Puh. I have now moved all my stuff for the summer, I'm hoping to spend many evenings on my parents balcony writing like crazy and drinking coffee like there's no tomorrow. Note to self: When did this site become my own personal diary? Get a grip girl. Sigh.

Lucy, honestly when I read your reviews I usually react in one of two ways, 1. Omg that's exactly what I'm thinking! Or 2. Damn why didn't I think of that/write it like that. It's really nice to find someone who helps you write and is as invested in a story or the characters as the writer. On the to the story! *takes cover behind rock, then peaks when realizes that there were no hords storming through* LOL. I don't own four brothers, please don't sue and all that.

"Mom?"

When no one answered he slowly opened the door and there she was. She was sitting in front of the mirror staring silently. He approached her silently, not sure if she wanted him to come in or if she would hit him for it. "Mom?"

Her empty eyes turned to look at him as she finally realized he was in the room. Brown empty eyes stared silently as if asking who he was. He shuffled closer, still afraid but at the same time desperate.

"I'm hungry" He mumbled quietly, as if apologizing for having to bother her. She didn't answer at first, just continued to stare at him with that empty look in her eyes. He hated that look.

She finally reacted by smiling softly, sadly, and reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer to her bony body. He stiffened at once. She never touched him, he couldn't remember the last time she had. She didn't notice and turned his head to meet her eyes in the mirror.

"Don't worry honey" Her dazed eyes glazed over a little as she lost contact with his eyes. For a while she stared unseeingly before again smiling softly. "Soon everything will be better". Then her arm dropped from his shoulders and she swayed a little, frowning at him when he reached out to steady her. "Don't touch me".

His hand snapped back as if he'd been burned and he backed away, keeping his wary eyes on her suddenly cold ones. As she turned back to the mirror she again mumbled that soon, soon everything would be better.

He slept badly that night and at 4 he couldn't take it anymore. He had a bad feeling in his stomach and his body was nervous, almost itchy. He walked along the old wooden floor silently until he reached their room. He knew it was just the two of them tonight and while that usually would have been good news he couldn't shake the bad feeling he had. He slowly opened the door. She was laying on the bed, her head turned towards him when he entered. Her eyes now completely glazed over stared at him with what to him seemed like an accusation. Bobby had never seen a dead person before, but somehow he still knew right away that she was gone. That she had left him.

The tension in the car could be cut with a knife. There was no sign of Jack yet and no one seemed to know anything. They were all worried but unwilling to voice their fears even though they were all thinking about it. What if they didn't find him? What if it were already too late?

Bobby continued to try and push those thoughts away. They weren't too late, they wouldn't be, because he wouldn't accept it. He wouldn't. They would find Jack and then Bobby would hug him, and then he'd kick his fairy ass. Yeah, that was how this was going to end.

They'd been driving around the more shady parts of Detroit for more than two hours now and there was still no sign of Jack. Angel and Jerry didn't question Bobby's directions, they knew as well as he did what Jack was looking for. He had probably already found it.

"I'm sorry" Angel broke the tense silence in the car, staring at Bobby from the backseat. "We thought it was better if you didn't know everything while you were still recovering, and everything just spun out of control".

When Bobby didn't answer Jerry spoke.. "We didn't want to lie Bobby"

"Yet, you did" Bobby's voice was now calm as he stared out the window, a frown on his face. "and that's not even the worst of it. I feel like what you told me back at Ma's is just the start. And there's a whole lot more going on that you haven't told me". When his brothers didn't speak or bother to defend themselves he chuckled. "yeah, that's what I thought".

Living with a parent, or parents, who drink, or do drugs you quickly learn to walk on your toes, to determine moods and feel tension in the air. You know exactly when a fight is brewing and a drink is waiting. You hear it in the way they walk, they way they close a kitchen cabinet and the way they speak. You try to make yourself smaller, just wanting to disappear altogether cause the sounds of the slamming, the cries, and things being broken is painful, more than that word can describe. You want to crawl into a dark corner, and if your able to, you do. You put your hands over your ears and press your eyes closed tightly, silent tears streaming down your face and you feel like the world is about to end. In a way it is, your world. Every night it ends.

Despite everything, despite what he knew and what he'd seen Bobby fell into that same trap himself. He was young and stubborn, determined that he could quit if he wanted. More than that he just wanted to have some fun. He was convinced that nothing in this world could be worthwhile, and why would he then waste time going through it? He knew deep down that it was the pain of everything that had happened that he wanted to dull a little bit. And it's hard not to, when it's everywhere you look. So he fell but managed to crawl up again. He didn't like it. The feeling of losing control, of being at the mercy of others made his skin crawl. He detested that shit, cause it made him weak. It made him a slave, at the mercy of it and everyone else. And Bobby was no slave.

He discovered that even though his past hurt it didn't have to control him. He couldn't escape, and the best way was to just shoulder through, push through the pain and fear and take control.

He swore to himself that no one, or anything, would ever control him again.

They'd left the car and were now searching through the bar's downtown without any luck and Bobby was ready to explode. He was pissed and he was worried, a real fucking bad combination for him. He'd already burned a hole through Jerry with his gaze when he accidently pushed him a little when they entered this place. Bobby could tell almost straight away that Jack wasn't there. Where the hell had he gone?

On another street Jack were walking along slowly, dreading going home and at the same time wanting nothing else. He wondered what he would say to Bobby when he finally faced him again. He couldn't apologize, because even though it crushed him to know that Bobby probably hated him he couldn't regret what he did, because he did it for him, for them. Painful as it was, it was worth it. Because he were alive. And if the cost was him hating Jack then so be it. At least he were still alive, all his brothers were. The only thing he regretted was not being able to be the brother Bobby had wanted.

Footsteps suddenly alerted him to the fact that he wasn't alone anymore. He tensed but tried to hide and peeked discreetly through the corner of his eye behind him. Sure enough someone was walking along behind him. For how long he didn't know and he cursed his stupidity. No one walked along these streets with their head up their ass. Well except for him of course. Glancing around he didn't see anyone else around and no obvious place to go, except for some alleys. He took a left and entered one, walking long enough to be hidden by the shadows but not too far from the street. If the unknown man, and he was sure it was a man, entered the alley he would know for sure that he was being followed.

Soon footsteps were again heard and when a shadow passed by his hiding space he struck out, his closed fist hitting the man straight in the throat. A pained gasp was heard and he quickly stepped out to gaze down at the man gasping for air on the ground. A black, middleaged man glared up at him before struggling to his feet. Jack let him, only because he wanted to know why he was following him. He could almost hear Bobby chanting in his head, Never let them up, never give them the chance to get up...

"What do you want?" he asked while standing up to his full length.

"You Jack Mercer?" The man rasped out, still trying to catch his breath.

"What's it to you?" The stubborn kid with attitude problems were making a comeback recently.

"I was a friend of Evan's"

Jack mentally groaned. He didn't need this right now. His arm itched where he'd cut himself and his shirt was soaked through with blood, he could feel it sticking to his skin. Figuring he already knew what this was about he spoke again, trying to appear confident, like Bobby always did. Looking like he didn't give a shit, simply because he didn't have too. "Evan knew what he was getting into". He stared straight into the guy's eyes, showing him that he wasn't intimidated, even though he kind of was.

The guy laughed, a bitter laugh that sounded hollow in Jack's ears. "Yeah, he was always stupid like that. Ya know he always said nice things about your brother, Jerry right?"

Jack tensed at that. Even though the guy hadn't even uttered a threat or said anything that might sound like it he didn't like that the guy mentioned one of his brothers. "Jerry liked Evan. He was very sad when he died". Even in his own ears the words sounded kind of lame.

"Yeah. Right. Sure". The man glared. "So sad that he didn't even come to his funeral".

"Muriel didn't want us there" That was true, she hadn't. Jerry had wanted to go but had stayed home to respect her wishes. He figured he owed her that. Jack figured they didn't owe that family shit. Evan had been one of Victor's men, and had only switched sides after money was placed on the table. He'd sided with them out of greed, not loyalty, and most importantly he'd been involved with Sweet when his mother was killed, and his brother was shot. He'd never forgive that. Jack hadn't grieved Evan, mostly cause he thought he got what he deserved. He'd kept that thought to himself cause he knew Jerry was upset about it.

"Can you blame her?" The man spat at him and Jack had had just about enough. Who had defended his family? Who had defended his mother? Them as they were being shot at from every possible angle? No one. Not one fucking person.

His thoughts made his eyes harden and his voice turn cold. Because here this guy was, defending someone who was dead because he'd chosen greed over Sweet, both shitty choices. "I don't care" The man's eyes widenend at that, having probably expected some kind of defence speech about how sorry he was and all that. Oh he was sorry for a lot of things, and there wasn't anything left for Evan. "I didn't before and I sure as hell don't now".

"What the fuck is your problem?" The man glared at him.

"Right now it's you, and if you don't get the fuck out of here I'll fucking beat it into you so you finally get the message". The words were a clear threat, and it made the man take a step back. Jack could see in his eyes that he was scared, and it felt good. His blood pumped wildly through his without warning he struck out and managed to land one on Jack's cheek, snapping his head to the side. Jack straightened up immediately and with a low growling sound faked a hit to his face, just to slam his fist into the man's stomach. He bent over with a groan just in time for Jack's other fist to hit him and he fell to the ground again. Rage blackened his gaze and Jack kicked him once, twice, three times in the stomach. He thought he heard something crack but didn't know what. The man's wail like scream stopped him short and he looked down into his frightened eyes, in his eyes seeing himself, his stormy blue eyes with the mad glint in them, fists raised. His own eyes widened and he took a step back as Evan's friend struggled to his feet and limped away as fast as he could, obviously afraid that he'd follow him.

Jack didn't, he was still standing in that same spot, still seeing the man's frightened eyes looking up at him.

I just can't stop tormenting poor Jack, but really, you guys didn't expect him to wake up one day just fine and dandy right? ;)