now he thinks I don't like sex.
"Um, not that I mind if you like sex," I say awkwardly. Sweat is beading on my brow. What the fuck am I doing?
"Well, good thing I don't mind sex then." he says. Awkward pause. Jesus Christ. Why am I talking about sex? With Antonio. Fuck.
"Okay. Oh, where's you're tour at then?" I change the subject easily. (Haha, just kidding.)
"We're at the hotel. Actually, I think that some people were getting worried about you, but I had Eliza tell them that you had texted that you were getting lunch with Feli."
"You're a lifesaver," I whisper in a weird pervert voice.
"Okay. So, when are you coming back? And Ludwig...? You said Feli wasn't coming-"
"Feli and the German are currently otherwise engaged," I say in a rush.
"Engaged with wha-"
"I really don't want to talk about it. Ever."
"Okay- OH. I see. Um. Okay. Well... Can't say I didn't think it would happen."
"SHUT UP NOW!" I yell. I glance up as I reach the building we're staying in. I wonder if the walls are sound proof- I mean, if the food is good. Because, pssh, I haven't eaten here... Haha...
"Okay, I'm at the hotel so I'm hanging up now," I tell him before he can say anything again. "Bye."
"Bye!"
I hang up my phone and look at the building in front of me. I swallow nervously, then walk inside.
So, do you remember earlier when I said I didn't even like sex? Yeah, that was totally a lie, because I want to have the sex with Antonio.
A/N I'M SORRY I DIDN'T UPDATE SOONER AND I PROMISE I WILL SOON BUT NOW I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP BECAUSE I'M FUCKING SICK FUCK SHIT COCK.
Okay, so good night or good morning or whatevs. Have fun, PM me, leave a review, if you're new, WELCOME, if you're old- Well, not old, but not new -WELCOME BACK.
Bye.