4 months ago
"How's everything up there?"
"Fine." Her voice trembles and she immediately regrets it; losing control was not part of the plan.
"Just fine?"
"Yeah."
"Emma." The way Regina breathes her name makes Emma want to sob and kiss her senseless at the same damn time.
"What do you want me to say Regina? I miss you. And everyone looks at me like I'm some charity case and they keep asking me how you're doing and if I'm gonna come up there with you, and I feel like a fucking bum because everyone is doing things with their lives and I'm," she pauses, tossing soda bottles and wads of paper into the trash can, "still wallowing around. I don't even have a job. Ruby should just kick me out on my ass already."
Regina snorts, finding Emma's affinity for dramatics highly entertaining, if not insanely adorable.
"She's not going to do that dear."
"But she should."
"Emma."
"What?"
"I love you."
Emma sighs, twirling the cord around her finger. "You can't say things like that. We're not together anymore."
"So I can't love you?"
Emma's face drops. She presses a rough palm against her eyelids, black dots blurring her vision. She can hear Ruby's off-key singing in the other room, and it's the only thing keeping her anchored to reality. "No. No you can't."
"Emma."
She wants to change her name. She's had enough of hearing it whispered with such sadness.
"I love you too."
The tension between them is palpable, and Emma knows just as well as Regina does that these calls won't last. Eventually Regina will meet someone else, and "I love you" will be strictly platonic and nothing more. They just aren't ready to admit that yet.
Emma liked to believe that she was graceful, no matter how many times she stumbled over her own two feet. Sometimes she just got a little nervy, or in this case horrified, and her legs would get a little crazy. "Maybe my clumsiness can buy me some time if I fall on my face hard enough." She thinks absentmindedly.
"Regina. Hey."
Emma reaches her hand out just to jerk it back, realizing that touching Regina would result in direct decapitation. There's something calming, yet awfully risky about yelling at a person's back. Their face is hidden and for a moment, things don't seem so bad. Until said person turns around and incinerates you on the spot.
"Am I worthy of your time now Miss Swan?"
She flinches, damning the moment Regina ever started using her surname as a tactic of detachment. "It's not like that."
"Hmmm. Then what can I do for you?" She shrugs, tilting her head to the side.
"I want to talk."
"So it is like that."
"Dammit Regina." Emma whines, 2 seconds from breaking into a full tantrum.
"There she is." A smirk makes its way across her lips, and those eyebrows that Emma finds ridiculously sexy are nearly touching her hairline, implying a personal victory. She baited her, and Emma fell for it; hook line and sinker.
3 Months ago.
"Guess what Regina? I got a job." Emma falls unceremoniously onto the couch with remote in hand, ready to reward herself with hours of trash TV. "At Vince's. I don't know shit about bar tending as far as like... tending bars go…ooooh Springer…but I do know my liquor."
"That's nice dear."
"Your enthusiasm is killing me, please calm down. I beg you." Emma deadpans, before cramming her face with Cheetos.
"I'm sorry Em. That's really, really great. So proud of you. I'm just buried in school work."
"Oh. I get it." Emma says dejectedly, worrying her bottom lip.
"Don't be like that."
"Okay. Well, I normally will work nights, which is good because I can talk to you before-"
"Emma dear, I'm sorry but can I-"
"Regina, I can't do this. I don't know how this is supposed to work. Every time I call you're busier than the time before and I get it, I really do. You're making something out of yourself, and I'm here dragging you down.". She has cheese crumbs all over her mouth, its irony adding to her frustration. "You always say you'll call me back, but you never do. Until I call again. Just for you to hang up after 5 minutes. Again."
"Emma." She doesn't say her name the way that she used to. It's not with adoration or amusement. It's with annoyance; it's a groan, and at this point Emma doesn't blame her.
"My fault. She stammers. I'll stop being so clingy. We broke up, I should move on. Yeah. Um. I have paperwork to fill out anyways". There's a copious amount of blood rushing in her ears, and she suddenly feels nauseous. "Heaps of it. Just. Yeah.
And the line goes dead.
"You never answered. You disappeared. I needed you and you fucking ditched."
"Regina I.."
"No. You don't get to talk. You.," Her voice hitches, "just no."
The wind picks up and Emma is sure that Regina is shaking but she won't mention it, and she damn sure won't give her the jacket she's wearing. She doesn't want to provoke her; a patronized Regina means a dead Emma.
"I came back here because this is home, and, you're here." She takes a breath and runs a hand across her forehead, attempting to keep the tears at bay. Emma's still sure that she's never seen anyone more beautiful, even when broken.
"I'm sorry Regina. Please, just let me..." She walks forward and Regina throws her hand out, palm facing Emma's chest, but Emma just grabs it cautiously and brings it between her own, rubbing them together to generate heat. "I'm so sorry. I was a fucking idiot." Ridiculously sexy eyebrow. "I know. But you don't get to stand here and make me the bad guy." Regina tries to pull away, but Emma doesn't let her, tightening her grip and speaking softly. "I am so in love with you. Everyone in this fucking town knows that. But from the first moment we met, I was prepared to lose you." Regina's eyes flash with something akin to offense, and Emma realizes her mistake instantly.
"Baby, wait-"
"Don't. Don't you dare patronize me."
And here's dead Emma.
There's an uneasiness between them that Emma recognizes, and it comforts her because they've been in this position so many times before. After realizing that she is in fact, still conscious, she tries again.
"Okay. You took that the wrong way. You're not even breathing right now you're so pissed at me." Emma reaches for her other hand and let's their fingers mingle, aiming to relax her. "Listen to me. You are the most intelligent person I know. You had dreams Regina; you have dreams. I didn't dream until I met you. And I know that's cheesy and you want to scoff and I also know that you would rather cut off your own arm than do that right now because you're so damn stubborn.. Stop fidgeting.. And you know that it would make me laugh. I didn't want to hold you back. If I went to college with you, you'd feel obligated to take care of me and I can't let you do that. I won't."
"You let Ruby take care of you." she gripes with a roll of her eyes.
"Stop deflecting. Ruby takes care of me as a friend. You're my- were my girlfriend. And you'd have dropped everything for me. And do you think I want to deal with that guilt. To know that you put your life on hold because I was too lazy to make an effort in school? Hell no. So I let you go. I let you believe that breaking up was best, that friendship would be easier. But that was the hardest shit I've ever experienced. And I know that you didn't want me to talk. But I have to tell you why I didn't answer the phone after that night. I have to tell you that you are my world.. Go ahead scoff.." And she does; Emma's heart skipping another cheesy beat. "I'm a jerk. I could have handled everything differently. But I didn't. And I have to deal with that. I didn't want to weigh you down, but I did anyway because I worried you and I broke your heart and I'm so sorry Regina. I am so sorry. You just need to know that."
They stare at each other for what seems like an eternity until Regina catches chill again, Emma shrugging off her jacket and wordlessly hands it over, heart soaring when she resolves to put it around her shoulders.
"I needed you; everything was going to hell and I was suffocating under the weight of all the expectations that were being shoved my way. You were the only one who just wanted to hear my voice. You wanted me to vent to you, and I appreciated that Emma. But I told you it wouldn't be easy. I could have handled you being mad at me for a day. But then it turned into 3 days, then three months and I couldn't take it. You were pouting. You pouted without me." She mumbles, finding Emma's fingers intertwined with hers to be an amiable distraction. Emma grins for a moment but let's it fade, understanding that she shouldn't have handled things so impulsively. "You were throwing a pity party for yourself."
"You're right, I..." Regina shakes her head briskly, ending the refutation.
"I let you interrupt me once, don't do it again." Emma nods, shrinking back slightly but never slackening her grip on Regina's hand.
"So I came down here, to start Christmas break early. At first I didn't want to see you and I was happy that we'd broken up because that would be one less thing I'd have to worry about." Emma wishes that she would be struck by lightning, or a car, or even a squirrel; anything to end her humiliation. "But then I remembered that I'd changed; the old me would have pretended that you never existed. This town is so small, it'd be impossible for me not to see you. So I was ready to avoid you. But then you walked into the diner, and it reminded me of the day you asked me out on a date. Remember? You walked right up to my table, told me that I was the most beautiful woman in the world, and then proceeded to knock over a glass of water on yourself." Charming Girls for Idiots: Emma Swan "Today when I saw you go to the back with Ruby I was jealous, so when you walked out and ignored me, quite naturally it hurt. I wasn't ready for that. Then you did it again, in the school just now. You broke every promise." she says quietly.
Emma keeps her attention on Regina's face, silently begging to be let in. She knows that Regina really won't let her speak this time, so she tugs lightly at her hands, hoping that she isn't too angry to disregard her efforts. But apparently she is, because she doesn't move. Then Regina sighs, and everything is so quiet and the road is so empty that Emma is almost sure that she can hear her eyelashes fluttering against her glasses. She can also feel Regina's pulse quickening underneath her fingertips, and finds herself wanting to kiss her.
"But I still love you."
So she does kiss her.
And Regina doesn't kiss her back.
She puts an arm around a slim waist and pulls her closer, stroking her cheek with a free hand, attempting to swallow her whole; but Regina still won't budge.
"Kiss me back. Please. I need you to kiss me back. I'm sorry that I broke promises. I'm sorry that I'm stupid. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"I'll have to leave after break Emma."
"Okay." Regina's breath falls against her lips, and she's positive that its the warmest thing she's felt all day.
"I don't want to do this with you then have the same things happen."
"Okay."
"Emma, stop saying okay." Regina chided.
Timing was a concept that Emma Swan never understood. When she was a kid, she'd learned the idiom: Go hard or go home, and since then, she'd found it to be suitable encouragement.
"I've been poking around."
Regina's face scrunched into an endearing mask of confusion and surprise; eyes wide, mouth agape. Emma thought that she was picture perfect.
"Poking around?"
"Pok-"
"Emma, don't repeat what I just said. Explain."
"Yes your majesty."
Regina smirks, causing Emma to temporarily lose her guts.
"So," she looks everywhere but at Regina, focus finally landing on a nice tree with a squirrel who she hopes is plotting her demise. "That city of yours has a community college right?"
"It's Boston, Emma. Of course it does."
"And…They're still taking applications. Right?" The slight inflection in her voice doesn't go unnoticed.
"I guess?" Emma's certain that her heart is going to leap out of her chest, just before she exhausts the vile acids in her stomach onto the pavement.
"What if I told you that I applied," Emma pauses, waiting for the expected sharp intake of breath, "and that they accepted me?"
And then Regina slaps her straight across the face.
"OW!" Emma groans, the entire right side of her face going unpleasantly numb. "What the fuck Gina?!"
"Emma Swan. You moron!"
So much for that.
"You don't talk to me for three months. Three. Fucking. months. And even before that, you NEVER mentioned being interested in going to school. You always had some smart ass remark every time I brought it up in conversation. But now you want to go? What the hell?" She raises her hand to possibly slap her again, but Emma seizes it and pulls Regina in, kissing the daylight out of her. When her last rebuttal turns into a content sigh, Emma is sure that this is where she belongs. Wherever Regina is. She even scoffs at her damn self; but it's true.
"When I started working at Vince's, I realized that I kind of liked entertaining the idea that I could maybe have my own place," She shrugs, "And. At first it was just random daydreaming when I should have been wiping down the bar, but then, I really started getting interested in the technical side of the business and so I thought, why not? I started searching about 2 months ago, saved my pennies, all the important stuff. Ruby even helped me look into financial aid options. I just didn't want to tell you and get your hopes up, just for everything to fall through. I figured that if I went to school near you and kept steady, that we could try again." Emma's eyes are trained on the tips of her boots by the end of her explanation, instinctively preparing herself for rejection. She felt a thumb and forefinger on her chin, gently lifting her face until she was staring into deep brown eyes that never failed to hypnotize her. Emma never enjoyed making eye contact. It wasn't a secret. She felt like people could see the broken orphan that she tried so desperately to hide beneath layers of bravado. But Regina always saw everything, every time, and staring into her eyes didn't make Emma want to flee. Instead, she wanted to be seen; she wanted to be analyzed.
"You want to try again?" She asks quietly, wincing as her gaze rests on the razing welt that marks the side of Emma's face.
"Yeah. I mean if you want. You don't have to. I mean I know you wouldn't do something that you don't want to do. It wouldn't change anything. As far as the school thing goes. Like, I'd still go to school there. But we don't have to, you know... Be something."
"Always so eloquent Swan." Regina hums seductively, shifting closer so that her pelvis rests sweetly against Emma's.
Jesus.
No, it's Regina remember?
And Emma laughs. A true, honest to God laugh that makes Regina blush.
"I want to try again too." The innocence in Regina's voice is back, making Emma hold her that much closer, reveling in the feeling of the warmth emanating from their bodies. "I want to try again, now." She's more confident the second time; her back is straighter, and there's a glint of authority in her eyes. "I want to spend winter break with you, and I want to help you register for classes. You're also going to live with me in Manhattan.
"Regina..."
"Shut up. Please." She says, looking up at her through thick lashes. "You're going to live with me. I'm not going to take care of you. You can pay half of my apartment rent because it's a bit much for one person to handle, if that makes you feel more like an adult. You should also get a job, because those pennies won't last forever."
"Yes ma'am."
"Okay?"
If it had been anyone else, Emma would have given them a piece of her mind. Hell if this was 4 months ago, Regina would have been subjected to the same treatment. But it wasn't. Now she was preparing to change her life, alongside the woman who inspired her to have ambitions in the first place.
"Okay." Her reply is resolute and it even surprises Regina. "Now, can we get burgers? I'm starving." Emma grabs Regina by the hand, hauling her down the street.
"We'll come back for your car and Kathryn later. We're gonna do this the old fashion way; I want to walk around, hold your hand, and show everyone how excruciatingly beautiful you are.
"Idiot."
"You love me." She sing-songs, practically skipping in delight.
Regina stops then, the force sending Emma spinning right back into her. "I do. I love you so much."
And finally she kisses Emma who all but faints, opting to clutch onto Regina's hips for dear life. She catches a glimpse of Emma's closed eyes and parted lips while pulling away, promptly fixing her face into another self-satisfied grin.
"You alright there, Em?"
"Yeah, never better!" Emma squeaks as she turns swiftly on her heels, resuming their walk.
Now I really need that beer.
Okay, that's all! Thank you so much to everyone who read the story and stuck with me. I really do appreciate it! Until next time!