Finished another exam yesterday, really hoping I passed since it was so boring (nothing like writing four brothers fics). Anyway I'm really excited about this chapter, I hope you'll like it too. I don't own four brothers, or the song.

"You comfortable? Need anything?"

Jack was seated in his chair next to Bobby's bed. Bobby's leftover dinner was still standing on the table text to him. It was meatloaf, or so the nurse had said. Bobby had offered to show her a picture of how it should look. She had left after that, after throwing Bobby a look that spoke volumes.

Bobby didn't immediately answer, choosing instead to stare out the window, a troubled look in his eyes that Jack had no trouble reading. He had know all afternoon that Bobby wanted to talk. Hell, even if he hadn't known what Angel and Jerry had done he would have known simply by being in the same room as his oldest brother. He knew him well enough to know that he didn't know how to approach the matter at hand. Finally he turned to look at Jack, meeting his gaze.

"Maybe I should ask you that?"

"He's going to find out. He always know when I lie" Jack stated matter of factly.

"He's hurt, tired. We explained what happened, he has no reason to doubt us" Jerry countered.

"Yeah, why would his brothers ever lie to him" Angel's voice held a trace of guilt. The same guilt they all felt.

"We had too. If he knew... there's no telling what he'll do"

Angel knew Jerry was right.

"You're making too big a deal out of this. I killed him. I don't regret it, not for one second and I never will" Jack spat. He was tired of them acting like this, acting like it was such a big deal, just because he had been the one. He tried to ignore the part of him that was happy that Bobby didn't know, because he knew just as well as his brothers did how Bobby would react. And he didn't want to see it, and he sure as hell didn't want to be there when he found out. Cause he would. He always did, and then he would not only be furious about the truth, but the lie too.

"Jack, calm down" Angel placed a hand on his shoulder.

He took a deep breath, this wasn't his brothers fault. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried about him"

"I know. I..." Angel stopped as if weighing his words carefully "Can we talk, later?"

"Sure"

For some reason Jerry seemed happy with his response. What were they up to now... They had been talking quietly and whispering. They didn't think he noticed. He did. It was what he did after all, observe his surroundings. Basic survival instinct didn't leave your body just because you were safe now. It never really went away.

"This isin't about me"

Bobby watched his little brother. There was something different about him. Even now he felt like he was missing something. Maybe it was because of his breakdown, and the fact that he hadn't told him about it himself yet. Bobby understood why he hadn't, still he wanted to know these things. Had to know, how else was he gonna fix it...

"What's it about then?" When Jack didn't answer he continued "Me? I'm fine Jackie. I'm gonna live"

"Don't. Don't joke. Not about this"

Jack's softly spoken words had a hint of steel beneath them. Bobby frowned. Well fuck this shit then. He was done tip toeing around like some fucking ballerina.

"Fine. Something you wanna tell me about?" Jack averted his gaze, frustrating Bobby further "Really Jack? Are we gonna do this again?"

"Do what?"

"You know what, the staring at the wall, not answering... You know I'm not gonna stop til you tell me so you better get started fairy"

Just as Bobby was about to snap, his frustration boiling over, Jack spoke.

"You already know so whats the big deal"

"I want you to tell me"

Of course you do... "I didn't handle everything... very good..." Understatement of the year Jack thought, flashes of red and white like slides before his eyes. Bobby nodded and waited for him to continue. "I... when you were... you were just laying there, I thought you were gone, and not gone like a few months with the team, but gone, for good"

Bobby's eyes softened a little at hearing his little brother speak with that soft voice he used to have all the time when they were younger. "It's okay Jack"

"No. No it's not. It was my fault, I was so stupid" He shook his head, regret and shame coloring his words "I ran out in the middle of the street because a guy threw a snowball at me and..." He trailed of, unsure if he should continue but at his brothers nod he did. "and because he called Ma a whore".

Bobby's eyes clouded over at the mention of Evelyn. They had all loved her the same, but Bobby had known her the longest. Neither one of his brothers knew exactly everything that had happened before Jerry and the rest of them showed up, but they knew what she meant to him. And Evelyn always called him when she needed help with bigger things. He suspected it was because she knew better than anyone else how much he really wanted to be needed, how good it made him feel. He knew as soon as he woke up from his coma and was slightly coherent again, that she was gone. He felt it. Everything else, except for the fact that something had happened with Jack, was blurry, but he felt the missing part. And he had mourned her again, because waking up it felt like she had left him all over again.

He focused on Jack again, meeting his blue eyes that looked so tired. "That's why you chased that guy?"

Jack nodded, forcing himself to hold Bobby's gaze. He owed him that much at least.

"I would have done the same"

Bobby's words were like a band aid on his heart. It still hurt, but the bleeding slowed a little.

"Why did you do it Bobby?"

Bobby looked as lost as Jack felt "What?"

And it was like time slowed. The constant noises in the hospital were only a dull noise and when he tried to breathe he had to force the air down. "Why did you throw yourself over me? Why did you save me?"

The slap to the back of his head was unexpected but it shouldn't have been "Jesus, you have really lost your mind haven't you Cracker Jack?"

Angel walked in to the sound of Bobby mumbling about stupid ass fairies and Jack rubbing the back of his head. "Hey" He spotted the meatloaf and holding the plate to his nose he sniffed it, immediately putting it back down, further away from him at the same time as the nurse from before came to collect it. She glared at Angel while Bobby grinned at her.

"Told ya. If Angel dosen't want it then it's fucking bad. He'll eat anything, I mean just look at Sofi, he's..."

"BOBBY!"

"BOBBY! What the fuck is wrong with you man? Ya could have killed us! Man..."

"Calm down Jer, just taking a detour, they have some of the best burgers here"

"You didn't think to signal before you turned? Or wait until the coast was clear?"

"Oh please, I was driving while you were still a distant thought in your daddy's dick"

"Ass"

The Mercer brothers had been on a small roadtrip while getting some of Bobby's stuff from one of his friends. The friend hadn't been home, which was exactly how Bobby had planned it. He wasn't his friend either, and yeah okay, the stuff wasn't entirely his, but Bobby figured he owed him.

"Here it is. Jack wake up"

Jack raised his head, looking sleepy "We home?"

"Nah, we're in some hellhole in form of a hickey town, Bobby wants food" Angel grinned, Jack wasn't sure why.

They all got out of the car after some protests from Jerry and Jack. Jerry wanted to get home and Jack wanted to sleep. They stopped to look at the bar to which Bobby pointed. It looked more like a shed to Jack. A bright red sign told them the name of the place was Dan's.

"I've got a bad feeling about this" Jack mumbled as they all followed Bobby in through the door.

"How do you feel?"

"I don't know. How am I supposed to feel?"

Angel and Jack had left Bobby's room when the doctor asked to speak with him. They were now seated at a bench that had very suspicious spots on it. Jack sipped at his coffee, it was almost hot enough for the warmth to spread through his frozen body. He couldn't really remember ever getting warm since that day in the snow.

"Talk to me Jack"

"There's really nothing to say Angel, I'm fine"

Jack's standard answer was fine, which meant he could be everything but fine. "I know you're not. Look man, I know what you're going through"

"Really?" Jack couldn't stop his voice from sounding slightly bitter.

"Yeah. I have killed people too, you know I have. You have been there. But that's not even the worst of it"

"You think it's about Sweet?" Jack spit out the name as if he had tasted something nasty.

"Isin't it?" Angel asked calmly, not taking his eyes off Jack's face. "Tell me you don't see him when you close your eyes". Jack's silence was his answer. Angel sighed and leaned forward, looking down at the floor he wondered how they all ended up in this mess.

He tried another approach. "I was kind of impressed with how you tricked me with Fowler. Pissed off, but impressed".

Now it was Jack's turn to stare at the floor. Angel looked down at the blonde hair decorating his head. It reminded him of when they were younger and Jack refused to meet anyones eyes. In some ways and despite their best efforts, Jack was still that scared young kid. But he had also changed right before their eyes, now Angel felt like he was sometimes wondering who the man in his little brother was. He reached out and placed his hand on his shoulder.

"We didn't want this for you"

"Shit Jack! Come and look at this!"

Angel's voice was full of excitement and Jack hurried over to his place by the backdoor. He reached for the handle but Angel stopped him "No way kiddo, it's better to stay here when Ma and Jerry come" his smile was wide and Jack found himself smiling back as he tried to peek out the window. He hadn't started his grow spurth yet so he couldn't quite see outside. Angel noticed him struggle and lifted him, careful not to scare him. It was no problem, the kid was skinny as hell.

Jack finally saw what had Angel in such a good mood. In their backyard, over by one of the trees stood Bobby, but he wasn't what caught Jack's attention. It was Jerry's treehouse, and it was on fire. Like really on fire, the whole thing was covered in flames. Jack let out gasp. "Why did he do that?" He just knew that Bobby had lit it on purpose.

Angel shrugged and cackled. "He's Bobby"

No more than two minutes later yelling was heard and the boys took in the sight of Jerry rounding the corner in a full sprint. Angel whooped loudly and almost dropped Jack in the process "Sorry"

"What's he gonna do?" Jack asked with big eyes as Jerry came to a step a few feet away from the burning treehouse.

"Dunno. Bite his ass" Angel laughed loudly which caught Jerry's attention and he quickly ducked down with Jack out of sight. Meeting Jack's big blue eyes he whispered "We don't want him to think we were in on it"

Jack shook his head. He really didn't want Jerry to think that.

Angel straightened up just as Jerry grabbed onto Bobby's shirt and Evelyn rounded the corner. Bobby's laughter was loud enough to reach Angel and Jack. Angel opened the door a little.

"Oh come on Jer, it's just a treehouse, what? You gonna cry?"

Angel had gone back to Bobby's room to hear what the doc had to say, Jack had stayed behind, claiming that he needed some time by himself. Angel had hesitated but had left after a hard squeeze to Jack's shoulder. His chest felt to tight, almost like he couldn't breathe, and he was reminded of that day again. It had been hard to breathe then too. He got to his feet and stumbled down the hallway, like the day before having no clue as to where he was going, he just knew that he needed to get away.

It was almost like yesterday when he ended up at the graveyard but this time he found himself outside the hospital chapel. He entered without thought, relieved when he found that he was alone. He was half surprised he was allowed to enter. Looking around he wondered if something would happen, what he didn't know. He touched the rosary around his neck. The same one he had worn when he got shot, the one he had worn ever since, to afraid to let go of it.

He didn't even know what he was doing here. He hadn't been to a church during his time in New York, hadn't been to one since he left Detroit. Except for Evelyn's funeral. He took a seat in the front and glanced up at the cross. Being here made him think of Evelyn, as if she could see him now. Oh how disappointed she must be if she could.

"I had to..." His tortured whisper was the only sound in the otherwise quiet chapel. He could almost hear the words she had spoken to Bobby so long ago now... "I have to" "You want to". You wanted to...

He knew it was true. He had wanted to kill Sweet so bad he could taste it. The taste of blood and revenge had burned in his blood like nothing else, and he knew no one could have stopped from killing him. Because he would never have stopped until he was dead.

"You're a good boy Jackie, I just know it" Evelyn smiled sweetly.

"How do you know?" Jack asked, his voice unsure and that of an insecure child.

"I just do. I see your soul Jack, and it's glowing" Evelyn put her hand on top of his, not letting on that she felt him tense "Trust me Jackie, you're good, you could never be anything else"

Jack had been told he was no good and wortless so many times he didn't really believe it. Oh but he wanted to, he wanted to so badly.

"Guess you were wrong Ma..."

No answer came. Not that he had expected it. Evelyn was dead and buried. She couldn't hear him. Couldn't help him.

"She wasn't wrong. She never was"

The answer came from behind him and the voice made him tense and turn around fast. The sight made him both angry and shocked. Angry cause he was surprised. Shocked, because Bobby had managed to escape his other two brothers. While he was still to stunned to speak Bobby limped forward and took a seat next to him. He held his breath as he sat down, wincing slightly.

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night

"You shouldn't be here"

"You shouldn't either" Bobby shot back.

"Yeah? Why's that?" Jack hated that he sounded like a bratty younger brother.

"Cause you're only here when you're beating yourself up about something. Though what it could be about this time is beyond me. So talk to me, what are you feeling guilty about now?"

"I'm surprised you could even enter" Jack countered, trying to change the subjct, knowing it wouldn't work, but maybe someone would notice that Bobby was missing.

"Yeah I know, half expected to drop the second I set a foot inside" Bobby chuckled.

"Still you couldn't help yourself" Jack's voice was now resigned.

"Not when I saw that sparkly halo that is my little brothers hair shining up the front row"

Jack's laugh stuck in his throat and came out more as a sob "My soul's too dark to carry a halo"

Bobby took this in with a calm look on his face, understanding shining in his brown eyes when he looked at his little brothers broken face "Still you shine brighter than all of us"

It was such an un-Bobby thing to say, but Jack was grateful. Grateful that his oldest brother still thought good of him. That's just cause he dosen't know you now Jack, the voice inside him whispered. The same voice that used to tell him that they had all been right. His parents, all his foster parents, all the men who raped him. The same voice who had driven him to the roof of his home with a gun in his hand. He felt the voice blending with the others but he pushed them back, back to dark corners of his mind. It hurt, just like it always did. The skin at his wrist itched and he rubbed it, he didn't notice Bobby's glance down, to busy trying to close the door on the old ghosts. Suddenly he was just so tired, he just wanted to rest, to forget, to not exist anymore. Everything here hurt, even the lights were to bright. Would he ever find some kind of peace now? He turned his head to meet his brothers understanding eyes, the tears in his own making them even more blue than usual. They slowly trailed down his cheeks like small rivers of despair.

Bobby reached his arm out, ignoring the pain it caused him and placed it around Jack's shoulder. Jack let out a broken sob and leaned his head against Bobby's shoulder, the familiar muscle there made the tears fall faster.

He whispered between sobs. "I don't know anything anymore"

"I'll help you Jackie, I promise I will" Bobby's voice held that serious tone it always did when it was concerning his youngest brother.

"I'm lost Bobby"

"I know. I'll bring you back"

From the dark? From myself? He dosen't even know everything... "You can't help me this time Bobby" He pressed his face against his brothers shoulder even more tightly, foolishly wishing he was still that young kid who thought that Bobby could protect him from everything.

"I found you here didn't I?"

Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

Hope you liked this chapter, a bit more emotional for Jack. As you can see I'm long from done with him, same goes for Bobby. Song is "Halo" by Beyonce, I assume most of you know lol. Oh if you want I can absolutely go back to the flashback in hick town?