Chapter 34-The End

I sit outside of the hospital wing with my chin resting against my knees, my feet on the edge of the seat of my chair. Merlin. I cannot decide if I am in love with the life I own now or if I hate every inch of it. I hate this feeling of worry. I've never had it before. It's rooted itself deep within my chest. When I saw Leo fall like a rag doll with stones raining over top of him, those roots tightened around my heart as if they were feeding from my blood. Selfish roots. I hate them.

I look at the hospital wing doors as I wait for them to open. I think this is fear. I don't like it. I wish to hide back in my room far in the dungeons where I am comfortable. I think back to when I spent all of my time drawing intricate sketches of animals and sigh. I cannot. I could if I wanted to. With the power of the Living Pearl within me, I could vanish from all their minds at a moment's notice. But I cannot. I have tasted humanity. I wish to keep it on my tongue for any other flavor in the world would be loneliness now that I know it. I hate it and I love it.

I hear mumbling within the wing. I don't mean to snoop, but I hear Leo and Jeremy's voices through the door.

"Is it just my bad ear or did you just admit that women aren't incarnations of Voldemort?" Jeremy's voice jokes.

"Don't mention my dark period," Leo says. His voice sounds tired. I don't like it. It makes the roots inside of me feel tight like my heart is wearing a sock that is a size too small for it.

Jeremy's voice comes through and I can imagine that face he makes sometimes where he scrunches up his eyebrows and tips his head. I smile thinking of it. "I didn't know it had ended," he says.

"You were the first one I told about my mother," Leo says. I can only assume this means her disappearance. "You above all people should know it's her I've been angry about. I feel stupid for not seeing it before. The Living Pearl only made me take my anger out by hating everyone. Otherwise, none of it would've happened. That's it's catch for me. It took my greatest folly at the time and exaggerated it so I made a fool of myself."

"You're not the first one to take your anger towards your mother out on other women. It's a particularly common attribute of muggle serial killers."

"I hate you. I wish I wasn't sore from head to foot. I'd cast a bat bogey."

I knock. Once. They're up, so it should be fine to enter. I open the door and walk inside to see them bandaged all over. Albus and Patricia were healed in a snap. Scorpius still lies in bed, snoring. Lorcan was never injured, but he was in a dizzy state after all that happened and he was placed in the hospital wing as well. He lays on his stomach on the bed to the left of Jeremy. I walk towards them.

"Carina," Jeremy greets me, sitting up in bed. Leo says nothing. His eyes are still fluttering and soon close. I draw near to watch his chest rise and fall. "He keeps doing that," Jeremy says. "Waking up for a few minutes and drifting off again. It must be what they've given him to help recover."

I kick off my shoes and sit crisscrossed on Jeremy's bed. I stare back at Leo and sigh.

"What?" Jeremy asks.

"It's just...I've been thinking."

"Oh, thinking. I see. That's always brewing problems. What about?"

I trace my hand along the outside of the bed and look up at him.

"Do you remember when we were talking about how Leo is a mystery box and does not let on who he truly cares for?"

"It was only yesterday, Carina."

"I know, but...I never thought to wonder about my own relationships. You know, when I talked to Frieda when I was captured, she thought we were good friends, but I've never thought of her as such in the three years I've known her. I still don't. We have the wrong perception of where we are together just as Leo does with his friends."

"Leo is too friendly with everyone and you are friendly with no one. Both extremes cause you to alienate people and that's where you two are alike."

I narrow my eyes. "How can you read my mind?"

He shrugs. "Maybe your powers are rubbing off on me and I'm becoming psychic."

I laugh. "The very thought."

"You were as strange then as you are now, Carina."

"And that's why I'm worried that my relationship with Leo is one-sided. How could I think such things? Yet I cannot stop. Maybe strange creatures are crawling into my head and laying eggs there. Making me paranoid."

He pushes my shoulder. "Carina, you're a nutter."

"And you like me anyway," I declare. For me, it is a bold thing to say, but Jeremy just grins.

"Hey, you like me, right?"

I smile and look into his eyes. "How can you wonder such things?" I fit myself into his arms and lay there for a long while, thinking of nothing but how warm he feels compared to the outside elements.

"What happened with Jagobin?" he asks as I pull away. "I've just woke up, you know, and Leo's been a mumbling mess. He hasn't told me a thing."

"Jagobin's minions were arrested and handed into the proper goblin authorities. Jagobin himself, though, will probably land in Azkaban. The Ministry doesn't trust the goblin authorities enough to leave him in their hands."

"For good reason," Jeremy tells me. "Goblins are relatively easy on their own kind when the crime isn't large and they've always hated the Ministry's trading restrictions. I wouldn't be surprised if all of those goblins got off with no more than a slap on the wrist."

"What does it matter? They won't be able to do a thing without Jagobin to organize it all. He was a mastermind and now he's waiting for his hearing before the Wizengamot."

"What about his funds?"

"They were all in the banks run by goblins. When Jagobin's minions were turned in and processed, their bank accounts were drained to pay for their prison sentences, as per their code."

"And Jagobin's money?"

"When Frieda looked through Jagobin's files to find out who all of the goblins that worked for him were, she took them all with her, including his financials. They have all of his fake names and alternate accounts. It's likely he has more, but they're safety nets that probably don't have much in them. His money will be taken, though now that he's in the Ministry's custody, it's anyone's guess what they'll do with it."

"How is Frieda?"

I sigh. "I think she's forgiven. She saved my life. She saved all our lives. If she hadn't come with the aurors, who knows what could've happened? Jagobin might've managed to capture us, what with how vulnerable we were, and hold us for ransom somewhere. He might've even been able to recover most of his valuables. The animals are all with the Ministry now. At least, the ones that didn't escape are. The dragon is long gone."

"I can't believe I missed it. Next time, do me a favor and don't put me in the hospital wing before a battle."

"What? I had nothing to do with this."

"Yeah, well, tell that to Leo. He seems to be convinced you're a kind of magic beyond what you've told us."

I bite my lip. They don't know everything about me, but I prefer it that way. Secrecy helps me feel secure.

"Maybe one day," I tell him. "I'll tell you how my magic works."

"The sun, isn't it? It controls you."

I shake my head, covering my bellybutton with my hand. "The sun doesn't control me as it once did. This curse..."

"You've beaten it back?"

I shake my head. "It's more like an arm wrestle. Constantly, I'm struggling against it, but its better this way. I feel like muscles inside of me are growing. The more I wrestle it, the more my will grows."

I don't tell him that if I don't fight the curse, everyone will forget me again. I don't know how I know, but I do. It would be so easy to be enslaved once more and let them all forget about me. Even Leo would only remember me as well as Frieda ever did.

"So, the Pearl…"

"Is gone," I say, shrugging. He watches me take my hand away from my stomach. "A bird flew off with it."

"At least, that's what you told the Ministry."

"That is what happened. Really and honest truly." I stare into his eyes as I say it and I get the feeling he wants to reach out and feel my navel or at least the round ball sitting beneath it. A shiver runs through me when I think of his hand on my skin.

He touches my arm and I feel the pressure of his finger through the fabric of my cloak. A scene flashes in my mind of sitting alone at the Hufflepuff table in the Great Hall, invisible to all, as I watch him across the way with his friends. A jealous flame burns inside of me. I get up from the bed, anxious, and look at him.

"You abandoned me."

He shakes his head. "Sorry? What are you talking about? I-."

"Shut it, Jeremy. If I don't get it out now, I never will. All those years, we were best friends. Then, we came to Hogwarts and you forgot about me completely."

He squints his eyes and sits up straighter in his bed. "What? So everyone else gets a free pass, but I was supposed to somehow be immune to your curse?"

"Third year, Jeremy! I had already been to Hogwarts two years before it all happened. You forgot about me long before this curse."

He stares at me hard in the eyes and nods a bit.

"Yeah, for a while, I didn't remember you at all in first or second year, but it's started to come back since I was hit at St. Mungo's. Don't try and blame this on me. We were sorted into different houses. Yeah, I was making a lot of new friends, but I assumed you were too."

"Because I've always been so good at that," I quip.

"There are so many people in this school who have quirks and who you could fit in and talk with better than me. I don't exactly remember you ever trying to come and talk to me."

"How could I? You and Leo instantly became attached at the hip. You were so enthralled with him and his friends. You were sipping in every bit of this school. Don't try and put it on me to try and make friends with the people you like just because I haven't any of my own."

"What else did you have to do? Meditate in the grass?"

"Just because I don't spend my time the same way you do does not mean that it isn't worthwhile. I have my own life and just because it doesn't meet the same set of standards as your own does not mean that I'm pathetic and need to be more like you!"

"I never said you did!" he shouts, getting out of his bed to stand before me. At the loud burst of sound, I look out over the sleeping patients. No one's woken up, though part of me is sure at least one person is faking sleep to listen to us.

"Carina," Jeremy says, lowering his voice again. "All I'm trying to say is that it wasn't solely my fault that we lost our friendship. We're such different people. We were friends because we both believe in the same values. We love our families and friends and would do anything for them, but we also fight for what we want. When we were little and came to Hogwarts, it was just easier to find people who were just like us and forget all about that. Me with the Gryffindors and you with yourself. Don't think that I abandoned you. That's so one-sided. Don't you ever for a moment wonder if I felt the same way?"

"What? How could you? You had so many friends."

"But before Hogwarts I used to be the only kid around and I was always vying for your attention because I wanted someone to play with. You were always alone and you reveled in the silence of the forest. I had to work to keep you from going away."

I paused. "So you think that I didn't like you at all? You think I just stopped talking to you because I didn't care if we were friends anymore?"

"Why are you smiling? You like that I felt that way?"

"No, no, it's not—I'm sorry, I just…I thought that the only reason you wanted to be around me was because I was the only kid around for you to play with. That's why I used to act so disinterested."

We look at each other and he starts nodding as I'm smiling and I suddenly feel myself in his arms. I pull myself against him and don't feel nearly so worried. Maybe it's because I've been reminded that I'm not the only one on this Earth who feels. Sometimes I forget that.

I don't want this moment to end. My arms are over his broad shoulders and his hands press against my back.

"DON'T WORRY! WE'RE HERE!"

We break apart so quickly, Jeremy trips over his bed and falls back into it.

Albus runs through the hospital wing and stares down at Leo.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouts. "LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You were so young!"

"He isn't dead," I say, confused by his antics.

"I think he's aware," Jeremy informs me, watching Albus fall to his knees before the hospital bed.

"LEO! WHY?!"

Leo cracks his eyes. "What are you on about, Albus?"

"LEO!" Ablus shouts, jumping to his feet, elated. "HE LIVES! This calls for a song!"

Albus begins to sing as everyone who'd been with us through our adventure fighting Jagobin trickles into the hospital wing.

"Somebody shut him up," Scorpius groans, his voice muffled by the pillow over his head.

"Oh, poor Scorpius," Patricia mocks, sitting on his bedside, "only got an entire day to sleep."

"Count yourself lucky," George says, in the process of filling her mouth with potatoes. "We spent hours at the Ministry sorting everything out. Lucky Frieda had all those documents."

Frieda sits beside me and offers me a plate of food which I take, but Jeremy immediately snags a piece of bacon from it and breaks the crispy meat off into his mouth.

"Hey! That's for Carina!"

"What about me?"

"You suffer. You were sleeping while we were fighting Jagobin."

"Hey, I risked my life. Tell them, Carina. Tell them."

"He fought well for us," I admit.

"Where's the Quidditch team?" Lorcan asks. "I thought for sure they'd come visit Jeremy and Leo."

"What about you?" George asks. "You're on the Quidditch team." Lysander and Leo eye her at the comment

"Doubt I will be for much longer," Lorcan sighs. "Not with the way I've been playing."

George smirks. "Better than the way I played yesterday. I have the feeling you'll be fine." She smiles over at Leo and I'm not sure about the expression that passes over his face. It's a face I've never seen him make before. Not that I've known him long.

Leo looks over at me and says, "Hey, you know something? Carina looks older."

People look at me and I freeze in place.

"You're right," Jeremy agrees. "She's looked older since the day I saw her in her knickers."

"What?" Rose squeals. "I need to hear this story."

"Really?" I ask. "I look older?"

"Yeah," Frieda says next to me. "You've looked the same all the time I've known you, but now, you've got a certain…style…Those curls in your hair are so grown up."

"It's when the dwarves came," Leo says. "I remember. I noticed it then. She started to look older."

"What ever happened to the dwarves?" George asked.

"They're long gone, searching for Dallen Ruby," I say. "Now that Jagobin's men aren't after them, they're trying to find a way to clear their names and go back home. It must be nice to have a home to want to go back to."

The comment was simple enough to me, but people don't say anything. They don't know anything about my parents forgetting about me, save Leo, but I think I've just said it all.

"Why did no one get me a plate?" Scorpius asks, breaking the silence.

"Because you're the worst," Patricia tells him, ruffling his hair. "Don't worry; you're still fine with us."

"Great, I'm dead to the Slytherns and I don't even get food out of it."

The group hassles him as I sit here, surrounded by the people I know are now my friends. I feel myself growing for the first time in four years. I feel change taking seed inside of me and little plants of happiness popping up all around. I know the sun's no longer tightened me into its bonds anymore. I know I'm not completely free, but I've touched freedom.

And it felt amazing.