I'm too sexy for my automail. Too sexy for my automail. Too sexy it huuuuurts. Automail is sexy. So are reviews.
"Say, Ed, can I see that metal arm of yours?" Weasley asked as soon as Edward had escaped from the dungeons. Edward suppressed a shocked yelp. Moments before, he was trying to shake away the eerie feeling when he was with Snape. Now, he was trying not to let his body jump out of his skin and automail.
"What?" Edward demanded loudly, rubbing his human arm frantically to get the feeling back.
Granger was staring at the right arm that was frantically chaffing the human one. Potter was trying not to gape at Edward.
"Show us your arm, please? C'mon, you're our best buddy aren't you?" Weasley whined. Edward wished he could transmute his lips shut together.
"Ron!" Granger chided severely. "It's a sensitive issue! People don't like to talk about how their ex girlfriends tried to hack off their body parts."
"Wait a minute," Edward interrupted. "WHAT?"
Granger glanced down quickly. "We just heard some Slytherin girls talking about it and we were concerned. Something about a Mustang girl."
Edward rolled his eyes.
"My ex never tried to cut open my body. It was an accident. I don't want to talk about it."
"But-"
"Look, Potter," Edward hissed. "Do you want me to ask how you come by that scar? Same thing. I don't want to talk about it."
"Edward," Granger was giving him a pleading look. "We're you're friends. We are concerned."
"Friends know when to back off."
Edward turned on his heel and started to leave when Weasley called him back in the same cheery voice as if nothing had happened.
"Hey Elric! You're going to Hogsmeade right? We'll see you there tonight!"
"Yea! I got Professor Snape to sign my form."
Edward noticed Potter and his friends exchanging outraged looks. Was it something he said? It was obvious that Potter and Snape did not like each other though.
Amy was waiting for Edward outside the transfiguration classroom and Edward smiled sheepishly at her as a greeting. He could never let down the time when Amy had beaten him in strength. She was almost as strong as Winry.
They went to class together and Edward set behind Malfoy where he could keep an eye on him. Sooner or later, Edward was going to become the boy's shadow. The bodyguard business sucked. Next time he was assigned to a job like this, Edward was going to be smart enough to hide under his bed for a month.
Transfiguration was the lesson Edward hated the most. It was basically human transmutation. The teacher, a stern looking woman who really needed one of Armstrong's sparkles to make her look happier, had transformed effortlessly into a cat. Despite the fact that she had done it right in front of the class, Edward refused to believe it.
The Transfiguration textbook was the only textbook he had refused to read. It was also the class which Edward slept throughout all the lessons.
McGonagall, like any other teacher, loved to call on students who were sleeping. Edward's lack of knowledge in the area had stunned her on the first lesson. Every teacher had praised Edward for his brilliance. It was probably a nasty surprise for McGonagall to learn that Edward was not as brilliant as her colleagues had professed.
"Elric," McGonagall called out. The teacher had a way of making her voice sound scary even though she never shouted.
Edward raised his head from the table. He noticed his braid had come undone in his sleep. Edward yawned and pretended to pay attention. Unfortunately, McGonagall was not convinced by his performance.
"Elric, you've been sleeping since the beginning of term and my patience is wearing thin. You are not permitted to go to Hogsmeade tonight unless you can answer this question right. If you can't, you are doing extra remedial classes with me tonight."
Edward sat up straight, stunned. No way was he going to do extra classes on human transmutation. He threw Amy a pleading look. Amy shrugged.
"What is Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration?"
Edward wished Gryffindor shared the same class as Slytherin for this subject. Granger would know all the answers. Edward glanced at Amy who was trying to mouth the answer to him without being caught. But Edward was no lip reader. He decided to go along with the law he was most familiar with.
"To obtain something, something of equal value must be exchanged," Edward recited confidently.
McGonagall's eyes widened a little.
"In a way, yes. Just like how you cannot create food out of thin air. But you can duplicate or enlarge food if you have it. I'm surprised, Elric. This is the first time you've answered correctly."
Edward sank into his seat, relieved.
When Edward returned to his dormitory, he pulled out the package and unearthed a slender stick from the folds of paper.
"Locomotor chair!" Edward said experimentally, brandishing the stick at the comfortable armchair at the corner of the dormitory. The chair began to move towards him.
With a gasp, Edward dropped the stick and the chair clunked onto the floor loudly. Edward looked disgustedly at the stick and went to wash his hand to get rid of the foul feeling of magic. He felt violated and writhed at the thought of using a wand again. It felt so wrong.
A sudden knock on the door made Edward drop the stick. He tucked it gingerly into his bedside table and took the fake wand which Mustang had sent him instead. Edward opened the door to see Crabbe and Goyle clutching fat wallets and looking gleeful.
"Hogsmeade!" Crabbe said, infusing the word with so much joy and wonder that Edward could not help but share his excitement. Usually, Edward would try his best to hide his enthusiasm whenever the topic of food came up so that his brother would not feel left out. In a way, Edward was secretly glad that Al could not come to Hogsmeade.
Edward charged down to the common room with Crabbe and Goyle hot on his heels. He was going to be the first person to try the muffins.
"Malfoy!" Edward yelled, spotting Malfoy doing an impression of Potter swooning in front of dementors. "Hogsmeade! Now!"
Malfoy glared at Edward but made no move to hurry towards the hungry-eyed trio. Instead, he finished his impression with a shell-shocked face which Edward had to admit, was very good and sent his followers howling with laughter.
"Shame, Potter has to stay back since he's too scared to get past the dementors," Malfoy commented, eyes glinting. Edward just nodded and urged his client's son out of the common room.
They were barely out of the dungeons when Edward heard Dumbledore and Snape talking.
"Remember to give him the potion before tonight, Severus," Dumbledore was saying severely. Edward and his friends paused to listen, ducking behind a large snake statue so that they would not be seen. Malfoy's lips curled up with interest.
"Yes, sir," Snape replied idly. So it was not just students that he took his oily tone with.
"And give him an extra flask just in case anything happens. We don't want to endanger our students."
"Yes, sir." This time, there was a hint of annoyance in Snape's voice.
Dumbledore detected it and cocked his head.
"Is there something bothering you, Severus?"
"Yes," Snape hissed with vehemence. "I told you about Remus and the Elric kid before. There's something off about Elric. Why did you let him stay when he has not gone through the first two years?"
Edward froze and he could feel Malfoy's gaze trained on their house head.
"I already told you, Severus, that the boy is exceptionally talented and I've received a recommendation letter from-"
"He is too talented! In Potions at least, but he is stupider than a first grader in Transfiguration and Care of Magical Creatures."
Edward winced internally. He did not know his lack of knowledge of magical creatures made him stand out so much. With the Monster book trying to eat his head every time he touched it, it was impossible to acquaint himself with knowledge of chimeras. Unfortunately, the stroking of the spine trick would not work for the more aggressive monster books.
"I think there is something off about the boy," Snape continued. "He obviously does not live with magic. Just the other day in Potions, he added magnesium oxide into his potion to reduce the acidity of the potion and make it drinkable."
"And?" Dumbledore pushed his half-moon spectacles up the bridge of his nose.
"He incorporated science with magic when the book clearly says to wave the wand twice over the potion."
"He's a smart kid. I don't see anything wrong with that."
Snape suddenly looked furious.
"He's an outsider! I don't think he can even perform magic! Did you even hear about the thing that the boggart transformed into? And with Black lurking around Hogswarts, I don't think Edward Elric's enrolment is just a mere coincidence."